Friday, February 26, 2010
As I have mentioned before, exercising daily keeps my depression at bay. I was thinking about this today, before, during, and after my workout and I pinpointed exactly how I feel after I workout. Before my workout, most the time, I have this feeling of rushed, anxious, stressed - all jumbled in one. After I work out, it seems like my head is clear and my body is humming. I was thinking about this after I worked out and had endorphins flowing in my body - I don't think just because I have depression, I am the only one experiencing this clear headed feeling. Do you feel this way? Clear headed and like you can conquer anything?
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Okay, the last few weeks I have been only putting in half the effort. I couldn't find the motivation and focus. This week one of my good SP friends asked me to co-lead one of the teams she is on and I decided to do so. It was a great honor and I hope I won't let the team down. In doing so, I realized I cannot lead unless I get back on track. In other words, I need to clean up my "getting fitness" act.. so today, I weighed myself today at 214.8. The things I need to do are: working out 45 minutes a day, strength train, eat right, and go out to eat less.
Monday, February 15, 2010
As many of you know, I am in a weight loss challenge. The WL challenge is based on the total percentage of body mass that you've lost. Now intially, this was okay but now I am focused on how many pounds I want to lose versus my overall size or health. The reason I want to lose weight, in the long run, is to have better health, and be smaller. Does it really matter if I weight 180 or 200 if I feel better about myself, and have better health? I think not.
Anyhow, so there are about 3-4 weeks left in the challenge and I want to quit. Not because I am not winning but because I want my weight loss to be about inches and not pounds. Does this make sense? Maybe this is stemming from where if I gain a pound I get extremely upset. It shouldn't be like that.
From Friday morning to today, Monday morning, I did not weigh myself. It felt like freedom the past few days not having to weight myself. Because I want to stay focused with the challenged I might try weighing myself on MWF. Right now, I weigh myself everyday - it is part of my morning routine. I am hoping after the contest that I can may switch to Tues/Thurs weigh-ins and maybe after that once a week.
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
I figured the best way to respond to my last blog is to write another blog because I have SO much to say.
It seems like the message of the day is to not take everything on and know your limitations. Besides talking to a faculty member at the college, WILSON2153 and WOOSEL reminded me of this. Thanks girls! And HEIDISO, I did have class with that prof again and I went today and I have it again Friday. It did help a little bit especially with not worrying about missing class. I have actually noticed if I interact with people, it helps.
Anyhow, I tend to put too much on my plate and realize it kinda during/after the fact which is not good, at all! Everything was going fine until the raffle part of the fundraising concert was thrown on me. Even last night, things seemed fine than I listened to a friend and it seemed like it was the straw that broke the camel's back.
Recently I decided to re-appy as a Resident Assistant at the college. I was one last year but at that time I developed my depression and quit. I have my depression under control for the most part but stress does trigger it. I know being an RA you have to do alot of things and can be stressful. So.. I am really thinking about it. I know what I am getting into.. I know some factors have changed since being an Resident Assistant. But, most of all, I probably would not take it as serious. Also, I would volunteer some to get away from the job and exercise would/is my stress reliever!
With that said, how does one know what their limitations are until it is too late? Any ideas?
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
This week I am majorly stressed out with going to college FT, 2 PT jobs, in charge of raffles for a fundraising concert - it is no wonder I am struggling with my weight loss among other things. Ever notice when you are stressed out and have a hard time juggling life, losing weight is that much harder?
Anyhow, I am writing because I am frustrated that my body in one form or another cannot handle stress... and honestly, I am sick of it!
On Sunday night/Monday, I had a gallbladder attack. I took the day off and tried to relax. It went okay. Than, on Tuesday I didn't go to two of classes and again tried to relax and get things done. I figure the more I get done, the less stressed I will be. I thought everything was fine.. than I woke up this morning. I did not want to go to class.. a class that I enjoy.. the professor is hilarious. I should have knew this was coming since last night I was irritated (a sign).. than this morning I didn't want to do things (another sign).. and now I have this overwhelming want/need to cry/weep (another sign). I really don't want to deal with anyone right now.. *sigh* I am going to be so glad when this week is over and I can focus on school and working again.
Honestly, I did not know how lucky I was when I did not have depression. I never had to worry about how everything affects my moods. If I miss working out, it comes back. I have missed several days. Anyhow, some people are lucky that it seems like any little bit of stress seems to not affect them while my physical body (gall bladder) and mental health (depression) has a fit. *sighs*
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