Friday, May 18, 2012
Lately, I have been getting the reputation for a sunny disposition. This is a not sunny blog. Turn back now. Quick before you are sucked into this black cloud.
When I was studying for my ACE Lifestyle and Weight Management exam, the materials drilled an important fact. The fact was this. No matter how long you have maintained, you can fall into old habits. Around here, we call it falling off the wagon.
This week, I have fallen into old habits. I seem to be eating cookies and chips. Last night, I went to Olive Garden. It just seems like I reverting to my old habits and the pounds just like keep adding up. I cannot help to feel like this is how it starts. It's one pound than another than another and another.
When I started this journey, I was very lonely, was treated poorly by my friends, and wanted more than anything else to connect with anyone. Looking back, I realize now, I thought losing weight would bring friends. Now, I feel just as lonely, if not more. I feel like I cannot connect with anyone. I used to be able to connect with my sister but it's not anymore.
Even on campus, I struggle. There is no one here that I can relate to. I am older than most students. Also, I am interested in being healthy which most students are not. I really hope with my internship (the one I've yet to find) I will find people with similar interests.
But, this is not only feeling alone in the world, it is also stress in my world.
My boss is pressuring me with the schedule and I do not want to hear it anymore. I am sick of the guilt trips of wanting to do my long runs on the weekends. I seriously want to quit. On the positive, this is her last schedule.
Than, there is my hip. I am not sure if it is the IT band or what. But, it's sore. I cannot even run ONE mile without it starting to complain. I should go to the doctor but physical therapy costs money. And, lots of it since I have no insurance. *sigh* How will I run 26.2 in a month if I cannot run ONE mile? I am supposed to do a 20-miler on Memorial Weekend. I have no idea how I am going to do it. I don't know if I want to do the marathon anymore either. I realized it hasn't been fun. Shouldn't it be fun? I invited my Grandma and now I feel I HAVE to.
Well, can you read the writing on the wall? I think I do. I have a suspicious that I am going through some depression. I don't want to do anything. Even run. I love to run. I have felt this way for a couple weeks. So, I am going to talk to my counselor. Hope it helps. Probably won't though.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
All day I have been thinking about how I gained weight this weekend.
In the past, it has been about the weight. Seeing those numbers on the scale move up. Than a roller coaster of emotions would pursue consisting of beating myself up.
This weekend was different. I went to a wedding than stayed with my parents for two days. I ate like everything was low calorie and did not count. But, they did count and eventually added up to a weight gain. That part was the same.
So, what was different? Acknowledging that I go on a lifestyle vacation each time I go home. I let go of my good habits and pick up my bad habits that I worked out of my lifestyle. Hence, gaining weight.
But, how does one change this?
I don't want to make my own meals all the time. In the past, I try to count calories and go for a walk or run. In the end, I would barely maintain during the weekend.
Is that enough?
I am not sure. I do know that I was 163 before the weekend and now I am 168. Some of that is water retention, I know, but some is not. So, after this full marathon, I have exactly one month to get down to 160. June 16th is the full marathon. July 17th is my anniversary of maintaining for exactly one year.
Part of me wants to forget this marathon and focus on losing weight. But, than I told my Grandma that I would be running Grandma's Marathon. Than, I went and invited her to come see me! Good grief!
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
This weekend was my cousin's wedding and I saw my speech therapist who we lost touch with each other. As she heard as some of the great things I am doing with my life, she said, "I knew you would go far." A couple weeks ago, I had a couple friends say that they were glad they were able to run or train with me. They phrased it like I was going to become this big star in the future. Maybe I was projecting my own thoughts into their statement.
For awhile now, I have felt like God has big plans for me. Not sure what they are but somehow I feel like South Carolina is calling my name. There have been no decisions from them but I feel drawn to them. I have no reason for this feeling.. I just feel it. Than, today my interview with the Y was delayed. Honestly, I was secretly happy because that means I will have a few more days of time to know about SC. I can drag it out a bit more without dragging it out with the Y.
In other news, a professor is going to help me with the internship search. So, even if I do not get the place in SC, I should be able to get an awesome internship. Funny how fate works out that way.
In other news, I did not do the 18-miler. It was hot. My hip was hurting at mile 1. Needed go potty. I was bored. I know, excuses. But, I really wasn't feeling it. So, I went back to where my parent's were working on their new house they brought a while back. They are remodeling it than going to sell it again. So, I helped with that. In doing so, my dad called me a He-Woman because I was so strong. At one time, I pulled out the front logs with stakes in it by the house where people do flower gardens. Apparently, my strength training in April is paying off. And, no, I will not be changing my user name to He-Woman, hehe!
Here is a photo of my cousin's son and I before the wedding.
Saturday, May 12, 2012
It has been a few days since I have blogged. Let's give you some updates.
On Tuesday, I had a phone interview with the place in South Carolina. I think it went well. She commented on me being passionate. (Is that good?) She also said that she liked my answers to two of the questions. I find out by the end of next week, if I made it to round two. Round two means I made it in the top five and would have a Skype interview. Than, the top three of that group get an internship with this company. If this falls through, one of my professors with tons of connections said we should talk next week. So, we will talk.
Tomorrow, my cousin gets married so I will be wearing my dress that I looked and looked for. Than, the next day I will be helping my parents paint one of the rooms of the new house my parents bought a little more than a month ago. Than, Monday I will be running my 18-miler either in the neighborhood of their actual house or the one they are remodeling to sell. Than, back up north for finals.
Also, next week I will be interviewed by the Y for an internship, which I do not care much about anymore. They have changed the internship so basically it would be my current job as a 5K coach. It is such a disappointment.
Today I worked at the Y. There is a guy that I realized today that I would consider my running mentor. When I trained for my first half marathon, he was there coaching me when he'd come in to walk. He is a seasoned runner with many half marathons and marathons. Honestly, I have been wondering if my training will be enough. I will have three longer runs than the half marathon distance. Today I found his first one was with only one longer run than the half marathon distance. He obviously survived. It was like I need his approval. And, I got it with the golden words, "Oh, you are ready for Grandma's." So, this week is the 18-miler than the 20-miler during Memorial Weekend.
A few days ago, when I worked at the Y, a member mentioned printing off my blog and eventually writing a book. This idea has been rolling around my head for a while. But, what would I write about? My story? Would anyone read it?
One other thing... I lifted today at work. Now, this is a big deal because I don't typically work out at work. I lose motivation because it has to be when we are slower.. so after 8 pm. But, tonight I did! You don't what that means... sticker time!
Anyhow, those are my random thoughts about my weekend plans and the upcoming week.
Monday, May 07, 2012
This week is getting better and better!
First, I rocked the Eau Claire Half Marathon by shattering my previous record. WIN!
Than, today I was contacted for a preliminary phone interview with Hilton Head Health Institute in South Carolina. It's tomorrow!!!
Those were amazing in themselves but than Nicole, a sparkfriend, stopped by my page and told me I made the news!!!
You should recognize someone around 1:46.
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