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No Sunshine Here

Friday, May 18, 2012

Lately, I have been getting the reputation for a sunny disposition. This is a not sunny blog. Turn back now. Quick before you are sucked into this black cloud.
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When I was studying for my ACE Lifestyle and Weight Management exam, the materials drilled an important fact. The fact was this. No matter how long you have maintained, you can fall into old habits. Around here, we call it falling off the wagon.

This week, I have fallen into old habits. I seem to be eating cookies and chips. Last night, I went to Olive Garden. It just seems like I reverting to my old habits and the pounds just like keep adding up. I cannot help to feel like this is how it starts. It's one pound than another than another and another.

When I started this journey, I was very lonely, was treated poorly by my friends, and wanted more than anything else to connect with anyone. Looking back, I realize now, I thought losing weight would bring friends. Now, I feel just as lonely, if not more. I feel like I cannot connect with anyone. I used to be able to connect with my sister but it's not anymore.

Even on campus, I struggle. There is no one here that I can relate to. I am older than most students. Also, I am interested in being healthy which most students are not. I really hope with my internship (the one I've yet to find) I will find people with similar interests.

But, this is not only feeling alone in the world, it is also stress in my world.

My boss is pressuring me with the schedule and I do not want to hear it anymore. I am sick of the guilt trips of wanting to do my long runs on the weekends. I seriously want to quit. On the positive, this is her last schedule.

Than, there is my hip. I am not sure if it is the IT band or what. But, it's sore. I cannot even run ONE mile without it starting to complain. I should go to the doctor but physical therapy costs money. And, lots of it since I have no insurance. *sigh* How will I run 26.2 in a month if I cannot run ONE mile? I am supposed to do a 20-miler on Memorial Weekend. I have no idea how I am going to do it. I don't know if I want to do the marathon anymore either. I realized it hasn't been fun. Shouldn't it be fun? I invited my Grandma and now I feel I HAVE to.

Well, can you read the writing on the wall? I think I do. I have a suspicious that I am going through some depression. I don't want to do anything. Even run. I love to run. I have felt this way for a couple weeks. So, I am going to talk to my counselor. Hope it helps. Probably won't though.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MYLADY4 5/20/2012 11:29AM

    I hit my "I don't want to do this anymore, it's not fun" point about 3 weeks before the half. Some hoe, I was able to push though the aches and I am glad I did it and even happier that I am DONE!!!!!

I know that you will figure it out.

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PATRICIAANN46 5/19/2012 6:27PM

  Hi Savannah........
First of all........You MUST talk to your counselor. With your history of depression, you can't let this go without seeking help.
Second......You need to find out what is going on with your hip. You don't want to injure it by running when what it may need is rest or treatment of some kind.
I feel that if you do BOTH of the above.........you should feel better both physically and mentally. It is also your Senior year.......as much as I wanted to graduate and get on with my life, there was some fear of the unknown and regret about leaving what was familiar.
I wish you the BEST.......
emoticon
Patti

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1CRAZYDOG 5/18/2012 7:44PM

    My dear, I would certainly suspect depression and would definitely talk w/your counselor. I think that is a very wise idea.

Life is not meant to feel as you do . . . without enjoyment, without connecting with others. I think you are wise to talk with your counselor to get things back on track.

It is not easy when you just don't FEEL like doing anything.

Hugs to you sweetie.

Barb

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SHRINKINRUNNER 5/18/2012 2:50PM

    Hunny? Are we the same person?!

I as you know will be training/running a marathon soon.

I too have been saying I do not "want" to run. I do not have that fire in me that I had. Do NOT get me wrong I LOVE running. I can NOT picture my life without running, BUT I am burnt out on it!! I have been doing it for so long...I fell like I want a break. I researched and read that alot of people take a hiatus for a few months (1-3) to avoid it. That sounded so good.

Now on ANOTHER note..I too have said ALOT in past 1-3 months to my husband that I do not WANT to do the marathon anymore. At 1rst I did. Now though...with the way I am feeling for a while....I feel like I am being FORCED to do it. I am not having fun. I want to run a marathon because I want to. Not because I feel like I have to because I paid for it. I want to not DREAD having to run. I want to do it because it is FUN. It isn't FUN anymore for me. I could always drop down to the 1/2. It's how I feel too though...my heart says if you are DREADING, and NOT having fun, and NOT looking forward to it...do NOT do it. It wont be fun and you wont enjoy it. When I picture my 1rst I want it to be GREAT and BIG.

Now food...I recently struggled as well. I just have not cared (been back on track for a week). I WANT to care, but because I have done this forever....I dont know. I hated every second of it when I was doing it but I kept it up.

It usually last 1-4 weeks then I blow it! I WANT to go back to how I was.

It's good that you try to talk to someone. I don't have anyone like that. I do not know if it is depression or just plain out BURNT OUT!

emoticon emoticon

Sorry this was long. It's the LONGEST comment I have EVER done!!
XOXOXO

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NATPLUMMER 5/18/2012 2:30PM

    emoticon I hope your talk with your counselor helps. You do need to talk to somebody.
I would not do the marathon if your hip is bothering you that much. I'm sure your Grandma would understand.

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Lifestyle Vacation

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

All day I have been thinking about how I gained weight this weekend.

In the past, it has been about the weight. Seeing those numbers on the scale move up. Than a roller coaster of emotions would pursue consisting of beating myself up.

This weekend was different. I went to a wedding than stayed with my parents for two days. I ate like everything was low calorie and did not count. But, they did count and eventually added up to a weight gain. That part was the same.

So, what was different? Acknowledging that I go on a lifestyle vacation each time I go home. I let go of my good habits and pick up my bad habits that I worked out of my lifestyle. Hence, gaining weight.

But, how does one change this?

I don't want to make my own meals all the time. In the past, I try to count calories and go for a walk or run. In the end, I would barely maintain during the weekend.

Is that enough?

I am not sure. I do know that I was 163 before the weekend and now I am 168. Some of that is water retention, I know, but some is not. So, after this full marathon, I have exactly one month to get down to 160. June 16th is the full marathon. July 17th is my anniversary of maintaining for exactly one year.

Part of me wants to forget this marathon and focus on losing weight. But, than I told my Grandma that I would be running Grandma's Marathon. Than, I went and invited her to come see me! Good grief!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GETFIT2LIVE 5/16/2012 5:44PM

    I think "going home" is the hardest part of figuring out this whole maintenance/healthy lifestyle thing. It's so easy to slide back into old habits when we're with family. I don't have any answers about how to handle that, except to keep experimenting with the right balance of enjoying the time together and sticking with a healthy lifestyle. Those five pounds are at least partly water weight, you know that; as long as you go right back to healthy eating, you'll be fine. Keep going with your training; you have got this!

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SHRINKINRUNNER 5/16/2012 2:18PM

    If you were to just focus on losing weight and NOT the marathon what changes?! I am asking to know and help myself :)

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1CRAZYDOG 5/16/2012 11:24AM

    Dear Savannah:

WE ALL tend to go on a "lifestyle vacation when we're home. BUT now you're back, and on track. This too shall pass.

Keep your eye on the prize . . . that marathon.

HUGS!

Barb

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NATPLUMMER 5/16/2012 10:00AM

    5 pounds has to be mostly (if not all) water. You aren't going to be going home every weekend, so don't worry about it. Just focus on eating healthy and training and you'll be fine.

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MYLADY4 5/16/2012 9:21AM

    You are so close to the marathon that you know you won't quit (nor should you).

Take the weekend issue for what it is and figure out what you need to do if that is not acceptable to you. Maybe the few weekends year that it happens is ok as long as it does not through you off for weeks.

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Big Plans

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

This weekend was my cousin's wedding and I saw my speech therapist who we lost touch with each other. As she heard as some of the great things I am doing with my life, she said, "I knew you would go far." A couple weeks ago, I had a couple friends say that they were glad they were able to run or train with me. They phrased it like I was going to become this big star in the future. Maybe I was projecting my own thoughts into their statement.

For awhile now, I have felt like God has big plans for me. Not sure what they are but somehow I feel like South Carolina is calling my name. There have been no decisions from them but I feel drawn to them. I have no reason for this feeling.. I just feel it. Than, today my interview with the Y was delayed. Honestly, I was secretly happy because that means I will have a few more days of time to know about SC. I can drag it out a bit more without dragging it out with the Y.

In other news, a professor is going to help me with the internship search. So, even if I do not get the place in SC, I should be able to get an awesome internship. Funny how fate works out that way.

In other news, I did not do the 18-miler. It was hot. My hip was hurting at mile 1. Needed go potty. I was bored. I know, excuses. But, I really wasn't feeling it. So, I went back to where my parent's were working on their new house they brought a while back. They are remodeling it than going to sell it again. So, I helped with that. In doing so, my dad called me a He-Woman because I was so strong. At one time, I pulled out the front logs with stakes in it by the house where people do flower gardens. Apparently, my strength training in April is paying off. And, no, I will not be changing my user name to He-Woman, hehe!

Here is a photo of my cousin's son and I before the wedding.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PATRICIAANN46 5/15/2012 10:46PM

  Hi Savannah..........
That is the cutest picture of BOTH of you. Look how he is looking at you. I think there should be a bubble above his head that says "Wow......what a babe!"
You are at a stage in your life where you can go wherever you choose to go. There is nothing to tie you down right now. If you find that SC is not what you want, you can go to where the next adventure calls. I envy your youth.........you have your entire life ahead of you and I know you will make the most of it.
And when your book is finished..........put me on the mailing list.
emoticon
Patti

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1CRAZYDOG 5/15/2012 5:05PM

    Lh my gosh . . . you are BOTH beautiful!!!!!

You are really thinking with your head and your heart in making your decision and that's good. Just know whatever decision you make it's still something you can change if you find it's NOT the right choice for you.

Proud of you!!! That picture is awesome!!

HUGS!

Barb

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NATPLUMMER 5/15/2012 1:30PM

    Fingers crossed!!
Go, He-Woman ;-)

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Random Thoughts about the Weekend Plans and Beyond

Saturday, May 12, 2012

It has been a few days since I have blogged. Let's give you some updates.

On Tuesday, I had a phone interview with the place in South Carolina. I think it went well. She commented on me being passionate. (Is that good?) She also said that she liked my answers to two of the questions. I find out by the end of next week, if I made it to round two. Round two means I made it in the top five and would have a Skype interview. Than, the top three of that group get an internship with this company. If this falls through, one of my professors with tons of connections said we should talk next week. So, we will talk.

Tomorrow, my cousin gets married so I will be wearing my dress that I looked and looked for. Than, the next day I will be helping my parents paint one of the rooms of the new house my parents bought a little more than a month ago. Than, Monday I will be running my 18-miler either in the neighborhood of their actual house or the one they are remodeling to sell. Than, back up north for finals.

Also, next week I will be interviewed by the Y for an internship, which I do not care much about anymore. They have changed the internship so basically it would be my current job as a 5K coach. It is such a disappointment.

Today I worked at the Y. There is a guy that I realized today that I would consider my running mentor. When I trained for my first half marathon, he was there coaching me when he'd come in to walk. He is a seasoned runner with many half marathons and marathons. Honestly, I have been wondering if my training will be enough. I will have three longer runs than the half marathon distance. Today I found his first one was with only one longer run than the half marathon distance. He obviously survived. It was like I need his approval. And, I got it with the golden words, "Oh, you are ready for Grandma's." So, this week is the 18-miler than the 20-miler during Memorial Weekend.

A few days ago, when I worked at the Y, a member mentioned printing off my blog and eventually writing a book. This idea has been rolling around my head for a while. But, what would I write about? My story? Would anyone read it?

One other thing... I lifted today at work. Now, this is a big deal because I don't typically work out at work. I lose motivation because it has to be when we are slower.. so after 8 pm. But, tonight I did! You don't what that means... sticker time!

Anyhow, those are my random thoughts about my weekend plans and the upcoming week.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ABSOLUTZER0 5/14/2012 3:31PM

    I hope you had a great weekend. I'm sure you were as captivating in your dress as the bride was in hers. You didn't have to walk across a street did you en route to the wedding? If so, I hope you didn't cause any car accidents.

How did the 18-miler go? Yes, you're getting in the necessary long runs and you will ROCK Grandma's. You'll do that without even thinking about it.

I know you are wanting the job in South Carolina, but as others have mentioned, don't neglect the Y or burn any bridges. We never know when what we do know will affect things in the future.

I'd read your book dear. I enjoy a good book about experiences. There are a number of books that are written about running or other sports that aren't appealing because they aren't really about the person. We know they are great athletes, but we want to know about them as normal people. Write it and I want the first copy.

Let's MAKE IT HAPPEN today! #GOGETIT



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PATRICIAANN46 5/14/2012 3:06PM

  Hi Savannah.......
I hope you had a great time at your cousin's wedding in your new dress. It is always good to get together for family gatherings.
I agree with 1CRAZYDOG........Don't burn any bridges with the Y. That job could change to be more like what you are interested in as time goes on.
Based on what you have said and on what your mentor has said to you......It sounds like you are more-than-ready for the race.
Savannah, Savannah, Savannah............when we want advice on whatever topic, who do we look to??? We look to someone who has gone through it.......someone with experience......someone who knows of which she speaks......That's YOU. Of course you should write a book about your experience. Then you could reach even more people to inspire.
emoticon
Patti

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MYLADY4 5/12/2012 6:19PM

    Hope you had a great time at the wedding (better have pictures).

That's nice to help with painting which sometimes can be fun.

Crossing the fingers and toes for the Hilton internship.

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1CRAZYDOG 5/12/2012 3:11PM

    1. EXCELLENT . . . your interview w/the place in S. Carolina sounds like it went well. Passionate . . . that is definitely GOOD!

2. As far as the "Y" . . . give it your all during the interview. You don't want to burn bridges. Ya know what I mean?? But, seems like you know there's a better fit out there for you, so continue on. Just don't give up the ghost ont he "Y" just yet. Just my 2 cents worth.

3. Good that you're going to see your parents this weekend. I think that's nice.

4. Good luck with your 18 mile run. I think you've gotten a very big recommendation if your mentor tells you that you're ready for Grandma's race! Like SHERYL said, believe in yourself. WE certainly do!!!!!

5. That was really neat that your mentor told you that. I would find that really encouraging. I hope you do too.

6. WHO WOULD READ YOUR BOOK??????? Seriously!?! You have accomplished a TON in your young life my dear (and you ARE young from where this old bubba sits!) So, I can guarantee you -- write it and they will read! I know **I** would! You have overcome obstacles and accomplished a great deal. Don't discount your accomplishments!! Be proud of them. Be happy to share them!!

Wishing you continued success. You know that there are a lot of people who care about you a LOT, me being one of them!

HUGS,
Barb

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NATPLUMMER 5/12/2012 10:31AM

    FIngers crossed for the job!!
Have fun at the wedding!! You are going to rock that dress!!
Hope your 18 miler goes well. Yes, you will be ready for Grandma's!!
I'd read your book :-)

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SHERYLDS 5/12/2012 9:55AM

    BELIEVE IN YOURSELF....I BELIEVE IN YOU . emoticon

And I think you have a great story to tell.
You have made a fantastic transition from where you were when you started...to the confident, determined, enthusiastic woman you are today.
And you are making a career out of fitness...
that's an inspiring story.

even if you never publish it...you should write it down.


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JTAYLOR2011 5/12/2012 5:56AM

    "Oh, you are ready for Grandma's." How exciting! emoticon

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Cloud Nine

Monday, May 07, 2012

This week is getting better and better!

First, I rocked the Eau Claire Half Marathon by shattering my previous record. WIN!

Than, today I was contacted for a preliminary phone interview with Hilton Head Health Institute in South Carolina. It's tomorrow!!!

Those were amazing in themselves but than Nicole, a sparkfriend, stopped by my page and told me I made the news!!!

www.wqow.com/category/136730/video

You should recognize someone around 1:46. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GETFIT2LIVE 5/10/2012 2:59PM

    That is WONDERFUL news--loved seeing you in the video, too! Congrats on both counts!!

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TYKXBOY 5/9/2012 12:43PM

    emoticon emoticon That is so awesome! :D

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XRSIZE18 5/9/2012 12:55AM

    What an incredibly exciting day!

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ABSOLUTZER0 5/9/2012 12:32AM

    Woohoo! Of course you ROCKED that race. That's what rockstars do! I hope the interview went well today. I know you ROCKED it, too!

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PATRICIAANN46 5/8/2012 10:19PM

  Hi Savannah...........
You are on a roll!!!!!!!
HILTON HEAD that area is sooooo beautiful!!! You may change your mind about South Carolina once you see it. Will you actually go there for a second interview.
What EXCITING TIMES!!!!! emoticon

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EJOY-EVELYN 5/7/2012 9:28PM

    Great video of you getting your medal . . . how precious and you look still have such great energy! I tried to freeze the image to capture . . . but you're moving too fast! 8-))

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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OPTIMIST1948 5/7/2012 9:03PM

    Hurrah!

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NATPLUMMER 5/7/2012 7:42PM

    emoticon emoticon

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HDHAWK 5/7/2012 5:28PM

    Cool! Congrats!

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VERONICAVW_140 5/7/2012 4:54PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 5/7/2012 4:35PM

    Wow!!!! Fabulous!!!

Wishing you all the best on your interview. At least you have choices. Good for you!

HUGS!
Barb

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SHERYLDS 5/7/2012 4:30PM

    was that you at 1:44 on the video ...accepting your medal?
you look so slim. wow


as for Hilton Head Health Institute in South Carolina
OMG
that would be FANTASTIC....
they would be lucky to have YOU

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JOSIEISHEALTHY 5/7/2012 4:30PM

    So awesome!!!!!!!!!!! You rule :)

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MYLADY4 5/7/2012 4:27PM

    My mouth is agape, Hilton Head, wow. emoticon


I have heard of it and it was the featured institute on a weight loss show I watch and looks like a great place. You would be such a good fit there since you have life experience and can relate to some of the people there. You will knock their socks off tomorrow.

Good luck and I think you should go for it. It's propably a once in a lifetime chance and you will learn so much.

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ALYNNSELLNER 5/7/2012 3:51PM

    yay!!! congratulations! you should be so proud of yourself!!!

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