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Living in Internship Limbo

Tuesday, May 01, 2012

Another blog? Yes, I think so!

In the last few weeks, I have been waiting to hear from a certain internship. Until I have a decision for my internship, I am living in limbo where I cannot make plans about anyone or any races. The internship that I am waiting to hear about would be amazing but I am starting to wonder if I want it. My place of employment has been pressuring me in completing my internship with them and provided an internship opportunity that is quite enticing. Basically, I would be in charge of the local YMCA running program from start to finish. In my opinion, this is an amazing opportunity because I get to design everything. The running program is not even scraping what their potential could be. It could be so much more!

Anyhow, this really got me thinking. What if place #1 offers me an internship? Do I even want it? More and more, I am finding pros with staying at home that extend beyond the internship opportunity at the local YMCA.

1. Since working at the Y, I have met some amazing people and feel like I am part of the town's community, something I have not had in other towns. It may be cold here but the people will warm you up!

2. I have three friends that will be getting married within the next year and do not want to miss their weddings. Some are new friends. Some are old friends. But, it is a special day for them and would like to help celebrate that day with them.

3. Right now, I am training for Grandma's Full Marathon. A couple weeks ago, I did 17.45 miles. It was awesome to reach a new milestone for mileage but I feel I pushed it too hard. I am still sore. This past Sunday I ran 4 1/2 miles and the next day, my body was screaming at me. My hips were sore. My knees were throbbing. My shins were pulsing. These things were nothing I couldn't handle. Yet it was my body saying, "Hello up there.. yeah, you.. this is too much." In fact, I have a half marathon in a few days and I am really wondering how well it is going to go.

Even through my professors feel I could do better, like I am setting my sights low, I feel like I would be able to do some personal things for myself, like sharing memories with friends and family. So often I have lived in the past or the future - never the present. For once, I want to live in the present by celebrating my friend's greatest memories or training for my first full marathon.

With these thoughts in the back of my mind, I wonder "Will I regret if I don't go?" Will I regret not going to South Carolina? Even through it could be a great start for my career, I do not think so. I love my field but I want my life to be more than a career.

As I approach graduation, people consistently ask me what are my career aspirations. I realize I want so much more than a job. I want a career where I can touch and change people lives. I want my children to be healthy - mentally and physically. I can teach them that. I want friends with similar interests that are caring, trustworthy and real.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PATRICIAANN46 5/4/2012 6:07PM

  Hi Savannah........
We have always talked about how doing what is best for you and fits your lifestyle the most comfortably is the right thing. I read that decision in your blog. You have made it and it sounds right..........GOOD FOR YOU!!! emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 5/2/2012 9:08PM

    Have to agree . . . trust your journey, Savannah!

I reallyfeel like everything I read in your blog tonight is saying you've already made up your mind to do the running program @ the Y. That would be fabulous! You know, life is always full of changes so maybe down the road there will be other even better opportunities for you, but for right now, this one sounds like a good fit for you!

You are a very wise young woman to realize how important it is to live in the PRESENT. It is extremely important to spend time with family and friends and celebrate special moments together! THAT is what living is all about.

HUGS to you and I think you're making a wise choice .

Barb

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BAILEYS7OF9 5/2/2012 1:12PM

    sounds like staying there would be best for you right now. That position sounds awesome!


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NATPLUMMER 5/2/2012 1:04PM

    You sound like you already have your decision made. You have to do what's right for you in all aspects of your life.

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OPTIMIST1948 5/2/2012 10:12AM

    Dont miss the long term because of the appeal of the long term. Sit down honestly with yourself and decide which of these opportunities will provide more long term fuel. (Almonds vs cookies?)

No the decisions are not easy. That's part of growing up.

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KJDOESLIFE 5/2/2012 9:52AM

    I don't know what your field is, but will missing this internship in SC put you in a poor position for finding work after graduation? My good-paying job (that I do enjoy) helps fund the activities that fulfill me outside of work hours. You can put running clinics on for the rest of your life - you only get so many chances to start a career, though.

Good luck with the decision!

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EMFRAPPIER 5/2/2012 7:29AM

    Sounds like you already know what you want. I was in the same type of situation when I was graduating from college. I could have moved to a city and furthered my career, but I chose to stay close to family and friends. Don't regret it at all. Some people didn't like my choice, but I couldn't be happier with everything that has happened because I made that choice.

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SOXYINMO 5/2/2012 7:06AM

    Ooooooooooooooooooh, tricky problems and many decisions! I was never the career-minded person and situation and circumstance have me now at a job I despise and watching those non-career dreams slipping away.

I just looked over at your background and saw the message on your mug. That says it all : TRUST your journey, and do remember that sometimes where you end up is not where you thought you were going when you started, but where you were always meant to be. Trust your heart.

Peace

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Reaching My Stress Limit

Tuesday, May 01, 2012

I wish I was better at handling stress. Lately, it seems like I am always stressed and just cannot relax. It's the job. It's the friends. It's the internships. It's the end of the semester. It's my finances. Or, maybe it's just me.

So, what's going on? Let me tell you. (I will try to make it quick!)

Job...
You already know about the job. So, let's skip on over that one. My boss is retiring in a month and a half. I can hold out. I can, gosh darn it!

Friends...
In the last few years, I have made alot of changes, inside and out, and promptly outgrew many of my friends. In fact, I don't feel like I have any similar interests with them. I think that is why I am happy at work... they are like me.. they desire a healthy lifestyle and pursues one. My previous friends actually do not really get my desire to eat healthy or work out. This situation is quite lonely.

Internships...
For the last few weeks, I have been waiting on a certain internship in South Carolina to hear an answer. As more time goes on, I am not sure if I even want it. Even through I am ready to move on from college, I have made a life here in this little town. Every week the Run for Life internship where I would be in charge of the program appeals to me everyday. It's not just the internship. It's also being close to my family, being able to go to weddings of my close friends, and being able to train for Whistlestop Marathon. The last one means I could start training for it in June and STILL run my first full marathon when I am 26!

End of the semester...
Everyone is stressed at school, professors and classmates alike. I pick up on stress really easy. I only have a couple more things to do than it should be finals week. So glad it's almost over.

So, what am I doing about all this? I am not doing well if it at all! In fact, today I stressed ate half a bag of almond joys. You know the funny thing about stress eating.. I know I am doing it but I don't care. I just want relief. My counselor says to journal. Why? I am stressed. I don't care about my weight. I just don't want to be stressed anymore. I have found out that lifting helps relieve some of that stress.

Talking of lifting, I only missed like TWO days during the month of April! Now that's progress. Tomorrow I attempt to do it with May.

Anyhow, if I seem a bit stressed.. well.. because I am. Just so you know. Today I got some relief with doing some running and on Sunday I will be doing Eau Claire's Half Marathon so that's more stress relief. Monday I work so it might be short lived.


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HANNAHV 5/2/2012 3:21AM

    Great blog! I like that you let it out and then find ways to deal with it. You are definitely doing the complete journey and growing stronger and wiser by the day. emoticon


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MYLADY4 5/1/2012 10:20PM

    Oh Savannah, understand that things will get better and just try to keep you head above water. School will be done soon and old boss will be gone soon but for now, it just sucks. Accept it for what it is and do your best to make it through.

At least you can forget about it all for a while on Sunday.

Hang in there.

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PATRICIAANN46 5/1/2012 9:40PM

  Hi Savannah..........
Once again, you have snapped me right back to my final semester, Senior year of college. I can even feel my spine tensing while reading your blog. I guess that my advice to you is to take all of your natural tension relievers (the healthy ones) and use them to your benefit. Exercise is definitely a natural tranquilizer and can be used daily with great side effects. Get as much sleep as possible. If I am tired, stress gets to me with even more of a vengeance!!! And eat the foods that are not only good for you but are calming. You know all of this.........You will be fine......After graduation, you are free to choose whatever area suits you best. It will be fine........it really will........
emoticon
Patti

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PURPLESPEDCOW 5/1/2012 9:35PM

    Just breathe and step back for a moment. Write each stressor on a piece of paper and burn it. While you watch it burn, let it go. Sometimes it helps to have a visual to release things.

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SHERYLDS 5/1/2012 9:06PM

    “The strongest oak tree of the forest is not the one that is protected from the storm and hidden from the sun. It’s the one that stands in the open where it is compelled to struggle for its existence against the winds and rains and the scorching sun.” ~Napolean Hill

if anyone can make it all work out....I know YOU CAN emoticon

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Rule #5: Listen to your body

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Today after work, I drove up to the north shore, planning to run along Brighton Beach. As I drove, it was relaxing to watch the waves on Lake Superior. Mother nature can be a beautiful thing! Eventually, I pulled over and shot some pictures.




Like last weekend, I had a choice. Either to get out of the car and run. Or not. Today, I chose not to. As I was driving the North Shore, I was nauseous and got my headache again. This is when I decided to pull out my rule book out and listen to my body. Today my body was saying, "Hello, person up there, we need a rest." As I promised a couple weeks ago, I listened.

In fact, I followed rule #5 to the tee.

It says: "Listen to your body. If it says I am tired or this isn't fun, stop. If it says, I need more food because I am tired, eat more! If it says rest, well, rest."

I even did the second part without thinking too much. I picked up a pizza and ate nearly the whole thing. emoticon Than, a hour later, I took a nap... for four hours. You think I needed some major sleep? I do.

Tomorrow I have the day off so I think I shall run. I will run as much or as little as I feel. It might be no miles. Tomorrow I might just lift. My trainer gave me new exercises and I am excited to them. They make me feel strong!

Either way, I do have a race to prepare for this week. Last time I forgot that. This week my focus has to be my base runs and water, water, water! It is important. Last time I tried to do it last minute. Not cool. So, let the water drinking begin!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PATRICIAANN46 4/29/2012 10:12PM

  Hi Savannah.........
emoticon for sharing your pictures of Lake Superior. You are so lucky to live so close to such a beautiful place.
emoticon on doing the right thing for you by listening to your body. You are a smart girl and it shows by your decision-making.
Have a great week.
emoticon
Patti

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1CRAZYDOG 4/29/2012 8:45PM

    My dear, I am very proud of you for listening to your body! It's not always easy, but in the end, it is the best thing to do. Hope you feel better.

You have a level head on your shoulders. Good for you!

Hugs,
Barb

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MYLADY4 4/29/2012 10:49AM

    WHOOHOOO for listening and taking it easy. You will feel better on Sunday for it.

This next week I am going to try real hard to take it easy so I have enough energy for Sunday's race. Only 6 more running miles to go before then so I think I can do it.

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NATPLUMMER 4/29/2012 9:11AM

    Yay for you!!!
Beautiful view.

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YDAVIS23 4/29/2012 7:05AM

    This is a tough lesson, but it sounds like you've done great! Hope you enjoyed the pizza :)

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I am ready!

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

I am a person that believes in putting out positive energy. This is the reason I believe in putting out positive blog. This is not one of them. Sorry about that but I need to let out some frustrations.

For the last year and half, I have working at the Y as part of the Wellness Center staff. I understand that I have to work some weekends. On the other hand, if I need a weekend off, I have to request, the entire weekend off. Than, in addition to that, I have deal with a guilt trip from my boss.

During May, I told her I need every Saturday off. Basically, I am sick of working every Saturday when our two interns get them off. In fact, the one intern gets every single weekend (Friday-Sunday) off in May where I am fighting for mine.

I am just so livid. I just got off the phone with my boss. I called to see if she got the schedule done. During discussing the weekends, she told me I got all the weekends off. All three of them. Um, hold the phone. Isn't there FOUR weekends in a month? Than, she precedes to guilt-trip me and was like I need someone on May 12th and May 26th. No way am I taking though. May 12 is my cousin's wedding. I may get disowned if I don't go! And May 26th is Memorial weekend. I am not working though.

Here's a thought.. maybe make it clear to the interns that they have to work weekends too. Than, she wouldn't be in this bind. I am NOT doing it. I already feel guilty! Argh!!!

I really am ready to graduate and move onto a career that does not require ME to work every single weekend. I want a life beyond college! This working four jobs is nonsense. More and more, I want to give my notice at the Wellness Center and just become a personal trainer.

I am ready to live in an apartment where I do not have to climb a flight of stairs to make my breakfast.

I am ready to be able to sleep because I won't have a zillion loud people outside my door like all the time.

I am ready to make friendships with new, mature people in a new area!

I am ready!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

XRSIZE18 4/27/2012 10:03AM

    Man, that would be frustrating! The great thing is, you CAN learn to control how you feel about the guilt. My family (especially my mother) is one of the best guilt trippers in the entire world. When I finally decided I wasn't going to be guilted by her anymore, the weight lifted off my shoulders felt SO good.

Know what you want and don't make concessions for other people's problems. Period. :)

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PATRICIAANN46 4/25/2012 3:09PM

  Hi Savannah........
OMG..........Yo
u just brought back a whole truckload of memories from the last semester of my Senior year. I was so tired of carrying several jobs and still NOT having any $ and I was also tired of living in a house with 7 other girls and NEVER having peace and quiet and PRIVACY!!! It is time for you to GRADUATE and get on with your life beyond college. As a Personal Trainer, you may face working on weekends, but you will also have more control over your vacation time as part of a contract.
It does get better.......I promise.
emoticon
Patti

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STRIPEDTIGER 4/25/2012 11:47AM

    I know it's hard but fight the guilt. Stand up for yourself. Maybe ask, in a nice way, why the interns aren't required to help.

I've learned the hard way that the nice ones will be taken advantage off because management doesn't want to deal with the squeaky wheels. Sad but true!!

DON'T FEEL GUILTY! You deserve the time off!!

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1CRAZYDOG 4/24/2012 7:55PM

    Well, here's my take on it. For sure, as Sheryl mentioned, it is possible there are reasons, whatever they are, the the mgmnt. is not assigning the interns weekend hours. I honestly can't sit here and say I KNOW what they are, but just a consideration.

On the other hand, maybe it is time to make your exit from the Wellness Ctr. When do you graduate?? I know you said it is in May, so hang in there till then! Once you graduate you will have more time for YOU. But I have to say, for me, it didn't mean weekend off because I had to work the hours needed, including weekends and holidays. So, that situation could come up even after you graduate. Just something to think about as well.

Sounds like your manager is using the ol' power, but don't allow yourself to feel gult! You have nothing to feel guilty about. Period. Easier said than done, I know, but it is something I had to work on as well.

HUGS my dear and I hope things get a little easier, but hang in there! You're almost through April and you graduate in May.

HUGS!
Barb

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SHERYLDS 4/24/2012 3:41PM

    As someone who has worked on jobs that required me to be 'on call' and getting a call every other night....I hear your pain. Guilt is an effective management tool.....just stand up for your needs and be willing to compromise on the less critical points. Don't know what the staffing situation is ...but...sometimes management doesn't consider that interns can handle 'all' situations and if weekends are extra busy, management may be trying to staff with more responsible people who can handle anything.....So just saying....sometimes there is a reason.
maybe .... maybe not.

At any rate...I'm thinking they consider you someone they trust.



Comment edited on: 4/24/2012 3:42:21 PM

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WENDYSPARKS 4/24/2012 3:33PM

    emoticon

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NATPLUMMER 4/24/2012 2:23PM

    emoticon

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KKINNEA 4/24/2012 2:01PM

    You're right, that is far less than ideal. I hope your boss gets the message about the interns soon!

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MYLADY4 4/24/2012 1:44PM

    Yep, make the intern do it and yes, I think you are ready. I have never lived in the dorms but I think it would drive me NUTS.

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GETFIT2LIVE 4/24/2012 1:04PM

    The interns, of all people, should be required to work weekends. That's just nuts that she tries to make you feel guilty for wanting some weekends off! Most places rotate everyone to get at least some weekends off or make the schedule based on seniority. Hang in there and stand firm; you NEED those weekends off!

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BAILEYS7OF9 4/24/2012 12:52PM

    Don't let her make you feel guilty! Point out that the interns should work weekends too.

Going up stairs to make breakfast really isn't a bad thing. I have to go down stairs to make mine!

Comment edited on: 4/24/2012 12:53:07 PM

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First 17-Miler Recap

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Yesterday, I decided I would train for Grandma's Marathon with an open heart and mind. I was even excited for today's long run. Imagine my excitement, though, when I looked outside and saw it was half snowing, half raining. I looked at the forecast. By jolly, light rain all day.

Right there and than, I decided I had a choice. Either I can run, make the best of it or not train for Grandma's Marathon. I need to start running longer than 13.1 miles.

I decided to run. And, boy, did I ever?

I ended up with 17.45 in 4 hours and 10 minutes. When I set out, my route that I tracked yesterday online was 16.05. Apparently, when I ran it, it was a mile and half longer. So, I went from 13.1 to 17.45. That is a big jump. One is supposed to ONLY increase 10%, that is one rule I always follow, to not get an injury. So, at best, I should have done a 15-miler. By planning on 16 miles, I figured what's one more mile. Well, I found out how it feels to add 20% of your mileage when I did more than 17.

In summary, my front part of my leg - half way between my shin and ankle - is super sore. I have been putting it in an ice bath - off and on - for the last couple hours. It is pretty inflamed. It hurts to move forward with it. I cannot bring my toes up towards the sky. No dice. So, hoping the ice bath/elevation will help. Yes, I am doing RICE. Maybe before I go to bed, I will take some ibuprofen but trying to let my body heal naturally.

On the upside, I am feeling pretty good about Grandma's Marathon. After today, I think I have three super longer runs - runs longer than 12 miles. One is next weekend, one over my cousin's wedding (still figuring out how to deal with that one) and one over Memorial Day weekend. I feel with breaking the 13.1 barrier, I can do this. It was ALOT easier than I expected. Sure, there were times that I didn't run. Than, I took a Gu. They are like magic, hehe!

After today's hard work on the road, I figured I earned some guilt-free pleasures so I made homemade pizza (crust from the Sparkpeople Cookbook) than had a glass of wine. I can feel myself crashing pretty hard so I will probably go to bed shortly. Hopefully, I will make it to 8 pm. Tomorrow, I work 9-5 pm.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CASSCAMP 4/24/2012 11:55PM

    Great job girl!!!

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CH0718 4/23/2012 8:37AM

    Sounds like you are recovering smart! Take care of yourself!

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PATRICIAANN46 4/22/2012 9:41PM

  Hi Savannah.........
What a great run!!! emoticon
Now you have to pamper yourself and get lots of rest tonight.
Don't overdo.........

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MYLADY4 4/22/2012 12:47PM

    AWESOME!!!!!!!

Now you need to take it a bit easy and let that leg heal a bit.

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NATPLUMMER 4/22/2012 11:05AM

    Oooohhh..that is a big jump. I hope your leg is okay. emoticon

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YDAVIS23 4/22/2012 7:28AM

    WHAT?!!! Ok... I'll just run 17 miles today. CRAZY and AMAZING! Take care of those legs though - no injuries!

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EJOY-EVELYN 4/22/2012 12:34AM

    What a great day! Sounds like you're taking good care of yourself -- love the RICE!

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WOMANOBRONZE 4/21/2012 10:02PM

    All right!!!

Girl, You are DOING IT!!!

emoticon

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OPTIMIST1948 4/21/2012 9:33PM

    Talk about breaking through the barrier! Nice work!

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1CRAZYDOG 4/21/2012 9:02PM

    You definitely earned a good supper!

Keep up the good work. You are really approaching it the right way . . . taking it as it comes, still training, but not being obsessive about it.

Have a good Sunday, my dear!

HUGS!
Barb

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JTAYLOR2011 4/21/2012 9:00PM

    Inspiring... Thank you for sharing. Tomorrow and in 2 weeks I run half marathons. I am really looking forward to training for my Oct 7th Marathon!

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