Wednesday, April 11, 2012
A couple weeks back, I announced that I decided I wasn't going to run Grandma's Marathon in June. I had a good cry, called up the family, had another good cry, announced it on here. Once it's announced on here, it feels so official.
Well, here's a secret. I have been still training. For the last couple weekends, I have had time to run and did a distance of 12 miles. It even started to get easier. Not even close to the disaster I called the Get Lucky Half Marathon in March.
Also, in recent weeks, I feel like all the rules that I had when I was in training mode were released. It was so nice.
It was so nice to focus on losing weight. Now I know about tracking food and working out. So many people told me I could not lose weight while training so it felt like an impossible goal. But, if I treat it as calories burned, shouldn't I be able to lose weight?
Also, this week I could exercise and strength train. Not because I am in training but because I want to, because I enjoy it. In fact, I went for an afternoon walk today in the sunshine. Also, if I wanted to do kettlebells or try rock climbing, I can. There is no one saying "You can't. You're in training."
Because I am not in training.
It is like last night. I realized I haven't had a nice glass of wine for months. Why? Because when would I? I shouldn't be drinking alcohol the night before a run because I am in training. I usually like it to unwind from the week on a Friday. But, than it messes with my hydration levels for my long run on Saturdays.
But, all these restraints were gone. I could do whatever I wanted because I wasn't in training.
Because stressing about these trivial things, I was stressing every weekend about when to run. Well, I have requested every Saturday off in May. So, I wouldn't be stressing in May. As for April, I would have two Saturdays that I would struggle with. One being this weekend which I could actually do my long run tomorrow and a short one on Sunday. Even if I didn't want to do that, I have co-workers coming out of the woodworking to take my Saturday. Since, my boss likes to schedule me once during the week and every Saturday, this means I'd be giving up hours.
So, basically, I need to decide if I am IN or I am OUT, none of this wishy-washy business anymore.
If I am IN, I have decided I will be training casually. No rules, just fun. I CAN lose weight. I CAN have wine. I CAN eat normally.
If I am OUT, I will find a way to accept that this year is NOT my year. I will start to train to improve my half marathon finishing time.
Mind you, I have an appointment with the campus nutritionist. I am hoping she can tell me if I am doing fine with my eating. Like could I train on what I am doing or if there more efficient foods to eat for me.
So, those are my thoughts on this potentially life changing event.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
My homework assignment from my personal trainer a couple weeks ago was to do 2 sessions each week. The first week I did THREE sessions in one week. Now for those folks that strength train three times a week, that LOVE to strength train, that LIVE for it, find it to be no big deal. For me, it was HUGE! So huge I decided to reward myself for just that week! I got myself some lifting gloves! Look, look!
Now, I am starting to feel my motivation starting to teeter downward again. Trying to come up with another reward. So far I have thought of a sports massage when I do my lifting sessions Monday, Wednesday and Friday for the month of April. But, if I miss one, than the whole month is gone. I think I need a bi-monthly reward. New dress? Saucony shoes? Sports bra? All things that are cool but feel it wouldn't be much of an reward. Maybe a running necklace...
Fun update: I have gained 1/2 pound of muscle since starting to train so I have a total of 61.1 pounds of muscle. Shooting for 62 by the end of May. Also, I did TEN on the bar last session! My lifting IS working!
Monday, April 09, 2012
Since joining the Wellness Center staff at my local Y, I considered the gym my new source of inspiration. When I have all my cleaning tasks done, I basically watch people work out.
Today was more inspiring than usual. Today a member raised $7,160 for our Strong Kids Campaign by running 16 hours on a treadmill.
I struggle with one hour on the treadmill. Today Chris did 16 times that amount. So, if you think you just cannot work out today. I challenge you. Go to the gym. And, watch people work out. I bet you will get motivated to get moving in no time!
Sunday, April 08, 2012
It's a thought that I think about nearly everyday. Will I be part of the 15% that is determined to keep it off? I want to say yes. But, lately I am not too sure if I can beat the odds.
Today I was reading information about weight loss management from the American Council of Exercise, experts of the field. Honestly, it really got to me. If everything points that I will regain the weight within 5 years, why even fight it? Why not succumb it?
Than, we had Easter dinner. Well, you know I didn't eat well. In fact, it was like I was trying to shove as much food as I could in my mouth before everyone else got done. Basically, I was emotional eating. So, I am even further from being at the 160 point again.
Lately, I am not sure even why I want this lifestyle. Everyone around me seem to be heavier but happier. All I ever wanted was to be happy and feel good about me. No matter what size I am, I am fighting for myself. And, it's not going to be easier.
I need to figure this thing out before I sabotage myself even more...
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