Monday, March 05, 2012
When I was a teenager, I read alot. I got so good at reading smut that I could read a novel in a day or two. Now that I am older, I realize it is my way of trying to hide from my emotions. I do it with shopping, watching movies and emotional eating.
Yesterday I watched movies all evening while working on homework. Today I tried doing some cardio before my personal training session. (By the way, according to my new PT, I have strong shoulders! So glad I switched!)
After working out, I still was feeling kinda down. Sometimes shopping makes me feel better. So, I went shopping. I love my new mini-skirt (my first) and heels! But, they didn't make everything all better. I read pretty much all evening to hide from feeling lonely. I am assuming that I am hiding from other emotions but I haven't delved into it.
More and more, I am pondering if I should go back to counseling. *sigh*
Nevertheless, it is hard to ignore how far I have come...
From lost and unhappy...
...to sexy and confident!
Sunday, March 04, 2012
Okay, I can only avoid this for so long. I have gained weight. Everything is telling me so. The scale. The measuring tape. My clothes. Before I gave up the scale for Lent, my weight was sitting right around the 160 mark. Everyone says that you cannot lose weight during training. Maybe so. But, I can tone up! That's the plan anyhow!
By the way, it's still snowing here...
This is my car last night after working for 6 hours...
..than I forgot my boots at work last night. This means I get to plow through the snow in my running shoes to the gym for my long run on the dreadmill!
Saturday, March 03, 2012
We've all been there. Someone telling you in one form or another, you cannot do this. For some reason, my parents are that in my life.
Before I joined Sparkpeople, I attempted weight loss. Honestly, I feel I never succeeded because my mom has always been there saying things like, "Do you think you should do that?" It seems like I am always being questioned on my decisions.
Eventually, I joined Sparkpeople. Every step of the way strangers at first but now close friends cheered me along the way. They believed in me when I was raised not to believe in myself. I kept my weight loss very separate from them. Any goal I tell them they tear down and instill disbelief in myself.
When I ran my first half marathon, they were never there and it hurt. They made excuses. In the end, they can never go back to that moment in time and get it back.
Now, I am training for my first full marathon. It IS a big deal. I am a big deal. Everyday I talk to my parents, my dad tells me I need to run x-amount of miles. My mom tells me she is concerned about me not being able to run the full marathon. Let me worry about that.
Since the start of training, I have been struggling with food. I tend to eat rather than deal with my emotions. Now that I am crying..
Thursday, March 01, 2012
Many of my sparkfriends stopped by my page yesterday to share that they saw where I live on their local news in other parts of the country. Thought I'd share some photos of the area on the way to getting my first box of Gu!
On my way, at a stop light...
A local running store...
My first box of Gu...
Now that I buy Gu by the box, does this mean I am an endurance runner! I think so!
This morning I ran 3 miles, and lifted. Because I needed a total of 5 miles, I went back later for the rest. Before hand, I took a Gu packet. Boy, could I feel when that energy hit the system. I am pretty slow runner. When I run on the treadmill, my pace is around 4.0-4.5, sometimes over 5.0. Today, with my Gu packet, I rocketed up to 7.0! So excited!!!
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
I am addicted to blogging on Sparkpeople. On here, it is easy. You write. You get responses. It's harder out there. It's feels so empty.
Anyhow, I decided I am going to try to record my training for Grandma's Marathon on a different blog, outside of Sparkpeople. This way I can look back my journey.
To be honest, I will probably still write here because, well, you are my buddies. If you are interested in following my blog outside of here... this is my link.
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