Wednesday, October 12, 2011
In the last few months, I have been bouncing around the 160 number on the scale. It is like being on an emotional roller coaster constantly. Apparently, 158 is the indicator for a good day and 161 is the indicator for a bad day.
This morning I weighed in at 160.4, my 100# mark. As I started to feel anxious, I went all counselor on myself and asked myself, "What does it mean to you?" I was surprised by the answer.
Basically, this is what I came up with.
158 = continuing to be successful = not letting down my family
160 = on the verge of failing
161 = failing in being successful = letting down my family
It helps by saying it, pondering it.
By Christmas, I was hoping to be down to 150. But, again, "What does it mean to me?" It means I will be skinny with a flat tummy and I will have my family's praise, something I have never gotten before.
Again, it helps to say it, pondering it.
With that note, I am going to have lunch, work out, and study, study, STUDY!
Saturday, October 08, 2011
Recently, I wrote a blog. Big surprise, right? In the blog, I got a comment that accused me of being judgmental. IF it was by a friend that reads my blogs regularly, and actually knew ME and not assumed things about me, maybe I could have taken it more to heart. But, it wasn't.
This wasn't the only time this has happened with my blogs. I know I am not alone, either, unfortunately!
With these comments, I have considered each time making my page not public. Ironically, this most recent time a different member from the other one left me a comment about how I inspire them. If I privatized my page, how would I be able to inspire others? For me, I like that I can inspire others to succeed just because I was in their shoes once.
In addition to limiting my ability to inspire others, I have thought about not blogging anymore and/or leaving the site, honestly. But, than, I knew I would miss my friends too much.
There is no easy solution. I know this. I just miss the "old" Sparkpeople I met 3 years ago where every comment was supportive and I never worried about being judged here. I guess that is what I liked about Sparkpeople the most... no judgements, just acceptance!
Now years ago, it seems I am no longer accepted here just because I have succeeded and live a healthy lifestyle. In fact, I feel like just because I am fit and healthy now that I am more under a magnifying glass, instead of a spot light, like before. It is almost assumed that I could not understand how if feels to be judged on just my appearance.
Really, now?! Can't I?
Thursday, October 06, 2011
Last night, my ex helped me realize I feel guilty. I feel guilty about getting healthier, mentally and physically, because it means I left my friends and family behind.
But, did I? Not really. I made a choice to change, to better me. They could have made the same choice. Some members of my family are deciding to get healthy.. and I am very proud of them.
But, yet I feel guilty for the ones I left behind. I think this is why I sometimes let myself eat "bad" with them.
Anyone know how to get over this guilt?
Besides that, I found a new love! Spinning! Love it! It sure does make me sore. Yesterday, I was crabby and took it out on the spin bike. Boy, my legs are sore today! I might go for a swim later to give them a break. Lately, it seems like all I do is spin and run, lol. It has been just so nice out!
This, also, means I am slacking in my October goal of doing 60 miles on that pink . Do you know what this means? Time for me to readjust the goal. I am going to change it to using it at least once a week... to get me started.. readjust from there!
Sunday, October 02, 2011
Last year, I have a New Year's resolution (goal) to run 11 races in 2011. Recently, I changed it to 6 races in 2011. Of course, being me, I announced it to the Sparkpeople community.
In doing so, a generous Spark Friend, EHAGFELD, offered to sponsor me for one of my races. She understood that as a college student, the expense of race registrations may prevent me from completing my goal. Now, that is support!
One of the races I choose was the Lupus Walk for Hope and 5K Run. I choose this because another Spark Friend, VPOPPY01, has lupus. Right now, as far as I know, there is no cure. The money raised goes toward research for lupus!
I just find it amazing that God blessed with me such a great Spark Friends!
It really was a fun day!
Valerie (VPOPPY01) and I actually went to the Y and did a spin class BEFORE the 5K! Yes, we were that crazy! Than, later met up with Evelyn (EHAGFELD).
I looked up our "official" times of the race and they are the following.. drum roll, please!
With these times, we all PRed! How awesome is that!
Both EHAGFELD and VPOPPY01 wrote blogs about the 5K as well! I find them both inspiring to read! Check them out!
EHAGFELD's blog, "Blessed by Fellow Sparkers! . . . and a 5K Lupis Walk/Run for Hope!"
VPOPPY01's blog, "Day Trip to Duluth and Lupus 5K!"
Saturday, September 24, 2011
My weight loss journey started during the summer of 2009. I lost 30 pounds that summer with tons of walking. At the end of that summer, I decided to walk a 5K. I choose a local one and gathered my friends for the CASDA 5K. Many bailed but Jared did not.
The next fall, 2010, Jared and I ran the 5K together in 37:38. Here is the photo from last year!
We were planning on doing it together again this year but he had a game for curling. So, I asked my running friend, Stephanie to do it with me.
I consider her experienced. She can easily do a 10 minute pace while that is "fast" for me. Also, she has done many halfs and a few full marathons. It was alot of fun!
Our time was 32:43!
My goal was 32:00. Not bad considering I was "ill" for three weeks and detrained alot. Also, I only ran once this week. In July, I did the 5K with my sister for the 4th of July in 33:45. This means I shaved a minute off my time! WIN!
I have three *hopefully* races coming up.
-Lupus Walk for Hope and 5K
-Black Cat 5K
-Harvest Run (My sister's first 5K!)
I still cannot believe that I CAN run a 32:43 5K! WIN!
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