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Growing Pains - Grieving Friendships

Monday, August 22, 2011

With this journey, putting aside the physical changes, I have grew tremendously inside as a person in the last three years. As I grew as a person, I outgrew some of my closest friends. Each and every time, it is hard for me to let go even through I need to grieve the friendship.

Once again, I am at this intersection. Currently, I have noticed that I am outgrowing two of my closest guy friends. They are equally hard to let go. I know I need to grieve them but how does one do that? It seems simple to grieve a death but what about a person that is very much alive but the friendship is not? How does one accept that it is time to let go?

I dated Bobby for approximately 3 months and we have been close ever since for the last two years. We always said we'd be there for each other but the thing is, more and more, I find I struggle to relate and support him as I could in the past. I didn't mean to grow and leave him behind. This journey, honestly, wasn't even a conscious decision. I just wanted to lose 5 pounds - I didn't set out to change my entire life but I did.

As for my other friend, he is equally as hard because we got close even through I knew he was leaving. I guess sometimes the unknown is what makes situations like this hard. Recently, he has dropped our friendship. It hurts. But, I also know I need to let it go. I cannot hang onto the hurt. I have to let him go. If he does not want to nurture our friendship, it will simply die. I cannot continue to water it, without the soil it needs.

These are not the only friendships I am outgrowing, unfortunately. I have attended my college for the last four years. Yup, that is right. I am a senior and should be graduating soon. I have found that I am, also, outgrowing the campus as a whole. The maturity here is not exactly what I can find for lasting friendships.

On the upside, I am finding alot of friends at the YMCA I work at. They are mature and have similar lifestyles that I have. When I am on campus, I have fight for my lifestyle tooth and nail but while I am at work, these people understand because they choose it too.

In fact, my new work out buddy works there. In the past, when people have wanted to be their work out buddy, I steered away from it. It often felt like they wanted me to lose weight FOR them. I want to help but I cannot do it FOR them. Cassie seems like she sincerely wants my company. I may even get to act like a Personal Trainer and teach her some exercises. How fun! Our trial run is on Wednesday morning!

Besides that, Curt and I seem to have fun together. He suggested running together and even a beach run, something I have never done. I tend to run slow (11-13 min/pace) and he seemed fine with that. So, basically, I can have another running buddy. I cannot wait until I feel better so I can.

Than, there's John. Now, there is some romantic potential with this one. He goes to a nearby college and today when we both saw each other, we were both grins and like, "Where have you been hiding?" We chit chatted and I told him to add him on Facebook. Hopefully, he does. He seems fun.

Anyhow, what is my point? My point is more to myself than to anyone else. I need to let go of these old friendships and let new ones grow. I also need to accept these friendships came in my life for a reason and now it served it's purpose. Time to move on.

I know grieving has it's purpose. For me, I think it is accepting it has run it's course and to say good-bye.

Now, my question for you.. do you know how to move on or even grieve a friendship? What benefits do you feel serves grieving does for you?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PATRICIAANN46 8/24/2011 11:20AM

  Hi Savannah.......
I am in total agreement with JOAN_HEO. I have learned from every friendship I have had. It is so natural to hang on to some friendships and to easily let go of others. YOU have changed, so it only makes sense that you will need different things from your friends than you did in the past. Now that you are changing and maturing, you will adjust your friendships accordingly. It is okay to grieve an old friendship, but I wouldn't carry it on for too long. Instead, put this energy into finding new, fulfilling friendships.
Take Care.

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ELFITZPA 8/23/2011 11:48AM

    I dealt with similar feelings after I finished up my UG degree. Most of my friends moved to Boston and I was well over 100 miles away. It was so much easier for them to see each other rather than making the effort to see me. But on the other hand, being together all the time really messed with their ability to grow up and change independently. My visits started being overwhelmed by someone pulling me aside to tell me that so-and-so hasn't changed a bit because of xyz, when someone else had probably told me the same about the tattler. It was really hard for me to be away from them but seeing their interactions eventually made it a lot easier. Sometimes when you're going through periods of extensive change, it's good to shed some negative influences (or at least to allow some distance). Best of luck.

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PSALM42 8/23/2011 8:14AM

    emoticon Sometimes I cried when I lost a friend (whether to a move or just not being friends anymore). Sometimes I felt it was for the best and then I didn't feel sad. Sometimes I was so angry that I couldn't feel anything else. I really only have 1 friend that I wish I could see all of the time, but they moved so there was nothing I could do. It is a natural part of life so most of the time it feels very natural and I don't have regrets about things. I hope you don't either. :)

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RHONDALYN10 8/23/2011 7:44AM

    I really loved this blog. I recently had a friend who just quit calling, texting, etc. And it wasn't just me that she did it to. No one knows why. And although we were close as family I had to accept that it was time. I miss hanging out with her but like you said you can't keep watering it...

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JOAN_HEO 8/22/2011 10:13PM

    Everyone you meet in this world will teach you something. You may not always like what they have to tell you, but you have the right to take the good stuff and leave the rest behind. Maybe "losing" friends just makes room for the new ones. (((HUGS)))

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No one likes to be laughed at.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

No one likes to be laughed at.

Especially, by their own mother.

That is what happened tonight. Every time she does it, I feel so foolish. Almost stupid.

Tonight, I stood up for me and told her to stop. She was like, "I wasn't laughing." She was and I told her that she was. A few minutes later, she's like, "I don't know why you treat me so badly when I give you things." My parents are giving me money so I can afford to go on my mini-vacation. I was a bit short on money.

But, this is why I try to never ask for money because she always turns it around and be like, "Why are you being mean to me?" No, Mother, I am not being mean; this is what standing up for one's self looks like. *sigh*

I get really sick of her manipulating me.

Tonight, I ended the conversation. Like I usually do.

In other news, I have decided my body had a mix of exhaustion and dehydration going on.

All week I have been resting and drinking Powerade as much as I can. It can be tough considering I work at a YMCA and on my feet, walking around, going up and down the stairs, all day long. Today, I had the day off so I sleep into until 10:30 am and just now I am getting that exhausted feeling so hopefully, this means I am doing better.

I am supposed to be training for a half marathon and now I am not sure if I will continue that training. Taking one week off is one thing but two weeks? I go on my vacation next week and I think I am going to keep it with lounging around, a bit of walking and some running. In other words, pretty light.

In a couple weeks, I go back to classes and want to be all rested up because the first few weeks can be kinda stressful.. so if that means not training for a half marathon.. that is what that means.

Besides this exhaustion business, I finally got my grades in for my summer classes.

Exercise Physiology... A emoticon
Nutrition... A emoticon
Online course (too long of a title)...B emoticon

I wish I could tell my friend - the one that dropped me like taking out the garbage - because he knows how hard Exercise Physiology can be and why it's awesome to get an A in it. Oh, well. Trying to move on.

Okay, off to make supper, I think, and maybe read a book. Maybe I will make my ex bf, Nick, hang out with me since he is all moved in now.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JOAN_HEO 8/22/2011 10:16PM

    I KNEW you were a smart girl!!! Ya did GOOD! emoticon

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KASEYCOFF 8/22/2011 3:12AM

    The grades are fantastic--! I'm especially impressed with your work on the online course - I always fell down on those. Not enough self-discipline, or else I just don't do well outside of the traditional classroom, so I have a deep admiration for those who can handle 'em. Re mothers: *sigh* I've got one just like yours. I'm thankful I don't live with her, and I remind my children frequently that if I start to show signs of becoming like their grandmother, they are to point it out to me, AT ONCE, lol...

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CMHARRISON12 8/21/2011 8:14AM

    Success is often just finding ways to have good self-care! And great grades!!!

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1CRAZYDOG 8/21/2011 12:14AM

    Oh my gosh! I am so proud of you!!! What excellent grades you have earned. Just awesome.

As for your Mom, well, I cannot think of one thing to say except I am proud of you for standing up for YOU! Way to go.

Have you considered that maybe you could have mono? Just a thought that hit me. I am glad yu have rested and seem to be feeling better. There will be other marathons out there for you.



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CINDYTW 8/20/2011 11:45PM

  I can totally relate to this blog! My grandparents have the mindset that your Mom seems to: that money can buy a relationship and now anything goes. I also can relate to the exaustion I have been feeling it too and stopped my 1/2 marathon training. I haven't run in a few weeks. Not worth it IMHO.

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    Your grades are amazing, and you SHOULD be proud! I hope you have a fun, relaxing time on your vacation! You really do deserve it! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ERLYWA 8/20/2011 9:56PM

    GOOD FOR YOU for standing up to Mom! I don't care if your parents gave you a MILLION dollars, they are not purchasing the right to hurt your feelings! I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself, b/c that can be really hard to do.

AWESOME grades too, by the way!! :)

Comment edited on: 8/20/2011 10:02:54 PM

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BAILEYS7OF9 8/20/2011 9:55PM

    great job on all accounts! That must have been emotionally tough w/ your mom. emoticon

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PATRICIAANN46 8/20/2011 8:26PM

  Hi Savannah........
Take care of you first. You are so right about the beginning of a new school year being stressful. Be as healthy as possible. There is time for training when your body is as strong as you feel it should be.

Congrats on the grades........You are so smart!!!!! Now, forget about the "OLD" friends who weren't all that good for you, and strike out to meet new ones. Keep Positive..........they seem to pull you down.


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LADYGWEN25 8/20/2011 8:25PM

    WAHOO!!! those are AWESOME GRADES!!! Kudo's for standing up to parents.. they need to be reminded what adult children are like... remind me about that in 5 years when my 17 yr old is an

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CYNTHIAMINUS40 8/20/2011 8:09PM

    Congratulations on the grades!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

d, there are so many half marathons out there to train for, maybe taking a vacation break is just what's in order.

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Angry Binge: Letter to guys in my life.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

I know this is my second blog of the day.. but I really need to vent.

As I finishing off the box of Triscuits I brought just yesterday afternoon, I realized I was angry.

The angry where you want to smash many, many ceramics things.

But, you are mature so you know it's not appropriate, according to society. Besides, you'd be sad if you smashed your favorite tea cup and your favorite bowls that your best guy friend gave you.

Or, would you?

Right now, I am so angry, and maybe even hurt.

My best guy friend, B, when I vented to him about wanting to go to MS, for the half marathon, responded with, "Well, paying your bills is the responsible thing."

Really?! No kidding! It's not like I don't pay my bills! I work my butt off and it seems like I am getting no where. Even more so, my friend, who is 23, is living with his parents and his parents are supporting him. He is not going to school. Doesn't have a solid job. AND, he is in California! Can you guess who's paying for that?! Mind you, he has a heart condition. It was diagnosed three years ago. Grieve it and get on with your life!

But, yet he is telling me that I need to be responsible!

And, if that isn't enough, there is my so-called friend that in the last couple months or so, basically quit being friends with me. No explanation. They say we will be friends. This is not being friends. This is being a butt head. Yup, I call you a butt head because that is the terms kindergartners use, much like you are acting. All I want to do is yell and scream and smash ceramic.

But, the truth is, I know I am just really hurt that you'd walk away from our friendship like this. Even after I have asked you about it. Know that it hurts. It's your choice and YOUR loss.

And, if that isn't enough, I cannot exercise because I am super exhausted/dehydrated and who knows what else. I just want a friend in this big world and there isn't one. My ex, N, says to work out when I am stressed is not healthy. Well, honey (sarcasm), neither is bingeing a box of Triscuits. If this is how I deal with my feelings and life, than, well, you need to understand. But you simply don't. You don't understand my lifestyle. You just want me to conform to your lifestyle. You pressure me to not work out and that it is "okay" to eat how you do. No, it's not okay for me to eat like that. If that is how YOU want to live, fine, but respect that I do not. Well, for starters, respect my boundaries. Can you do that? Nope, I didn't think you could.

Right now, I would love to find ONE "live" guy that actually understood ME. I am starting to wonder if he even exists. Whatever, I don't need these guys and I don't need any guy.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MZSLEEPE1 8/20/2011 12:39PM

    Right on girl!! We've all been there!! I'm there right now. :( I know you'll do what's good for you! We're all just looking to live healthy and happy, sometimes the happy part is just a little elusive... still looking myself! But whatever it is that makes you happy you deserve so do what you want when you want and how you want!! Rock on!! You're fabulous!!

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LISAINMS 8/19/2011 9:32AM

    Oh Savannah. That poor little box of Triscuits just didn't stand a chance. While I know you are unhappy with your binge, at least it wasn't a bucket of ice cream? I am also a power cruncher when I am angry. It is more socially acceptable than smashing things, LOL.

Your finances are not for your friend to comment on unless you asked him what to do. But how ironic that he would lecture you on financial responsibility. I wonder if your "friends" are saying these things to you out of jealousy? Look at where you are compared to them. You are achieving amazing goals, taking great strides to have a healthy and successful life. You're leaving them in the dust and they are mad. It's sad that people have to tear down others to make themselves feel better. Your friend is not financially responsible for his adult self so he lectures you about spending your earned money. Your ex doesn't share your goal of being healthy so he attempts to undermine your efforts with misguidance. Just sad individuals, really. Sometimes to continue forward we have to let go of the past that holds us back. Open yourself to new friendships. Search out people that share your lifestyle interests. My kids have been going through the same thing. They have just moved onto a different plane than the kids they made friends with their first yr in college. They maintain friendly contact, but they have gravitated to people that are more in line with their interests. Sometimes freeing yourself from old connections makes room for new ones.

I'm sure classes will soon start for you and your time will be even shorter. You are worth deciding how you should spend that time. Don't waste it on people that bring nothing to the party and beat you down. You are an incredible young woman with a whole lot on the ball. I say drop the anchors! It will make room in your life for true peers.

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PATRICIAANN46 8/18/2011 12:49PM

  Hi Savannah........
I agree totally with what ERLYWA said in her response. You were a different person when you were originally with your EX. Now that you have made so many changes in your lifestyle, he may be threatened. I know that I have mentioned this to you before, but because I am a Mom and have also (way back in the dark ages) been a girl your age, I know from whence I speak. You have so much going for patient.....he is out there and you will find him. Don't worry about the guys from your past. That was yesterday.......put your energy into today and your future. YOU know what is best for YOU.

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FLAME42 8/18/2011 8:55AM

    I think ERLYWA said it very well. Do what is best for you, even spending some special time with that great person,YOU!
I think venting in words or actions (exercise not smashing) is helpful.

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HDHAWK 8/17/2011 10:20PM

    He'll come along at some point, just not always when we want it to happen. Yes, it's plenty healthy to work out when you're stressed. There's plenty of research to back it up. Hmmm, I'm getting a picture as to why he's your ex!

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CANNIE50 8/17/2011 10:18PM

    Not healthy to work out while stressed? Craziest thing I have ever heard (or at least the craziest thing I have heard since I read the post where someone's m.i.l. is trying to convince her that fast food and soda are healthy items). Imagine what you could do to a heavy bag with this anger you are feeling? emoticon or how you could punish a road or a trail? emoticon or just show some weights who is boss emoticon. Okay, I got annoyed when reading what your friend said and I don't even know him. My rule: you can weigh in on my financial decisions when you are contributing to my finances. Of course, I am very careful about who I talk to my finances about. Honey, "to thine ownself, be true". Do what sits right with YOU. You may have to spend a little time alone for awhile but it is less frustrating than spending time in unsatisfying relationships, and letting go of relationships that are not working makes way for those that are healthy. Okay, sorry, I just got all riled up right along with you!

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ERLYWA 8/17/2011 10:12PM

    You may not NEED a guy, but we've joked about waiting for our "knights in shining armor," so I know you WANT one. We all want love in our lives, and to be unconditionally accepted.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and propose a possibility, and I hope it won't offend you. But I think I have seen some of this in myself, so it was the first thing that popped into my head when I read your blog just now....

I wonder if what is happening is, when you were heavy, perhaps (like me) you felt like no decent man could/would love you b/c you were heavy. So maybe you settled for less than you wanted/deserved and perhaps these men that are mistreating you are from those days when you didn't realize you deserve more. Now their behavior is bothering you, and I think that is because you now KNOW you deserve better.

Perhaps it is simply time to let go of the unhealthy people you brought into your life when you didn't know you deserved better, and replace them with people that are worthy of your time and attention and love.

Chin are beautiful, witty, kind and smart, and you deserve to have people in your life that recognize that and value your qualities. Ditch these "buttheads" that mistreat you, b/c you don't deserve that kind of shoddy treatment!


Comment edited on: 8/17/2011 10:13:32 PM

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1CRAZYDOG 8/17/2011 10:08PM

    I am going to respond to you privately on this one.


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  Sounds like a crappy day. emoticon Sending you a hug and empathy from the big world. xoxoxo

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Dehydrated or Overtraining?

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

That is the question.

Am I dehydrated or am I overtraining or a combination of both?

Last week, I felt I did alot of exercise and started lifting everyday. It was different muscle groups that got rotated. I was even having alot of fun. When I weighed in on Sunday, I dropped like three pounds!

But, yet, I felt tired.

The tired I am talking about is as soon as I get up for a few hours, I feel like I could go for a nap! emoticon

I took Saturday, Monday, and Tuesday off. I am starting to get antsy but yet, I am still kinda tired.

On Monday, after a hour of being outside on the beach, I got dizzy and nauseous. emoticon I got the same nausea today after doing some errands for a couple hours.

So.. you may be wondering.. or maybe not.. but my pee is a dark yellow. I do know that is a sign of dehydration.

Initially, I thought I might be overtraining as I was unmotivated, and my muscles fatigued that I didn't work hard. When I took a couple days off, my muscles still complained. I hate taking breaks. It makes me feel like I am giving up and I am not as focused.

With all this, I am thinking it might be more dehydration than overtraining.
What do you think?

Either way, I am going to go back to working out tomorrow. I miss it. emoticon I really want to lift. I feel like I am going to turn to mush! So, I think the plan is going to try to work on getting un-dehydrated and do 20 minutes of cardio and get back to my routine of lifting! emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DESIROCKS 8/16/2013 11:14AM

    Thank you for putting this on, I have been having the same problem the last couple of days. I have been working out a lot this week, and it is muggy, so I have been sweating like crazy. I will try some electrolytes and get some rest! emoticon emoticon

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SHARJOPAUL 8/18/2011 8:48AM

    It sounds like dehydration to me. Aside from drinking more fluids, be sure you are getting plenty of those electrolites you keep hearing about. I had to do some research to find out exactly what those elecrolites are. So here is what they mean: Potasium, Calcium, and Magnesium. These are all water soluble nutrients so you can sweat them out. The Spark Nutrition tracker can track them for you so be sure you check that regularly.

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FUNFROG79 8/18/2011 8:31AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
DRINK, DRINK, DRINK, REST, REST! Listen to your body before your burn out, girl! Hang in there!

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PSALM42 8/18/2011 8:13AM

    About the hypoglycemia: if you suspect this, read the vim and vigor diet. I have had hypoglycemia my whole life and it took me about 15 years to learn how to control it. Mainly you need to keep your sugars level, so you don't want to get too hungry. Instead of eating 3 meals per day, eat 6 mini meals. Always pair carbs with protein, especially fruit carbs. Try to avoid a lot of sugar, and a snack before bed will help. The signs are dizziness, nausea, etc., but this sounds like it could be dehydration. Up your water and get some electrolytes and enjoy your workouts!

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1CRAZYDOG 8/17/2011 10:04PM

    Definitely sounds like there's dehydration going on there. I'd use a sports drink w/o sugar so you get the electrolytes. If it's just dehydration, that should help. I agree that if it DOESN'T, then you should consider getting checked out, because as mentioned, it could be hypoglycemia.

I would say listen to your body as far as working out goes. I KNOW that feeling of being "antsy" because you can't work out like you would want to, BUT you body might need a little break. I had to do that too and I felt the same way . . . like my muscles were going to go to "mush". Well, that's not going to happen overnight for sure. But DO listen to your body. Get checked out if this doesn't clear up.

Have you ever had low blood pressure? Could cause those symptoms, too.

Take care of yourself, eat properly and try to get some rest, too.


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LALAFLOWERS 8/17/2011 9:17PM

    Yep... dehydration. go for gatorade, or for the sugar free option if you don't want the calories. I struggle with this all the time. I drink lots of water, but I am still feeling dehydrated. That's why I've incorporated 'sports drinks' into my life. Makes me feel better!

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BAM0827 8/17/2011 6:48PM

    Takes some experimentation to figure things out but adding more water is an easy one. I hope that solves it for you! Are you eating enough?

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LISAINMS 8/17/2011 5:59PM

    Dropping three pounds at this point in the game would be questionable. Dark urine and light-headedness is a symptom of dehydration. Get some electrolytes in because you could be off balance causing dehydration even if you are getting plenty of water. If you're not feeling better in a couple of days, go to a doctor. Not to scare you, but those are also symptoms of insulin imbalance. So if several bottles of Gatorade don't help, make an appointment!

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TYKXBOY 8/17/2011 2:48PM

    It could be dehydration and could also be a problem if you are mostly drinking water and have low electrolytes. Also could be just too much exercise and your body is telling you to rest and drink some fluids. Definitely get your fluids and electrolytes in and see if that helps.

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GETFIT2LIVE 8/17/2011 2:45PM

    Drink your water--that definitely sounds like dehydration, though there might be a little overtraining thrown in to boot. I hate taking breaks, too, but listen to your body and take care of yourself!


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    Could it be something like hypoglycemia? Maybe you should have your blood sugar checked??

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Excited for life.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Ever feel like something HUGE is going to happen and your life is about to change forever? Well, right now that is how I feel!

Besides, for the first time in my life that I can remember, I am content but yet very excited to see what the future holds for me.

I am excited... graduate. start my career. get my new tattoo. (Consultation on September 4th.) start traveling and seeing the world (or at least the U.S.) meet more sincere, mature people. even meet guys and go on some fun dates. see what new places my fitness will bring me.

I guess what I am saying is that I am excited for my life to start.

By the way, those are the flowers I brought at the grocery store today! Aren't they great?!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FUNFROG79 8/17/2011 8:22AM

    Gerbers are my favorite! I'm so happy for you and I'm glad you are excited about what is to come! emoticon

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PSALM42 8/17/2011 7:38AM

    Wooo hooo! college is a rough place... but I do have to say that not everybody in the "real world" is mature, most of us are :)

Gerber daisies are my fav!

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ERLYWA 8/17/2011 12:36AM

    What an exciting new chapter in your life that you are starting on! :)

Love the flowers, they are gorgeous!

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LISAINMS 8/16/2011 11:01PM

    I love to pick up a few bright flowers. How can you look at them and not smile? I'm excited for you Savannah. You are on the cusp of big things!

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LEENUHPEA 8/16/2011 10:13PM

    Stay excited!! It's motivation!! And I love the flowers. They are cute, along with your profile background!!

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