Saturday, August 13, 2011
Today, when my alarm when off at 5:30 am, I thought about quitting my job. But, I managed to roll out of bed and get going. I was rewarded with this view on the way to work.
I was starting to get in a better mood. If I had to be at work, I might as well put on a happy face. Talking with member do that to me.
About 1 pm, the youth group that meets in the gym finished and I suddenly had kid after kid in the Wellness Center, where I am in charge of. No kids under age 16 are allowed in the WC without a signed form by a physician. This was stressful. Telling kids with attitude that they need to leave.
Three boys could stay because they had the form signed previously. They were a headache. Didn't want to use a spotter for doing the bench press. Kept banging the weights.
Finally, the Y was closing so it meant my day was over. As I was talking to the Staff on Duty before leaving for the day, she said that members came down and complained. *sigh* There isn't much I could do. They weren't really breaking any major rules. They just found a new rule to break like every five minutes... and driving me crazy.
Talking of members complaining, a regular complained that the clock was 5 minutes late. I was going to pass it onto the manager but decided to take care of it myself. As I was asking a taller member to help me, she whispered to another member. You know how you can tell they are talking about you. Than, she mocked me. Are you for real?! Are you seriously 5 years old? Because you sure look like your 40s!
I don't get paid enough to deal with whiney members! In fact, I get paid $7.40.
That brings me to my other matter. I did some figuring and I will be making $400 during the semester. That is without taxes taken out. In other words, it's gonna be TIGHT.
I was really hoping to go to Jackson, Mississippi to run a Half Marathon on January 8th... but I don't think it's possible.
I was looking at my refund from my semester. I could go on the trip and pay about half of my credit card. But... I really wanted to pay my credit card off. So.... I think I am going to not go on the trip and pay off my bills so I no longer have to payments on it which seem to suck all my monthly income.
Okay, time to put my big girl pants on.
I am trying to keep it positive. Even through I would meet some amazing friends for the first time, it will be good to have my bills paid off, have some money to fall back on and it will allow me to get my tattoo, the one I've thought for more than a year, without worries. Maybe one day I can get down there and do the half marathon.
In the meantime, I am considering of doing a half marathon during Spring Break. I should be able to afford it more as my reoccurring bills will be paid off and I'll already have money saved up.
Nonetheless, I am totally bummed.
When I told my mom about all this, she didn't seem all that sad about it. Rather relieved. It's not like she understands my need to travel alone or even run. She didn't even go to my first half marathon. *sigh*
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Yesterday, I had $0.83 in my bank account.
Today, I sold some summer textbooks back and got $45.00.
I put $20.00 of gas in the tank and brought $1.00 scratch off.
I won $18.00.
I brought Subway for $3.15 and there was already $0.14 there. I just kinda looked at it, like, are you for real?!
Than, this doesn't seem like a big deal for some but for me it was. Yesterday I didn't know if I was going to run out of gas on the way to work. It was worrying me. Now, I don't have.
In addition to that, a friend of mine at the Y mentioned he wanted to go to a certain movie but none of his friends would go. I got the feeling he wanted me to go but I couldn't barely tell him I'd go if he pays for me, lol.
I told my friend just last night if I had money, I would go to the Y when he does, and tell him I'd go. Now, I have the money to go, I don't want to go to the Y just to track him down.. life would be so much easier if I had his number. It was just so ironic. I used the textbook sellback money for gas and food. But, I feel like God is saying I can have fun, too. And, even gave me the funds to do so.
I feel very blessed to have gas in my car, food in the refrigerator, and surrounded by friends and family. Things can be always be worse.
Now, I gotta decide. I was going to run today but it's all which usually is great but not when I want to . My choices is to go to the Y and workout OR wait until 7:00 pm tonight and hopefully, I won't lose the motivation to run. I am supposed to have a long run today so I ate pasta yesterday in preparation but now that darn is out, lol.
Monday, August 08, 2011
All my life I have been "good". From counseling, I know I am trying to be perfect. For my parent's to love and adore me. They will if I am perfect, right? Um, not exactly...
When growing up my mom expected me to not fight with my sisters. I never drank or any illegal drugs. I tried to be the best.
Even with my weight loss, I tried to be perfect. I couldn't go over calories, not even 5. I couldn't take a day of rest. Nope. I had to be perfect.
In the last few days, something happened. I no longer have to be perfect.
Or, maybe I don't want to be perfect.
My most recent ex-boyfriend is going to be moving into the halls, FOUR doors from me. We have been chatting and it sounds like he wants to be kinda like friends with benefits. I am seeing no real good coming out of this but the other side of me? Well, they are saying.. do it. Have fun and live, Savannah.
Because you know what? I haven't lived.
I have been hiding behind 100 pounds of extra weight and have held myself back. I haven't dated much, haven't really gone anywhere until I was 23, and really haven't done anything that I wasn't supposed to.
I need to live.
In January, I am going to be getting on an airplane all by myself for the very FIRST time to do a half marathon in Mississippi! Honestly, this is scary for me. To get on a plane alone. To go to a brand new city. To depend on only ME. To meet three Spark Friends.
But, I need to live!
After some thought, I realized I need to explore and see this world with myself or with friends before I can settle down. Part of me wants to date, but the other part, wants to have fun, be adventurous, and LIVE.
Sunday, August 07, 2011
Okay, I created a strength training program yesterday for myself to get me motivated for strength training, something in which I'd rather hit my head against a brick wall than do.
Than, today I made myself a challenge.
In the challenge document, it has pictures of me in my near nakedness (something you folks won't ever see), but also my measurements for 2009, 2010 and than a spot for where I put the current stats. I did it this way because I get down when I do not lose any inches and I wanted to put a positive spin on it.
Let's look at the stats for the past 3 years, shall we?
Starting weight: 260
Current weight: 160.2
Lost weight: 100 pounds
Total of inches lost: -37.25"
Basically, that is what my waist is currently!
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