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Now what?

Friday, August 05, 2011

I have been struggling of finally reaching my big goal of losing 100#. I thought I would be all emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon but in all actuality I am more like emoticon.

I feel like a lost soul.

For the last three years, I have been so focused on my goal but now it seems like it has up and vanished. Like I have no big goal to chip away at. I am used to juggling school, work, running and my personal growth. Just call me Superwoman.

But, what happens when I no longer need to lose weight or work on my personal growth?

Right now, I am at 160. I think I want to get down to 140, a healthy weight, according to BMI calculations. I will still continue to work on my weight loss.. mainly because I am scared of maintenance. This new goal of 140 is more like if I get there, fine. If I don't, that's cool, too.

What if I do gain the weight back?

I am terrified of this. I don't have the same motivation I had in the beginning of my journey. I sure don't want to put all that hard work and effort into it again. Honest, but true. I feel like I was lucky that this happened now rather when I had a full-time career, a significant other, or children. I could figure out ME before taking care of everyone else.

During the last few days, I have sabotaging myself. emoticon It's not cool, at all. Yesterday, I ate a whole box of dots.

Okay, let's put this in perspective. Not a huge deal. But, it IS if I keep up this behavior. I think I have been sabotaging myself so I wouldn't have to deal with answering the question: "Now what?" Also, than reaching my goal isn't real.

I know it wasn't entirely self-sabotage but also, partly eating my feelings. I was feeling pretty anxious and lonely last night. I am better now, after going to counseling. Counseling forces me to face the music that I don't want to face alone.

In addition to all this, for some reason, I thought I would be all toned. But, hold up, Savannah, you haven't been strength training. So, that means one of my expectations, having a flat tummy, did not come with the scale saying 160.

I have concluded that I need to strength train more consistent. But, honestly, for me, it is harder to see the results. It is not as easy as stepping on the scale. But, rather I need someone else to take a photo of me. Or, I need to take measurements which cannot be done everyday.

Okay, this was random.. but this is how my thoughts are today.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

1CRAZYDOG 8/7/2011 9:28AM

    Oh, my dear Savannah. Maintenance IS hard work . . . maybe harder work than losing. BUT for me, I always think to myself that nothing tastes as good as being healthy feels. So, that's uppermost in my mind. Sabotaging is something I think everyone experiences.

Maybe hiking up the strength training would help. I do maintain my walking . . . trying to increase the distance just a little bit weekly. But with the strength training, I definitely have to kick myself in the butt to do it. It's not my favorite thing to do, but I need it to maintain muscle tone and strength.

So, just know you're not alone. You've done such a marvelous job and you can do this!!!!

HUGS!

Barb

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PSALM42 8/7/2011 8:19AM

    emoticon

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PATRICIAANN46 8/6/2011 4:25PM

  Hi Savannah.........
You have come so far and accomplished so much!!!!! Like you, I need goals to keep on track. You mentioned that you need to begin to strength-train. Could you list that as your next goal and assess it with measurements to keep on track? Just some thoughts.
I really can't imagine you sliding backward. I think that you are too motivated by what you have accomplished.
I wish you the very best.
Patti

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CIVIAV 8/6/2011 8:50AM

    I've been saving your blog to find the right comment. I guess I don't really have one other than what you have accomplished is amazing and now it's time to learn to live with it. Living scares the living daylights out of me! LOL.

Savannah you are without a doubt living and now it's time to live large instead of be large! Hope this comment lands the right way up!

The strength training in my world is coming along but very slowly. It seems like it would be a good next place to create some fast break goals for yourself but only if it really does seem like the next stretch step.

emoticon

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RHONDALYN10 8/6/2011 7:49AM

    I think the best part is that you have found you are not alone with these feelings. You will figure it all out in time. So proud of how far you have come! Keep up the great work!

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FRENCHTOSD 8/6/2011 12:11AM

    You're killing me these days, girl - I swear it's me writing these.



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CRISSYCURRY 8/5/2011 9:33PM

    I completely understand how you feel. That's the main reason why, when I hit my first goal weight, I continued to lose weight. I was terrified of maintenance, terrified of eating more. So far, I've managed to maintain my 83-pound weight loss for 10 months now. You CAN do it!! Hang in there and good luck my friend!! And congrats on the 100 lb weight loss!!

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DELERIOUS64 8/5/2011 9:06PM

    I totally know what you mean. I hit my goal of 160 2 years ago and have been struggling since then to decide if I want to continue with my weight loss or not. I have always been overweight and it seems like all my life I was trying to lose weight that I didn't really know how to maintain. At one point I got down to 152 but have been maintaing between 155-160 for quite some time. Part of my struggle was as you mentioned, if I didn't have a goal I was afraid I would just go back to my old eating habits. But I have come to far to ever go back. Maintenance CAN be done. Is it a struggle? At times but there's times when I think of how good I feel and look now that makes it all worth it and there's many days that it's not a struggle at all.

I have decided that I want to break that 150 mark so I am going to continue on. For the most part I'm happy with my body now but like I said I need that goal.

Comment edited on: 8/5/2011 9:08:04 PM

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EGRAMMY 8/5/2011 6:45PM

    emoticon emoticon The hard part is just about to begin. The last 10 or 20 pounds and then the maintainence. You will need your goals, support, plans more tha ever. Best wishes to you and your lifetime journey.

Congratulations on losing so much. Best wishes on keeping it off. e are cheering for you as you do it one day at a time. Do the next right thing. And we all hope we'll have the courage to do wht you have done in to your goal.

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HDHAWK 8/5/2011 6:10PM

    I find maintenance to be the hardest part of weight loss. I haven't accomplished it yet. I was within 4 lbs. of my goal and have now gained nearly all the weight back. Focus on lifting weights and getting toned. You'll lose inches if you do. Take a little time to focus on your next goal. I understand where you're coming from. I feel like I have to be busy all the time and when I'm not I eat too much!

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PURPLESPEDCOW 8/5/2011 5:49PM

    You know it is really hard to maintain a weight loss. That is your new mountain to climb there. Set a 5 pound range and make sure you stay within that range for the next month. If you can do that, and not go over; then move on to losing more weight. See a lot of people lose weight - but it isn't considered true loss until you have maintained for a year or more. Hope I gave you a new mountain to climb.

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GETFIT2LIVE 8/5/2011 5:36PM

    Ahhh, I SO understand where you're coming from! I'm not down quite as far but getting close to my original goal of losing 100 pounds; I have been having those fears and feelings, too. I don't think we will either one gain it back because we've been going about this the right way--making lifestyle changes. Still, that fear is there. Seems to me like it's time to set some new non-weight-related goals; there are always new mountains to climb, new challenges to stretch toward. Remind me that when I get down a little more and start saying those same things, okay? I have a feeling I will forget!

emoticon

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I was afraid to reach my huge milestone.

Monday, August 01, 2011

Recently, I have reached a huge milestone of losing 100#. In the past few days, I have reflected alot about this.

I am going to write about how I have been afraid about reaching this milestone but did it anyway. Why am I writing this? Because I wish someone wrote this for me when I was 250, 200, 170.

So, back to how I was afraid to reach this huge milestone.

"What if I can't?
What if I don't?
What if I do?
Than, what will do?"

This was my basic thought pattern. It was a scary cycle. But, you know, the most scary part was doing it anyhow even though I had no idea what I would look like when I reached it. The professionals says to envision your goal.

But... what if you can't?

I couldn't. I didn't know what 160 looked like because I have never been 160. In fact, when I look in the mirror, I don't see myself as 160. I saw that I was smaller but I still saw ME. Part of me was afraid that ME was going to slip away as soon as I reached the scale said "160". Let me in on a secret it doesn't. I am still the same person I was.

Sure, I have changed.

But, those changes are ones I purposely made with effort and hard work. Everyday. I worked on them. I know they are there. Some magic fairy didn't come along and made an unwanted change in me. No, I changed myself to be who I want to me.

So, what is the lesson in all this?

It is OKAY to be afraid. Really. Accept it. Own it. Work through it. But, whatever you do, do NOT let it own YOU. You are better than the fear.

And, just remember YOU can do this! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EJOY-EVELYN 6/15/2012 1:58PM

    While I remember the Stinger covered your remarkable story of success, did you ever follow-up with SPJOHNH and submit the Q&A and photos they requested? He's been following up regularly with a number of us (but I tell myself -- and naturally, I believe it -- that I cannot handle the celebrity that may come with it). I'm quite conflicted about this -- love the recognition yet prefer to handle it in smaller doses.

Oh how great it is to look back on how it felt when we first "lost it all." Seems we lose a bit of that high when time passes. I am at a bit of a cross roads -- teetering on the highs and lows of being both good and bad. I'm actually looking forward to my next SparkTeam challenge with the 5% group as I suspect I'll be ready to lose (once again) the 5-lb cushion that I just came to enjoy.

We're within just a couple days of our one year 100-lb anniversary -- I celebrate on July 14. I'm so happy to see that we've both made It! Congratulations on having proved you could successfully maintain such a grand weight loss!

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KRAWRS 8/11/2011 10:43PM

    "The professionals says to envision your goal.

But... what if you can't?

I couldn't. I didn't know what 160 looked like because I have never been 160."

^^^^ That's exactly where I am right now. Thank you for sharing your words. It helps. Knowing you could do it, even though you were afraid, makes me think maybe I can do it... even though I am afraid.

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SPJOHNH 8/11/2011 5:58PM

    You and me, we should be talking. You ARE a Spark People Success Story and I am the newly hired Spark People Success Story Manager. I love, love, love your story and want to talk a lot more about it.

John
(also SDJ)

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BAILEYS7OF9 8/11/2011 4:01PM

    Absolutely! Great job!!! A lot like my blog today, same thought process.. do it anyway!

emoticon emoticon

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TEENY_BIKINI 8/11/2011 3:28PM

    Excellent work, gorgeous. You are rocking it!!

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FINEBABY72 8/11/2011 12:38PM

  Congratulations! 100lbs is an awesome accomplishment! For me I wonder will I ever get into Onederland and will I stay there once I get there? Of course I will get there and of course I will stay there,because I also have been working very hard just like you! Thanks for the encouragement! emoticon

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FANGFACEKITTY 8/11/2011 12:08PM

    Congratulations on owning your fears and working through them to reach this awesome milestone!

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HDHAWK 8/11/2011 11:22AM

    All positive improvements to make you an even better and healthier you! emoticon

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RUNNER12COM 8/11/2011 11:02AM

    I think more people need to read this blog entry, so I'm doing what I can to make that happen!

http://www.sparkpeop
le.com/mypage_public_journal_in
dividual.asp?blog_id=4420604

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STITCHINGNAN 8/5/2011 4:10AM

    Where would we be without your blogs? Often reflecting how we feel ourselves. Looking at you pics I can see you have done amazingly well, its incredible Be proud of that. Maybe you are still looking for the real You, but she is there already You need to have self belief. Irene emoticon

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FRENCHTOSD 8/4/2011 12:43AM

    I'm right with you up until the well-adjusted part! Thanks for some much needed inspiration.

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WATCHMEGO2 8/3/2011 7:29AM

    That is totally my problem. I am scared to death to succeed, that is why I have closed in on it time and time again and then sabatoged to the tune of 20ish pounds. I keep saying I want it so bad but do I really? If I really wanted it that bad would I continue to stand in my own way?

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PATRICIAANN46 8/2/2011 9:42PM

  Hi Savannah.......
What a wonderful blog. You are not only helping others with the example of what you have accomplished physically, but now you are also helping others with some of the emotional ups and downs along the way. What a truly inspirational woman you are........I am so proud of you and all you are.
emoticon
Patti

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IMSMILEY88 8/2/2011 6:17PM

    Congrats on all you've achieved...and all you've learned!

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1CRAZYDOG 8/2/2011 11:40AM

    What an insightful, honest, helpful blog!!! Thank you for sharing it!

Yes, as you said in your comment re: my blog, apparently the Army just isn't meant to be for my DS. Just knew what the heck IS meant to be for him. But HE has to figure out that one.

Sorry I have been a bit AWOL with the e-mails, but you are thought of each and every day. I hope today's a good day for you, my dear!!


HUGS!
Barb

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CIVIAV 8/2/2011 9:29AM

    Oh you are so right Sister!

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FUNFROG79 8/2/2011 8:38AM

    AMAZING accompishment!!! You should be so proud that you have come so far! Congrats on your success!! emoticon

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STRIPEDTIGER 8/2/2011 8:31AM

    Wonderful!! I'm so proud of you and the fact that after you've accomplished so much your thought is to help others get there is AMAZING. You're a wonderful person!!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

Great job! Celebrate all of your hard work, not just the affects of it!!

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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 8/2/2011 8:04AM

    This is the conversation I have with myself all the time. I don't know what 160 looks like because I can't visualize it... I've never been there, I can't imagine. I am also scared of it... and the power it holds for me because I'll be unstoppable. I need to meditate on this for awhile. Thank you for re-triggering this so I can process further.

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HOPE2011 8/2/2011 5:27AM

    Thanks for saying what a lot of us have in the back of our minds - I'm glad you worked past it to success!! emoticon

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MESEATURTLE 8/2/2011 2:34AM

    Can totally relate to your blog!well said!

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VPOPPY01 8/2/2011 1:52AM

    Wow, what an amazing blog! I've been battling with this fear for at least a year. My thought process was almost identical to yours. "Who am I if I'm not big?" was my main concern which is pretty much what you posted! I'm so glad I got to hear this from "the other side!" emoticon and emoticon

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RUNNER12COM 8/2/2011 12:26AM

    I cannot wait to share this blog with everyone. You are awesome!

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New Developments!

Friday, July 29, 2011

It's been some interesting days.

Yesterday after I got home from work, a supervisor calls and tells me that Trace Adkins might stop in and work out. This was oh-so-exciting. Than, my co-worker decided he would work for me. I asked him before Trace Adkins was stopping by. I than decided I'd go to the concert. Than, this morning I saw I couldn't afford to. emoticon I was pretty bummed about it.

Than, I checked Facebook. Note to self. Do not go on Facebook in a bumming mood. I than saw my High School crush/best friend was engaged. I am over him. I realized long time ago it was a good thing we didn't have a relationship - we had different paths. It hurt to see he was engaged when I was single as ever. *sigh* I struggle with being single when I see everyone else getting engaged, having new careers, and starting families.

I tried to ignore it and emoticon which turned into a emoticon. I was being crabby about that, too. I talked to a friend about it and she was ever so kind to listen to me. So, I am okay now.

On the up side, I think I might be meeting ABSOLUTZER0 and LISAINMS in January. They are doing a half marathon in Jackson, MS and I am strongly thinking of joining them! emoticon It should be fine as long as I can manage to get the funds, which I really think I should be able to! I was researching the city and it is definitely not my cup of tea... but it will be fun to meet two amazing emoticon and even try some southern food! emoticon

In other news, I have officially lost 100#! emoticon I have try to think of somewhere to reward myself. I don't want to go out to eat, drink or buy new clothes. Why? Because I already have been doing that. I want to do something "special". More and more, I think I am going to get a tattoo so I can be reminded every single day how hard I have worked. Now, I just gotta have the money! Also, at the end of August, I am seeing Reba with my sister, Nicole, and going to the Renaissance Festival with my other sister, Jessica. That is kinda my mini-vacation before classes start again! emoticon

Oh! I almost forgot! I am most likely ending my counseling. I have ended it twice before but this time, I think is the final time. There is like nothing else to work on. Besides, it is time to learn how to manage without counseling. Once I graduate in a year, I need to be able to manage it on my own.

So, that is what is up with me for the last few days!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GETFIT2LIVE 8/1/2011 11:07PM

    CONGRATULATIONS on reaching the 100 lbs. lost mark! I think a tattoo is an awesome reward; it is a great reminder of all the hard work that you have done. I love the idea!

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ABSOLUTZER0 8/1/2011 1:13AM

    Woohoo! Reaching 100 pounds is phenomenal! I'm so proud of you! You are in store for many more accomplishments and successes.

I hope I get to see you in Jackson. I know it is not until January, but I'm looking forward to it! The race, friends, and experience is going to be sparktacular! And, I get to see the beautiful Savannah in person! What a treat!

Thinking of getting a tattoo, eh? I've thought about it, too, but I'm not sure of what.



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PATRICIAANN46 7/31/2011 3:39PM

  Hi Savannah........
100#!!!!! You are amazing!!!!! I would get WHATEVER YOU WANT to celebrate this achievement. What means the most to you is what you should decide on.
It sounds like you have many positive activities going on. And I certainly wouldn't worry about being single.......this truly is the best time of your life. I often wish that I would have remained single longer and had the complete freedom of living on my OWN with my OWN money and making my OWN decisions. Once you are married it's a whole different ballgame!
Have a great remaining summer and keep in touch.
Patti emoticon

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PINKBEANBOO 7/30/2011 9:03PM

    100# definitely deserves something special. I'd go for jewellery!
emoticon
If you get to meet LISA & CRISSY - I'll be so jealous!!!!
That Nicholas sure gets around, LOL. I'm hoping to get to meet him at the St Louis RnR.

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1CRAZYDOG 7/30/2011 12:57PM

    Good good job!!! I am so proud of you. Any thought to geting yourself a relatively decently priced bracelet?? I got a necklace (to replace one that was not working anymore). I look @ it every day. But I saw the bracelet idea somewhere on this site. You see it every day.

Anyway, just an idea!

HUGS!
Barb

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LISAINMS 7/30/2011 12:00PM

    Awesome accomplishment, Savannah! I'm not a tattoo person myself, but I have been giving thought to something that would serve as a constant reminder of how far I have come (when I do reach my goal). I think it's important for us to mark significant achievements in our lives.

I hope Crissy and her DH come to run the Blues HM, too. What kind of toursity things would interest you? I'll find some things to hopefully make your visit more interesting.

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ELLEYKAT 7/30/2011 10:56AM

    WOW! Congrats on the 100 lbs!! I think a tattoo is a great idea. =)

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CRISSYCURRY 7/30/2011 10:26AM

    Congrats on losing 100lbs!! That's amazing!!

And where do you live?? I'm thinking of running the Mississippi Blue half marathon in Jackson in January myself!!

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ERLYWA 7/30/2011 12:05AM

    Wow girl, you've got a lot going on! I know how you feel about the being single thing (see my feed that I posted before I even saw this blog! :) It can definitely get pretty lonely, I get it. But I don't believe it will be like this forever for either of us :)

CONGRATULATIONS on losing 100 lbs!! I can't wait until I can say that, but I am a ways off from that. I love your idea of a tattoo. Either that or a pretty piece of jewelry.

You will have a ball doing the half with those two!! Nicholas is running a half with me here in Tucson in Dec (well, I should say we're both running the half, but doubt we'll be running together...I'm sure I'll be waaaay behind him! LOL) and I would LOVE to run one with Lisa someday, she's pretty awesome too! You should definitely do that race with them! I need to start saving some pennies so I can go to other places to run, b/c none of my AZ friends run, and there aren't many sparkers around here. Thank goodness Nicholas is coming to do the half here or I'd be doing it alone...which I would do, but it wouldn't be nearly as fun as it will be running with a friend :)

Anyway, hang in there through these ups and downs...things will level out! :)

Erika


Comment edited on: 7/30/2011 12:05:59 AM

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VPOPPY01 7/29/2011 11:24PM

    Woo hoo! Good for you! Go get yourself a massage or treat yourself to a mani/pedi! 100# is a big deal!! You're such an inspiration! Woot woot!

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Back in training! ;)

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Okay, lately, I have gone blog crazy. Posting, posting, posting. And, than there was a vlog.

But, I am pretty excited so I gotta tell you...

I ran 6.81 miles. For some, this might not be a big deal considering I ran 13.1 miles in the beginning of June. But, since that half marathon I haven't real felt like running. In fact, I haven't been running over 3 or 4 miles. This week, before today, my longest run was 4.35 miles.

Today, I decided to skip church, and sleep in. After I got up, I wasn't "feeling" like running but did it anyhow. As long as I started, I knew it was going to be a good run. I told myself it was okay to go slow. So, I did. I usually take walking breaks but I think I took like two which was abnormal. I usually take like one for every ten minutes but no today.

I planned on giving Gu another chance... to see if it truly works for me. I think I did. I noticed it took 15 minutes before it "kicks" in... just a small note to myself. So, even if I feel great, I need to take it at 45 minutes instead of over 60 minutes like I did today.

Anyhow, today's run just reaffirmed. I am ready. I am ready to train for the Whistlestop Half Marathon that happens in mid-October. After my half marathon in June, I discovered it was the training that was the hardest part... to keep the commitment. It probably helps to know that a few of my friends from college are running. Than, recently, I found Robert, ON2VICTORY, is running it! That did it! I just had to run it! So, in the next month, I hope to sign up and maybe even find some money to stay a hotel there. I wouldn't necessary have to but it would make life easier.

So, it's official. I am back in training! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IMSMILEY88 8/2/2011 7:31PM

    That's terrific!!! And, I'm sure you'll have fun running with ON2VICTORY! enjoy your training!

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ABSOLUTZER0 7/26/2011 11:12PM

    Enjoy the training! I will be joining you for training Monday! LET'S DO THIS!

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GETFIT2LIVE 7/26/2011 6:37PM

    Yay! Sometimes the break is just what we need before going back into training. Way to go!

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CIVIAV 7/24/2011 9:09PM

    Go Savannah!

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PATRICIAANN46 7/24/2011 8:52PM

  Good For YOU, Savannah!!!!! emoticon

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ONEKIDSMOM 7/24/2011 2:36PM

    emoticon Good for you! Sometimes we need a break between events to "chill". You had it, now you're ba-ack!

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Looking Back on My Journey

Sunday, July 24, 2011


Here is a fun video of my progress. I will probably do another, a better one, in the next few days.

It seems to be taking forever... I might not be sharing afterall!

Or better yet... just go to YouTube...

www.youtube.com/watch?v=6zgJQaKcyRM

First time I posted a vlog and first time I posted on YouTube! WooHoo!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANGELSANDYBABY 7/28/2011 6:31PM

    Congrats!!
Very inspirational!!

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DAISYTERRI 7/28/2011 9:56AM

    WOW!!!! WOW!!!! Congratulations!

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1CRAZYDOG 7/25/2011 10:46PM

    I am soooo proud of how far you've come! More importantly you have lots more to accomplish out there and you're going for it! Good, good, good for you.

You look fabulous!!!

HUGS!!!!!
Bar
b

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CLEVERMOON321 7/24/2011 4:37PM

  Your Vlog almost brought tears to my eyes. I don't even know you, but I am so proud of you. You have forever changed your life! You will never know how many other lives you will touch and change. The song was a perfect choice too. I have never heard it before. What song is it?



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LAURENVC26 7/24/2011 10:12AM

    This is a fantastic vlog, and so inspiring, you've made me want to get up and go! Good luck with where ever your future takes you x

...::: Let Your Dreams Blossom :::...

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WOMANCHEF 7/24/2011 10:00AM

    Great blog! emoticon emoticon

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IMSMILEY88 7/24/2011 9:46AM

    Inspiring!!! Thanks for sharing!

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FRENCHTOSD 7/24/2011 2:31AM

    Great job on the video and it is so inspiring! Thanks for sharing.

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777SUNSHINE1 7/24/2011 1:58AM

  Such a beautiful person emerged from that former coccoon!!
Wow! emoticon emoticon

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CCPYT2006 7/24/2011 1:28AM

    Wow!!! Inspiring!!!!! emoticon emoticon

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