Monday, May 09, 2011
I feel fat.
Really. It is that simple. It doesn't matter that I am not "fat" but rather that I FEEL fat. I hate feeling fat. Why? Well, because that is why I started losing weight.
I have been eating out alot lately and it needs to stop. For awhile at least. It's not good for my wallet nor my waist line nor my self esteem. I feel gross and bloated nearly every time, never mind, guilty. I really enjoy the company... but we may need to find new activities. I know I could be strict with myself.. but the thing is.. I splurge like EVERY time. Not okay. In the beginning, it was oh, it was okay.. it's just once and a while.. and now it seems like ALL the time!
I am going to go on a cleanse of sorts (or try to). I think I am going to try to not go out to eat until the end of May. Even thinking about it, it sounds hard. It shouldn't be. It's three weeks?
Also, I want to try to go out for only "special occasions". But, what are special occasions? Thursday I went out to eat because a friend I have seen for a month or so came up to visit. Tonight I went out to celebrate a trip being paid for and her senior thesis being completed. I will have work on that kink.
In addition to that, I think I am going to start calorie counting again. Honestly, I hate it. I beat myself up about going over 100 calories... I know it's not a big deal but tell that to the side of me that wants to be "perfect" ALL the time. I know, I know. I can't be perfect... but that doesn't stop me from WANTING to be perfect and do everything perfect. Anyways, I am hoping it will keep me on track since I am faltering.
This summer those TEN little pounds ARE coming off! One way or another!!!
Sunday, May 08, 2011
Starting a new program can be very overwhelming. Ask all the new people to this site and how overwhelming a lifestyle change can be. There are all these Do's and Don'ts. When I started training for my half marathon, it was no different. It was do this or don't do that.
In the last few weeks, I have become overwhelmed by all the "rules". I didn't realize that training was so much more than just running. I not only had to watch what nutrients that were being put into my body, I now had to make sure I was getting electrolytes back into my body. If that wasn't enough, I had to worry about trying a "snack" 45 minutes into my long runs. But, the "snack" couldn't be just anything. Nope. It needs to be 15 grams of carbs for every hour or something like that.
What happened to running for the love of it?!
I am trying to put the fun back into it by finding new routes and that helps alot. Also, I am experimenting with protein shakes because, you see, my appetite has been CRAZY. I just want all the junk food in sight. The healthy food has NO appeal! If that doesn't help curve my appetite, I have decided to try new recipes.
Because of this, I am not sure if I will do another half, honestly. I just want to show up to the race. I don't want to worry about my long runs every week. I don't want to worry about not eating enough carbs or even what to eat during my long runs. I just wanna run.
Does this mean I am a runner? Perhaps.
Friday, May 06, 2011
The last few days I have been in funk with my weight loss.. and have been trying to figure out what exactly is my issue.
I am not having FUN.
In the beginning, it used to be FUN to lose weight. In fact, I was excited about trying new things, seeing my weight go down, and learning all about the journey.
Right now, I am not trying anything new. Nope. I run my miles. No big deal. Once a week, I attempt a long run and have been cutting them short so no milestone there. Even my routes are the same. When I ran at my parents that was fun and exciting as it was something 70% new!
Once classes end, I think I need to find something NEW to do as right now life is BLAND.
Or... I could find new routes to run!
Anyhow, that was ah-ha! moment.
Thursday, May 05, 2011
Yesterday I realized I needed an attitude adjustment. I am not sure why my motivation is waning after losing 90#, but it is.
I have come to the conclusion that I am going to track my calories again. *sigh* For a couple reasons. To try to refocus on it. I don't feel I NEED to count calories since I have maintained at the same weight for a few months now. I guess I have a new reason to use the tool. I want to make sure I am getting the right ratio of carbs/proteins/fats for running.
In addition to that, I have decided I am going to start tracking my fitness. I try to work out everyday and for the most part, I am pretty successful!
So, back to square one, I go.
These are my May goals...
-ST 2x a week
Wednesday, May 04, 2011
Okay, this has to stop.
I can do so much better than I am. Honestly, I'm not even trying anymore. It's ridiculous. The last ten pounds are not going to melt off without trying. Hello, reality check. Tonight, I went out to eat at Applebee's and did not eat healthy. In fact, I got pasta. An old habit. And, I didn't even feel bad about it. Once and awhile isn't so bad.. but in the last few days, I know I have not been watching my calories or caring.
This has to stop. Seriously.
On top of that, I seem to be like, "Oh, it's okay... it for my half marathon training." Deep down, I know that is just a really lame excuse. If I don't get back to what I was doing, I WILL gain the weight back, a fear of mine. Maybe it will be easier once the end of the semester and finals are done. But, you know what? That is another excuses. Since starting this journey, I never let myself let the obstacles be excuses. I SO can do better. In fact, it seems I will have some extra time since I will be working less and three of my four classes have cancelled some of their classes.
Maybe I need to just say goodbye to the old me. Check out Mandisa's Say Goodbye! LOVE it!!!
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