Sunday, April 24, 2011
I need some serious support.
Right now, I feel like all the wind has been taken out of sails. This morning I tried to do my 6 mile run. The run turned into a 3 mile stop-and-go walk. This is not good. I needed to do my long run. How am I supposed to run 13 miles if I can't run 6?! *sigh* I am scared that if I don't get these 6 miles done soon, I won't be able to do the Half Marathon.
Honestly, I think it has alot to do with my emotions this morning. Before I even hit the trail at 9:30 am, I talked with my sister. She was talking about her youngest daughter. It made me really sad because I haven't seen her since New Year's. Than, I texted my other sister "Happy Easter" and she replied that it was a bummer I couldn't come down for Easter. On top of that, one of my friends sucked the energy out of me. Basically, she needed my support without even asking me how I am. Lately, she seems to always need my support and I get nothing in return. I find I do that with a few friends and so I am trying to be a better friend.
When I started to run, I was maybe going as fast as when I walk. It was such a struggle. So, I gave in. I than walked down on the rocks by Lake Superior. Listening to the water crash on the shores, I let the tears fall. Eventually, I walked back to my car.
Than, when I came back to my room, I did some homework than went to work. After work, I ran TWO miles. Even through it is something, my head is saying it is not good enough. You NEED to run the six miles. Part of me, just wants to give up. Throw in the towel. The other part of me is like I AM going to do this even IF I have to crawl over that finishing line. I feel like I am not going to be ready to run 13 miles on June 5th! In fact, if I had to do this over again, I'd want more time. With that said, I started right after I was sick for a month. So, I couldn't have started earlier.
So, those are my doubts.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
The two main headlines I have about myself today is that I weighed in I ran FIVE miles and weighed in at 167!
I won't be 167 tomorrow, lol.
I don't track my calories all that much but rather listen to my body. Besides having two bowls of cereal, my regular lunch, a couple snacks, my friend and I went out to supper. It was only going to be ice cream but I seriously felt like I was starving and was going to eat someone's arm off.
Well, I ate and ate and ate. Seriously. My stomach was a bottomless pit tonight. I easily ate half the pizza, no problem. Than, afterwards we went out for Coldstone Creamery.. YUM!
The thing was I didn't even start feeling full until the last piece. So, how does this all play out? I mean.. did I overeat, if I listened to my body?
Oh! I also drank like SIX glasses of water before the pizza.
Someone explain this one to me because as an Exercise Science major, I have NO idea where I put it all. Isn't your stomach supposed to be as big as your fist?
The only thing I can think of is that my body needed the calories with all the running I have been doing. My eating has been like being on an emotional roller coaster! Up. Down. Up. Up. Down. I barely can keep up but I try to just feed me!
Hope everyone had a fantastic night, like I did!
Sunday, April 17, 2011
I always thought when I arrived at the maintenance stage, I would know by the number on the scale. Like once I reached 160, than I could stop losing weight.
In all actuality, I think I slowly fell into it.
I no longer count calories and half the time I forget to put in the fitness tracker. Counting calories was a great tool in the beginning to get my eating under control. Now, I know when I am behaving or not.
I guess I just do not find as much joy in losing a pound or two as reaching a new running milestone. I do not think there is anything wrong with this. I just have a drive for running rather losing weight.
It is actually funny because people lately have been asking me if I have lost weight. Nope, just been doing some strength training. Basically, I am getting toning up while maintaining weight.
My tummy has gotten flatter, I swear. I really wish I knew why suddenly the fat on my tummy is disappearing. Not that I am complaining, but I need to know so I can keep it up! In fact, if I suck my tummy in, I swear I see a little six-pack forming... tehehe!
Also, I think I am getting stronger. I orientate people on weight machines as part of my job. Yesterday, I went to work to lift for myself and I noticed I need to increase weight. Since starting to use the machines, I have NEVER increased my weight. Like I didn't need to as I have been still struggling with the weight. I think the change was in the last month or so, I have been trying to focus more on free weight training. I think it is working.
I remember one night I was bored at work, so I was going to do the Rotary Torso (working the obliques) while chatting with members that were lifting. Mind you, I never use this machine because, well, I have a strong dislike for it. I had to increase my weight! This is after a month or so working the obliques with the medicine ball and doing planks! This was quite exciting for me!
Friday, April 15, 2011
Some people say you reflect yourself with the individuals you surround yourself with and hang out with.
There is a friend that seems to be sucking all the energy out of me. She talks while I listen. It doesn't seem to be a 2-way street anymore. Because of this, I find I am actually more stressed after we talk and when I do see one of my other friends, I pour all this stress onto them. So, in a round about way, I am being a poor friend because I have poor friends. I used to be a good friend. I used to love to listen.
In fact, today I was really stressed.. to the point of being nauseous.. and I poured all my "stuff" out which helped alot. In fact, I made some hard decisions that meant being true to me and doing what is best for me. Eventually, I was feeling better until I talked to her. Like, I was restored a little bit than she took it ALL way. *sigh* Something has to change. This is no good. I actually dread talking to her.. because she seems to ask how I am only so we can talk about HER for hours. I'm tired.
Anyhow... I did survive this week.
This weekend I hope to take care of ME and to re-energize!
- No chatting with negative "friend"
- Running 6 miles (first time ever for that!)
- Relaxing by watching the FIVE movies I rented
- Attending church and maybe being able to attend the meal afterwards
- Working on homework... whatever I get done will be a plus! :)
By the way, I only have to work like FOUR hours this weekend... that is like having the weekend off! Woohoo!
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