Sunday, March 27, 2011
Yesterday my status was: "THECRAZYMANGO has crossed over to the emotional eating side... "
Let me explain...
I was really down, lonely, and missing people. [Today is the last day of Spring Break.] My friend asked if I wanted to go out to eat before some other birthday festivities that were supposed to happen. Sure, sounds like fun. Almost immediately I was thinking about drowning my loneliness in Applebee's lava cake. I didn't get lava cake.. but I did get a drink, wings, and a brownie bite. Okay, not exactly the lowest in calories.
So, why didn't blog about my feelings?
Well, it's not exactly positive stuff. If I can help it, I like to put out positive energy rather negative energy, especially in a positive place like Sparkpeople.
So, what what was my deal?
I guess "my deal" was a few things. The primarily was that I have been stressing about my job at the YMCA. I love what I do but how management operates really needs a reality check. Basically, I feel like my boss is telling me to play games with the night supervisor... oh wait, she did, in an email. Above all other things, I really cannot stand games of any sort. I feel games are very manipulative on people. They are just not right. Anyhow, I have been seriously considering quitting. I don't want to work for people like that. There are some leadership positions that I am going to apply for. If I get it, I will quit. Also, if I quit, I know I will miss the members that I chat with on a regular basis. Any advice on this front?
Another thing I was dealing with is just overall grumpiness. My spring break, honestly, kinda sucked. I worked until Tuesday afternoon. I was going to go home on Wednesday but than the blizzard happened. I had to work on Saturday so it didn't make sense to go home Wednesday afternoon to only return. I guess I was grumpy, more or less, because I couldn't go home to see my parents. I haven't seen them since New Year's.
They were going to take me to supper but they'd have to drive a hour away. With gas prices, I realized how expensive this could be for them. I have been procrastinating with paying my 1/2 marathon registration so I told them they could pay it instead of supper. At first, my dad said that he didn't want to do that and he'd rather see me. Oh. Okay. So, I started to get excited than they told me last night because it was so complicated (when it really wasn't) with our schedules that'd pay for my registration. Kinda disappointed that I won't be seeing my parents for another month. *sigh* But, I will have registration paid for. Woo-hoo!
Another thing that was added to this emotional pot was how I am dreading tomorrow. Everyone is going to be like I went here and here... and you know what? I don't want to hear it. Also, I am dreading to going to the class with the cheater situation. One of them asked me to move back to where they are sitting 'cuz I moved. I said I'd think about it. Well, I thought about it. And, I don't wanna! *stomps foot* I am just nervous that she will make some side comments like she did last time.
Okay... so that's that!
If you made it through that negative storm, I do have positive news for you!
I am having a good day and started going to church again. When I started dating my ex, it kinda just fell to the roadside. I forgot how much love those people give. When I go, I feel like I can soak up the love. In fact, at one point, we go around saying Hi and hugging. Yup, I hug strangers.
After feeling all loved, I went for my long run... which finished week two of my training! YES! It didn't seem all that long (it was 4 miles) but I know as I get more into training, I will have longer runs.
For the rest of the day, I cleaned my room. It was starting to look like a tornado touched down. Not okay with me!
So my plans for this week...
-Do my short run on Wednesday outside [It is supposed to be around 45]
-Officially register for my 1/2 marathon
-Turn 25 on Friday
-Go to the casino on Saturday
Have a wonderful week everyone!
Friday, March 25, 2011
Lately, I have been examining the support in my life. Honestly, before coming to Sparkpeople, it was majorly slacking. In fact, I know support has been essential for me in this journey and could have not came as far I have if it has not been my friends here on Sparkpeople.
Even through my family has never seen me at a race, more and more, I realize my friends are very supportive of me.
In fact, I have a friend that runs the CASDA 5K with me every year. In the beginning, it started because it was my first race and now we just run it together. We don't really hang out anymore but we run it together.
Another friend of mine, last July took pictures of me. These are the first photos I have of me running at a 5K.
Tonight, I was hanging out at Perkins with LORIBELLZ. My training came up as I looking through my old running magazines for phrases to put on a motivational board. She mentioned she is going to try to be there with a big sign saying "Go Savannah Go" with a big foam finger. I have never had anyone cheer for me. I am not sure what would make me more happy.. having friends cheering me on or completing the 1/2 marathon!
In that moment, I realized how very lucky I was to have the good friends I do have in my life. They are always supportive of me and want to help cheer me on to succeed. This means so much to me!
If you have ever cheered me on...
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Okay, this is something I should have written a few years ago when I started this journey. But, honestly, I never believed in myself or getting to my ultimate weight loss goal of 100# so I didn't bother to examine what my expectations were.
Maybe it was the fact that my family was not supportive of me. Sometimes it is hard to believe in yourself when you are surrounded by people that do not believe in you! Since joining Sparkpeople, I was surrounded by caring, supportive people. Without them, I am not sure I could have made it this far.
Now that I have nearly made it to my ultimate goal, I have been in panic mode for most of March. But, why? I have been working for the last two years for this, why am I suddenly afraid? Am I afraid that I won't meet my expectations? Did I even have expectations?
Yup, I did.
These are really the main ones that I know I am still struggling with. I know they won't magically happen just because the little mechanical scale says 160. Wouldn't that be nice?! Ha! They are measurements that is MORE important than any scale will ever be.
TONED like advertised in magazines.
ACCEPTANCE by friends and family.
LOVE myself unconditionally.
Did I really just say they are more important than the scale? Acceptance is really that important to me? It is so important to me that I am going to measure it by what someone else thinks of me? I need to re-think that!
What about my other achievements and obstacles I have overcome? Do they mean nothing to me?
Back to the thinking box...
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
I have been on Spring Break for a few days but today was the first day I actually felt on vacation.
Oh, wait. I lied.
I guess it felt like I was on vacation on Friday when I went to Olive Garden and shopping. I had an amazing time. We didn't buy much but I laughed alot... totally what I needed!
Than, from Saturday to Tuesday, I worked. Than, after working nearly 30 hours, drama came. I don't want to get too much into it but let's just say I am highly considering quitting and working on campus in leadership positions.
With that said, I was kinda lost today, my first day off, with no worries. I got up at 9 am to help someone make cupcakes before I went home. Than, my mom informed me that after getting a foot of snow, the roads weren't plowed... this was at noon. So, I accepted that my spring break was going to be spent on campus. Not exactly my idea of "fun" but oh well.. I will make it fun, gosh darn it.
I was feeling super tired.. so I took a nap. It was the third one since break. And, I never take naps! Apparently, I am a bit tired... so hopefully, I can catch up on my sleep and maybe work ahead on my homework in the next few days.
Oh one thing I didn't cover.
This morning I bounced into 160-ville again. By accident. This means I lost like a pound. Most people would be celebrating. I am not so much. I want to stay in 170-ville. It is comfortable there. I don't know what to expect I am in 160-ville. I don't belong there. I kinda feel like a fraud there, honestly. I see pictures of people that are in their 160s. I am not small like that. Or am I? Maybe I need to get some new glasses.
Recently, I brought two new sundresses. I am not used to looking decent.. okay, good, in dresses. In these dresses, I don't have to cover up. I just feel a bit more naked than I normally am. I think my mom might be envious. She used to wear sundresses.. and when I told her I got sundresses.. she is like why. Well, mom, why not?
I guess... also with with being in 160-ville, it means I am closer to my goal weight. We all have expectations of our goal weight. One of mine were to have these amazing abs and be super toned. You know.. like you see in the magazines. Apparently, I thought they were going to just appear even through I wasn't consistently seriously working on being toned.
I think also being in 160-ville means I am a different person. Maybe. I am more confident. But, no, I still am ME... just a stronger, better me. That is all I have ever wanted to be. A better me. I have never wanted to be someone in the magazine.. minus the abs bit. I know I will never be 6'2" nor do I want to be. Because of my height and pixy haircut, I am described as "cute".
I think I need to write all my expectations of being in 160-ville to overcome this mental obstacle so you might just hear about this again!
This is how my Spring Break has been so far!
Sunday, March 20, 2011
This week was my first week of training. Not gonna lie, it was rocky. It wasn't rocky because I felt I couldn't do it. No, it was midterms. This means I had to juggle studying for midterms, papers, and training. I could not push running aside like I can do with my other fitness if life gets too crazy.
Well, on Tuesday, I ran. Than, on Thursday, I went through an depressive episode... lots of crying.. so I didn't know if it was going to happen. But, than the sun was shining and it was irresistible. This was when I went puddle jumping. I probably ran only a mile or so.. and walked the rest. But, that's okay.
Yesterday, I was going to run... but I took a nap at say 5 pm and didn't get out of bed until this morning, for work, lol. I really wanted to run outside today but BRR! It was chilly and rainy cold to do that! So, Sparkfriends that get my weather a couple days later than I do, enjoy the sun!!! I AM quite proud that I did 4.25 miles in 60 minutes today. Also, this week it seems like my pace, on the treadmill at least, is getting faster.
I was looking at my training schedule... and just had this feeling.. this is going to be FUN!
It is going to be fun to challenge myself to a new level!
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