Friday, March 25, 2011
Lately, I have been examining the support in my life. Honestly, before coming to Sparkpeople, it was majorly slacking. In fact, I know support has been essential for me in this journey and could have not came as far I have if it has not been my friends here on Sparkpeople.
Even through my family has never seen me at a race, more and more, I realize my friends are very supportive of me.
In fact, I have a friend that runs the CASDA 5K with me every year. In the beginning, it started because it was my first race and now we just run it together. We don't really hang out anymore but we run it together.
Another friend of mine, last July took pictures of me. These are the first photos I have of me running at a 5K.
Tonight, I was hanging out at Perkins with LORIBELLZ. My training came up as I looking through my old running magazines for phrases to put on a motivational board. She mentioned she is going to try to be there with a big sign saying "Go Savannah Go" with a big foam finger. I have never had anyone cheer for me. I am not sure what would make me more happy.. having friends cheering me on or completing the 1/2 marathon!
In that moment, I realized how very lucky I was to have the good friends I do have in my life. They are always supportive of me and want to help cheer me on to succeed. This means so much to me!
If you have ever cheered me on...
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Okay, this is something I should have written a few years ago when I started this journey. But, honestly, I never believed in myself or getting to my ultimate weight loss goal of 100# so I didn't bother to examine what my expectations were.
Maybe it was the fact that my family was not supportive of me. Sometimes it is hard to believe in yourself when you are surrounded by people that do not believe in you! Since joining Sparkpeople, I was surrounded by caring, supportive people. Without them, I am not sure I could have made it this far.
Now that I have nearly made it to my ultimate goal, I have been in panic mode for most of March. But, why? I have been working for the last two years for this, why am I suddenly afraid? Am I afraid that I won't meet my expectations? Did I even have expectations?
Yup, I did.
These are really the main ones that I know I am still struggling with. I know they won't magically happen just because the little mechanical scale says 160. Wouldn't that be nice?! Ha! They are measurements that is MORE important than any scale will ever be.
TONED like advertised in magazines.
ACCEPTANCE by friends and family.
LOVE myself unconditionally.
Did I really just say they are more important than the scale? Acceptance is really that important to me? It is so important to me that I am going to measure it by what someone else thinks of me? I need to re-think that!
What about my other achievements and obstacles I have overcome? Do they mean nothing to me?
Back to the thinking box...
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
I have been on Spring Break for a few days but today was the first day I actually felt on vacation.
Oh, wait. I lied.
I guess it felt like I was on vacation on Friday when I went to Olive Garden and shopping. I had an amazing time. We didn't buy much but I laughed alot... totally what I needed!
Than, from Saturday to Tuesday, I worked. Than, after working nearly 30 hours, drama came. I don't want to get too much into it but let's just say I am highly considering quitting and working on campus in leadership positions.
With that said, I was kinda lost today, my first day off, with no worries. I got up at 9 am to help someone make cupcakes before I went home. Than, my mom informed me that after getting a foot of snow, the roads weren't plowed... this was at noon. So, I accepted that my spring break was going to be spent on campus. Not exactly my idea of "fun" but oh well.. I will make it fun, gosh darn it.
I was feeling super tired.. so I took a nap. It was the third one since break. And, I never take naps! Apparently, I am a bit tired... so hopefully, I can catch up on my sleep and maybe work ahead on my homework in the next few days.
Oh one thing I didn't cover.
This morning I bounced into 160-ville again. By accident. This means I lost like a pound. Most people would be celebrating. I am not so much. I want to stay in 170-ville. It is comfortable there. I don't know what to expect I am in 160-ville. I don't belong there. I kinda feel like a fraud there, honestly. I see pictures of people that are in their 160s. I am not small like that. Or am I? Maybe I need to get some new glasses.
Recently, I brought two new sundresses. I am not used to looking decent.. okay, good, in dresses. In these dresses, I don't have to cover up. I just feel a bit more naked than I normally am. I think my mom might be envious. She used to wear sundresses.. and when I told her I got sundresses.. she is like why. Well, mom, why not?
I guess... also with with being in 160-ville, it means I am closer to my goal weight. We all have expectations of our goal weight. One of mine were to have these amazing abs and be super toned. You know.. like you see in the magazines. Apparently, I thought they were going to just appear even through I wasn't consistently seriously working on being toned.
I think also being in 160-ville means I am a different person. Maybe. I am more confident. But, no, I still am ME... just a stronger, better me. That is all I have ever wanted to be. A better me. I have never wanted to be someone in the magazine.. minus the abs bit. I know I will never be 6'2" nor do I want to be. Because of my height and pixy haircut, I am described as "cute".
I think I need to write all my expectations of being in 160-ville to overcome this mental obstacle so you might just hear about this again!
This is how my Spring Break has been so far!
Sunday, March 20, 2011
This week was my first week of training. Not gonna lie, it was rocky. It wasn't rocky because I felt I couldn't do it. No, it was midterms. This means I had to juggle studying for midterms, papers, and training. I could not push running aside like I can do with my other fitness if life gets too crazy.
Well, on Tuesday, I ran. Than, on Thursday, I went through an depressive episode... lots of crying.. so I didn't know if it was going to happen. But, than the sun was shining and it was irresistible. This was when I went puddle jumping. I probably ran only a mile or so.. and walked the rest. But, that's okay.
Yesterday, I was going to run... but I took a nap at say 5 pm and didn't get out of bed until this morning, for work, lol. I really wanted to run outside today but BRR! It was chilly and rainy cold to do that! So, Sparkfriends that get my weather a couple days later than I do, enjoy the sun!!! I AM quite proud that I did 4.25 miles in 60 minutes today. Also, this week it seems like my pace, on the treadmill at least, is getting faster.
I was looking at my training schedule... and just had this feeling.. this is going to be FUN!
It is going to be fun to challenge myself to a new level!
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Today, the mental stress of this week started to get to me. If you don't know what I am talking about, read the previous blog. Anyhow, today I decided to get out of the building because it was fairly nice. I decided to go across the bridge and buy myself some running tights. I have meaning to get some for a long time. It was a great excuse to get away from campus and all it's associated stress.
When I started shopping, the guy asked if I needed help. By golly, I do. As he was helping me, he asked what size I am. I explained I have lost a chunk of weight and I wasn't sure. He figured a medium.
Do you know what this means?! I actually do look like a medium to other people! I ended up buying some capri tights and a new sports bra. Probably the most expensive sports bra I have ever brought! Seriously! But, I tuck my Ipod and phone in my bra when I run and well, when they can fall out when I run and bend over.. there IS a problem! Way too much space I am thinking!
Anywho... I was still down today. In fact, I have cried several times today. Not sure if I am in a depression episode or not. Even if I am, I can't do much but to deal with it. So as I was being all down in my room, the starting shining into my room.
And, I had a go off. A nice relaxing stroll sounded nice!
I was going to run today which I tried but I had a headache from crying so much that I decided I was going to treat myself to walk. I never really walk anymore... it's too slow and I get inpatient, lol.
It was nice to have the relaxing gait and to enjoy the sunshine out. Towards half way through my walk, there was this HUGE puddle from today's earlier rain and with the snow melting.
I only had ONE choice: To go through it.
And, who walks through a puddle? Um, no one!
Yup, I through it. It was kinda fun.. so I just kept running.. and boy, were there enough puddles to keep me entertained. At first I was concerned about my fairly new running shoes, than I was like.. ah, they will dry.
Than, there were no more puddles.
But, it was good. I ended up doing those 2 miles in like 30 minutes.
And, more importantly, it did kinda cheer me up!
By the way, now that I can run outside again, I gotta work on pacing myself. In the beginning, when I tried to run, I started too fast but I had a better grasp on it towards the end when I was pudding jumping! Oh, also, puddle jumping is great training for the Warrior Race, hehe!
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