Saturday, March 12, 2011
A "friend" and I were chatting about shopping. It is that time again.. where I need new jeans. Honestly, I have been putting it off. I still have this "pouch" on my tummy that spills over when I have jeans and I hate jean shopping when pretty much all the jeans I try on will have the muffin top effect.
In fact, I feel more sexy and confident in my workout clothes than my jeans. I hate wearing my jeans. They make me feel gross and sloppy. So, I think I wear them like once a week. Thank goodness for being an Exercise Science major where I can get away with that... and no one thinks about it. It's amazing a couple years ago, it was the opposite. I was more comfortable in jeans than workout pants.
Anyhow, my "friend" was like you need mom jeans. Huh? She explained to me that it will cover the extra skin.
Um... I don't have saggy skin.
She than explained her sister lost like 90# (same amount of me right now) and has saggy skin.
Let's right here... this is the VERY reason, even as much as I hate strength training, I try to do some strength training, even if is light.
I explained I do not have saggy skin... and she promptly looked me up and down [discretely]. Go ahead and look. Just try finding it! I may be squishy in certain areas like my darn stomach and hips but I do NOT have saggy skin from losing weight fast.
Oh, wait... I did it slowly. As long as you lose weight slowly and strength training, the "experts" tell me that saggy skin will not be an issue.
Oh by the way, I am debating... tattoo or no tattoo. I want a phenoix for all the weight I have lost but I can figure out where I want it... I want to be able to see it everyday, as a reminder, of my determination and strength. I have been thinking on the back of my calf. But, how will it change if my calves get more defined... you know from all the I will be doing for the rest of my life!
Friday, March 11, 2011
Recently, I have come to a new realization. The no longer holds the happiness it once did.
Yes, I still get if the scale doesn't move... but.. also, I don't get as about losing a pound. In fact, I get the total opposite. I get when I break into a new ville like 160-ville. Also, I tend to hit the panic button. I find I am happier when I forget the exists.
The scale not exist?!!! WHAT?!
For the last two years, I have been weighing regularly... but now I have noticed I get when I reached a new mile or time when .
Maybe it is because challenges me.
Losing weight no longer does. It used to be a game to me.. In fact, it kinda bores me. I know if I do x, y, z, I WILL lose weight.
For Spring Break, I will be going home for a few days. After that, I won't be home until the weekend of April 29th. I am thinking of taking a break from it. And, just focusing on ... and maybe even learning to me!!!
Anyhow, this is what is kinda on my mind today. Off to class to learn about the Digestive System. [Sense the sarcasm!]
Wednesday, March 09, 2011
For the last few weeks, I have been on an intramural soccer team. I am the weakest link. I really am. Every night, I have an internal battle with myself. There is ALOT of internal negative talk. Basically summed up, it says: "You aren't good enough, you never will be."
Since being in counseling for the last couple years, I have learned I want to perfect. While it is a curse, it also helped drive my weight loss. In the beginning, I had to be in my calorie range and my fitness range. In fact, when I did not do something perfect, like stay in my calorie range, I would get extremely upset.
After losing 90#, I find I still want perfection. When will I be enough for ME? Not for anyone else, but for ME. It really makes me wonder if I will ever be happy with me. In fact, if anything goes wrong in my day, even if it's not my fault, I have serious negative talk issues. Today a friend told me how great I looked... while I smiled and said "Thank You" gracefully.. it felt like swallowing my pride, and I was thinking, "It's not good enough." When will it be good enough? Will I ever reach MY own expectations?!
I guess this question concerns me because pretty soon, hopefully in 10#, I need to be able to say I am okay with me... even with the imperfections. That will be a huge deal for me.
Tuesday, March 08, 2011
In the last few days, I have been kinda in a grumpy mood for a variety of reasons.
When I get this way, I try to not blog. If I do try to blog, it just doesn't work. Besides, there is already enough bad "juju" in the world, I really do not need to add it. I feel energy feeds on each other, whether it is negative or positive.
In the last couple days, I was reminded of a great lesson: laughter IS the best medicine. Yesterday, I wasn't feeling too keen on people. I wasn't grumpy but I didn't exactly want to interact with people either. I usually search people out.. but not yesterday.
I chatted with one of my friends and he made me laugh for like a couple hours. I think it was best invested two hours I ever had! Afterwards, I felt so much better and even woke up peaceful and happy today.
Laughter is really the best medicine for life's stresses.
Sunday, March 06, 2011
Earlier today, I wrote a blog. It was negative and crabby. No good. I try to put out good, positive energy into the world.. or at the very least.. into Sparkpeople. So, I deleted it. It's gone forever. Good riddance.
But, I did want to blog today in a positive way so here is a video for those that are struggling with your journey right now.
Yup, that's right.
"Don't Stop Believing."
And, for those, like me, that have gone a bit crazy with exercise since joining the journey.
"She's a Maniac."
By the way, I woke up with this last song stuck in my head!
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