Friday, March 11, 2011
Recently, I have come to a new realization. The no longer holds the happiness it once did.
Yes, I still get if the scale doesn't move... but.. also, I don't get as about losing a pound. In fact, I get the total opposite. I get when I break into a new ville like 160-ville. Also, I tend to hit the panic button. I find I am happier when I forget the exists.
The scale not exist?!!! WHAT?!
For the last two years, I have been weighing regularly... but now I have noticed I get when I reached a new mile or time when .
Maybe it is because challenges me.
Losing weight no longer does. It used to be a game to me.. In fact, it kinda bores me. I know if I do x, y, z, I WILL lose weight.
For Spring Break, I will be going home for a few days. After that, I won't be home until the weekend of April 29th. I am thinking of taking a break from it. And, just focusing on ... and maybe even learning to me!!!
Anyhow, this is what is kinda on my mind today. Off to class to learn about the Digestive System. [Sense the sarcasm!]
Wednesday, March 09, 2011
For the last few weeks, I have been on an intramural soccer team. I am the weakest link. I really am. Every night, I have an internal battle with myself. There is ALOT of internal negative talk. Basically summed up, it says: "You aren't good enough, you never will be."
Since being in counseling for the last couple years, I have learned I want to perfect. While it is a curse, it also helped drive my weight loss. In the beginning, I had to be in my calorie range and my fitness range. In fact, when I did not do something perfect, like stay in my calorie range, I would get extremely upset.
After losing 90#, I find I still want perfection. When will I be enough for ME? Not for anyone else, but for ME. It really makes me wonder if I will ever be happy with me. In fact, if anything goes wrong in my day, even if it's not my fault, I have serious negative talk issues. Today a friend told me how great I looked... while I smiled and said "Thank You" gracefully.. it felt like swallowing my pride, and I was thinking, "It's not good enough." When will it be good enough? Will I ever reach MY own expectations?!
I guess this question concerns me because pretty soon, hopefully in 10#, I need to be able to say I am okay with me... even with the imperfections. That will be a huge deal for me.
Tuesday, March 08, 2011
In the last few days, I have been kinda in a grumpy mood for a variety of reasons.
When I get this way, I try to not blog. If I do try to blog, it just doesn't work. Besides, there is already enough bad "juju" in the world, I really do not need to add it. I feel energy feeds on each other, whether it is negative or positive.
In the last couple days, I was reminded of a great lesson: laughter IS the best medicine. Yesterday, I wasn't feeling too keen on people. I wasn't grumpy but I didn't exactly want to interact with people either. I usually search people out.. but not yesterday.
I chatted with one of my friends and he made me laugh for like a couple hours. I think it was best invested two hours I ever had! Afterwards, I felt so much better and even woke up peaceful and happy today.
Laughter is really the best medicine for life's stresses.
Sunday, March 06, 2011
Earlier today, I wrote a blog. It was negative and crabby. No good. I try to put out good, positive energy into the world.. or at the very least.. into Sparkpeople. So, I deleted it. It's gone forever. Good riddance.
But, I did want to blog today in a positive way so here is a video for those that are struggling with your journey right now.
Yup, that's right.
"Don't Stop Believing."
And, for those, like me, that have gone a bit crazy with exercise since joining the journey.
"She's a Maniac."
By the way, I woke up with this last song stuck in my head!
Thursday, March 03, 2011
Apparently this morning I was going to live up to my username of THECRAZYMANGO and be healthy crazy today! I haven't done this in such a LONG time. I forgot how much I love the challenge!
Boy, did I go a bit crazy with the exercise today.
I did 3 miles on the bike for one of my assessment class. We are learning a new test and someone needed to be the person to be tested so I basically I got to "work out" in class.
After class, I decided to work out... and did another 3 miles on the bike in like 15 minutes. Than, I decided to run. I did a mile before I was like "forget this"! I gave up and moved onto some strength training. Since I don't EVER do strength training, I should get a for that! I did some tricep and squat business with kettlebells. Than, I pulled up the Sparkpeople app (which I LOVE when wifi is working because I can try new exercise so easily) and did some medicine ball moves.. and finished with three 20 second planks! Feeling pretty sweaty and pretty good (except for only running one mile).. I went home. A few hours later (after buying a new CUTE swim suit), I found myself in the pool doing some laps and treading!
Than, comes the food part....
I was supposed to go out to eat with a friend at a Mexican restaurant tonight so I was trying to eat light. It ends up we won't be going but rather tomorrow. No big deal.
I did make plans with a different friend to go to Applebee's. Did you know they now have their nutritional values online? So.. not feeling motivated to work on homework, I did something I haven't done in ages! I logged all my calories today. Right on track at 1300 calories. Than, because I know I have worked out more than usually, I looked at my daily differential and it was -1100. In other words, I can eat 1100 calories and should still maintain. I pulled up the nutritional menu... poured over it... looked at what has what calories.. looked at the sodium.. and picked out what I am going to order a hour or so before I am even going to be leaving! Now, that is planning at it's best!!! By the way, I decided on...
Without the shrimp...
It will put me back around 300 calories or so. I can handle that!
So, I am feeling pretty good.. kinda even strong and invincible, hehe!
Last night, I was feeling pretty about getting SUPER close to my goal weight when I should be . I think it was more that I was sad that my weight loss journey is ending... than a went off. It will be SO much easier to train for events like a half marathon if I am already at goal weight. I've heard so many times that it is hard to lose weight and to train for an event... it CAN be done.. but it can be a struggle! Than, I was like... it will be hard to lose weight once my body is used to running and has adjusted.
Than, this morning the said: 167.6. A number I don't remember seeing in my adult life.... EVER! So, it was like GAME ON! I felt like there was MY challenge and it even makes it fun!
How is your weight loss "fun"?
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