Tuesday, November 17, 2009
On this weight loss journey, it seems like no one really sees my bad days. We all have bad days. I am going to tell you about my bad eating day. Before I tell you about my bad eating day, I should probably tell you the reason for it. The reason for it is: stress. Somehow, I do not think that came as a huge surprise. More specifically, the stress is that I am in a harassment situation at school and it is quite serious. I think it was just all getting to me. On Friday, when I learned that it went to the Dean's counsel and I got mediated because of it, I stayed home and relaxed. Than Saturday, I got out of town and visited my aunt. That was really nice and relaxing. As soon as I got back into town and saw my building, I felt the stress come back. *deep breath* On Sunday, I went on a really long walk and lifted after wards. I ended up being gone four hours. I no longer want to be in the building or in my room because all I do is think about it. I don't want to think about it anymore. That is also another reason I haven't gone to class today because all I do is think about it and not really focus on the class. Like yesterday, I went to stats and doodled the whole class period and I doubt I learned anything. I tried to focus but just couldn't.
Anyhow, that brings us to yesterday and my eating habits. Overall, I probably did not have a bad day eating but than I went shopping with Will and you know what I needed to emotionally eat. I tried relaxing. I tried exercise. Neither of those worked, so I defaulted back to what I have done for years. I ate. What did I eat? A whole box of swiss roll cakes except one. Will made sure to have one so I couldn't say I had the whole box.. haha! Than after that, I went out for a drink with Bobby which probably was not the least amount of calories but at that point, I didn't care. It was really nice. I got to sit and relax. We joked around and it was so nice to not feel. That is also the reason I slept in today.. I couldn't handle feeling or thinking about it anymore so I ignored it by sleeping in.. and ignoring life.
Anyhow, after yesterday, I was like I really do not want to weigh myself today - especially after that box of swiss roll cakes. Sunday I gained two pounds after going to Chinese on Saturday which made me 225.8 and this morning I was 225.2. So, I guess my emotionally eating really wasn't that bad.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
As some of you already know, yesterday, emotionally, I did not have an especially good day. I was struggling with some of my issues with some of my friends. To be honest, I think it just did not felt like anyone cared. After I ate at the cafeteria alone, I checked my mail, and I got a card from my aunt saying how she is proud of me and I am an inspiration. It was great. I was going to go study but I decided to go back to my (dorm) room.
I ran into a couple people and talked to them. I ended up hanging out with two of those people. Both people were like, "Why didn't you text me?!" I found this kinda ironic since I did not even think about it. But, apparently, they needed someone to have supper with. Haha. It was kinda nice and I think I will call one of them next time. Anyhow, one of the two people I hung out with was an old friend with a heart condition (He is 21 and recently had a pacemaker put in).
Anyhow, I was feeling down and he invited me on Sunday for eggnog so last night I was like this sounds like it could be soothing for my soul. I went down there and since he couldn't drive and we live 5 blocks away he didn't eat yet and this was 8 pm. We decided to go get him food and ended up going to Chinese.
First, I was like I shouldn't. On the other hand, I have not had Chinese since back in June so I figured it was okay. I treated myself. With having lost so much weight, my stomach got smaller. I made sure not to over eat. The problem with this is now I have FIVE box of chinese. Granted it is five small chinese boxes but still! I felt like I could not eat it because it will ruin my day for calories. I decided this was enough and looked up the calories for it. I do not think it is neccessary terrible if I try to eat the serving size. If you are curious, they are as the following:
Chinese, chicken - 364 calories
Chicken fried rice, 2 cups - 542 calories
Okay, with that said, I had sesame chicken which I am thinking since 3 oz is a serving size that I can have like 4-5 chunks of chicken. What do you think? Also, I know I would not eat TWO cups of rice. When I do eat rice, in general, I limit myself to just one cup and this would not be any different so when it is broken down like that it really isn't that bad.
With all that said, I am not feeling guilty about my Chinese. I needed to be with friends that nice and not in my room alone and I can eat my Chinese within reason! How exciting!
On a side note, I thought I would update you about my weightloss. Yesterday, I weighed 222.6 and this morning 225.8. Yep, three pounds, *sigh*. As HEIDSO said, I could be retaining water - I've had a bunch of sodium this week. I guess I kinda blamed it on my Chinese when in reaility I think that was part of it. I haven't gone on the elliptical for a couple days. Rather I have been taking walks and I know, for me, I do not burn as many calories because, well, my body is used to walks now. Haha! Anyhow, tomorrow I plan to work out in the morning after my counseling appointment since class is cancelled than I am going to run with my running partner. I feel like I slightly derailed which I did not really. But I am excited about exercising tomorrow. Maybe I will even go for a swim tomorrow night. I think I am going to try to lift on Fridays and maybe work it in more each week. I have not been lifting at all so if I can work it in at least once a week it is improvement!
Well, this is SUPER long - apparently I had alot to share! I hope all is well with you and really kick some butt out there!
Sunday, November 08, 2009
When I started this journey, my plan was to just commit for only a month - six months later here we are still going pretty strong. Everyday that the scale goes down, it seems surreal that I weigh what I do. I mean just six months ago I weighed 260 and now today I weigh 234.6 - 4.6 pounds away from being able to say I have lost 40 pounds. I would have never thought I could lose that much weight. Part of me, I think psychologically, still has the mindset of being 260 which is totally weird since I have changed. I like salad, exercise and even running.. haha! The person I was at 260 hated all those things even though she was unhappy.
Does anyone else find their weight surreal or unbelievable?
Monday, November 02, 2009
During the summer I started my day out with a good two or three mile walk - it was awesome. It seemed like I did not mind waking up a bit earlier like 8 am, lol, to go for my walk. I did not have to worry about working out for the rest of the day and mentally and physically I felt great! With going to college full time and working two part-time jobs, I found I could not do this since my day started out at 8 am. Eventually, I found that I needed that time to myself. I asked one of my employers to take away the hours in the morning. By doing this, I found my day than started at 10 am. I could work out again.
Today was the first day I could. I woke up at 6 am and did not want to be at the gym at 7.. eventually, I found myself there. Today was also the first day of me reading a novel on the elliptical. I used to love to read in High School but with college I found that I do not have time for it. School does precede that. Anyhow, it made time fly by - I did not want to get off the elliptical. It was awesome. I did 40 minutes easily!
Anyhow, today was the first day of training. It was okay. I am not overly excited about it but I am doing it. Today, I feel I could have put more into it - I will try Wednesday!
Lots of firsts today - that is for sure!!
Friday, October 30, 2009
As many of you know, with losing 30 lbs, I gained some self confidence. Earlier today, in my Math Lab, I was thinking it is odd how I no longer feel like I am taking up the aisle and a need to scoot in everything walked behind my chair. Well, tonight it seems like I have a short funny story that relates to my self confidence.
The RA came on for the night and he smelled good so I informed him of that. No biggie. Usually. Well, behind the front desk is pretty small. The RA was standing by the counter and I was like I think I fit between him and the other counter which is like a foot or so. Well, long story short I did not really and we kinda brushed against each other. He than joked about how I was hitting on him which I wasn't. It really was kinda funny.
Anyhow, the point is that apparently I think I am smaller than I am. I still need to work on estimating my size in small areas. Haha! Have a great night or day depending on when you are reading this. I hope this made you smile!
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