Saturday, November 21, 2009
Lately I have been noticed that I have been letting my weaknesses get the better of me and my continuous weight loss. I am going to state my weaknesses - I am hoping by sharing them, I will be able to work though them and they no longer will be pitfalls.
I find that when I have stressful periods in my life, it does affect my weight loss. I find this ironic since I work out when the stress gets to me to give myself some "Me" time and to stop thinking about it. I tend to think about things until I am about to go crazy.
In the last month, I have had a lot of changes with my friends. With my weight loss, my friends were my number one support but they are not so much anymore. Maybe it is because classes has them busy.. I don't know. Anyhow, it seems like my family is supportive but I do not think they understand what I am going through. Because my support system is kinda MIA, I feel alone. Maybe, this is just a phase I am going though, I don't know.
As the end of the semester gets closer (only FOUR weeks left!), I find myself having busier days in where I go to work, class, volunteer and work out. Somehow between all that, I find time to get my homework done. I guess I realize with busier days, I do not always take time to eat correctly. I tend to eat out when I am tired at the end of day and do not feel like cooking or preparing food.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
On this weight loss journey, it seems like no one really sees my bad days. We all have bad days. I am going to tell you about my bad eating day. Before I tell you about my bad eating day, I should probably tell you the reason for it. The reason for it is: stress. Somehow, I do not think that came as a huge surprise. More specifically, the stress is that I am in a harassment situation at school and it is quite serious. I think it was just all getting to me. On Friday, when I learned that it went to the Dean's counsel and I got mediated because of it, I stayed home and relaxed. Than Saturday, I got out of town and visited my aunt. That was really nice and relaxing. As soon as I got back into town and saw my building, I felt the stress come back. *deep breath* On Sunday, I went on a really long walk and lifted after wards. I ended up being gone four hours. I no longer want to be in the building or in my room because all I do is think about it. I don't want to think about it anymore. That is also another reason I haven't gone to class today because all I do is think about it and not really focus on the class. Like yesterday, I went to stats and doodled the whole class period and I doubt I learned anything. I tried to focus but just couldn't.
Anyhow, that brings us to yesterday and my eating habits. Overall, I probably did not have a bad day eating but than I went shopping with Will and you know what I needed to emotionally eat. I tried relaxing. I tried exercise. Neither of those worked, so I defaulted back to what I have done for years. I ate. What did I eat? A whole box of swiss roll cakes except one. Will made sure to have one so I couldn't say I had the whole box.. haha! Than after that, I went out for a drink with Bobby which probably was not the least amount of calories but at that point, I didn't care. It was really nice. I got to sit and relax. We joked around and it was so nice to not feel. That is also the reason I slept in today.. I couldn't handle feeling or thinking about it anymore so I ignored it by sleeping in.. and ignoring life.
Anyhow, after yesterday, I was like I really do not want to weigh myself today - especially after that box of swiss roll cakes. Sunday I gained two pounds after going to Chinese on Saturday which made me 225.8 and this morning I was 225.2. So, I guess my emotionally eating really wasn't that bad.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
As some of you already know, yesterday, emotionally, I did not have an especially good day. I was struggling with some of my issues with some of my friends. To be honest, I think it just did not felt like anyone cared. After I ate at the cafeteria alone, I checked my mail, and I got a card from my aunt saying how she is proud of me and I am an inspiration. It was great. I was going to go study but I decided to go back to my (dorm) room.
I ran into a couple people and talked to them. I ended up hanging out with two of those people. Both people were like, "Why didn't you text me?!" I found this kinda ironic since I did not even think about it. But, apparently, they needed someone to have supper with. Haha. It was kinda nice and I think I will call one of them next time. Anyhow, one of the two people I hung out with was an old friend with a heart condition (He is 21 and recently had a pacemaker put in).
Anyhow, I was feeling down and he invited me on Sunday for eggnog so last night I was like this sounds like it could be soothing for my soul. I went down there and since he couldn't drive and we live 5 blocks away he didn't eat yet and this was 8 pm. We decided to go get him food and ended up going to Chinese.
First, I was like I shouldn't. On the other hand, I have not had Chinese since back in June so I figured it was okay. I treated myself. With having lost so much weight, my stomach got smaller. I made sure not to over eat. The problem with this is now I have FIVE box of chinese. Granted it is five small chinese boxes but still! I felt like I could not eat it because it will ruin my day for calories. I decided this was enough and looked up the calories for it. I do not think it is neccessary terrible if I try to eat the serving size. If you are curious, they are as the following:
Chinese, chicken - 364 calories
Chicken fried rice, 2 cups - 542 calories
Okay, with that said, I had sesame chicken which I am thinking since 3 oz is a serving size that I can have like 4-5 chunks of chicken. What do you think? Also, I know I would not eat TWO cups of rice. When I do eat rice, in general, I limit myself to just one cup and this would not be any different so when it is broken down like that it really isn't that bad.
With all that said, I am not feeling guilty about my Chinese. I needed to be with friends that nice and not in my room alone and I can eat my Chinese within reason! How exciting!
On a side note, I thought I would update you about my weightloss. Yesterday, I weighed 222.6 and this morning 225.8. Yep, three pounds, *sigh*. As HEIDSO said, I could be retaining water - I've had a bunch of sodium this week. I guess I kinda blamed it on my Chinese when in reaility I think that was part of it. I haven't gone on the elliptical for a couple days. Rather I have been taking walks and I know, for me, I do not burn as many calories because, well, my body is used to walks now. Haha! Anyhow, tomorrow I plan to work out in the morning after my counseling appointment since class is cancelled than I am going to run with my running partner. I feel like I slightly derailed which I did not really. But I am excited about exercising tomorrow. Maybe I will even go for a swim tomorrow night. I think I am going to try to lift on Fridays and maybe work it in more each week. I have not been lifting at all so if I can work it in at least once a week it is improvement!
Well, this is SUPER long - apparently I had alot to share! I hope all is well with you and really kick some butt out there!
Sunday, November 08, 2009
When I started this journey, my plan was to just commit for only a month - six months later here we are still going pretty strong. Everyday that the scale goes down, it seems surreal that I weigh what I do. I mean just six months ago I weighed 260 and now today I weigh 234.6 - 4.6 pounds away from being able to say I have lost 40 pounds. I would have never thought I could lose that much weight. Part of me, I think psychologically, still has the mindset of being 260 which is totally weird since I have changed. I like salad, exercise and even running.. haha! The person I was at 260 hated all those things even though she was unhappy.
Does anyone else find their weight surreal or unbelievable?
Monday, November 02, 2009
During the summer I started my day out with a good two or three mile walk - it was awesome. It seemed like I did not mind waking up a bit earlier like 8 am, lol, to go for my walk. I did not have to worry about working out for the rest of the day and mentally and physically I felt great! With going to college full time and working two part-time jobs, I found I could not do this since my day started out at 8 am. Eventually, I found that I needed that time to myself. I asked one of my employers to take away the hours in the morning. By doing this, I found my day than started at 10 am. I could work out again.
Today was the first day I could. I woke up at 6 am and did not want to be at the gym at 7.. eventually, I found myself there. Today was also the first day of me reading a novel on the elliptical. I used to love to read in High School but with college I found that I do not have time for it. School does precede that. Anyhow, it made time fly by - I did not want to get off the elliptical. It was awesome. I did 40 minutes easily!
Anyhow, today was the first day of training. It was okay. I am not overly excited about it but I am doing it. Today, I feel I could have put more into it - I will try Wednesday!
Lots of firsts today - that is for sure!!
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