Friday, February 18, 2011
Today I missed class and feel guilty. There I said it!
For the last two weeks, I have been sick. Last week it was basically with a low grade temperature and this week, I have been SO tired, probably could be called fatigue. I do any slight exercise, like going running upstairs and back down, I get wiped out!
For my 8 am class, I overslept on Monday and Friday (today). I talked to the professor on Wednesday, and he said don't worry about it. I guess the attendance policy is there so people don't cut class. Makes sense. But, it still makes me nervous.
In addition to that, I feel like I have been a slacker in the last couple weeks. I have not been going to class as I should be. In the past, I would be cutting class, usually for sleep. At least this time, I have a decent excuse. Still, the other part of me is like.. it is not good enough.
Anyhow, after I overslept, I was just like screw it and didn't go to my other two classes. When I did wake up again, I could feel my stuffy nose got WAY better even though my sinus areas hurt more. So, maybe it wasn't a total waste of time?
Also, I feel guilty about not taking part of the walk out that was happening on my campus in support of the teachers. Google Governor Walker and Wisconsin. That is what I am talking about. But, I knew if I did it, I would wipe myself out since they were walking to city hall. [Do you think someone would carry me back?] Also, I do not really think protests exactly "help". I am more on the idea of writing our congressmen.
Okay, guilt trip over (kinda).
The plan for next week is...
...to attend EVERY SINGLE class
...work out TWO times.
I guess I can't do much about the last two weeks... but I can just try to do my best from here on out!
Thursday, February 17, 2011
When we all start this journey, we have high expectations of what our goal weight will be like. Like it is a magical place. One of my high expectations is I would become coordinated.
I have never really had much coordination, even as a kid. In fact, I worked with a therapist to work on my balance and coordination when I was like four. As I gained weight, I still fumbled but blamed it on my excess weight. In recent times, when I no longer had my weight to hide behind, I have tried new things.
Each and every time I get frustrated. For some reason I thought I would magically have coordination like my fellow classmates. And, more and more I am reminded I have practice to have that coordination. They have been "practicing" for years.
Last night, I encounter frustration again.
My friend wanted to do intramural sports so I put everything together, even said I would be captain of the soccer team. Well, it turns out she probably will not be doing it anyways. [Don't get me started on that!] Even through I knew my body was exhausted, I played.
I tried my best.
But, sometimes in competition, it seems like your best isn't good enough. I messed up alot.
I felt like floundering fish out there.
I felt like I was the weakness link and keeping the team back.
I felt frustrated.
It was our first game we played as a team so we definitely had some figuring out to do.
On our second game, I wasn't feeling well. In fact, I was quite pale. So, I sat out. We won.
Okay, okay. We didn't win because I sat out.
We played a team more our level.
We had things a bit more figured out.. like who is going to play what position.
A couple others had more confidence and charged ahead with it!
Anyhow, I feel like they don't need me and want to quit. I feel super anxious about it and it's alot of emotional stress. I hate always being the one with the lowest level of coordination. This needs to change. I want this to change. I want to be like my fellow friends with an ease in coordination. *sigh* My friend and I are going to practice this weekend - not sure if it is going to help.
On a more positive note, last night was the first time I did any physical activity in like two weeks [because I've been sick] and it felt GREAT! I cannot wait until I can run again... or really do anything. Right now, I do any physical activity and I get wiped out! My body is definitely trying to fight something.
By the way, I am on amoxillican for the next month. They think it is a sinus infection. I do not. But, we will do it. My platelets are down and that makes me nervous. I have to go back in a month to get retested. I am sure they are down because my body has been fighting some sort of infection for the last month. But, still nervous.
Okay, time to catch up on life... have a wonderful day!
Monday, February 14, 2011
I deserve a cookie. I do, I do!
Okay, let's give you a rundown of my day.
Wake up all happy. It's Valentine's Day. For one day, there is less hate in the world.
Look at my phone. It says 7:53 am. Um, I think I am going to be not going to the 8 am class.
Okay, not the end of the world. I hop into the shower and see I won't be making the 9 am one either.
Okay. Trying to not stress out about it. It's kinda nice so I go for a walk. After walking about 1/4 mile, I feel nauseus and dizzy again with the ribs hurting again. I finish the 1 mile walk in like 35 minutes... remember, there is ice out there so not bad (or I am telling myself that)!
I get back to my room and just feeling gross... so I decide not to go to my 11 am either. I did get notes from my 8 am from a friend.
Go back to my room. Get another email from my boss at the YMCA saying I was reading in the office this weekend. I was NOT! I emailed her back and eventually it was found out that the weekend supervisor thought I did great! Well, hello, because I am and I did!
Okay, moving on from that stress.. I text a friend about lunch. He says sure or whatever.. well, it turned out to be a miscommunication on HIS end. So, I ate alone.
By this time, I am crabby. I don't feel good. And, I don't want to go to the doctor. I just want to be in my room, alone and crabby. None of my friends have even asked... Hey, I haven't seen you for a week, what's up? Nope, nada! Okay, I can't say none. The cafeteria ladies have asked my ex-bf/friend where I have been.
Anywho, I am talking to a lady that comments on my weight and check my phone. A friend! Asking if I am okay! I think it is a miracle. Okay, maybe, not... just someone that actually knows how to care and be a decent friend!
So, I go to class. Run into said, caring friend and another friend. We all chat. Go to class. I laugh some but I really just do not want to be there. But, attendance is recorded.
Go home. Call my mom. Tell her about work. Lay down for like 10 minutes. Go to the doctor. They tested me for mono. Negative. My platelets are down so I gotta go back and get re-tested in a month. I did get more antibodics. Great.
As you can see I've just had a crappy day. I just wanted to crawl under a blanket and die. (Okay, not die.) But, I had to go to work for a hour since it was being covered while I was at the doctor. So, I stop by Subway to grab supper because it is 6 pm and I have NOT ate since noon. At check out, they are like would you like to make it a meal... No, I do not.
It is FREE cookie day though!
WHAT?! It's cookie day?!
Without a skipping a beat, I repeat myself, "No."
Okay, let's stop right here. I do not feel good and I should have been ALL over that free cookie... ya know for comfort. Nope, I didn't even want it. I didn't want the guilt that comes with it either.
What do you call that?!
I hope everyone had a great Valentine's Day with tons of love showered onto you!
Friday, February 11, 2011
This has been bouncing through my head whenever I think about losing a pound... just wanted to share my version of 99 Bottles.
"Ten pounds of fat on my body, Ten pounds of fat.
Take one off, leave it in the past, nine pounds of fat to go."
Well, this is how I treat my weight loss. Focusing on one pound than the next and the next. I guess it works. 87 pounds later. I didn't think you guys wanted me to write that lyric 87 times. I know I didn't want to, lol.
By the way, according to the BMI Calculator, I am officially no longer obese but overweight. Pretty excited about that! I never thought I'd be excited about being overweight, lol. But, I went from a BMI of 44.7 to 29.8. It felt like something I would never achieve... but I did, I did!
Furthermore, if you look at the BMI Guidelines for the American Council on Exercise (ACE) compared to the BMI Guidelines from American Dietetics Association, I am officially "Acceptable". ACE!
Here is the link comparing the two: www.weight-loss-i.com/body-fat-guide
In a few weeks, I will be learning how to use the skin fold calibers, I am kinda scared/nervous. I know they are the most accurate so they are the "true" test for me to see where my BMI is at.
Have a wonderful Friday night!
Friday, February 11, 2011
Because I work this weekend - both Saturday (7-1) and Sunday (9-5), I decided to take it kinda easy today after being sick pretty much all week. I can already tell I am getting antsy. But, I need to save that energy for work this weekend. At work, I am on my feet the whole time running all over the place with little time to sit down.
But, come Monday, my body better watch out. It's on like Donkey Kong! I am so close to being out of the 170s that I really think I could make it happen by the end of February.
Here is next week's plan. I am going to start out slow, well, kinda.
Monday - Arc trainer (30 minutes)
Tuesday - RUN! / 100 Push-up Challenge
Wednesday - (2) Intramural Soccer games
Thursday - RUN! / 100 Push-up Challenge
Friday - Arc Trainer (30 minutes)
Saturday - Rest
Sunday - RUN! / 100 Push-up Challenge
Watch out next week!
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