Monday, February 14, 2011
I deserve a cookie. I do, I do!
Okay, let's give you a rundown of my day.
Wake up all happy. It's Valentine's Day. For one day, there is less hate in the world.
Look at my phone. It says 7:53 am. Um, I think I am going to be not going to the 8 am class.
Okay, not the end of the world. I hop into the shower and see I won't be making the 9 am one either.
Okay. Trying to not stress out about it. It's kinda nice so I go for a walk. After walking about 1/4 mile, I feel nauseus and dizzy again with the ribs hurting again. I finish the 1 mile walk in like 35 minutes... remember, there is ice out there so not bad (or I am telling myself that)!
I get back to my room and just feeling gross... so I decide not to go to my 11 am either. I did get notes from my 8 am from a friend.
Go back to my room. Get another email from my boss at the YMCA saying I was reading in the office this weekend. I was NOT! I emailed her back and eventually it was found out that the weekend supervisor thought I did great! Well, hello, because I am and I did!
Okay, moving on from that stress.. I text a friend about lunch. He says sure or whatever.. well, it turned out to be a miscommunication on HIS end. So, I ate alone.
By this time, I am crabby. I don't feel good. And, I don't want to go to the doctor. I just want to be in my room, alone and crabby. None of my friends have even asked... Hey, I haven't seen you for a week, what's up? Nope, nada! Okay, I can't say none. The cafeteria ladies have asked my ex-bf/friend where I have been.
Anywho, I am talking to a lady that comments on my weight and check my phone. A friend! Asking if I am okay! I think it is a miracle. Okay, maybe, not... just someone that actually knows how to care and be a decent friend!
So, I go to class. Run into said, caring friend and another friend. We all chat. Go to class. I laugh some but I really just do not want to be there. But, attendance is recorded.
Go home. Call my mom. Tell her about work. Lay down for like 10 minutes. Go to the doctor. They tested me for mono. Negative. My platelets are down so I gotta go back and get re-tested in a month. I did get more antibodics. Great.
As you can see I've just had a crappy day. I just wanted to crawl under a blanket and die. (Okay, not die.) But, I had to go to work for a hour since it was being covered while I was at the doctor. So, I stop by Subway to grab supper because it is 6 pm and I have NOT ate since noon. At check out, they are like would you like to make it a meal... No, I do not.
It is FREE cookie day though!
WHAT?! It's cookie day?!
Without a skipping a beat, I repeat myself, "No."
Okay, let's stop right here. I do not feel good and I should have been ALL over that free cookie... ya know for comfort. Nope, I didn't even want it. I didn't want the guilt that comes with it either.
What do you call that?!
I hope everyone had a great Valentine's Day with tons of love showered onto you!
Friday, February 11, 2011
This has been bouncing through my head whenever I think about losing a pound... just wanted to share my version of 99 Bottles.
"Ten pounds of fat on my body, Ten pounds of fat.
Take one off, leave it in the past, nine pounds of fat to go."
Well, this is how I treat my weight loss. Focusing on one pound than the next and the next. I guess it works. 87 pounds later. I didn't think you guys wanted me to write that lyric 87 times. I know I didn't want to, lol.
By the way, according to the BMI Calculator, I am officially no longer obese but overweight. Pretty excited about that! I never thought I'd be excited about being overweight, lol. But, I went from a BMI of 44.7 to 29.8. It felt like something I would never achieve... but I did, I did!
Furthermore, if you look at the BMI Guidelines for the American Council on Exercise (ACE) compared to the BMI Guidelines from American Dietetics Association, I am officially "Acceptable". ACE!
Here is the link comparing the two: www.weight-loss-i.com/body-fat-guide
In a few weeks, I will be learning how to use the skin fold calibers, I am kinda scared/nervous. I know they are the most accurate so they are the "true" test for me to see where my BMI is at.
Have a wonderful Friday night!
Friday, February 11, 2011
Because I work this weekend - both Saturday (7-1) and Sunday (9-5), I decided to take it kinda easy today after being sick pretty much all week. I can already tell I am getting antsy. But, I need to save that energy for work this weekend. At work, I am on my feet the whole time running all over the place with little time to sit down.
But, come Monday, my body better watch out. It's on like Donkey Kong! I am so close to being out of the 170s that I really think I could make it happen by the end of February.
Here is next week's plan. I am going to start out slow, well, kinda.
Monday - Arc trainer (30 minutes)
Tuesday - RUN! / 100 Push-up Challenge
Wednesday - (2) Intramural Soccer games
Thursday - RUN! / 100 Push-up Challenge
Friday - Arc Trainer (30 minutes)
Saturday - Rest
Sunday - RUN! / 100 Push-up Challenge
Watch out next week!
Wednesday, February 09, 2011
In the last few weeks, I feel like I have been in a stress tornado that I cannot get away from. It started with the semester beginning again. Than, I am sure my boyfriend and I breaking up before the second week of school didn't help among other stuff.
Anyhow, today I took a day for ME. My body was demanding it. I woke up pale, exhausted and later in the day, my temperature was 100.4. If I have not learned anything else in the last few years with my depression, if you body suggests you to slow down, YOU DO IT! If you choose not to listen, there will be bigger repercussions.
So, I didn't go to class or work. In fact, I showered, took my online test (got an A), watched a movie, caught up with a friend texting, took a nap, and went to my counseling appointment. Okay, that sounds like alot but it really wasn't. After my appointment, I checked my temp and it was back to normal. I have an intense quiz tomorrow so I was like.. well, I gotta study. But, didn't feel like it. But my friend is also in the class. So, I thought it'd be fun to study together.
Boy, I sure do not regret that decision. We watched Biggest Loser while studying for the Motor Learning quiz. I laughed alot. Later as I was going to bed, happy for the first time in a couple weeks, I realized I haven't laughed like I have tonight for a coupe weeks. What a shame!
Than, I got to thinking that I need to more choosy in my friends and only hang out with people that I feel are sincerely good people and reflect who and what I stand for. Honestly, there are a few people in my life right now that is not like that.
Anyhow, all I was wanted to share how was good it feels to laugh again!
Sunday, February 06, 2011
Lately I have been feeling super lonely since the break up. Basically, I went from having a text to saying "Hi." to nothing.. crickets. Honestly, my friends don't text me or anything.. unless they want something. It was like.. Oh that's right.. my friends ever remember I exist. I have to iniate everything. *sigh*
Well, after being in my room all day and being super lonely to almost the point of crying, I decided to be a more proactive. I still had wine from Friday's supper but no wine glasses. So, I decided to get some wine glasses and some movies. Off to Walmart I go! While there, I ran into a friend who we seem to run into all the time. Somehow, he always sees me in a bad mood. Poor guy! Anyhow, we chatted for a while and he cheered me up some and in the end, I didn't feel as lonely. Afterwards, I went home, watched movies and drank wine. It helped me relax enough to give me a break from being lonely... and it was almost nice.
Than, this morning I was talking to my friend. I wanted to talk. You know those moments where you need to talk. Well, the short story is that it didn't happen. She talked about the guy issue that we have talked about for the last two weeks like everyday. I got super lonely again. I really needed some support and nada. *sigh*
Off to lunch with Nick. Yup, the ex boyfriend/friend. He asked how I was and I was honest. I said I was crabby, lonely and kinda down. Because I am. Why hide it. We really had an indepth conversation. We touched on trusting people with our emotions and how I test my friends.
One way I test my friends is by letting my body language speak. For example, I will say I am fine when I am not. This is a test. In my mind, if they truly care, they will say something. Fair? Probably not. Nick was telling me that when I would test him, it would make him mad. He said if I do it in the future he will walk out of my room. So.. basically... if I am really upset and I say I am fine. He is going to walk out on me. I am not sure if I can NOT test him, or any of my friends. Will I am able to be friends with him? If I test him and he walks out.. I think it will hurt the friendship alot.
Why do I test my friends? I test them to see if they are worthy friends. Fair? Again, probably not. But, that's what I do. Also, I realized I test them because it is easier to do than to say: Friend, I need you to listen to me. Ironically, either way, it can leave me disappointed. Disappointed that they won't reach my expectations. Maybe I just don't want anyone to reach my expectations so I set them TOO high.
Anyhow, after this intense lunch, I went home and promptly cried my eyes out. I cried for being lonely. For not having a supportive girlfriend. For not knowing if I will be able to be friends with Nick for he is asking me to not test him but trust him with my emotions.
Now I am emotionally drained, I do not feel like doing much of anything.. well, besides writing this blog. I should work out but not feeling like it. I should do homework, but bhah. All I want to do is sleep it off and hide from the world. Does anyone recognize this? I think I do. I think I might be going into a depressive episode but not sure yet. *sigh*
I do know one thing. I need to figure something out. I feel like I haven't been working out as I should be. I work out when I go to my group fitness/aerobics class. Lately, that is all I have had time to do. Yes, I asked my boss to give me less hours but I don't know how soon she will do that. I might have to try to get up at 6 am and work out everyday. Kinda give me my mornings.
Oh by the way, I deactivated my Facebook. I feel like anyone that needs/wants to talk to me has my phone number or any other way to get ahold of me. I find Facebook brings me down when I see everyone is doing something.. and like I am doing.. like nothing.
Okay, anyways, I just needed a sounding board, if nothing else.
Get An Email Alert Each Time THECRAZYMANGO Posts