Wednesday, February 02, 2011
Okay, I was trying to hold off with writing a blog about the break up. But, the thing is... it is the only way I deal with my emotions.
In fact, I went home tonight, and was there for like 10 minutes. I was so emotionally stressed that I ate brownie with frosting. And, it felt soothing. No guilt. And, I am making myself a steak today.
So, what put me over the top?
Well, remember I had alot of stress from last week. And, I had school pressure. I was dealing. I was fine. Okay, a little less than fine.
I have been down in spirits like I didn't want to "hang out" with my friends. Fine, whatever. I chalked it up as part of the greiving process.. you know when a relationship ends.
Than, I checked my ex's profile. He has comments that sound alot like him pursuing someone else. If you want more details, I can tell you what they are.. but they are not exactly SP rated.
And, here I was feeling guilty about being happy to see another guy and being happy because my ex and I were not together. Hell, I sure am not pursuing anyone. We just broke up! On Saturday!
I feel like I am a bomb waiting to go off. Like I am going to lash out.. but at the wrong person.
I am hurt, frustrated, mad, ready to cry... pick any of the emotions.
But seriously! Couldn't he wait even a week?!! And, on Facebook?!!
Thanks for being so sensitive! Seriously!
We were going to be friends but honestly, I don't think I can nor I want to. Also, I noticed towards the end we had nothing to talk about but what we did during the day. That's it. Even if we were friends, what would we talk about?!!!
Deep breath in.
I have homework I need to do but when I am this stressed out, I cannot think much less focus on ANYTHING else but the stress. So, I am going to go and get reacquainted with the arc trainer tonight and read my Women's Health magazine. This may mean I am up later since my heart rate will stay alleviated but I don't care. I guess if I am up later, it means I can do the studying I cannot focus on right now.
So, tonight's plan:
Maybe some strength training
Tuesday, February 01, 2011
Today is the start of February. I know. Not the biggest shock.
In 14 days, it WILL be Valentine's Day.
Some will be down for no other reason than they do not have an significant other. My boyfriend and I recently broke up and I REFUSE to be sad on that day... not that I am really "sad" that we broke up. It was mutual, bhah, bhah, bhah!
Anywho, I have decided to be my own Valentine.
When we celebrate Velentine's Day, we are supposed to celebrate that love for that other person. Well, I am going to celebrate loving ME with ALL my flaws!
Every time I look at my flowers (the ones I am going to get me), I will know I appreciate me and I am amazing! What a great reminder for that week!
Who's with me? Who's gonna celebrate loving themselves on Valentine's Day?
Sunday, January 30, 2011
What a week!
Here are the bulletin points!
• Started classes on Monday.
• Laptop died on Monday.
• Phone was turned back on Tuesday.
• Still sick with a cold/horrid cough.
• Went to the doctor and got antibodies.
• Failed a quiz... oops. But, I don't think it counts toward my grade.
• Got another mass email from work about how we spend our time during our shift
• Finally got SOME books on Thursday
• Someone that sexual harrassed me in the past, did something else
• My BF and I broke up on Saturday before work. (Please no condolences. It was mutual.)
• Bought my very first Mac last night!
• Ran for 10-15 minutes solid - first time in like a week and half - Woohoo!
Weeks like this, I realize stress is all relative.
Any of these things could seriously stressed me out but like I was used to it. In fact, my depression is triggered by stress. More and more, I have noticed that it is triggered when it is not elleviated. Like in cases of personal stress in where I do not let it go or when I am overwhelmed with my schedule. When the last one happens, I tend to shut down and don't do anything.
Now, onto the next week...
• I get my scale back from Nick on Tuesday - it's the first of the month and get to weigh in after no weigh ins from MY scale!
• 1 1/2 hour private session learning kettlebells with a PT
• Running with a friend
• Test in A&P sometime - not sure when
• Quiz on Friday - hopefully I can do better
• Visiting my family for the weekend, maybe.
Okay, I think I am ready for this week more than I was last week... but, I said that last week, too!
Have a good one!
Friday, January 28, 2011
What I decided to do about my sabbitical is to not take one. Basically, I unsubscribed to my automatic emails and am having people take over my leadership positions. I hope I can still keep up with my friends and their blogs. I really enjoy this blog business... writing and reading.
In other news, I think I already know my February goals.
Run 3x/week - Focus on HM training
Kettlebells 4x/month - Focus on toning rather weight loss
Oh by the well, I am finding that on Mondays and Wednesday I am climbing a flight of stairs (up and down) about five times a day. Lately, I have been feeling it in my calfs and butt!
Hope all is well!
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Lately, I have been giving thought about committing to Sparkpeople less. Now, before I go any further, I LOVE Sparkpeople.
I do not want to leave. (I know no one is kicking me out.) But, it takes alot of my time up. I am very active on the boards including my two teams that I am a leader of. I feel like I made friends here and I am on here more for support than losing weight.
I don't really log my food or my exercise anymore. Mind you, I did not go back to my old habits. I still follow but I have been counting calories for the last two years, I kinda know if I am in range or not. The only time I track my fitness is when I am in competition with a sparkfriend for more minutes.
With that said, I will be working 30 hours a week, full-time college, playing intramurals and training for a Half Marathon. To say the least, I have a full plate.
This is where I turn to you all for advice.
What should I do? Go on a Sparkpeople sabbatical and stay kinda invisible?
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