THECRAZYMANGO   31,834
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Breakup Crabbiness

Wednesday, February 02, 2011

Okay, I was trying to hold off with writing a blog about the break up. But, the thing is... it is the only way I deal with my emotions.

In fact, I went home tonight, and was there for like 10 minutes. I was so emotionally stressed that I ate brownie with frosting. And, it felt soothing. No guilt. And, I am making myself a steak today.

So, what put me over the top?

Well, remember I had alot of stress from last week. And, I had school pressure. I was dealing. I was fine. Okay, a little less than fine.

I have been down in spirits like I didn't want to "hang out" with my friends. Fine, whatever. I chalked it up as part of the greiving process.. you know when a relationship ends.

Than, I checked my ex's profile. He has comments that sound alot like him pursuing someone else. If you want more details, I can tell you what they are.. but they are not exactly SP rated.

And, here I was feeling guilty about being happy to see another guy and being happy because my ex and I were not together. Hell, I sure am not pursuing anyone. We just broke up! On Saturday!

I feel like I am a bomb waiting to go off. Like I am going to lash out.. but at the wrong person.

I am hurt, frustrated, mad, ready to cry... pick any of the emotions.

But seriously! Couldn't he wait even a week?!! And, on Facebook?!!

Thanks for being so sensitive! Seriously!

We were going to be friends but honestly, I don't think I can nor I want to. Also, I noticed towards the end we had nothing to talk about but what we did during the day. That's it. Even if we were friends, what would we talk about?!!!

Deep breath in.

I have homework I need to do but when I am this stressed out, I cannot think much less focus on ANYTHING else but the stress. So, I am going to go and get reacquainted with the arc trainer tonight and read my Women's Health magazine. This may mean I am up later since my heart rate will stay alleviated but I don't care. I guess if I am up later, it means I can do the studying I cannot focus on right now.

So, tonight's plan:
Steak
Arc Trainer
Maybe some strength training

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EMMANYC 2/6/2011 5:01PM

    Sorry to hear your ex is broadcasting his lack of classiness.

I once went out with a guy who dumped me, the night before the hardest exam I'd ever written in my life, for a woman he met in the laundry room of his building. I felt like Carrie on Sex in the City, who was dumped by "post-it note".

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CIVIAV 2/4/2011 1:51PM

    And keep breathing through it all. emoticon

This weekend will be a bit more healing (from whatever, I don't necc mean a break up). I would like to go to another fitness class tomorrow. My son has two hockey games and a practice and then their is the Superbowl party!

Hope yours is a good one! And no more brownies. I ate 6 of those little two bite ones last night. Ugh, they still aren't sitting well in either my intestines or my mind.

Here's to continued breathing!

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ANEPANALIPTI 2/4/2011 5:35AM

    SWEEEEEEEEETYYYYYYYYYY! Men and women are two totally different emotional creatures psychologically. Women are programmed to be pickier and more invested (we are the ones stuck with the kid if something happens) while they are by nature more daredevil spread my seed....

That said, this is a natural, grieving process. It's a LOSS. You have to just get through it. And you will.

How are you feeling? Is the chest cold over?

BIG HUGS FROM ME, and I'm glad you're already letting go of the staying friends idea. we're here for you

emoticon

Dimitra

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LIQUEURLADY 2/3/2011 9:26PM

    Oh, Sav, I'm so sorry he turned out to be such a jerk! I'm not so good at all this stuff, but I think that it's all nonsense that "we can be friends;" that's just a way of not having to confront the issue and be honest and make a clean break thinking you won't hurt the other's feelings. WTF?

So have a wonderful steak dinner! and hit the machines. I've found that running off the frustration and anger helps alot. emoticon

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MONICA_W 2/2/2011 10:59PM

    Don't sweat it! It's quite possible he's posting that stuff for your benefit, so it appears to you and to all his friends that he's fine, that he's doing better than he really is. The last thing he wants is for people to know his pride was wounded! emoticon Ignore it. And why are you checking his facebook anyway?! Give yourself some distance and some time to heal. Maybe in a few weeks you can think about him again... but don't rush. You broke up for a reason!

And yes, breakups suck. Enjoy your brownie - and have a great workout!

And I agree with whomever said to spend your Valentine's on yourself... I always go out with my girlfriends on Valentine's Day, despite the fact that most of us have boyfriends now. There's just something nice about getting dressed up and going out and appreciating the important things in life: your best friends, who are there for you through thick and thin!

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ELFITZPA 2/2/2011 9:01PM

    Even mutual break-ups suck. People can be so clueless and insensitive and it's totally natural to feel conflicted and upset when you find out the other person may have already had one foot out the door. It makes you wonder why they didn't just end things before. Except it's totally pointless to think like that, you know the break-up was for the best and you need to forget it. Easier said than done, I know. Blech. But we're here for you on Spark and I hope you're back on your "be your own valentine" track soon because I LOVE that idea. I've always been big on splurging for myself on Valentine's Day (and my birthday, for that matter) regardless of whether I was single or not. ALL forms of love - familial, platonic, romantic and even self-love (not in the dirty way, haha) - should be celebrated. Crappy exes, on the other hand, should be left to their own crappy devices.

emoticon

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KNL8923 2/2/2011 8:46PM

    I hear you! This week I got the "you want more than I am willing to give you" followed by the "you deserve someone way better than me" speech. Ya know what, maybe he's right. I know I cannot continue to be "just friends", at least not right now. Need some time to get over it before I can stand to see or hear how well he's doing without me! Grrrr

Hang in there. Take this time to take care of YOU. Be kind to youself. Treat yourself with LOVE. Be happy & healthy. And when he comes crawling back, stomp on him like a bug! ;-)

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LIV2SSKI 2/2/2011 8:45PM

    We are all here to be an ear for you, to help you vent, and help vandalize his things... I mean help you stay on track. emoticon

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TARANITUP 2/2/2011 7:35PM

    This too shall pass... and when you're tempted to eat to make yourself feel better... do something else you like, maybe a warm bubble bath or reading a favorite book... I understand the pain of a breakup though, at times I have felt like I couldn't even catch my breath. But life went on!

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Celebrate loving you on Valentine's Day!

Tuesday, February 01, 2011

Today is the start of February. I know. Not the biggest shock.

In 14 days, it WILL be Valentine's Day.

Some will be down for no other reason than they do not have an significant other. My boyfriend and I recently broke up and I REFUSE to be sad on that day... not that I am really "sad" that we broke up. It was mutual, bhah, bhah, bhah!

Anywho, I have decided to be my own Valentine.

When we celebrate Velentine's Day, we are supposed to celebrate that love for that other person. Well, I am going to celebrate loving ME with ALL my flaws!

Every time I look at my flowers (the ones I am going to get me), I will know I appreciate me and I am amazing! What a great reminder for that week!

Who's with me? Who's gonna celebrate loving themselves on Valentine's Day?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_COSMOPAULATAN_ 2/4/2011 7:35AM

    I like that idea. I'm going to mull it over.

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ANEPANALIPTI 2/4/2011 5:45AM

    emoticon

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NAMSMOMMY 2/1/2011 10:28PM

    I completely agree with SHERYLDS. You don't want to look at yourself and see the "flaws" even if you are embracing them. See them as your character that you are developing. =) Happy Valentines Day to you!

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LIQUEURLADY 2/1/2011 4:29PM

    Great idea!

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ANNE7X7 2/1/2011 3:57PM

    This is SO awesome! We must love ourselves, first and foremost! Happy Valentine's day to you and your valentine emoticon

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SHERYLDS 2/1/2011 3:47PM

    Savannah ... you don't HAVE flaws...you have character
And it's beautiful thru and thru

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GETFIT2LIVE 2/1/2011 1:58PM

    Absolutely right! We need to celebrate ourselves, whether we're in a relationship or not. If we don't love ourselves, how can we love anyone else, anyway?

emoticon emoticon

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MEANO124 2/1/2011 1:50PM

    I'm totally with you!!! Now that doesn't get my husband off the hook lol but we should all love ourselves and celebrate the beauty of each and every one of us! I love that you are going to buy yourself flowers! We should all learn from your example! Sorry about the break up but congrats on being wonderful, strong, empowering YOU!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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What a week!!!

Sunday, January 30, 2011

What a week!

Here are the bulletin points!

Started classes on Monday.
Laptop died on Monday.
Phone was turned back on Tuesday.
Still sick with a cold/horrid cough.
Went to the doctor and got antibodies.
Failed a quiz... oops. But, I don't think it counts toward my grade.
Got another mass email from work about how we spend our time during our shift
Finally got SOME books on Thursday
Someone that sexual harrassed me in the past, did something else
My BF and I broke up on Saturday before work. (Please no condolences. It was mutual.)
Bought my very first Mac last night!
Ran for 10-15 minutes solid - first time in like a week and half - Woohoo!

Weeks like this, I realize stress is all relative.

Any of these things could seriously stressed me out but like I was used to it. In fact, my depression is triggered by stress. More and more, I have noticed that it is triggered when it is not elleviated. Like in cases of personal stress in where I do not let it go or when I am overwhelmed with my schedule. When the last one happens, I tend to shut down and don't do anything.

Now, onto the next week...
I get my scale back from Nick on Tuesday - it's the first of the month and get to weigh in after no weigh ins from MY scale!
1 1/2 hour private session learning kettlebells with a PT
Running with a friend
Test in A&P sometime - not sure when
Quiz on Friday - hopefully I can do better
Visiting my family for the weekend, maybe.

Okay, I think I am ready for this week more than I was last week... but, I said that last week, too! emoticon

Have a good one! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LIV2SSKI 1/31/2011 9:24PM

    emoticon Go get 'em this week!!

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CANLOSE81 1/31/2011 7:42PM

    whoa!
working out with the PT & SOLID running!?
AMAZING!
Sounds like THIS will be a good week
(minus the snow)
emoticon

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PATRICIAANN46 1/31/2011 3:30PM

  Oh, how that brings back memories of just how crazy and stressful college life can be. It sounds like you are handling things well. Compared to last year at this time, I would guess that you are putting what you have learned to use and finding it somewhat easier to cope. At least, I hope that is the case.......... emoticon

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HANNAHV 1/31/2011 6:37AM

    emoticon emoticon

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SOUNDANDVISION 1/31/2011 3:13AM

    wowza! intense week. you are superwomen! i hope you are finding a moment somewhere to relax and destress!

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LIQUEURLADY 1/30/2011 9:03PM

    Good going! You'll do great this week! emoticon

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VPOPPY01 1/30/2011 7:37PM

    Holy cow! What a week! Rest up tonight! I hope this week is better! emoticon

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JUSTBIRDY 1/30/2011 5:40PM

    Oh my! That IS quite a week!

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Decision on sabbitical, February goals and tiny update!

Friday, January 28, 2011

What I decided to do about my sabbitical is to not take one. Basically, I unsubscribed to my automatic emails and am having people take over my leadership positions. I hope I can still keep up with my friends and their blogs. I really enjoy this blog business... writing and reading.

In other news, I think I already know my February goals.

Run 3x/week - Focus on HM training
Kettlebells 4x/month - Focus on toning rather weight loss

Oh by the well, I am finding that on Mondays and Wednesday I am climbing a flight of stairs (up and down) about five times a day. Lately, I have been feeling it in my calfs and butt!

Hope all is well! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CANLOSE81 1/31/2011 7:46PM

    I'm with you on this!
(but for me it'll be general strength & core training as opposed to kettle bells...)
I'm just not quite coordinated enough to tackle those just yet!!

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ANEPANALIPTI 1/30/2011 9:41AM

    When is your HM?? What plan are you following? :)

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LIV2SSKI 1/29/2011 10:51PM

    I'm glad you decided to just limit your time on SP instead of going on sabbatical. Your schedule sound crazy busy! I had a crazy schedule like that for fall. I basically logged in and tracked water and fruits/veggies. I didn't have much time for anything else. Good luck this semester!! emoticon

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OHBANANAS 1/28/2011 10:28PM

    So, I don't come on sparkpeople that much anymore (I'm trying, really!) but I've put a couple of pounds back on so I really need to get back on track. Are you still at UWS? If so, we should work out together some time!

-Shanda

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Sparkpeople Sabbatical?

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Lately, I have been giving thought about committing to Sparkpeople less. Now, before I go any further, I LOVE Sparkpeople. emoticon

I do not want to leave. (I know no one is kicking me out.) But, it takes alot of my time up. I am very active on the boards including my two teams that I am a leader of. I feel like I made friends here and I am on here more for support than losing weight.

I don't really log my food or my exercise anymore. Mind you, I did not go back to my old habits. I still follow but I have been counting calories for the last two years, I kinda know if I am in range or not. The only time I track my fitness is when I am in competition with a sparkfriend for more minutes.

With that said, I will be working 30 hours a week, full-time college, playing intramurals and training for a Half Marathon. To say the least, I have a full plate.

This is where I turn to you all for advice.

What should I do? Go on a Sparkpeople sabbatical and stay kinda invisible?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HANNAHV 1/31/2011 1:31AM

    Difficult one, the thing is to maintain a good balance...good luck juggling time emoticon emoticon

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ANEPANALIPTI 1/30/2011 9:42AM

    I'm glad you're not sabbaticalling. I felt the same way for a bit till i realized that i don't have to be on here 24/7, but it is something i will always be doing just because of the support and how ingrained it is in my life!

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1CRAZYDOG 1/27/2011 6:01PM

    Limit your Spark Time. See how that goes. You're right to prioritize your time. You know where we are! Hugs.

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WOMANCHEF 1/27/2011 7:34AM

    I put time limits on my Sparking. I only allow one half hour per day. My life is way too busy for more than that. Just pick out what is most important - catching up with people, team message boards, reading blogs or tracking. There is no way to do it all. emoticon

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KAKIPOPUP 1/27/2011 3:03AM

    I have to limit my spark time, especially during the week - I use it as a reward for doing things that I don't want to do (but have to) -

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VICIOUS421 1/26/2011 10:59PM

    We all reach this point in our Spark lives. You have to decide what you feel like is the right thing for you. I take 1 to 2 Spark breaks a year.
emoticon

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JOAN_HEO 1/26/2011 7:56PM

    What??? You may leave? That would make me sad! =( Wh would I text?

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PURPLESPEDCOW 1/26/2011 7:23PM

    Only you can choose your priorities.

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JUSTBIRDY 1/26/2011 7:16PM

    Stay, be visible, but put some limits on your time and tasks. Do you have co-leaders? If not, and others don't step up, maybe it is time to let the teams die. People get busy all the time, so we understand. emoticon or then again, not do it!

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