Friday, January 07, 2011
Have you ever achieved a goal that you simply did not think you were ever going to reach?
For some, it may be as simple as losing the five pounds. For others, it might be running that marathon.
Most of my major goals, I had doubts in myself that I could achieve them. Like running a marathon. Yet I put them on my put them on my motivational board anyways. Recently, I redid my motivational board and realized I reached a few of my goals. Like running a 5K. Or becoming fit.
Another goal of mine came true today. Tonight I officially became a Sparkpeople Motivator.
When I read this tonight, I instantly broke down. So many emotions are coursing through me right now but most of all, I want to say thank you.
Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for supporting me. Thank you for rejoicing in my small victories.
THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. This means so very much!
[And, if you are new and you are reading this, write down those goals and keep plugging away at them one day (or one pound) at a time. It will happen. You CAN and WILL do it!]
Friday, January 07, 2011
On Monday, I tried a spin class out for the very first time.. loved it! But, I haven't been back. Why, you ask? Well, because I haven't been able to get my tush out of bed on time. Getting out of bed at 6 am when I don't have is asking alot.
I was thinking.. it is time to re-think this spinning class business. I have decided I am going to sign up for spin class on Tuesday at noon and Thursday at 9:30 if they aren't already full and cancel my class on Friday at 6 am.
Hopefully, I will...
-Get addicted to it
-Find the motivation to go on Mondays and Wednesday at 6 AM
-Drop pounds like crazy
-Improve my running time
Hope everyone is kicking 2011's butt!
Okay, basically, I love the YMCA I have decided! You have to sign up weekly so this means I didn't commit to 6 AM classes. It is now official. I am signed up for Monday and Tuesday at noon and Thursday at 9:30! I feel like it is definitely doable. Now, let's cross our fingers that I will get so addicted that I WILL be motivated to go to the 6 AM one when the semester starts!
Monday, January 03, 2011
I consider myself fairly close with my parents. Than, on Friday I said enough was enough with my actions. (See blog.) Basically, I left, called when I got home, and haven't talked to my parents since. I talk to my parents on a daily basis, several times a day, so this is just weird.
In fact, today I realized they didn't even know I was taking a spin class. Even through I signed up for it before I went down there, I didn't share because my mom tends to be negative when I want to try new things.
I remember a few years before I went to college, I mentioned I was going to run a 5K and my offered me a $1000 if I did it that year. Man, I should have taken the money and ran (literally).
Anyhow, I tend to shy away from telling my family about "new" things that I may have doubts about myself. Kinda like when my sister laughed when I told her I want to learn how to ride a bike. I think you are getting the point.
Tonight, I have been thinking about it... and I think it was a blessing in disguise. If I told my mom, she would have been negative, making me doubt myself, and I wouldn't have gone. But, I didn't tell her so I went.
I am feeling pretty darn good about going to my first spin class. I tried something new and my depression is gone, for now. In fact, I am feeling like my old self. Thank goodness!
Besides thinking of that blessing in disguise, I was thinking how I need to get a hobby. I have been SOO bored with no homework and only working two to three shifts a week. Than, a went off!
I used to exercise like TWO hours a day. I could do that! That can be my hobby for the next three weeks until I go back to school. I like to exercise. I need to exercise for my depression. Also, when I go back to school my body needs to be ready for two hours of exercise again because I will be doing that with my spin class and my activity courses. (I am an Exercise Science major and we are required to take activity courses like badminton.) And, if I happen to lose some weight.. I won't be complaining.
Actually, I probably won't even know, lol. A few days ago I had my BF take my scale and not give it back to me until Jan 31st. Maybe that was another reason I was anxious? I was banking on that we are going to still be together in a month.. I think so.. but, hey, you never know!
SO, yes, I have a new hobby... exercise!
And, yes, I will be safe. I will make sure I eat enough calories and not even do it. I already got that from my BF, lol.
Monday, January 03, 2011
Thanks to JOAN_HEO, I made it to my spin class. I was 5 minutes late but I made it to my spin class. It was alright but I would definitely do some things different. Next time, I need to get there earlier than I did today for time to get settled in, adjust seats, and ready for the warm up. Another thing that would make the class smoother I need a squirt water bottle versus one with a twist cap.
Anyhow, it was nice to get up and start my day with a good workout. I expected to sweat more but I think it was because I wasn't "into" my workout. Talking of which, SP says I burned 566. Honestly, I do not feel like I burned that. So, I put in 30 minutes... since my legs and butt are sore. Is that normal for my butt to more sore than my legs?
Last night when I was couldn't sleep, I did alot of thinking. I decided that for the next two months (or a certain time), I am going to reward myself with buying a new song for every class I attend. When I have gone to every class during that time frame and not missed a single one, I get a new Ipod. Right now, mine is on its last leg.
I did expect to get rid of some anxiety. It's not. I am not sure what to do to make it go away. I seem to get temporary relief from exercise right now. Maybe it is more anxiety related to my relationship than depression. I wish I knew how to calm myself about him leaving me. I tried talked to a friend about it. No help. She is like just don't worry about it. Have you ever tried to not think about something? It's impossible.
Anyhow, spin class was a success!
Saturday, January 01, 2011
I want to blog.
I need to blog.
But, what I need to say is nothing positive. In fact, I had it partly written than realized it was just no good. It was bringing me back down and would bring you down too. That's just no good. Here is the short story.
I went home.
Saw my parents.
My mom poked and poked holes into me (emotionally).
I went home early.
Missed Christmas at my Grandma's due to not wanting to see family and ify roads.
Woke up with a depression episode.
Hugged it out with my bf.
Ran 2.25 miles in 35 minutes.
Here I sit. Thinking about yesterday.
Over the last couple days with my mom, two things stick out the most.
I have been freezing cold when I go home. My mom this weekend was like maybe you should gain some weight back. Wait... WHAT?!! I know she was joking but with every joke there is a thread of truth.. than combine that with picking, poking and any slam she could.
My mom asked me why my necklace was so important to me. I have a necklace of a phoenix which my family knows I want to get a tattoo of when I have finally lost 100 pounds. I did not respond away.. I waited a moment or two because I thought she knew why I wanted the phoenix. Carefully, as if I was testing the waters, I explained it represents rebirth. I think she asked again.. why. Wait, WHAT?!! Where have you been, Mom!?!!
In the last few years, I have grew as a person more than I ever thought was possible (and will so even more I imagine in the years I come). It started with being more assertive. Than, worked aggressively on my depression. Than, I changed my lifestyle by exercising and eating right. In fact, I have loss 80#. That is no small feat by any means!
This has been a rebirth.
I still struggle with being assertive, my depression (like today), and even leading a healthy lifestyle. I know I could give up at a moments notice.. but than what would I have? Nothing. I really do like who I am today. I have substance. I am worth fighting for! Are you?
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