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Fight for YOU!

Saturday, January 01, 2011

I want to blog.

I need to blog.

But, what I need to say is nothing positive. In fact, I had it partly written than realized it was just no good. It was bringing me back down and would bring you down too. That's just no good. Here is the short story.

I went home.
Saw my parents.
My mom poked and poked holes into me (emotionally).
I went home early.
Missed Christmas at my Grandma's due to not wanting to see family and ify roads.
Woke up with a depression episode.
Hugged it out with my bf.
Ran 2.25 miles in 35 minutes.

Here I sit. Thinking about yesterday.

Over the last couple days with my mom, two things stick out the most.

First.
I have been freezing cold when I go home. My mom this weekend was like maybe you should gain some weight back. Wait... WHAT?!! I know she was joking but with every joke there is a thread of truth.. than combine that with picking, poking and any slam she could.

Second.
My mom asked me why my necklace was so important to me. I have a necklace of a phoenix which my family knows I want to get a tattoo of when I have finally lost 100 pounds. I did not respond away.. I waited a moment or two because I thought she knew why I wanted the phoenix. Carefully, as if I was testing the waters, I explained it represents rebirth. I think she asked again.. why. Wait, WHAT?!! Where have you been, Mom!?!!

In the last few years, I have grew as a person more than I ever thought was possible (and will so even more I imagine in the years I come). It started with being more assertive. Than, worked aggressively on my depression. Than, I changed my lifestyle by exercising and eating right. In fact, I have loss 80#. That is no small feat by any means!

This has been a rebirth.

I still struggle with being assertive, my depression (like today), and even leading a healthy lifestyle. I know I could give up at a moments notice.. but than what would I have? Nothing. I really do like who I am today. I have substance. I am worth fighting for! Are you?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CTUCCI 1/2/2011 3:11PM

    I am so sad that you were hurt, but also I see in this blog a story of hope. You saw what was happening and instead of sitting with it and welcoming more pain, you chose to leave. You chose YOU! Congratulations on an incredible year of progress. Not just the incredible weight loss - for sure a wonderful accomplishment in its own right. Congratulations on finding your voice - speaking it loud - fighting for what you need - vocalizing what is important to you. Remember, someone else not getting it does not invalidate the growth. It is yours to scream from the rooftops and no one takes away all you have done.

I am here in my living room, giving you the standing ovation! I am sure many of us are standing united as your cheerleaders. But most important is that you have been your own cheerleader! Hats off to you my friend! You are one of my heroes! You inspire me

Cindy

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PATRICIAANN46 1/1/2011 8:46PM

  YOU are DEFINITELY worth fighting for Savannah!!! I can't understand what your Mom is doing. It sounds like she is threatened by your weight loss. It sounds as if HER self-esteem is hurting. Am I way off base? I would give ANYTHING to have had a daughter. I can't imagine NOT being proud of all that you have accomplished and all that YOU are.
I don't know what your relationship is with your Mom, but you are so much stronger now and you have so many people and resources to help you. I don't think that you are the one who needs help though...........I think that your Mom needs help.
YOU have the tools to fight for yourself and I can't see you ever going backward.
I am in your corner!!! emoticon

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Operation: Spin Class

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

For the last couple months, my routine has consisted of the arc trainer, running on the TM, biking occasionally, and working in ST with some of the stationary machines or doing kettle bells. I guess it was alright for my body.. but mentally I struggled and it bored me! Before I knew it, my 2 hours of daily exercise trickled down to 30 minutes every other day. This was not good for many reasons but the primarily one is that I noticed I have been struggling with my depression more. *big sigh*

So, instead of fighting the boredom, I decided with the new year, I would throw the old routine. As of next Monday, I will be starting a 6 AM Spin Class! On my winter break! emoticon I think I may just be crazy! I do not need to be anywhere until 3 pm, at best, and I am choosing to get up at 5 AM!!! in order to be at class at 6 AM! Have I mentioned I struggle from getting my butt out of bed for 8 AM classes?!! Oh, boy..

So, why am I doing this?

I need to get into routine BEFORE classes start again on January 24th! Also, I need to start a whole NEW routine. And, I do love starting my day with a good workout!

Wish me luck! I already have that seed of doubt wondering if I can wake up and GO!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PATRICIAANN46 12/30/2010 1:46PM

  What a great idea. You are young and full of energy and you will SPIN depression right out of your life. I think that you will really like the classes and your metabolism will be revved up for the day!!!
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MEADSBAY 12/29/2010 11:10PM

    emoticon

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LIQUEURLADY 12/29/2010 8:42PM

    Enjoy, and get to it! emoticon

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NAMSMOMMY 12/29/2010 12:55PM

    You can totally do it. I am planning to get up at 5am to run so I can prep for my 10k. =) We will be early risers together! lol

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BAILEYS7OF9 12/29/2010 11:17AM

    I am JEALOUS! I can't find spin classes by me that would work for my time slots. The closest is 1/2 hour away. boo

have fun!

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1CRAZYDOG 12/29/2010 10:28AM

    Good for you!!!! You can do it! Here's a woo hoo . . . at least now the days will start getting a little longer . . . and that helps a little with the blues.

I bet you'll enjoy the spin class, even though you have to get up early. YOU'RE worth it.

Hope you have a wonderful, spectacular New Year!!!



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WOMANCHEF 12/29/2010 7:21AM

    You can do it! What a great way to start the new semester. emoticon

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KMICHA 12/29/2010 6:37AM

    Good for you! You can do this! Set your mind to it; determination and desire will get you moving. One you establish the routine, it becomes easier and easier to get up early . . . there is nothing like a great morning workout . . . and then your done for the day!! Good Luck!! Let us know how it goes!!

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SHERYLDS 12/29/2010 5:46AM

    I always love to hear about your dedication. And look at the wonderful results. You go girl! Can't wait to see new pictures of your progress.

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MEYLOSE 12/29/2010 12:02AM

    I went to SPIN class when I had agym membership and I loved it!! ENJOY!!

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Christmas (and Goals).

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Hope everyone had a good Christmas, if you celebrate. emoticon Overall, I think I did. Besides eating, LOTS! Just because I have lost a chunk of weight, it does not mean I like food any less. Honestly, I feel like I like food more.. like I savor the food I shouldn't have and love the fruits and veggies even more! I went a bit crazy on Christmas day... oops. Tomorrow is my weigh in so we will see how much "loving" food cost me. emoticon Putting the food aside (like I should have done yesterday), I thought many of you would be happy to know that I got pepper spray for Christmas. Happy Running! emoticon And, it's even pink!

Moving on... to goals! Big surprise, right?! Okay, maybe not.. but here they are anyhow!

2011 Goals:
-Make goal weight of 150 (So close, but SO far away!)
-Run SIX 5Ks (I did two in '09, and four in '10)
-Run a 10K race (Sounds daunting but feel like I need to move to the next step!)
-Pay off credit card (Just cuz it needs to go!)

January Goals:
-Exercise everyday
-Count calories again
-Focus on drinking water

Last month, I fell out of exercising and counting calories everyday and I am hoping January will help me get back into the groove! I need to before classes start again! I am thinking of taking a 6 AM Spinning Class at the YMCA. That means getting up around 5 AM! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANEPANALIPTI 12/28/2010 3:30PM

    Lovin the goals and the attitude towards food! Here's to 2011 being goal weight year! :D

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PATRICIAANN46 12/27/2010 9:28PM

  Your goals sound very doable. I don't know if I could SPIN at 6AM, but you are young..........
Yaaaaaaaaaay!!!!
!!! I am so glad that someone got you pepper spray. I feel better about you running alone now. But, I still wish you would run with a partner.
I KNOW that you will reach your goal in 2011!!!!! Look what you have accomplished so far......... emoticon

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LIQUEURLADY 12/27/2010 6:40PM

    Let's us both have a great year! (even loving food!)

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TAMTAMM 12/27/2010 8:38AM

    Sounds like you know what you want emoticon!
Here's emoticon to you in 2011! emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 12/27/2010 8:44:40 AM

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CRISSYCURRY 12/26/2010 10:22PM

    Sounds like you have great goals! Good luck with them!

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LCORTEZ7 12/26/2010 8:55PM

    Great goals! Glad to hear that Santa was thinking about your safety (pepper spray)this year emoticon. I need to get back on tracking calories too. I've really let that go. 2011 has good things in store for you. Just remember one step at a time. emoticon

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This made my day! Woo-hoo! :)

Monday, December 20, 2010

Today, I was feeling alot of feelings - lonely, sad, frustrated, disappointed, excited - which I just ended up feeling really crabby.

Anyhow, I was eating lunch alone in the cafeteria. When this guy that I have seen around approached me and started to talk to me about a class we had together like three semesters ago. I started to wonder if he was going to try to pick me up.

It was even better than that! He asked about my weight loss.. you know how much, and how I did it. Than, he was telling me about how he is trying to lose weight and stuff... and asked ME for advice! emoticon As I wanted to hand him a business card I didn't have, I realized I really could enjoy being a personal trainer and LOVE it.

Anyhow, I am trying to focus on that... and going on our first official date with Nick who I haven't seen for five days!!! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PATRICIAANN46 12/21/2010 6:49PM

  YAAAAAAAAAY!!!!! What a great reward....... emoticon

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LCORTEZ7 12/21/2010 1:32PM

    Great for you! Enjoy the date and be yourself. You're a great person.

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KROCKSTAR 12/21/2010 8:55AM

    Awesome!!! It's nice to be noticed. Have fun on your date!!!!

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LIQUEURLADY 12/20/2010 11:07PM

    I'd be walking on air! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ANEPANALIPTI 12/20/2010 10:56PM

    emoticon emoticon

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TAMTAMM 12/20/2010 4:44PM

    Wow that is emoticon!! You should have a smile from ear to ear emoticon

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SHERYLDS 12/20/2010 4:38PM

    I so am happy for you. Great way to start a New Year.
Keep it up my friend. You see how it's working for you
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JANEMAR2 12/20/2010 4:33PM

    Congratulations! emoticon

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BAILEYS7OF9 12/20/2010 4:33PM

    emoticonglad something came along to turn around your day!

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My reward when I reach 170!

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Since starting to count my calories again.. so like three days ago.. I feel like today is the first day I am in range again! emoticon

With all this calorie business, it got me to thinking about how I need to have new goals and even rewards. Right now, I don't really have any new goals besides losing the next ten pounds. For me, that would mean.. weighing 170. I think I am going to set a reward for that to. Something I know I should do but like never do.

I have decided that once I see 170 in the evil little scale... I am throwing out the majority of my undies. No, I am NOT going commando but rather buying sexy undies. Part of it is for my BF but also for me. I feel sexier and more confident with sexy intimates. So, why not?

I'm worth it!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WOMANCHEF 12/20/2010 7:32AM

    You are worth it! Get rid of those granny panties. emoticon

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