Saturday, January 01, 2011
I want to blog.
I need to blog.
But, what I need to say is nothing positive. In fact, I had it partly written than realized it was just no good. It was bringing me back down and would bring you down too. That's just no good. Here is the short story.
I went home.
Saw my parents.
My mom poked and poked holes into me (emotionally).
I went home early.
Missed Christmas at my Grandma's due to not wanting to see family and ify roads.
Woke up with a depression episode.
Hugged it out with my bf.
Ran 2.25 miles in 35 minutes.
Here I sit. Thinking about yesterday.
Over the last couple days with my mom, two things stick out the most.
I have been freezing cold when I go home. My mom this weekend was like maybe you should gain some weight back. Wait... WHAT?!! I know she was joking but with every joke there is a thread of truth.. than combine that with picking, poking and any slam she could.
My mom asked me why my necklace was so important to me. I have a necklace of a phoenix which my family knows I want to get a tattoo of when I have finally lost 100 pounds. I did not respond away.. I waited a moment or two because I thought she knew why I wanted the phoenix. Carefully, as if I was testing the waters, I explained it represents rebirth. I think she asked again.. why. Wait, WHAT?!! Where have you been, Mom!?!!
In the last few years, I have grew as a person more than I ever thought was possible (and will so even more I imagine in the years I come). It started with being more assertive. Than, worked aggressively on my depression. Than, I changed my lifestyle by exercising and eating right. In fact, I have loss 80#. That is no small feat by any means!
This has been a rebirth.
I still struggle with being assertive, my depression (like today), and even leading a healthy lifestyle. I know I could give up at a moments notice.. but than what would I have? Nothing. I really do like who I am today. I have substance. I am worth fighting for! Are you?
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
For the last couple months, my routine has consisted of the arc trainer, running on the TM, biking occasionally, and working in ST with some of the stationary machines or doing kettle bells. I guess it was alright for my body.. but mentally I struggled and it bored me! Before I knew it, my 2 hours of daily exercise trickled down to 30 minutes every other day. This was not good for many reasons but the primarily one is that I noticed I have been struggling with my depression more. *big sigh*
So, instead of fighting the boredom, I decided with the new year, I would throw the old routine. As of next Monday, I will be starting a 6 AM Spin Class! On my winter break! I think I may just be crazy! I do not need to be anywhere until 3 pm, at best, and I am choosing to get up at 5 AM!!! in order to be at class at 6 AM! Have I mentioned I struggle from getting my butt out of bed for 8 AM classes?!! Oh, boy..
So, why am I doing this?
I need to get into routine BEFORE classes start again on January 24th! Also, I need to start a whole NEW routine. And, I do love starting my day with a good workout!
Wish me luck! I already have that seed of doubt wondering if I can wake up and GO!
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Hope everyone had a good Christmas, if you celebrate. Overall, I think I did. Besides eating, LOTS! Just because I have lost a chunk of weight, it does not mean I like food any less. Honestly, I feel like I like food more.. like I savor the food I shouldn't have and love the fruits and veggies even more! I went a bit crazy on Christmas day... oops. Tomorrow is my weigh in so we will see how much "loving" food cost me. Putting the food aside (like I should have done yesterday), I thought many of you would be happy to know that I got pepper spray for Christmas. Happy Running! And, it's even pink!
Moving on... to goals! Big surprise, right?! Okay, maybe not.. but here they are anyhow!
-Make goal weight of 150 (So close, but SO far away!)
-Run SIX 5Ks (I did two in '09, and four in '10)
-Run a 10K race (Sounds daunting but feel like I need to move to the next step!)
-Pay off credit card (Just cuz it needs to go!)
-Count calories again
-Focus on drinking water
Last month, I fell out of exercising and counting calories everyday and I am hoping January will help me get back into the groove! I need to before classes start again! I am thinking of taking a 6 AM Spinning Class at the YMCA. That means getting up around 5 AM!
Monday, December 20, 2010
Today, I was feeling alot of feelings - lonely, sad, frustrated, disappointed, excited - which I just ended up feeling really crabby.
Anyhow, I was eating lunch alone in the cafeteria. When this guy that I have seen around approached me and started to talk to me about a class we had together like three semesters ago. I started to wonder if he was going to try to pick me up.
It was even better than that! He asked about my weight loss.. you know how much, and how I did it. Than, he was telling me about how he is trying to lose weight and stuff... and asked ME for advice! As I wanted to hand him a business card I didn't have, I realized I really could enjoy being a personal trainer and LOVE it.
Anyhow, I am trying to focus on that... and going on our first official date with Nick who I haven't seen for five days!!!
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Since starting to count my calories again.. so like three days ago.. I feel like today is the first day I am in range again!
With all this calorie business, it got me to thinking about how I need to have new goals and even rewards. Right now, I don't really have any new goals besides losing the next ten pounds. For me, that would mean.. weighing 170. I think I am going to set a reward for that to. Something I know I should do but like never do.
I have decided that once I see 170 in the evil little scale... I am throwing out the majority of my undies. No, I am NOT going commando but rather buying sexy undies. Part of it is for my BF but also for me. I feel sexier and more confident with sexy intimates. So, why not?
I'm worth it!!!
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