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Cookie Frustration

Thursday, December 09, 2010

emoticon emoticon Every family has holiday traditions. emoticon emoticon

One of my family traditions is to decorate cookies. emoticon It started when I was little and my sisters has continued it with their families. I live three hours away so I come down and join them. In the last few years, everyone would bring cookies.. but, well, me. Let me explain. Everyone that comes has a family and a steady job. Well, I do not. I attend college and have very little money. This has been the understanding for the last few years.

This year my sister told me I have to bring cookies. And, made it seem like it is rude. Yes, it might be. But, also, there will be SIX different types of cookies! emoticon How many cookies do we need?!! We do not need that many cookies!

I am just SOOO frustrated with it all. I barely can afford to spend $50 in gas money... add the cost of cookies... and than Christmas is coming up.. so that means more gas money and Christmas presents. emoticon

Thanks for listening. I am better.. still frustrated. I will probably go to my sisters, with no cookies. I might ask for no cookies. Or, just a few for my boyfriend.

That brings me to some updates. I haven't written for a while and some things have changed.

One of the new developments is I am now dating someone who is amazing. He treats me like a queen. It's great. As some of you guys know, I workout to elevate my stress so I don't get depression episodes. Well, I haven't worked out week because I have been so relaxed and happy. Yesterday I tried to work out and my heart just wasn't in it. I will have to try to figure how to get back into the groove of things again. (I might touch on this in more detail in another blog down the road.)

Besides that, I have been getting trained in at the YMCA. I really enjoy it. When I have been shadowing with the equipment orientation, it has been alot of fun. It is exciting! The energy there is so emoticon. I think I will really like it. *crosses her fingers* As for my other job, the one I was going to resign from, they are going to keep me on and work with my YMCA schedule.

Right now, I feel like I am so lucky... things are going well.. so far! Hope everyone else is doing well!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KTRIBE808 12/20/2010 1:33PM

    How about making some of those swell cookies featured lately on SP? Substitute Splenda for sugar, etc. I am making NO cookies this year! I love my baking too darn much! But I did make a "light" Pumpkin Spice Cake for one party (no one could tell it was "light") and I modified the recipe for Black Forest Mini Cheesecakes by subbing reduced-fat cream cheese, sour cream, and vanilla wafers until they are only 85 calories apiece. I have made a vow to only bake for OTHERS so I do not have the temptation in my home. Good luck with your studies (I teach at the college level) and Merry Christmas!

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CIVIAV 12/15/2010 11:02AM

    Yeah, you sound strong no matter. So glad your guy treats you like you are - A Regal Queen!

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LIQUEURLADY 12/11/2010 8:50PM

    I hope you can have a good conversation with your sister and family about traditions and which ones might not be suitable cookies. We get so nuts about these holidays and forget what's really important, and it's not the cookies!

Glad you're seeing someone who appreciates you, and that other challenges are falling into place. You'll get your workouts in, since it's important and an important part of you. Have a great weekend!

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ANEPANALIPTI 12/11/2010 11:45AM

    Girl, I am SO happy that you've met someone so great! YOU DESERVE IT Now how's your leg , and I'd still appreciate if you got on that treadmill and walked with one minute of running thrown in to count for your Running Through the Holidays Challenge. emoticon


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PATRICIAANN46 12/10/2010 1:23PM


If you still want the experience of decorating the cookies with your sisters, I would NOT bring cookies and NOT take any at the end of the session. They MUST be aware of your new healthy lifestyle by this time and should understand that you want to be with them, but you don't want the temptation of taking the cookies with you.

I agree with DARBOYMOM..........maybe the two of you could work out together. I would feel much better about you running outdoors if he was with you.........

Yaaaay Savannah!!!!! emoticon

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ECLECTIC_ME 12/10/2010 8:46AM

    It's sad how some traditions become less of a joy and more of a burden. Keep smilin'! You've got so much going on for you right now!

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VICIOUS421 12/10/2010 4:04AM


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DARBOYMOM 12/9/2010 10:41PM

    Does your sister know about your healthy lifestyle commitment? Even if she doesn't, I think it is rude of HER to insist you bring cookies -- knowing your financial predicament. If I were you, I would simply say "I would love to come for the fun and to see the family, but I'm sorry I cannot afford to bring cookies AND give gifts this year. So I won't be bringing any cookies." Too bad for her if she doesn't like it.
It's wonderful that you have found a man that treats you the way you deserve to be treated!!! It's great that you're so happy. Does he work out? Maybe it would motivate you if you did it together. Worked out, that is!!!! ;)

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December Goals

Wednesday, December 01, 2010

It's December already?!! Well, you know what that means... monthly goals!

Before we do that, let's review how I did with last month's goals...
-To not weigh in
-To measure weekly (every Monday)
-To strength train regularly
-To exercise for the love of it
-To keep my depression in check
-To stay in my range on most days

I did alright on my goals. I feel I reached the last four while the first two I could have done better. Overall, that's not too bad! At first I was doing alright with weighing in monthly, than I threw caution (or rather the goal) to the wind.

Now for this month... let's keep it simple.

-Do kettlebells 2x a week
-Get under 180 and STAY there! 170-ville here I come!!!
-Stay consistent with running

In other news, I started my job yesterday and I think I will LOVE it. This will be a good step, I think, for me. I am going to hand in my resignation this week or early next week! As for training, the day went by pretty fast yesterday as we went rushing around all over the place. I didn't work out but I think the rushing around should count for something!

At the end of the day, I noticed that even through I was on my feet from 10-3, my knees and feet didn't hurt at all like they would when I worked the front desk, years ago. Maybe because they have 80# of weight not on them anymore! Talk about an added bonus of the weight loss! emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANEPANALIPTI 12/8/2010 5:13PM

    how're you doing girl?

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GRAMMIE1959 12/2/2010 7:05AM


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JENN26POINT2 12/1/2010 3:57PM

    Hooray for new jobs! Good luck and I hope you like it!

Your goals look great and very manageable! Good luck!

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Exposed, raw emotions.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Tonight I hung out with a newer friend and he was in my room for the first time. In my room, I have my race bibs hung up on one wall and my motivational board and calendar with my current and goals weights on the other. Tonight he looked at my weight and started telling me I could lose 2# a week and such. I explained I have lost 80# and asked if he wanted to see my before pictures. He declined. Okay, whatever.

It didn't bother me until I was laying in bed.. thinking.

Than, it hit. Suddenly, I wanted to bawl.

It felt like he was saying, I need to lose more weight. Like I am not good enough. All the things I felt in High School, when I got teased the most, came flooding back. Suddenly, I felt SO exposed.

I know some people do not understand this, cannot understand this, but if I did not lose much more, I could be content with me. I think that is the most important lesson on this journey. To be happy with us, no matter what weight.

Here is something else to chew on for the people that have always been fit. For some of us, like me, we do not realize how unhappy we are until we change for the better, inside and out. Please remember this when commenting on our "before". Don't make us sound like the scum of the earth. Because you know what? We aren't. Most of us, do not believe we were THAT bad so THINK before you speak.

With that said, I never found myself utterly disgusting... I just wanted to feel better about me. It was like I knew I was an okay person but knew I could do better. Since than, I veer from the fashion magazines and just try to be the best ME I can be. I know I will never be a fashion model and I am a-okay with that. They have eating disorders and other problems. I don't want that. No, thank you!

I came to talk about my exposed, raw emotions.. and I have. Maybe now I can get some sleep! I have a LONG day ahead of me tomorrow. Class at 9, Work from 10-3ish, Class at 4, and Bentleyville (A Christmas Village of Lights) in the evening with someone that likes me for me and doesn't make me feel like I gotta change but if I do, that's a-okay too.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOMTO6PLUS2 12/2/2010 9:30PM

    This is something that's crossed my mind more than once recently:

"For some of us, like me, we do not realize how unhappy we are until we change for the better, inside and out. Please remember this when commenting on our "before"."

So true! I thought that I was okay-- not feeling hideous or miserable. Like it or not-- that was ME even 100+ pounds ago!

Spark ON! You are amazing!


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ANEPANALIPTI 12/2/2010 3:36PM

    Hey girl, sorry that I am just now commenting I read them all when you write them...

Do you know how much exactly I feel the same way as you about the journey? How its really about coming to accept ourselves and who we are ?

Those kind of comments/people STING and are just SO unwanted!!!!!

EXPOSED is the perfect word for it.

I think you're awesome


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LCORTEZ7 11/30/2010 11:28PM

    emoticon move've lost 80 lbs. That's something to be proud of and to emoticon Celebrate! emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 11/30/2010 8:53PM

    Men just have an innate way of saying things in the wrong way. Then it's "out there", they move on, forget what they've said and YOU hang on to it and feel bad, etc.

So, I have to agree with the others that you DO know where you're going and how to get there, and stay the path! You are clearly VERY alright with who you are so THAT is what is important . . . not what others think or say.

So, I hope tomorrow is a better day for you and really . . . you ARE a beautiful person, inside and out! Always remember that.

I guess I learned a long time ago that if someone doesn't like me for who and what I am, then that's alright. There are plenty of people who DO like me for who I am! You too!!

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PATRICIAANN46 11/30/2010 6:25PM

  All you have to do is look in the mirror. OK, now look at that face. Now look into those beautiful eyes.......deep inside........that beautiful person has been there all along and she always will be. can usually screw up a one car parade.........especially with their comments. He probably didn't mean to be mean..........he's man!!!

You Are The emoticon

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CYNTHIAMINUS40 11/30/2010 12:16PM

    Amen - you speak the truth that so many of us feel, too!

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JENN26POINT2 11/30/2010 11:29AM

    The current you is beautiful! Even if he doesn't thinks so. The past you was beautiful too... and your future you is beautiful. Don't listen to what others say (I know... easier said than done) and just know that you're doing what makes you happy... you're doing this for you, not for anyone else. Keep your head up. You're doing an amazing job at being you! :)

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BAILEYS7OF9 11/30/2010 10:49AM

    hmm. Maybe.. since he said you could loose 2#s a week, he was being helpful in encouraging proper weight loss vs saying you NEED to loose so many pounds?

I don't know. I wasn't there.

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ELFITZPA 11/30/2010 9:57AM

    I'm so sorry about that, your success deserves to be celebrated, not pushed aside.

And I know it doesn't make it any better but he may have had NO CLUE how much his comments upset you. I've found that men just want to FIX things. They don't want to listen to venting or look back on past successes, they just want to move forward and make things better. He may have seen the direction you've been heading in and just assumed his 2 cents could help you get further.

I could be totally wrong, I've just spent the last couple years learning how to deal with my (wonderful) fiance's constant need to help and fix things. For me, it's often my career and it makes me feel like he thinks I'm incapable of succeeding on my own. It DOES make me feel like I'm not good enough or like he doesn't value all the things I HAVE accomplished, which I'm guessing it kind of how your friend's comments made you feel. I've learned to let my fiance know how his comments come across and when to simply stuff it and he's been pretty understanding. Hopefully your friend can be, as well.


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JDB501 11/30/2010 9:28AM

    Everytime a friend or loved one "helps" us, it reinforces the idea that we could do better, not celebrates how far we've come. 80 lbs is AMAZING!!!!!. Don't let anyone take that away from you. emoticon

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GRAMMIE1959 11/30/2010 7:58AM

    I saw a bumper sticker that reads: "Mean people Suck"

Here @ SP we celebrate YOU, wherever you are.

Here @ SP we love you just as you are.

Despite how his comment made you feel it is how you feel that is important.

You have done so well and have come so far-you are a true inspiration to me and so many others!

Hugs n' such-

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MEL_UNRAU 11/30/2010 7:56AM

    Some times, the people who mean the best things in the world crush us like bugs. I know my dad is pretty good at saying "helpful" things that leave me, in my room, at age 33, in my own house, across the country, crying.

Or maybe its a clue in that this newer friend is better left off the radar. If he makes you feel this way, investing time in a new friendship might not be worth it.

I hope you have an absolutely wonderful, busy day! And enjoy the holiday lights! I can't wait to go to some of our favorite light shows this year!

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WOMANCHEF 11/30/2010 6:55AM

    I agree with Sherylds - I think he was probably just trying to be helpful and not deliberately cruel. Sometimes we feel negative things because of our past. You are doing such a great job with this and are amazing! emoticon

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SHERYLDS 11/30/2010 5:42AM

    Just remember, sometimes it's not the person's intent. We all get flashbacks to the mean things that have been said to us in the past. He may have thought he was showing how smart HE was saying you could lose 2 pounds a week. Isn't that what all the experts say? But you perceive it as, another critic diminishing your accomplishment. It's the same feeling we all get when someone gives us a performance review on the job. We want to hear praise and applause, but we usually get told where we could improve. You know where you're going and how to get there; stop CARING what others say (or don't say) and just hold your head high. YOU ARE FANTASTIC, BEAUTIFUL, AND A CHAMPION.

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Sparker of the Week: Me?

Monday, November 29, 2010

Today I am crabby. Yup, that is it! I am stressed out about my schedule not working out with the YMCA. I REALLY want to work there but... I just need her to work with me for the next three weeks. Three weeks! Tomorrow, I start training and I hope it goes well!

On top of that, I hurt my hip, thigh, knee and upper shin. Why hurt one when I can hurt all of them? I took off class and iced the thigh and knee. I hope it will feel better when I walk around. I have to go to self defense tomorrow... and I might miss if it doesn't feel good. *sigh*

With all that said, there is a little light at this negative tunnel... I am the Sparker of the Week on the Jog/Walk the Weight Off. It is a wonderful team. They are constantly thinking of FUN, exciting challenges.

Check it out:

Anyhow, to be the Sparker of the Week really warmed my heart after a sucky day so far with stressing out about the YMCA job and my lame leg. I am quite honored! emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANEPANALIPTI 12/2/2010 3:33PM

    Way to go girl and rest up!!!!! :-)

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PSALM34V7 11/30/2010 1:08PM

    Ouch! I hope that leg feels better very soon!

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PATRICIAANN46 11/29/2010 5:47PM

  How could you possibly be surprised about being the Sparker of the Week when most of us on this site think of you as the Sparker of the YEAR?!?!?! emoticon

How did you injure yourself?

Oh, and my wish was for great health for our family members........a dull, grown-up wish, but a very meaningful one as we haven't had great luck health-wise lately. Elizabeth's wish was that she wanted her hair to be as long as Rapunzel's. Oh, to be 3 again......

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LOSETHEWTIN08 11/29/2010 4:04PM

    Congratulations!I'm so proud of you! Glad you are nursing your hurt thigh and knee. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SBATES63 11/29/2010 3:41PM

    Congrats on being Sparker of the Week on your team!

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TAMTAMM 11/29/2010 3:41PM

    emoticonI have to say I am not surprise that you got the speaker of the week.
I know you said you are crabby right now (haha)but I think you are the most positive and uplifting person. I really like how you are soo helpful when someone has a question or needs advice in here...Be proud of yourself!!! emoticon

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KINISUE 11/29/2010 3:27PM

    Congratulations, try to look to the positive.

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Frustrated about the job... (and I haven't even had my first day)!

Sunday, November 28, 2010

In my last blog, many of you inquired that you wanted to be updated on my new job. I start on Tuesday. And, I am already having problems with the hours the "boss" wants to schedule me. emoticon We talked on Wednesday on the phone and I feel like she was trying to guilt trip me. She was like.. "Well, I want to make sure I am hiring you when I want you to work." Okay, understandable. But, understand this. I need to go to class. I did not know my one class that we NEVER have class, now is going to start again. *sigh* I guess what is really bothering me is she's making it seem like I lied. I did not. It say it right on my application. emoticon With all this, I am starting to wonder if things will get better with her and me. I really this think I will like the job... the jury is still out about the "boss" though.

Besides that headache, I have a test on Thursday where I told her I could work 'cuz I forgot I had a test. So, I am going to email the professor and tell him the situation. I am REALLY hoping he will let me reschedule. If he doesn't, I am going to have some real issues.

With all this, I have been wondering when I should be my notice in. The job I currently have ends when the semester ends, in like 3-4 weeks. I feel like if I give the typical 2 weeks, I will be leaving them high and dry.

In other news....

I am UNDER 180! emoticon I feel like I have been working towards this for weeks. I knew it wasn't far away but than Thanksgiving came. I was really worried. Yesterday, I got a touch of the flu... and well, got the run. I know, TMI... But you guys gotta know I didn't go crazy with working out or anything like that. I am just so glad I am under 180. Officially, when I weighed in today (three times), the scale said: 178.8. emoticon

I figured.. well, it's the end of the month, I might as measure myself. So, I did. I lost 1.5 inches on my waist and 1 inch on my hip. emoticon This is so exciting for me as I NEVER lose anything in those areas it seems. Well, I did this time!

Losing inches in those areas got me thinking: what changed? KETTLEBELLS! emoticon I think I just fell in love, haha! A friend of mine taught me how to use them and we've been doing them weekly... I think today I might try to do them by myself.

In a little bit, I am off to run hopefully. Than, find the YMCA I will be working at. (It took me a couple hours the last time.) Than, off to the movie, Tangled. Than, back here... to do some homework and laundry!

Hope everyone has a wonderful Sunday!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANEPANALIPTI 12/2/2010 3:32PM

    Under 180? WAY TO GO! I will be throwing a party when I get there, 177 is my goal weight!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PARKIE 11/29/2010 7:20AM

    Congrats on the weight loss! kettlebells always looked interesting

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SHERYLDS 11/28/2010 3:51PM

    CONGRATULATIONS on the Weight Loss.
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
Fantastic! All your hard work is really paying off
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

don't do a guilt trip on the old job. the laws of nature say, when you leave a place, they will blame you anyway, resent you for leaving, and say you left them short handed regardless of what you do....but they could drop you in a minute if they wanted to.

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LIQUEURLADY 11/28/2010 2:19PM

    I know, I know, you didn't ask me for advice, but here it is anyway, and worth every penny you paid for it (LOL). Take each day as it comes. I think that I would be upfront and say that I forgot about my test on Thursday (hoping that it's a class that I do really well in so that a test is no big deal), rather than ask the prof for an extension -- but you know best what his/her preferences are. Really -- you CAN make this work! Go for it!

oh yeah -- Congrats on the loss! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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