Sunday, December 19, 2010
Since starting to count my calories again.. so like three days ago.. I feel like today is the first day I am in range again!
With all this calorie business, it got me to thinking about how I need to have new goals and even rewards. Right now, I don't really have any new goals besides losing the next ten pounds. For me, that would mean.. weighing 170. I think I am going to set a reward for that to. Something I know I should do but like never do.
I have decided that once I see 170 in the evil little scale... I am throwing out the majority of my undies. No, I am NOT going commando but rather buying sexy undies. Part of it is for my BF but also for me. I feel sexier and more confident with sexy intimates. So, why not?
I'm worth it!!!
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Holy moly! I can't stop eating! HELP?!!!
It started yesterday... I just munched and munched.. on healthy foods like carrots and such. I am SO glad I threw out those cookies a few days ago. I don't get full and have no stopping point right now. It is like I have been starving and haven't ate for years. The word "no" is no longer in my vocabulary!
What in the world is going on!?!!!
Well, I know I was stressed earlier about my new relationship. You know how it is with all those questions. I think the main one is... will it last? Beyond that, it is graduation today. I tend to get sad about that everytime... with people moving on. When this happens, I don't hear from them again.
Well, that's that!
Saturday, December 18, 2010
When I gain weight, even the smallest amounts, I get upset. I don't always talk about it.. but it's there. I'm annoyed. Irritable. Crabby. Grumpy. Most the time I deal with it by trying to do better with calories and exercise that day. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
In fact, my boyfriend has picked up on it. He told me that today... which took me by surprise. We have only been dating for a couple weeks... and he noticed! My weight loss is a huge deal to me so it was a huge deal for me that he knew that I was crabby because of that even though I never once mentioned it!
In the last couple weeks, since we started dated, I have gained nearly THREE pounds. Yup, I am .4 from 180 after all that hard work! I am not too happy about it either. I would love to blame it on my new b/f but the thing is, I know it isn't his fault. He doesn't care what I eat... what guy does, really?
I think its more that my focused motivation and determination have been slacking.. or missing. Honestly, I do not think it has anything to do with the holidays. Nope, I cannot blame it on the holidays either. I feel like it has been slowly building up over time. A few months ago, I stopped counted calories. Than, slowly I could have dessert with every meal. I didn't restrict myself anymore. Now, I am not super strict with my exercise. I exercise whatever I do. Basically, I have relaxed about it all.
I feel like I am partly on and off the wagon. People say they fall off. I don't feel like I fell off completely. I still enjoy my fruits and veggies. I still gotta have my exercise. BUT... I also love my sweets.
When I eat poorly, I understand completely how someone could gain all their weight back. They (whoever they are) say if you keep off the weight for a year than you will.. but like 70% (or some crazy high percentage like that) will gain back their loss weight in the first year. I want to lose it once and for all!
Anyhow, am I stopping because if I continue I would be in uncharted waters and it terrifies me? We all have expectations of reaching our goal weight. Am I afraid they won't come true once my goal weight is reached? Is it time to switch my focus from losing weight to maybe a more concrete goal like running a Half Marathon?
I really am not sure. But I do know one thing. I will not be able to lose much more weight until I figure these questions out. Maybe I should write why exactly I am doing this. ANEPANALIPTI's vlog really gave me something to think about it when she talked about it. I am sure some goals have changed.. from when I was at 260 and now at 180ish.
Anyhow, I think I need to re-focus and be very strict. In other words, go back to the basics. Counting calories and strict exercise!
(And, no more cookies!!! I think I have had enough for quite awhile!)
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
My new relationship with my boyfriend is really messing with my weight loss!
Last week, I didn't work out all week. Mid-week I noticed this was happening and tried to go for a run. My heart just wasn't into it. Here's the thing. I was just too happy. I know it sounds really funny but that is the truth of it. I exercise to manage my stress or my depression gets out of hand. Well, I was super relaxed and happy so I didn't need/want to exercise. Ironically, I did lose like two pounds last week.
Than, this week came along... and.. its like my friends went all crazy. I know we are all adjusting to the new relationship.. but seriously! I kinda want to scream. If it's not someone is jealous than it is someone is distancing themselves. What IS their problem?!! Just because I am dating someone, it does NOT mean I am going to quit my own life. I know I kinda did last week but that was unintentionally. Both my BF and I agreed we need to still live our own lives. Besides, if we quit our own lives, what would we have?
*big sigh* I guess I thought friends were happy for their friends. I am really happy and really deserve this. Nick makes me SO very happy and truly does treat me quite well. I couldn't ask for anything more. Why can't they be happy for me? Honestly, since I am dealing with personal friend stress, it is like taking the funness (Is that a word?!) from having a new relationship. Especially when I have people telling me it won't last forever. Don't you think I know that?! I don't need someone to tell me my own fear!
Anywho, as one could imagine.. I kinda threw caution to the wind.. and had a cookie binge today. When I came home from my sisters, I had like 3 dozen cookies. I think I am going to give as Nick wants and give the rest away and/or throw the rest. I don't want them in my room. They are just causing unhappiness.
Thursday, December 09, 2010
Every family has holiday traditions.
One of my family traditions is to decorate cookies. It started when I was little and my sisters has continued it with their families. I live three hours away so I come down and join them. In the last few years, everyone would bring cookies.. but, well, me. Let me explain. Everyone that comes has a family and a steady job. Well, I do not. I attend college and have very little money. This has been the understanding for the last few years.
This year my sister told me I have to bring cookies. And, made it seem like it is rude. Yes, it might be. But, also, there will be SIX different types of cookies! How many cookies do we need?!! We do not need that many cookies!
I am just SOOO frustrated with it all. I barely can afford to spend $50 in gas money... add the cost of cookies... and than Christmas is coming up.. so that means more gas money and Christmas presents.
Thanks for listening. I am better.. still frustrated. I will probably go to my sisters, with no cookies. I might ask for no cookies. Or, just a few for my boyfriend.
That brings me to some updates. I haven't written for a while and some things have changed.
One of the new developments is I am now dating someone who is amazing. He treats me like a queen. It's great. As some of you guys know, I workout to elevate my stress so I don't get depression episodes. Well, I haven't worked out week because I have been so relaxed and happy. Yesterday I tried to work out and my heart just wasn't in it. I will have to try to figure how to get back into the groove of things again. (I might touch on this in more detail in another blog down the road.)
Besides that, I have been getting trained in at the YMCA. I really enjoy it. When I have been shadowing with the equipment orientation, it has been alot of fun. It is exciting! The energy there is so . I think I will really like it. *crosses her fingers* As for my other job, the one I was going to resign from, they are going to keep me on and work with my YMCA schedule.
Right now, I feel like I am so lucky... things are going well.. so far! Hope everyone else is doing well!
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