Thursday, December 09, 2010
Every family has holiday traditions.
One of my family traditions is to decorate cookies. It started when I was little and my sisters has continued it with their families. I live three hours away so I come down and join them. In the last few years, everyone would bring cookies.. but, well, me. Let me explain. Everyone that comes has a family and a steady job. Well, I do not. I attend college and have very little money. This has been the understanding for the last few years.
This year my sister told me I have to bring cookies. And, made it seem like it is rude. Yes, it might be. But, also, there will be SIX different types of cookies! How many cookies do we need?!! We do not need that many cookies!
I am just SOOO frustrated with it all. I barely can afford to spend $50 in gas money... add the cost of cookies... and than Christmas is coming up.. so that means more gas money and Christmas presents.
Thanks for listening. I am better.. still frustrated. I will probably go to my sisters, with no cookies. I might ask for no cookies. Or, just a few for my boyfriend.
That brings me to some updates. I haven't written for a while and some things have changed.
One of the new developments is I am now dating someone who is amazing. He treats me like a queen. It's great. As some of you guys know, I workout to elevate my stress so I don't get depression episodes. Well, I haven't worked out week because I have been so relaxed and happy. Yesterday I tried to work out and my heart just wasn't in it. I will have to try to figure how to get back into the groove of things again. (I might touch on this in more detail in another blog down the road.)
Besides that, I have been getting trained in at the YMCA. I really enjoy it. When I have been shadowing with the equipment orientation, it has been alot of fun. It is exciting! The energy there is so . I think I will really like it. *crosses her fingers* As for my other job, the one I was going to resign from, they are going to keep me on and work with my YMCA schedule.
Right now, I feel like I am so lucky... things are going well.. so far! Hope everyone else is doing well!
Wednesday, December 01, 2010
It's December already?!! Well, you know what that means... monthly goals!
Before we do that, let's review how I did with last month's goals...
-To not weigh in
-To measure weekly (every Monday)
-To strength train regularly
-To exercise for the love of it
-To keep my depression in check
-To stay in my range on most days
I did alright on my goals. I feel I reached the last four while the first two I could have done better. Overall, that's not too bad! At first I was doing alright with weighing in monthly, than I threw caution (or rather the goal) to the wind.
Now for this month... let's keep it simple.
-Do kettlebells 2x a week
-Get under 180 and STAY there! 170-ville here I come!!!
-Stay consistent with running
In other news, I started my job yesterday and I think I will LOVE it. This will be a good step, I think, for me. I am going to hand in my resignation this week or early next week! As for training, the day went by pretty fast yesterday as we went rushing around all over the place. I didn't work out but I think the rushing around should count for something!
At the end of the day, I noticed that even through I was on my feet from 10-3, my knees and feet didn't hurt at all like they would when I worked the front desk, years ago. Maybe because they have 80# of weight not on them anymore! Talk about an added bonus of the weight loss!
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Tonight I hung out with a newer friend and he was in my room for the first time. In my room, I have my race bibs hung up on one wall and my motivational board and calendar with my current and goals weights on the other. Tonight he looked at my weight and started telling me I could lose 2# a week and such. I explained I have lost 80# and asked if he wanted to see my before pictures. He declined. Okay, whatever.
It didn't bother me until I was laying in bed.. thinking.
Than, it hit. Suddenly, I wanted to bawl.
It felt like he was saying, I need to lose more weight. Like I am not good enough. All the things I felt in High School, when I got teased the most, came flooding back. Suddenly, I felt SO exposed.
I know some people do not understand this, cannot understand this, but if I did not lose much more, I could be content with me. I think that is the most important lesson on this journey. To be happy with us, no matter what weight.
Here is something else to chew on for the people that have always been fit. For some of us, like me, we do not realize how unhappy we are until we change for the better, inside and out. Please remember this when commenting on our "before". Don't make us sound like the scum of the earth. Because you know what? We aren't. Most of us, do not believe we were THAT bad so THINK before you speak.
With that said, I never found myself utterly disgusting... I just wanted to feel better about me. It was like I knew I was an okay person but knew I could do better. Since than, I veer from the fashion magazines and just try to be the best ME I can be. I know I will never be a fashion model and I am a-okay with that. They have eating disorders and other problems. I don't want that. No, thank you!
I came to talk about my exposed, raw emotions.. and I have. Maybe now I can get some sleep! I have a LONG day ahead of me tomorrow. Class at 9, Work from 10-3ish, Class at 4, and Bentleyville (A Christmas Village of Lights) in the evening with someone that likes me for me and doesn't make me feel like I gotta change but if I do, that's a-okay too.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Today I am crabby. Yup, that is it! I am stressed out about my schedule not working out with the YMCA. I REALLY want to work there but... I just need her to work with me for the next three weeks. Three weeks! Tomorrow, I start training and I hope it goes well!
On top of that, I hurt my hip, thigh, knee and upper shin. Why hurt one when I can hurt all of them? I took off class and iced the thigh and knee. I hope it will feel better when I walk around. I have to go to self defense tomorrow... and I might miss if it doesn't feel good. *sigh*
With all that said, there is a little light at this negative tunnel... I am the Sparker of the Week on the Jog/Walk the Weight Off. It is a wonderful team. They are constantly thinking of FUN, exciting challenges.
Check it out: www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
Anyhow, to be the Sparker of the Week really warmed my heart after a sucky day so far with stressing out about the YMCA job and my lame leg. I am quite honored!
Sunday, November 28, 2010
In my last blog, many of you inquired that you wanted to be updated on my new job. I start on Tuesday. And, I am already having problems with the hours the "boss" wants to schedule me. We talked on Wednesday on the phone and I feel like she was trying to guilt trip me. She was like.. "Well, I want to make sure I am hiring you when I want you to work." Okay, understandable. But, understand this. I need to go to class. I did not know my one class that we NEVER have class, now is going to start again. *sigh* I guess what is really bothering me is she's making it seem like I lied. I did not. It say it right on my application. With all this, I am starting to wonder if things will get better with her and me. I really this think I will like the job... the jury is still out about the "boss" though.
Besides that headache, I have a test on Thursday where I told her I could work 'cuz I forgot I had a test. So, I am going to email the professor and tell him the situation. I am REALLY hoping he will let me reschedule. If he doesn't, I am going to have some real issues.
With all this, I have been wondering when I should be my notice in. The job I currently have ends when the semester ends, in like 3-4 weeks. I feel like if I give the typical 2 weeks, I will be leaving them high and dry.
In other news....
I am UNDER 180! I feel like I have been working towards this for weeks. I knew it wasn't far away but than Thanksgiving came. I was really worried. Yesterday, I got a touch of the flu... and well, got the run. I know, TMI... But you guys gotta know I didn't go crazy with working out or anything like that. I am just so glad I am under 180. Officially, when I weighed in today (three times), the scale said: 178.8.
I figured.. well, it's the end of the month, I might as measure myself. So, I did. I lost 1.5 inches on my waist and 1 inch on my hip. This is so exciting for me as I NEVER lose anything in those areas it seems. Well, I did this time!
Losing inches in those areas got me thinking: what changed? KETTLEBELLS! I think I just fell in love, haha! A friend of mine taught me how to use them and we've been doing them weekly... I think today I might try to do them by myself.
In a little bit, I am off to run hopefully. Than, find the YMCA I will be working at. (It took me a couple hours the last time.) Than, off to the movie, Tangled. Than, back here... to do some homework and laundry!
Hope everyone has a wonderful Sunday!
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