Sunday, November 08, 2009
When I started this journey, my plan was to just commit for only a month - six months later here we are still going pretty strong. Everyday that the scale goes down, it seems surreal that I weigh what I do. I mean just six months ago I weighed 260 and now today I weigh 234.6 - 4.6 pounds away from being able to say I have lost 40 pounds. I would have never thought I could lose that much weight. Part of me, I think psychologically, still has the mindset of being 260 which is totally weird since I have changed. I like salad, exercise and even running.. haha! The person I was at 260 hated all those things even though she was unhappy.
Does anyone else find their weight surreal or unbelievable?
Monday, November 02, 2009
During the summer I started my day out with a good two or three mile walk - it was awesome. It seemed like I did not mind waking up a bit earlier like 8 am, lol, to go for my walk. I did not have to worry about working out for the rest of the day and mentally and physically I felt great! With going to college full time and working two part-time jobs, I found I could not do this since my day started out at 8 am. Eventually, I found that I needed that time to myself. I asked one of my employers to take away the hours in the morning. By doing this, I found my day than started at 10 am. I could work out again.
Today was the first day I could. I woke up at 6 am and did not want to be at the gym at 7.. eventually, I found myself there. Today was also the first day of me reading a novel on the elliptical. I used to love to read in High School but with college I found that I do not have time for it. School does precede that. Anyhow, it made time fly by - I did not want to get off the elliptical. It was awesome. I did 40 minutes easily!
Anyhow, today was the first day of training. It was okay. I am not overly excited about it but I am doing it. Today, I feel I could have put more into it - I will try Wednesday!
Lots of firsts today - that is for sure!!
Friday, October 30, 2009
As many of you know, with losing 30 lbs, I gained some self confidence. Earlier today, in my Math Lab, I was thinking it is odd how I no longer feel like I am taking up the aisle and a need to scoot in everything walked behind my chair. Well, tonight it seems like I have a short funny story that relates to my self confidence.
The RA came on for the night and he smelled good so I informed him of that. No biggie. Usually. Well, behind the front desk is pretty small. The RA was standing by the counter and I was like I think I fit between him and the other counter which is like a foot or so. Well, long story short I did not really and we kinda brushed against each other. He than joked about how I was hitting on him which I wasn't. It really was kinda funny.
Anyhow, the point is that apparently I think I am smaller than I am. I still need to work on estimating my size in small areas. Haha! Have a great night or day depending on when you are reading this. I hope this made you smile!
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
On Sunday, November 1st, it will be six months since I have took a big leap forward making changes to myself. No body says changing yourself for the better is easy. At that time, I do not think I know what I was getting myself into. I had one simple goal - I just wanted to feel better about myself. Six months later and 30 lbs lighter, I do feel better about myself.
Right now, I am about half way there and I am considering whether I want to continue on. Psychologically, I do not want to but physically I do. I think psychologically I am tired - it has been six months and it does not seem like I have the focus and determination like I did in the beginning. On the other hand, my body is not going to let me quit. Seriously. My mind and body is most happiest when I have worked out for about two hours a day. My mind and body seems to hum. If I do not work out, I felt guilty, sluggish and depressed.
What is most amazing is that I made a change to my life that I now have to live with. In the beginning I did not know how much these changes were going to affect my life. Seriously, I went from someone that despied working out to someone that is cutting out work and other things to fit it in. Sometimes my friends will be like I have no time to work out - I do not believe them. It is amazing how much you can fit in when you make it a priority. If you want to work out than make it a priority. It is that simple.
Also, I know in the last month I have not been eating the best and have not seen results in losing weight. I think this has also why I am considering to quit. I guess, honestly, it is easier to quit when it gets tough than to muster though the struggle. You don't have to worry about failing.. but also, you don't get the good feeling of acheiving your goals.
After thinking about this on length (like weeks), I think I know I cannot quit. I have not made my goal. It seems like I have a good support system that encourages me to succeed. This not only includes Will and Cassie but some friends outside of SparkPeople along with my family. My family is supportive in the weirdest way. They keep asking if I have lost anymore weight. I want to tell them yes but haven't been able to for a few weeks now. Also, whenever I get down about gaining a pound or something, my mom always surprises me by telling me how she knows I will lose it again.
I guess something that is also on my mind about quitting working on my weight loss is that "The Holidays" are right around the corner. I know this is a weakness of mine and I feel if I do not have a strong focus at the beginning of the holidays, I will end up not only not losing weight but gaining some weight. Maybe I am just worried that I will fail so I am quitting before that is even a possibility.
After all this, I think I know what I need. I need a new plan. The old one is not working. In the last couple months, I have been not counting calories. I think I need to get more strict with that - even as much as it can be a pain in the ass. In all of this, I know I can maintain myself - I have been doing for weeks/months.
Also, I think my goals need to be changed. I have been focusing on my weight numbers and I think I need to change my focus to less of the scale and more of the measurements. No one cares what I weigh - not even me - but I do want to be smaller. Also, I think I need to get focused on my goal of running a half marathon. I have been saying that I am going to train for a half marathon that is going on in June. I think I need to do less talking and more doing which is a common thing my Dad says. You know, if I acheive these goals, my weight loss will follow though. Some of you guys know that I have a poster in my room with my goals on it. I think it may be time for me to change the poster to better reflect my news goals. Seriously, it seems like everytime I look at it, I get down on myself for not acheiving them..
Anyhow, that is what is on my mind about my weight loss! How is YOURS going?!
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Whether you are on here to lose weight, like me, or just to get better fit - we all are on a journey. On this journey, we learn alot about ourselves - physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. In the 30 lbs, I have learned much about myself - I cannot wait to find out what lessons are in store for me in the next 20 lbs.
Recently, in the past week, I think I have a lesson that was re-enforcing itself. The lesson was: 1. I am a beautiful, amazing person and I should always remember that. 2. When you try to change yourself, people in your life tend not to embrace the change.
In the last year, I have changed so much that I do recognize myself - but I do like this person! Today, I went grocery shopping with an old friend and I was drooling over apples (yes, apples!!), and not some unhealthy dessert like cookies. Not only am I eating way healthier, I am training for a half marathon. That is running 13 miles. Keep in mind, just this week I ran a full mile for the first time but hey, I am not letting it stop me. Anyhow, back to how people will not want you to change.
Last night, I realized a friend has been tearing me down all week. He was not only pointing out my bad weaknesses but attacking them. What is worse - I was letting him. Towards the end of the conversation, he told me that he wanted me to be more average. In another words, I am so unique that he cannot handle being around me because I am not average at all. At that same point in the conversation, he informed me that he wanted me to be more boring. We were talking online and at this point of the conversation, I broke down.
In High School, I was so unique that I was too unique and constantly tried to blend in when I was born to stand out. By him saying that, it was like someone threw me right back in High School. I signed off and to this moment, I do not think understands how he hurt my feelings nor what he did was wrong. Basically, he wants me to not be me but conform to some ideal.
After thinking about this for a great deal, I realized he gave me a great compliment. I think it is a great compliment to be unique. In fact, it has always made me proud to be unique. I do not want to be like everyone else - how boring! I should probably thank him but would he even get that?
At this point, I think I understand he is not truly a friend. A true, quality friend does not ask you to change but likes you for who you are. In the next moments, I am going to tell him we need a break but I am taking a permanent one because I do not need someone sucking the energy out of me when I am so full of life.
Thanks for the Memories - Fall Out Boy
Have A Nice Day - Bon Jovi
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