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Rambling about judging people and group interactions.

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

I judge people. Basically, I judge people that used to judge me in High School. Is it right? No. Not at all. But, after years of teasing, I have found that I judge them. Who are they? They are the atheletes and jocks. Isn't that ironic? I am kinda one of them. They part of my major. I see them everyday in my classes. Honestly, I am not sure if I want anything to do with them. emoticon Basically, I am not giving them a chance because my experiences in High School. That is not right. But, on the other hand, I am not sure how to give them a chance. I have scars that jocks have left. Mind you, I know they are most likely VERY nice people. In fact, I learned this past weekend, two hockey players were quite nice.

In addition to this, I realized this week I somehow cannot act myself in groups of people. But, if I get one on one with people, I am fine.. but in a group? Uh-uh.. no way, jose! I've tried to act like ME in a group but I just cannot. I just seem to not relax and get it together enough.

By the way, I emailed my counselor today. Yup, that is right. I think I gotta go back. emoticon It is just not going away and I think I need help. I dunno. I think this is what I want to work on. How to be more accepting of them and be able to ask as ME in a group.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STITCHINGNAN 11/3/2010 3:49AM

    I am not a groupie either but isn't it better to be there for friends on a one to one? Accepting ourselves as we are is the first step to finding contentment. You sound balanced to me! Ree emoticon

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FITTERLIFE4ME 11/2/2010 8:48PM

    Not all of us are joyful and jolly when stood in a room filled with people but wouldn't it be dull if everyone was the same?

You sound pretty sorted to me and counselling? It brings out thoughts and feelings so that you can question them and maybe change them.
If you think about high school for many of us it was an emotional and hormonal time where we did things we regret and would be embarrassed to think about.
I doubt anyone would remember individuals experiences in high school, I just get embarrassed thinking about my own,lol

Its right that you shouldn't forgive people if they behaved badly and we're unfriendly but now we are adults we can pick and choose our friends and aquaintences better!
If you went around forgiving everyone that would make you a bit of a mush, its much better if you just forget about them and if they make an effort to come and talk to you then you can take them at face value after all we're all very different than we we're at 12-16?

Thanks for this, it gave me something to think about, if ever you want to talk, I'm here!

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ELFITZPA 11/2/2010 6:57PM

    I've had similar experiences where I am okay with almost everyone in a group if we're one-on-one but when you put everyone together, I'm SUPER uncomfortable. I think group dynamics tend to highlight certain aspects of our personalities and in certain combinations, perfectly normal GOOD people can be kind of crappy. And in those same combinations, we ourselves may be quieter or awkward or who knows what. Groups are funny that way.

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ANEPANALIPTI 11/2/2010 6:25PM

    I know exactly what you're talking about... I've felt the same in a group!!!!

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SHERYLDS 11/2/2010 5:56PM

    Start by not trying to fit in and just being yourself.
You are wonderful just as you are.
If they are worth knowing as 'friends', then they will warm up to you. Otherwise, just look for win/win scenarios where both of you get something out of working together. Be positive, friendly, and encouraging.

I would assume PE is a field that attracts Jock Types.

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JUSTBIRDY 11/2/2010 4:47PM

    Oh, don't get us started about high school! Glad that is over, and sounds like you are over it, too! emoticon

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What if...?

Monday, November 01, 2010

What if I did not lose another single pound?

I'd be okay with it.

Could you be okay with not losing another pound?

Right now I am at 184. Yes, I am not the ideal "healthy". BUT.. I am healthier than I was two years ago. I am 75 lbs lighter. I cannot imagine carrying around that much weight in like cinder blocks. But, I was.

Besides being lighter, I crave fruit/veggies, must exercise, hold myself with more confidence, have tons of energy, tried new things, walked 5Ks, ran 5Ks, and one day I WILL run the Grandma's Marathon.

So.. yes.. I want to get to my goal of 160.. but if I don't... it is a-okay. I know I can still do all these things even if I am still at 184. The whole kicker is I know if I just keep living a healthy life, the pounds will have no choice but to fall off.. but still I'd be okay with it.

Would you be okay with not losing another pound knowing how far you have come already?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STITCHINGNAN 11/2/2010 8:34AM

    Yes I could live with not losing another pound. I have 10 to go but there its stuck, maybe I am meant to be at this weight.! Being healthy is main thing Perhaps I and others will never be skinny but we shall have leant a lot and made lots of friends on here. Ree

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ANEPANALIPTI 11/1/2010 7:50PM

    emoticon That's awesome you're right, we must be proud of what we've accomplished!

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NAMSMOMMY 11/1/2010 5:40PM

    Woo hoo! I am so happy you found your "sweet spot" I still feel like I have lots of work to do.

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LIQUEURLADY 11/1/2010 4:12PM

    There's a Grandma's Marathon?

Congrats on your success! I have to admit that I've gained some weight recently, and even though I'm still lighter than I started out, and it's probably healthy enough, no I will not be satisfied if I never lose another pound. So still working hard at it...

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ERIN4771 11/1/2010 12:50PM

    i would like to think i would be okay, but i don;t know how honest an answer that is for me...i'm happy for you though!!! congrats on the 75 pounds!!!

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PENNI68 11/1/2010 12:36PM

    I am very happy for you, 75 lbs. is a huge accomplishment!! I would not be okay if I never lost another pound as I have only lost 20 so far and am still quite a distance from being close to my healthy I will keep plugging along and being grateful for the 1 lb here and 1 lb. there. Slow and steady is winning the race for me, at least now on Jan. 1, I will look back and instead of hating myself for gaining another 10-20 lbs. I will be happy that I lost and kept off 20!! emoticon
Congrats to you on your success!!

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My Trip (and an update).

Saturday, October 30, 2010

I am sure some of you are wondering how my trip went. It went alright. Here are the highlights (good and bad) of the trip.

The sessions were awesome. My favorite one was watching the jump roping wizards. They did things that I didn't know were possible with a jump rope. They ranged from age 6-14. Also, I got to see tinikling for the first time. I could have tried it out but behind my knee hurt real bad and I didn't want to mess it up. Here is a youtube clip for you to get an idea of what in the world I am talking about.

In addition to the a-maz-ing sessions, I played in the Chula Vista waterpark. Boy, did my legs get a work out climbing those darn stairs. And, here, I thought I was in decent shape, haha.

Things were going great. I was having fun. Than, guess what? I was thrown in a depression episode. I am not going to lie. It sucked. I suddenly wanted to cry. I went for a 3 mile
emoticon. It was great. I was feeling better. Than I called my mom. She did not help. I started crying again. A couple people I trusted were in the room and one of them earned some major points in the way they were caring.

For the next day, I could tell people didn't want to talk to me. They'd talk to my friend but never strike a conversation. Honestly, I kinda withdrew from the group. Eventually, I felt like I was just tagging along.

During a recent conversation, my mom said I shouldn't go on these trips because they throw me into depression. So.. does that mean I do not get to do normal things just because I have depression? Should I quit living my life too because it might happen?

Would I go on the trip again? YES!!! I did have fun. I did form some friendships that I wouldn't have on campus.

What would I do different? I would exercise the two days before the trip like it was going out of style. I would somehow find a way to move the FOUR tests to not a day before I leave for the trip. It was what it was. I cannot go back.

The trip did make me wonder if I should become PE teacher.. not sure about that yet. I think I want to but my GPA is just not there. If I did, I could have my summers off and work as a charity race coordinator, something I want to do anyhow, during the summers. Besides being a PE teacher I think I want to become a Zumba instructor and have been looking into that. Another job I could do during the summer.

There were other things - good and bad - that happened but this was basically it.

For those that have been curious about an update about my car situation...
My window is fixed and just this week I got my cards again. So happy! I don't feel naked anymore! I am working on being more comfortable with my world again and not so paranoid. I am not sure if I will ever feel 100% safe again. Maybe that is not a bad thing. Once you feel safe, your defenses go down.

Have everyone is having a great weekend! I think I am going to go for a jaunt around the neighborhood!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

1CRAZYDOG 11/1/2010 10:04AM

    Glad your trip went relatively well.

Depression is such a sneaky Pete! My DS suggers from depression. **SIGH** He moved out of the house 2 days after his 18th birthday (this August) -- long story -- but I do worry about him, because I know he's not taking his meds. With the shorter days being a trigger for him, it is a worry. BUT I am trying to let go of my own anxiety . . . HE'S got to handle it.

I blabber. Being a PE teacher (AND Zumba instructor) are excellent goals! You'll know what's right for you.

Have a good Monday.

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ANEPANALIPTI 10/31/2010 7:53PM

    I'm glad it went pretty well! I totally identify with you and the depression. SO get you!!!!!!! And I'm liking your thoughts for the future.... ;-)


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PATRICIAANN46 10/31/2010 2:37PM

  I am glad to hear that, for the most part, your trip was a good one. Vacations can be tiring too and it sounds like you were majorly busy before you even headed out for the trip. Could the depression have occurred because you were worn out? I don't know what kind of treatment you are undergoing to help with your depression, but could that be changed some?
I was a teacher and I can honestly say that I never regretted my choice. Working with kids (I taught 6th grade through Seniors) can be challenging, but it also keeps you young and can be very rewarding. No one keeps you more honest with your feelings than kids. You seem to really care and kids zone in on that immediately.
Glad to hear your window is fixed and that you have your cards replaced. I hope that you will always be careful......not paranoid, but aware.
Happy Halloween....... emoticon

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SHERYLDS 10/30/2010 4:36PM

    Glad to hear you had fun on your trip. you were missed.
With your warm personality ... you would make a great teacher. I also think you would make a great physical therapist, should you ever decide to go that route. You're caring, kind, and patient.

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My BMI Stats (So far)

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Today I read a few blogs about the idea of what the right weight is. Most people use the BMI Calculator to determine this even through research has shown it is fairly inaccurate. Anyhow, I decided to play around with the BMI calculator. Here are some stats I am excited for.

Starting Weight: 260 (BMI 43.3, Obese)
Current Weight: 183 (BMI 30.4, Obese) - A mere 1.4% or 4# away from the overweight range!!!
Goal Weight: 150 (BMI 25, Overweight) - 1% away from the normal range!!!

To say the least, I am super excited that I will be able to say I have not obese in the very near future! emoticon

Today, I did another 45 minutes on the elliptical while catching up with a friend. It was really nice!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

1CRAZYDOG 10/28/2010 8:59AM

    Good job!!! WooHoo! Way to go! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ANEPANALIPTI 10/26/2010 5:28PM

    WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!! Ringing in 2011 with a bang! :D

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CEESERENITY 10/26/2010 12:17AM

    Thanks so much again for all your support this past week! emoticon It's meant a lot! I liked the suggestions about breaking up the walk and having green tea! And wow, congratulations- you are well on your way to getting to your goal! emoticon

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VICIOUS421 10/25/2010 3:06AM

    emoticon emoticon

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SHERYLDS 10/24/2010 8:07PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
Fantastic! All your hard work is really paying off

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LIQUEURLADY 10/24/2010 5:49PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Great that you were able to catch up with your friend while exercising instead of over some food event.

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THENEWKATIEB 10/24/2010 4:50PM

    You are doing a great job! emoticon emoticon

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MEADSBAY 10/24/2010 4:04PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

You are doing grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat!

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Burning Machine

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Lately, I have been seeing/reading a lot of articles about the little things to do to increase our metabolism. It sure add up after a while! Here are a few that are pretty consistent in my life right now!

emoticon Exercise for 10 minutes and your metabolism is increased for a hour after that. [I have been trying to walk to school and back everyday. One way takes 10 minutes.]

emoticon Drink cold water, so your body has to warm it up. [I love ice cold water!]

emoticon Green tea has natural caffeine! [Nothing like a good cinnamon green tea in the morning!]

emoticon Strength training increases our metabolism for 48 hours. It does this because it is "fix" the damage. From class, I learned most often water is used for these processes and that is why it seems like we retain water the day after. In other words, you body is working!

emoticon Snacking makes our body work, too, through processing the food. [Who doesn't enjoy a snack here and there?]

I guess it only makes sense for me to start to feel like a burning machine. I have been lifting weights in the last couple weeks more consistently and now am down to 183.2 [yes, the 0.2 is important!]. emoticon Hope you are having a emoticon weekend!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VICIOUS421 10/24/2010 2:28AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NAMSMOMMY 10/23/2010 4:36PM

    Looks like you are a machine, and best thing is you are learning how to maintain that machine properly!

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ANEPANALIPTI 10/23/2010 4:31PM

    This blog was full of things I didn't know!!

LOL that must be why I was fat! I hate cold water! emoticon

CINNAMON GREEN TEA!?!?! That sounds LOVELY!!!!

Ahhhhh that makes sense why they recommend smaller meals!!

Loved this! :)

Dimitra emoticon

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