Saturday, October 30, 2010
I am sure some of you are wondering how my trip went. It went alright. Here are the highlights (good and bad) of the trip.
The sessions were awesome. My favorite one was watching the jump roping wizards. They did things that I didn't know were possible with a jump rope. They ranged from age 6-14. Also, I got to see tinikling for the first time. I could have tried it out but behind my knee hurt real bad and I didn't want to mess it up. Here is a youtube clip for you to get an idea of what in the world I am talking about. www.youtube.com/watch?v=05Qec7oS4IM
In addition to the a-maz-ing sessions, I played in the Chula Vista waterpark. Boy, did my legs get a work out climbing those darn stairs. And, here, I thought I was in decent shape, haha.
Things were going great. I was having fun. Than, guess what? I was thrown in a depression episode. I am not going to lie. It sucked. I suddenly wanted to cry. I went for a 3 mile
. It was great. I was feeling better. Than I called my mom. She did not help. I started crying again. A couple people I trusted were in the room and one of them earned some major points in the way they were caring.
For the next day, I could tell people didn't want to talk to me. They'd talk to my friend but never strike a conversation. Honestly, I kinda withdrew from the group. Eventually, I felt like I was just tagging along.
During a recent conversation, my mom said I shouldn't go on these trips because they throw me into depression. So.. does that mean I do not get to do normal things just because I have depression? Should I quit living my life too because it might happen?
Would I go on the trip again? YES!!! I did have fun. I did form some friendships that I wouldn't have on campus.
What would I do different? I would exercise the two days before the trip like it was going out of style. I would somehow find a way to move the FOUR tests to not a day before I leave for the trip. It was what it was. I cannot go back.
The trip did make me wonder if I should become PE teacher.. not sure about that yet. I think I want to but my GPA is just not there. If I did, I could have my summers off and work as a charity race coordinator, something I want to do anyhow, during the summers. Besides being a PE teacher I think I want to become a Zumba instructor and have been looking into that. Another job I could do during the summer.
There were other things - good and bad - that happened but this was basically it.
For those that have been curious about an update about my car situation...
My window is fixed and just this week I got my cards again. So happy! I don't feel naked anymore! I am working on being more comfortable with my world again and not so paranoid. I am not sure if I will ever feel 100% safe again. Maybe that is not a bad thing. Once you feel safe, your defenses go down.
Have everyone is having a great weekend! I think I am going to go for a jaunt around the neighborhood!
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Today I read a few blogs about the idea of what the right weight is. Most people use the BMI Calculator to determine this even through research has shown it is fairly inaccurate. Anyhow, I decided to play around with the BMI calculator. Here are some stats I am excited for.
Starting Weight: 260 (BMI 43.3, Obese)
Current Weight: 183 (BMI 30.4, Obese) - A mere 1.4% or 4# away from the overweight range!!!
Goal Weight: 150 (BMI 25, Overweight) - 1% away from the normal range!!!
To say the least, I am super excited that I will be able to say I have not obese in the very near future!
Today, I did another 45 minutes on the elliptical while catching up with a friend. It was really nice!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
The last few months I have been bouncing around the point where I have lost 75#. Not losing much more. I don't think it was plateau because my weight was changing. Personally, I think it is a mental block. I am not sure if I am quite over it. I have been trying to wrap my mind around weighing 180 or 170 or even 160. Isn't the theory.. if you can picture it, you can achieve it? Well, I am having trouble picturing it. I have never been at this weight in my adult life.
This week I feel like I could have been working harder. For example, eating dessert at EVERY meal could be one way. In fact, last night I was thinking of having two goals for next week. They'd be not weigh in everyday.. even skipping one day is a win.. and to skip dessert at every meal. Also, I feel like I haven't been working out as much in the last month. I have been lifting weights more.. so that is a victory in it's self!
Anywho, I decided I wanted to weigh myself this morning. While showering I had a chat with myself. It was going to be okay if I was the same weight as yesterday or even a couple days ago. But I wasn't.
I weighed 184.2. Than weighed myself again. 183.8. Woah! The scale is broken! I weighed again and again and again. Still 183.8. Wow! I guess pure determination does work when your heart isn't in it!
Well, I definitely have to go work out today (and lift). I want to stay in the 183s! Wow, that takes some getting used to just seeing!
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Sometimes a girl just has to vent.
Last week, a butt head stole my wallet. Okay, it happened but I am dealing with it. I cannot stress enough how very sick of people asking me in the last couple days if I have canceled my cards. Seriously!? It happened last Wednesday. Do you really think I am that stupid to wait a week later to call my cards? OF COURSE I DID! [Calming breath.]
In the last week, I have been dealing with my stress fairly well. I went home and didn't take it out on the family even when my sister was being.. a.. well you know.
Than, last night at work when I had to do something else that should have been done last week (when I was gone).. I still did not snap. At this point, I was starting to getting stressed out.
Than, today I was annoyed with people but I was doing better. I had an endorphin high. Than, I went to supper with my old friend. [Another calming breath.] I explained I was VERY stressed. He had the balls to ask why. WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHY? My wallet got stolen last week! Someone could be opening accounts in my name and I cannot do a single thing. Mind you, I did not yell. Or snap. Rather I calmly explained I was stressed about wallet.
Than, still NOT getting it. He asked is it mid-terms. NO, it is NOT mid terms. If I failed ALL my midterms, things could be worse. In the big theme of things, they do not matter. After it was clear I was not being talkative, he precedes to vent about his professors and how they are all out to get him. Give me a break!!! Maybe, just MAYBE, you shouldn't schedule your doctor appointments during tests that cannot be rescheduled! Use some common sense!!! [Grr!]
I think during supper is where I reached my breaking point. During this incident, it was crystal clear I was lucky. Yes, they took my wallet. But, it could have been worse. I could have encountered them and got hurt. It is just stuff. If I failed my mid-terms, it wouldn't matter. Yes, it would suck, but in the big scheme of things.. WHO CARES! It doesn't matter!
This week my sister's best friend's brother committed suicide. This just nailed it down even more that these little things do not matter. We still are here. We still have our health.
Tomorrow is being called Life Pride Day. I will be wearing purple. It is wrong these boys felt so alone that they could not reach out. The ONLY positive thing is that it got the attention of the media, celebrities and senators. I hope things will soon change.
Just remember today, things can be worse... things can be replaced, or tests can be retaken, and tomorrow is a NEW day.
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