Tuesday, November 02, 2010
I judge people. Basically, I judge people that used to judge me in High School. Is it right? No. Not at all. But, after years of teasing, I have found that I judge them. Who are they? They are the atheletes and jocks. Isn't that ironic? I am kinda one of them. They part of my major. I see them everyday in my classes. Honestly, I am not sure if I want anything to do with them. Basically, I am not giving them a chance because my experiences in High School. That is not right. But, on the other hand, I am not sure how to give them a chance. I have scars that jocks have left. Mind you, I know they are most likely VERY nice people. In fact, I learned this past weekend, two hockey players were quite nice.
In addition to this, I realized this week I somehow cannot act myself in groups of people. But, if I get one on one with people, I am fine.. but in a group? Uh-uh.. no way, jose! I've tried to act like ME in a group but I just cannot. I just seem to not relax and get it together enough.
By the way, I emailed my counselor today. Yup, that is right. I think I gotta go back. It is just not going away and I think I need help. I dunno. I think this is what I want to work on. How to be more accepting of them and be able to ask as ME in a group.
Monday, November 01, 2010
What if I did not lose another single pound?
I'd be okay with it.
Could you be okay with not losing another pound?
Right now I am at 184. Yes, I am not the ideal "healthy". BUT.. I am healthier than I was two years ago. I am 75 lbs lighter. I cannot imagine carrying around that much weight in like cinder blocks. But, I was.
Besides being lighter, I crave fruit/veggies, must exercise, hold myself with more confidence, have tons of energy, tried new things, walked 5Ks, ran 5Ks, and one day I WILL run the Grandma's Marathon.
So.. yes.. I want to get to my goal of 160.. but if I don't... it is a-okay. I know I can still do all these things even if I am still at 184. The whole kicker is I know if I just keep living a healthy life, the pounds will have no choice but to fall off.. but still I'd be okay with it.
Would you be okay with not losing another pound knowing how far you have come already?
Saturday, October 30, 2010
I am sure some of you are wondering how my trip went. It went alright. Here are the highlights (good and bad) of the trip.
The sessions were awesome. My favorite one was watching the jump roping wizards. They did things that I didn't know were possible with a jump rope. They ranged from age 6-14. Also, I got to see tinikling for the first time. I could have tried it out but behind my knee hurt real bad and I didn't want to mess it up. Here is a youtube clip for you to get an idea of what in the world I am talking about. www.youtube.com/watch?v=05Qec7oS4IM
In addition to the a-maz-ing sessions, I played in the Chula Vista waterpark. Boy, did my legs get a work out climbing those darn stairs. And, here, I thought I was in decent shape, haha.
Things were going great. I was having fun. Than, guess what? I was thrown in a depression episode. I am not going to lie. It sucked. I suddenly wanted to cry. I went for a 3 mile
. It was great. I was feeling better. Than I called my mom. She did not help. I started crying again. A couple people I trusted were in the room and one of them earned some major points in the way they were caring.
For the next day, I could tell people didn't want to talk to me. They'd talk to my friend but never strike a conversation. Honestly, I kinda withdrew from the group. Eventually, I felt like I was just tagging along.
During a recent conversation, my mom said I shouldn't go on these trips because they throw me into depression. So.. does that mean I do not get to do normal things just because I have depression? Should I quit living my life too because it might happen?
Would I go on the trip again? YES!!! I did have fun. I did form some friendships that I wouldn't have on campus.
What would I do different? I would exercise the two days before the trip like it was going out of style. I would somehow find a way to move the FOUR tests to not a day before I leave for the trip. It was what it was. I cannot go back.
The trip did make me wonder if I should become PE teacher.. not sure about that yet. I think I want to but my GPA is just not there. If I did, I could have my summers off and work as a charity race coordinator, something I want to do anyhow, during the summers. Besides being a PE teacher I think I want to become a Zumba instructor and have been looking into that. Another job I could do during the summer.
There were other things - good and bad - that happened but this was basically it.
For those that have been curious about an update about my car situation...
My window is fixed and just this week I got my cards again. So happy! I don't feel naked anymore! I am working on being more comfortable with my world again and not so paranoid. I am not sure if I will ever feel 100% safe again. Maybe that is not a bad thing. Once you feel safe, your defenses go down.
Have everyone is having a great weekend! I think I am going to go for a jaunt around the neighborhood!
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Today I read a few blogs about the idea of what the right weight is. Most people use the BMI Calculator to determine this even through research has shown it is fairly inaccurate. Anyhow, I decided to play around with the BMI calculator. Here are some stats I am excited for.
Starting Weight: 260 (BMI 43.3, Obese)
Current Weight: 183 (BMI 30.4, Obese) - A mere 1.4% or 4# away from the overweight range!!!
Goal Weight: 150 (BMI 25, Overweight) - 1% away from the normal range!!!
To say the least, I am super excited that I will be able to say I have not obese in the very near future!
Today, I did another 45 minutes on the elliptical while catching up with a friend. It was really nice!
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