Sunday, October 17, 2010
This weekend I went home.. and promptly gained FIVE pounds. In the past, I would have been quite upset but today I am okay with it.
How did it happen? Well, on Wednesday my wallet got stolen (as most of you know) and so I had to be thrown in action ASAP. It was fine. I had pretty much everyone called that night. The next day people kept telling me that I need to call the cards and telling me what I need to do. Even when I would tell them I had it under control, they would give me the look that says they didn't think so. Thank you. Really. I don't have enough on my plate. [Mind you, I am not talking about any of my Spark Friends. Everyone has been very supportive! Also, this does not include all my friends at school.. just a handful!]
At this point, I was sick of everyone telling me what to do. So, I went home. My parents knew I was doing all I could. On Friday, I spent at least FOUR hours driving to get stuff done like getting a new Driver's License, requesting a new SS card, and getting a new window put in my card.
Whenever I go home, I always struggle with not gaining pounds back. It seems like all we do is eat.. and eat.. and eat. I never get physically hungry. At supper, I once had my niece ask me why I wasn't eating anymore (while everyone else was). I explained to her because I wasn't hungry anymore. And, on top of those obstacles, I am the only one that exercises regularly. Couple all that with this wallet incident.
I was doing okay on Thursday and Friday.. than Saturday came along. Every time I turned around my sister was eating. When someone is eating, I want to eat. Uh-oh. Well, something snapped in me. I was so tired of fighting myself so I just let myself go. And, did I eat! In fact, after seeing me eat modestly when I am at the house, than seeing me eat a BIG bowl of , my mom commented on it. I told her that I wasn't weighing myself anymore. It is the truth. I wasn't going to.
Than, I felt fat! The very reason I started this journey. To not be a body of jello fat! This morning I weighed myself on my scale. 190 point something. I kinda quite reading after 190 part. I knew it was inaccurate. How? Well, one, it wasn't my scale, and two, I ate pickles yesterday. Hello, sodium!
When I back home, I weighed myself on my own scale.. 189.6. Better.. but still way TOO close to the 190s. I worked so hard to break into the 180s. Tomorrow, I am hoping to be around 188. I know I gained weight. It is okay. I have been under some stress and I do not think anyone blames me. I just have to get back on the horse.. and I will (with some vengeance)!
In summary, I am okay with it. I was under some stress without taking it out on my family. Yes, I ate TONS but I will get it under control again. I WILL get to my goal weight.. sooner or later.. gosh darn it! My new goal for Halloween is to get under 185 and STAY there! For the last few months, I feel like I have been bouncing all over the place! Tomorrow, I hope the accurate weigh-in will be around 188. *crosses fingers*
Now, if I could just find myself a running buddy, I would be golden!
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Remember the trail I absolutely LOVED towards the end of the summer? The same one that I lost on a few weeks back? Well, I am breaking up with it.
This afternoon I went for a run on this very trail. I completed 3 miles in 37 minutes. Right?
When I left I had an uneasy feeling.. but shook it off. It is silly to feel uneasy.. or was it? When I got back, 38 minutes later, my car was broken into and my purse that I left in the front seat was gone. They didn't take my CDs or anything else.
At first I was very shaken up. There was a lady that just pulled up to walk the trail with her son and I asked her what to do. I called the police. While waiting, I took photos. (I'd show you but I can't get them off my phone onto the computer.) You can tell they took a baseball bat to it. The entire window was shattered.
Tonight, I think I have things under control. I called my bank and a couple other cards. I did have my social security card in my wallet. That alone will be a headache so I will have to call them tomorrow. There are a few other things that are going to be a pain.. but things happen.
It's strange. I have been rather calm though out the entire thing. I guess I know it could have been worse. I could have encountered the person/people and could have gotten hurt. I can replace things like my cards. Yes, it is a headache.. but I am not hurt.
I guess my parents raised me right. When you are placed in a hard situation, you truly find out your values. Some people would be extremely stressed. Don't get me wrong, I am stressed but I know it will be okay, too. These things can be replaced. They are just things. I am truly blessed.
PS.: If you haven't figured it out, I am not going to my conference tomorrow. I need to take care of this business. There will be another one at the end of the month. I am going to go home and take care of a few things, RELAX, and run/walk in a SAFE area.
Also, my run was excellent and I no longer feel depressed.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
The last couple weeks have been fairly good. Life was good.. than.. BAM!
I wanted to cry.. for no apparent reason. Seriously, depression, you want to come out and play now? I was so frustrated. I thought I was over this.. guess not. Maybe I will cry.. just for sake that it is never going to go away. I hate if I do have two hours of exercise like everyday.. I am so irritable than I get depressed. Mind you, I am not sad. No that is not how it works. Nope. I am emotionless and empty. It is much worse than being sad. Being sad I can work with.
But today was a new day. Right? Not really. I have been pretty annoyed and crabby. I kinda want to hide away from the world, eat what I want, not care about exercise, forget everyone, just work on homework.. and be by myself. *sigh*
Well, I don't think I get that choice. Nope, I gotta be responsible and go to class. The positive? I am going to self defense.. and hopefully *crosses fingers* I can get my frustration and annoyance out. Man, I hope I don't get my partner that sucks the life out of that class. You know the one that thinks smiling takes work. Hello, girl, it is supposed to be fun.. than smile.. please? Or not.
At least by exercising I will be back to my normal self sooner or later. Also, I went to salon and that was nice. I did get a 88% on my A&P Lab Test.. yup, ladies and gentlemen, that is a high B. Woo-hoo!
Off to self defense I go.. maybe I will hurt someone. (Kidding!)
Monday, October 11, 2010
This weekend I went overboard with shopping so today I decided to be cute! Check it out! [Sorry it is kinda dark. )
Besides I promised SHERLYDS that I would post a picture.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Lately, the final push to my final weight has been on my mind. (Hence, an explosion of blogs.) It really got me thinking about how I started this journey. Doubtful. Focused. Strong.
Doubtful that I was going to lose even the first few pounds.
Focused on doing eating right and exercising.
Gave a strong dedication in strength training three times a week.
I would like to end that way too.
I know right now I am have many questions about reaching my goal weight. Is it the right weight for me? Will I ever be happy with my body? Will I succeed? If I am a little doubtful (and scared) but do it anyways, that'd be just fine with me. In fact, I think it would help me grow as a person.. to do something that I am afraid/nervous about.
In the past week, I haven't been focused.. to my standards. I still eat right but I haven't been logging it. When I go over, even if it is a couple hundred, I get really bummed out. Also, I haven't been exercising as much. I have been doing more low key workouts like walking. Compare that to doing the elliptical.. and I have a huge amount of calories not being burned. I would like to get back to doing things right. This may not mean logging every calorie but more having good, solid workouts.
When I started losing weight, the first couple months, I lifted weighted religiously three times a week. I really want to get back to that. I saw it help with my weight loss and felt . It was invigorating.
Back in the day, I used the weight lifting machines. On Friday, I did a little bit of free weight training with a friend. I have strong ever since and love it! I actually feel like muscles was worked. We might try to do it again tonight after we get off work. I have been thinking of asking a couple guys I know to teach me how to use free weights.
In addition, I have noticed whenever I lifted weights and weighed in a couple days later, I would be down in weight. Pretty much that is the only time my weight has gone down this week. I knew muscle burns more calories but it is nice to see it. When I do get to my goal weight, I want to be toned. That is not going to happen overnight. I guess I am thinking of taking these last 25 pounds off while toning up.
That's the plan for the next 25 pounds...
To own being scared and a little doubtful.
To end focused.
To build some muscles!
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