THECRAZYMANGO   31,442
SparkPoints
30,000-39,999 SparkPoints
 
 
THECRAZYMANGO's Recent Blog Entries

Mental Block

Thursday, October 21, 2010

The last few months I have been bouncing around the point where I have lost 75#. Not losing much more. I don't think it was plateau because my weight was changing. Personally, I think it is a mental block. I am not sure if I am quite over it. I have been trying to wrap my mind around weighing 180 or 170 or even 160. Isn't the theory.. if you can picture it, you can achieve it? Well, I am having trouble picturing it. I have never been at this weight in my adult life.

This week I feel like I could have been working harder. For example, eating dessert at EVERY meal could be one way. In fact, last night I was thinking of having two goals for next week. They'd be not weigh in everyday.. even skipping one day is a win.. and to skip dessert at every meal. Also, I feel like I haven't been working out as much in the last month. I have been lifting weights more.. so that is a victory in it's self!

Anywho, I decided I wanted to weigh myself this morning. While showering I had a chat with myself. It was going to be okay if I was the same weight as yesterday or even a couple days ago. But I wasn't.

I weighed 184.2. Than weighed myself again. 183.8. Woah! The scale is broken! I weighed again and again and again. Still 183.8. Wow! I guess pure determination does work when your heart isn't in it!
emoticon

Well, I definitely have to go work out today (and lift). I want to stay in the 183s! Wow, that takes some getting used to just seeing!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FITTERLIFE4ME 10/22/2010 7:35AM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SHERYLDS 10/22/2010 5:23AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MSJULES01 10/21/2010 4:32PM

    You will succeed.
Maybe you should take a weight with you. When you get the urge to have a dessert. Make yourself lift it 10 times.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SUNNYDJ1971 10/21/2010 2:09PM

    Way to go! It can be so hard! Keep up the hard work!

Report Inappropriate Comment
BAILEYS7OF9 10/21/2010 1:54PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
PATRICIAANN46 10/21/2010 1:28PM

  YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB!!!!! emoticon



Report Inappropriate Comment
PARKIE 10/21/2010 12:39PM

    I know exactly what you are talking about

Report Inappropriate Comment
APIRLRAIN888 10/21/2010 12:24PM

    lol you are me for 160 which is only 3 lbs away! but I too have a mental block!
its my original start weight in spring!
when I pass it I officially lost 20lbs!

my real journey begin! never seen past 159, 155 is my lowest for only a day!!
so yes totally know how you feel

Report Inappropriate Comment


The Big Scheme of Things

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Sometimes a girl just has to vent.

Last week, a butt head stole my wallet. Okay, it happened but I am dealing with it. I cannot stress enough how very sick of people asking me in the last couple days if I have canceled my cards. Seriously!? It happened last Wednesday. Do you really think I am that stupid to wait a week later to call my cards? OF COURSE I DID! [Calming breath.]

In the last week, I have been dealing with my stress fairly well. I went home and didn't take it out on the family even when my sister was being.. a.. well you know.

Than, last night at work when I had to do something else that should have been done last week (when I was gone).. I still did not snap. At this point, I was starting to getting stressed out.

Than, today I was annoyed with people but I was doing better. I had an endorphin high. Than, I went to supper with my old friend. [Another calming breath.] I explained I was VERY stressed. He had the balls to ask why. WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHY? My wallet got stolen last week! Someone could be opening accounts in my name and I cannot do a single thing. Mind you, I did not yell. Or snap. Rather I calmly explained I was stressed about wallet.

Than, still NOT getting it. He asked is it mid-terms. NO, it is NOT mid terms. If I failed ALL my midterms, things could be worse. In the big theme of things, they do not matter. After it was clear I was not being talkative, he precedes to vent about his professors and how they are all out to get him. Give me a break!!! Maybe, just MAYBE, you shouldn't schedule your doctor appointments during tests that cannot be rescheduled! Use some common sense!!! [Grr!]

I think during supper is where I reached my breaking point. During this incident, it was crystal clear I was lucky. Yes, they took my wallet. But, it could have been worse. I could have encountered them and got hurt. It is just stuff. If I failed my mid-terms, it wouldn't matter. Yes, it would suck, but in the big scheme of things.. WHO CARES! It doesn't matter!

This week my sister's best friend's brother committed suicide. This just nailed it down even more that these little things do not matter. We still are here. We still have our health.

Tomorrow is being called Life Pride Day. I will be wearing purple. It is wrong these boys felt so alone that they could not reach out. The ONLY positive thing is that it got the attention of the media, celebrities and senators. I hope things will soon change.

ellen.warnerbros.com/2010/10/secreta
ry_of_state_hillary_clinton_it_gets_be
tter_1019.php

Just remember today, things can be worse... things can be replaced, or tests can be retaken, and tomorrow is a NEW day.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FITTERLIFE4ME 10/22/2010 7:25AM

    emoticonStay Strong!

Report Inappropriate Comment
ANEPANALIPTI 10/20/2010 1:31PM

    emoticon :)

Report Inappropriate Comment
NAMSMOMMY 10/20/2010 10:21AM

    That is absolutely true. Thank you for sharing!

Report Inappropriate Comment
NAMSMOMMY 10/20/2010 10:20AM

    That is absolutely true. Thank you for sharing!

Report Inappropriate Comment
WOMANCHEF 10/20/2010 6:50AM

    Stress is awful but you are right to look at it in the big scheme of things. Everything can be dealt with and changed one way or another. As Stitchingnan said - tomorrow is always another day and a new start. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
STITCHINGNAN 10/20/2010 5:19AM

    I did feel for you over all that stress. Some days are like that but you added a reminder to yourself and others ending in tomorros ie a new day. So true. Dont let others stress you out, we are all good at doing that without help from well meaning friends! Warm wishes Ree emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


Stress + Going Home = 5 Lbs Gain

Sunday, October 17, 2010

This weekend I went home.. and promptly gained FIVE pounds. emoticon In the past, I would have been quite upset but today I am okay with it.

How did it happen? Well, on Wednesday my wallet got stolen (as most of you know) and so I had to be thrown in action ASAP. It was fine. I had pretty much everyone called that night. The next day people kept telling me that I need to call the cards and telling me what I need to do. Even when I would tell them I had it under control, they would give me the look that says they didn't think so. Thank you. Really. I don't have enough on my plate. [Mind you, I am not talking about any of my Spark Friends. Everyone has been very supportive! Also, this does not include all my friends at school.. just a handful!]

At this point, I was sick of everyone telling me what to do. So, I went home. My parents knew I was doing all I could. On Friday, I spent at least FOUR hours driving to get stuff done like getting a new Driver's License, requesting a new SS card, and getting a new window put in my card.

Whenever I go home, I always struggle with not gaining pounds back. It seems like all we do is eat.. and eat.. and eat. I never get physically hungry. At supper, I once had my niece ask me why I wasn't eating anymore (while everyone else was). I explained to her because I wasn't hungry anymore. And, on top of those obstacles, I am the only one that exercises regularly. Couple all that with this wallet incident. emoticon

I was doing okay on Thursday and Friday.. than Saturday came along. Every time I turned around my sister was eating. When someone is eating, I want to eat. Uh-oh. Well, something snapped in me. I was so tired of fighting myself so I just let myself go. And, did I eat! In fact, after seeing me eat modestly when I am at the house, than seeing me eat a BIG bowl of emoticon, my mom commented on it. I told her that I wasn't weighing myself anymore. It is the truth. I wasn't going to.

Than, I felt fat! emoticon The very reason I started this journey. To not be a body of jello fat! This morning I weighed myself on my scale. 190 point something. I kinda quite reading after 190 part. I knew it was inaccurate. How? Well, one, it wasn't my scale, and two, I ate pickles yesterday. Hello, sodium!

When I back home, I weighed myself on my own scale.. 189.6. Better.. but still way TOO close to the 190s. I worked so hard to break into the 180s. Tomorrow, I am hoping to be around 188. I know I gained weight. It is okay. I have been under some stress and I do not think anyone blames me. I just have to get back on the horse.. and I will (with some vengeance)!

In summary, I am okay with it. I was under some stress without taking it out on my family. Yes, I ate TONS but I will get it under control again. I WILL get to my goal weight.. sooner or later.. gosh darn it! My new goal for Halloween is to get under 185 and STAY there! For the last few months, I feel like I have been bouncing all over the place! Tomorrow, I hope the accurate weigh-in will be around 188. *crosses fingers*

Now, if I could just find myself a running buddy, I would be golden! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

1CRAZYDOG 10/18/2010 8:13PM

    AWWW . . . glad that you took the time to go home and be with family after your ordeal.

You know stress sets off the whole "fight or flight" syndrome which releases TONS of cortisol into your system . . . which makes your body retain water and just plays havoc with your appetite. SOOOO . . . as was said, just be kind but firm with yourself. You can do this!



Report Inappropriate Comment
MEADSBAY 10/18/2010 9:00AM

    Good attitude!
Be kind but firm with yourself.
emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CRISSYCURRY 10/18/2010 8:35AM

    I understand!! But you didn't gain 5 lbs of fat. Some of that is probably water retention. Give it a few days and the scale should adjust. In the mean time, drink a lot of water and eat right to make up for this weekend. I went to a wedding on Saturday and ate more than I should have, after eating out for each meal (breakfast, lunch and dinner!! We were out of town.) - Hang in there and don't give up!! emoticon

And we can be "virtual" running buddies!! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
WOMANCHEF 10/18/2010 6:57AM

    emoticon Those journeys can be so hard. It is great that you are not beating yourself up about it. The pounds will come off.

Report Inappropriate Comment
HEART4HOME 10/18/2010 5:17AM

    emoticon I know this week you will rock it! I wish I lived near you because I would run with you or behind you because I am still mustering up the courage to give it a try. Hang in there Spark friend. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
VICIOUS421 10/18/2010 3:59AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
NAMSMOMMY 10/18/2010 12:33AM

    You need to RELAX! Maybe cut up some celery for next time, then you can eat without feeling guilty.

Report Inappropriate Comment


They are just things.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Remember the trail I absolutely LOVED towards the end of the summer? The same one that I lost on a few weeks back? Well, I am breaking up with it.

This afternoon I went for a run on this very trail. I completed 3 miles in 37 minutes. emoticon Right?

When I left I had an uneasy feeling.. but shook it off. It is silly to feel uneasy.. or was it? When I got back, 38 minutes later, my car was broken into and my purse that I left in the front seat was gone. emoticon They didn't take my CDs or anything else.

At first I was very shaken up. There was a lady that just pulled up to walk the trail with her son and I asked her what to do. I called the police. While waiting, I took photos. (I'd show you but I can't get them off my phone onto the computer.) You can tell they took a baseball bat to it. The entire window was shattered.

Tonight, I think I have things under control. I called my bank and a couple other cards. I did have my social security card in my wallet. That alone will be a headache so I will have to call them tomorrow. There are a few other things that are going to be a pain.. but things happen.

It's strange. I have been rather calm though out the entire thing. I guess I know it could have been worse. I could have encountered the person/people and could have gotten hurt. I can replace things like my cards. Yes, it is a headache.. but I am not hurt.

I guess my parents raised me right. When you are placed in a hard situation, you truly find out your values. Some people would be extremely stressed. Don't get me wrong, I am stressed but I know it will be okay, too. These things can be replaced. They are just things. I am truly blessed.

PS.: If you haven't figured it out, I am not going to my conference tomorrow. emoticonI need to take care of this business. There will be another one at the end of the month. I am going to go home and take care of a few things, RELAX, and run/walk in a SAFE area.

Also, my run was excellent and I no longer feel depressed. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

1CRAZYDOG 10/17/2010 9:15PM

    What a horrible thing to have happen! I am glad you're safe and that you're going ot fun in a safer place. YIKES!

Good luck getting everything taken care of.

Report Inappropriate Comment
PATRICIAANN46 10/15/2010 6:34PM

  You are OK and that IS the main thing. My son had his wallet and SS card stolen a couple of months ago and we called the police. All the SS office did was to replace his card. They don't do anything preventive. He had his Driver's License replaced. We called his bank right away. He doesn't have any credit cards, but we do have to watch for any activity that would indicate someone else opening a card in his name. There is a lot of info online re: identity theft that should help you out.
I am so sorry that this happened to you. I think I would find a new place to run. It just doesn't sound safe there. Also.......run with a buddy......please!!! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
HANNAHV 10/15/2010 3:14AM

    Bummer! Glad you are ok emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MEADSBAY 10/14/2010 10:44AM

    emoticon
I hate mean selfish people like that!
emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
KATHLEEN0222 10/14/2010 9:47AM

    so glad you are safe! You are right, it is only stuff! YOU are more important!

Report Inappropriate Comment
TAMTAMM 10/14/2010 9:40AM

    That is scary....but you didnt get hurt that is the main thing. You just wanted to go out for a run and enjoy the weather and then you have to come back to that. That isnt right! Sounds like you are handling it with your head up and taking care of things. Good for you for not bringing you down! : )
Tami

Report Inappropriate Comment
STARGAZER08 10/14/2010 7:26AM

    SO glad you are safe! Hope the rest isn't too big of a hassle for you!

Report Inappropriate Comment
BELLALUCIA 10/14/2010 6:34AM

    I hope you get things replaced quickly and here's to ur health!

Report Inappropriate Comment
STITCHINGNAN 10/14/2010 6:10AM

    You have the right attitude about a dreadful incident. There are sick peopel around who do vilonce just for the sake of it. You can rise above their level. Keep on running. Ree emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ANEPANALIPTI 10/14/2010 3:12AM

    emoticon Aw sweety I'm glad you're OK and the depression is gone!!!! I hope this isn't too much of a headache.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ONLYTEMPORARY 10/14/2010 2:19AM

    I am glad you weren't physically hurt. One thing in never to leave anything in site a thief would want. When I go to the gym, my purse is under the seat out of site or in the trunk. You did right making the calls as quickly as you did so you won't be held responsible for charges on your account. Try and rest tonight and do what you need to tomorrow.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SUMMERWINDS 10/13/2010 10:37PM

    Yes, the most important thing is you are OK! All that "stuff" is just that...stuff! No worries, sounds as if you have it all under control:)

Report Inappropriate Comment
HIKINGSD 10/13/2010 10:29PM

    Glad you are safe!

Report Inappropriate Comment


I hate you, depression!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

The last couple weeks have been fairly good. Life was good.. than.. BAM!
I wanted to cry.. for no apparent reason. Seriously, depression, you want to come out and play now? I was so frustrated. I thought I was over this.. guess not. Maybe I will cry.. just for sake that it is never going to go away. I hate if I do have two hours of exercise like everyday.. I am so irritable than I get depressed. Mind you, I am not sad. No that is not how it works. Nope. I am emotionless and empty. It is much worse than being sad. Being sad I can work with.

But today was a new day. Right? Not really. I have been pretty annoyed and crabby. I kinda want to hide away from the world, eat what I want, not care about exercise, forget everyone, just work on homework.. and be by myself. *sigh*

Well, I don't think I get that choice. Nope, I gotta be responsible and go to class. The positive? I am going to self defense.. and hopefully *crosses fingers* I can get my frustration and annoyance out. Man, I hope I don't get my partner that sucks the life out of that class. You know the one that thinks smiling takes work. Hello, girl, it is supposed to be fun.. than smile.. please? Or not.

At least by exercising I will be back to my normal self sooner or later. Also, I went to salon and that was nice. I did get a 88% on my A&P Lab Test.. yup, ladies and gentlemen, that is a high B. Woo-hoo!

Off to self defense I go.. maybe I will hurt someone. (Kidding!) emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BAILEYS7OF9 10/15/2010 6:50PM

    Do you have a bag you can hit w/ boxing gloves? I have been reading back issues of Shape and I think it was Leanne Rimes that every now an then tells her trainer, we're boxing today, I need to hit something! Maybe that will help you BEAT it out of ya!

Report Inappropriate Comment
PATRICIAANN46 10/13/2010 7:53PM

  When you listed all of the GOOD things going for you, you were well on your way to giving Depression the boot.
You will be fine. You have ammunition now and know what it takes to defeat it.
Take care............ emoticon

Oh, I only went as far North as Wausau today..........not nearly as far North as you are.......

Report Inappropriate Comment
ANEPANALIPTI 10/13/2010 5:12AM

    I understand this 100% !!! Good that you're blogging about it, and if you need anything I'm here ! THX GIRL!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SUMMERWINDS 10/12/2010 5:53PM

    This too shall pass! You had a little spark of humor at the end of your blog...see you're fighting off the blahs and already making jokes! They say that heavy exercise is excellent for depression. Get those endorphins surging and get into your self defense class:):):):) Great job on your A&P test, yeeeks I had that years ago and it was killer!

Report Inappropriate Comment
ONLYTEMPORARY 10/12/2010 5:23PM

    Check out today's Spark article on Depression. It has folic acid as a contributor. I haven't read it all yet. It might help.

Report Inappropriate Comment
CRISSYCURRY 10/12/2010 5:18PM

    I can relate. I have had issues with depression my entire life, even as a small child. I've been off and on anti-depressants since I was 18 years old but haven't taken anything since May 2008 and I don't want to. However, the depression and anxiety are really starting to get to me and I'm exhibiting more physical symptoms. :( I'm doing what I can to avoid taking them, though.

And you're doing awesome by sticking with the program, even when you don't want to!! Hang in there for there are brighter days ahead for both of us!! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
BABYYOUSAVEME 10/12/2010 4:48PM

    You kick that depression's BUTT! I hope you have fun in the Self-Defense classes, I used to take them too, I enjoyed them.

GREAT JOB on your Lab Test!!! Hang in there, I've had plenty of days like this, I know they can be tough, but we can get through them.

If you need anything or need to talk, Im always a click away.

emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


First Page  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 Last Page