Wednesday, September 08, 2010
Okay, yesterday I blogged about feeling fat. I gotta tell you that it is hard to keep feeling fat when you purposely look nice and than everyone keeps giving you compliments at how much weight I have lost. You'd think I just lost the 70# yesterday.. but that is not really how that works, lol.
Talk about losing weight, I am pretty excited that I went from a 38B to a 36B so I was able to buy new bras! I know alot of people get upset about their cup size go down but I try not to. I try to think of it as my body preparing for the rest of my body to lose weight. If my cup size does not go down but the rest of my body does, I would be so out of proportion it wouldn't be funny. I would be like Pamela Anderson or worse.. I do not, I repeat, I do NOT want those back problems. Besides, I want men to value the same package (my personality, my brain, my rocking body) than my chest.
Moving on, I started the C25K again.. it seems I start than quit.. than start than quit. I guess it doesn't matter as long as I eventually complete it. So why did I motivated to start again? Well, three things actually.
First, at the end of September I am supposed to run a 5K completely with a friend.. and I really don't want to let him (and me) down. I am only on week 3 so I need to get some solid work in before that race.
Secondly, I am on the C25K team and a thread started yesterday about starting on 9/7. It was agreed I could join them but I would just start up again at week 3. I have found that it helps to know that I am in it with someone. Like today I knew I had to do it because I already said on the thread I would. I didn't want to go back on my word.
Lastly, my sister had a conversation with my aunt that kinda upset me. My aunt is doing a HM or Marathon (not sure which) and my sister mentioned that my aunt should ask me. My aunt asked if I would be able to keep with the training regiment. This really rubbed me the wrong way for a few reasons. But, basically, it comes down to tell people that I RUN 5Ks or when I start training for MY marathon.
On a side note, in the past I mentioned that I was nervous about the meal plan. I think I have been doing alright with counting my calories while at the cafeteria. There is alot of guessing.. and hoping.. that I am picking the right things. Today, I find like I had a victory. I put my calories in for today - supper not in yet - and I was under 1200. That was right on track. I feel with some effort I can do this! It will take some trial and error.. like much of this journey.
Tuesday, September 07, 2010
For the past few weeks, I have been feeling fat. Don't get me wrong.. I still work out and eat right.. and AM going down in weight.. which is AWESOME. I kinda think it is part of habit.. But, part of me, still feels fat when I look in the mirror. Maybe it is that I still see the 260# girl.. not the 188.4# woman. I dunno..
Hope you all are feeling better than I am!
Monday, September 06, 2010
Sometimes I just need to get the hurt out so I blog. Today is one of those days.
So my friend, B, and I have been friends for awhile. This past summer he'd text me nearly every day. When he got back, our friendship wasn't the same. It was like my best friend was left at home. At first, I didn't notice it. But, than he didn't want to hang out with just me. And, he wasn't texting me anymore. Than, I noticed he wasn't sharing stuff with me. I mean like he'd share stuff with me that he'd share with a stranger but nothing deeper. I approached him about it. He said he's sorry.. says he will try to change it. Nothing else is said about it.
In the most recent time, we had plans which hasn't happened for a long time. Than, he tells me the night before he can't because his parents are coming up. I feel like I come last all the time.. like he knows I will always be there. I am not sure if I want to be there anymore. He wanted to go to a movie tonight after his parents leave but I am hanging out with a friend. Than, he wanted to have breakfast on Tuesday. I made excuses.
The thing is I am not sure if I want to hang out with him. I feel so hurt that I am always the last one and I am no longer important to him. I don't know what happened and I have no idea how to fix it. I don't want to lose my friendship. It like holding sand in your hand and just watching it slip away without being able to do a single thing about it.
Last night, we talked about it. He said that friendships change. I thought ours wouldn't. Maybe I was being naive. I emailed him last night how I felt about this whole parents thing. He said sorry and I do think he means it. I feel like I should forgive him. But, how many times do I forgive him?
I want it to go back to normal but I am not sure if it ever will. It is like something that is stretched.. once stretched, it doesn't go back to how it was. *sigh* I need to email him back but I have no idea what to say. That is how it is with him now. I don't know what to say to him anymore.
Thanks for listening..
Friday, September 03, 2010
This mile stone deserves a blog...
I woke up early today.
Out of the bed by 7:30 am.
Out of the door by 8:30 am.
Had breakfast by 8:45 am.
Was working out by 8:55.
Ready for my 11 am class by 10 am.
I really hope I can keep it up this semester!
I guess it helps to know that I only had this morning to work out. I don't really have a solid amount of time to work out at another time! Hope everyone else is doing great today!
Thursday, September 02, 2010
Guess who's back?! Me! Okay, I haven't really disappeared.. I am on logging my fitness.. not so much my calories. I finally feel like I have a moment or two to breathe.
In the last few weeks, I have been crazy busy with freshman orientation and training. Than, today I started classes and had an interview for a potential campus job. On top of that, I worked this afternoon (where I am right now).
Anyhow, I am back.. and with a question for you all to give me your opinion on. Yup, I would like some feedback.
This semester I put myself on the meal plan (for finanacial reasons). For the last few years, I haven't been on the meal plan and made food in the community kitchen. I figure I can handle this situation a few different ways but the question is..
Do I try to estimate the portions and guess the foods or not count calories at all?
In the last year or so, I have counted calories and lost 70#. I figure I can look at it two main ways.
If I count calories, it will keep me accountable even though it may not be 100% accurate so basically it's a tool.
If I decide not to count calories, I can try to use it as a time to practice when I get to the maintaining stage.
Either way, I know I do not want to count calories for my rest of my life. I think it is important to learn to eat when I am hungry and self control when I am in the cafeteria... both aspects I can apply to life after college.
Part of me is leaning towards the calorie counter even though I might find it frustrating at times. I am leaning that way because I was feeling dizzy earlier. I decided to put my calories in and see what I am at. Mind you, I already exercised and have been walking around campus like a mad woman.. and I wasn't even over 1200, if I remember correctly. So, I ate cupcakes.. not the best nutritional snack but better from passing out from not having enough calories. Also, counting calories is one way I can control me.. I guess.
So.. what are your thoughts? Calorie counter or not?
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