Monday, July 26, 2010
Okay.. I need to vent because I'm really annoyed with this situation. I know there are worse things out there, but right now its making me want to scream.
So.. here we go.
I struggle with my finances in the sense that I always spend TOO much on eating out. All summer I was doing great.. basically I was living on a loan. I'd go out to eat but like once or twice a month.. not like every week like before... and I wasn't paying for my friends.
Anyhow, a friend came up to celebrate their birthday. They just assumed that just because THEY could afford Red Lobster that I could. Um, no. But, I didn't say anything. Partly due because I thought he was paying for me.
This got me thinking.. what if I started to do things to him like he has done to me.
"Sorry, I thought you were paying for us."
"Oh, I cannot pay - I will get it next time."
"Oops, I forgot my purse."
Seriously? How would they feel? Mind you this is not the only friend that does this and I don't get it. Why does everyone think I have tons of money. I don't.
I also have another friend that pressures me to do stuff with her at last moment. I have no problem with this if I could afford it. But, I cannot.
Here is a memo to all my college friends. I am in college. I have a TINY budget - if you can call it that. I cannot pay for you. I cannot go out with you that costs like $70 or more. I am poor. This is why I am in college. I am trying to better myself so I can eventually have my own apartment, have a full-time job.. and maybe, just maybe, have health insurance!
Okay, I feel a little better.. I am going to go work out on the elliptical. I am hoping it will help me de-stress. Than, stop by the gas station for laundry money I cannot really afford. Than, back here.. to get some homework done.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Today I went to give plasma but couldn't give - my blood pressure was too LOW! So, in other words, I am TOO healthy. I didn't know it is possible.
The real ironic part was that I ran over a bucket right before. I thought fluids might be leaking and so I called my dad. He wasn't listening - just rambled on about nothing (if you knew my dad, you'd understand) so I hung up on him. And, well, I didn't call him back. You would think of that would be stressful.. and would increase my blood pressure. Furthermore, I had like pickles yesterday which would be alot of sodium.. doesn't that increase your blood pressure too?
Anyhow.. apparently this lifestyle change is working. Some people work really hard to have low pressure.. I guess I am lucky to be so healthy. Hopefully, it can stay that way for the rest of my life.
Does anyone know if I exercised before giving plasma if it would raise my BP? I just need to a bit to be able to give plasma.. otherwise,
Thursday, July 22, 2010
I feel like such a fraud. Like I let you all down. I am not doing as well as it seems. In fact, I am struggling. This didn't happen overnight. For a while now I have noticed my motivation dwindling. This is week it has been real bad.
I haven't tracked my food all week. For some, this is no big deal.. but for me, I have tracked everyday (but when I am at my parents). This is the first time since starting a little over a year ago that I have not felt like tracking my food.
Besides that, I went out to eat and just looked at the menu what I want to eat - not what would be the best choice for calories.
I'm even starting to not want to exercise even starting the C25K is helping. I try to mix things up but it is the same thing.
It all comes down to that I need a break.. but I am afraid if I take a break, I won't come back. The thing is I do not want to be 198 or even 195 for the rest of my life. I need to lose another at least 30#. To be honest, I don't know if I have the determination and motivation to do it.
For the past year, I have been giving 100%. It is like I don't have any energy left to give, to care. [I know to not care is a sign of depression so I am wondering if I am dealing with that once again.. just that thought makes me want to sit down and cry like a two year old about how life isn't fair. *sigh*]
Right now I feel like something doesn't change I feel I will fall off the wagon and not get back on, eventually gaining weight again. I know I need to find motivation to do it because only me can motivate me..
New plan is in order, I think.
...maintain under 200.
...continue the C25K.
...continue to train for the Cancer Walk.
I figure if I focus on these things, the weight loss will just happen which will help to motivation me. I really am not changing anything but just not focusing on the number anymore.
Get An Email Alert Each Time THECRAZYMANGO Posts