Saturday, August 15, 2009
At the beginning of this weight loss journey I was very focused and dedicated to my goals. In the last couple weeks, I think I have lost some or all of my focus and even a bit of my dedication.
After reflecting on what exactly the problem could be.. I think it may be this..
In the last few weeks, I have been eating out more and even been allowing myself to have dessert. This would be okay normally but I ate out alot in the last couple weeks. This ranges from Dairy Queen, Perkins, Grizzlys and Old Chicagos. All wonderful places to eat but they should be "treats", not the "norm". I think that is actually how I put some weight on - by eating at these places regularly. Regularly means 2 or 3x a week. In fact, I eat so much there that they know me by my name. That can be good and bad. I think I need to be a stranger again at these restaurants. We all know eating in moderation is key and the thing is, by eating out so often, I am not eating in moderation. Today I stepped on the scale. I weighed 245. Grr..at first I thought. But as I worked out on the elliptical, it made sense, I ate numerous times this week. I need to cut down on eating out for both my diet and my check book.
I knew last week I needed to change my routine but yet I did not. I was going to start running on the first of the month yet today is the 15th. The goal was to run 1 mile by the end of the summer. I have never ran a mile before. Usually, I am all over changing it up. It is fun - why not anymore? Hmm.. I think maybe another reason my body is hanging onto the weight is because I am not challenging it. It is getting used to the 2, 3, 4, 5 mile walks. It needs something new. When school starts again I think I am going to try swimming, jogging the track, Group X classes, maybe some weight loss competitions.. but I cannot right now because that is closed. I really like jogging on the street but there are two main problems with that. It is hard to be consistent with distance. For example, how can I run 100 meters if I do know what it looks like? Hmm.. The other problem is running on the sidewalks which is concrete is very hard on your joints for anyone. Now add that I am like 60 lbs overweight. That just cannot be good for them. I could try biking - oh, wait, I do not know how to. Haha. You see I think I need to find a new routine I like because than I make it a must to do during the day.. and that is what it needs to be!
Also, another problem is that I have a bad feeling that I am working out more than I eat so it makes my body go into starvation mode. But if I increase my activity minutes I am afraid I am setting myself for failure increase I decide I do not want to do that much that day. For example, today I will have exercised for two hours - not all at the same time mind you. My SP activity minutes says 60 minutes..
Monday, August 10, 2009
As I get more friends on here, more people inquiry about my user name. I am going to tell you how I came to that specific user name. Initially, I had the user name LoseItAll_230. After reading an article about negative usernames such as Fatty800 or something on that line, I thought my own could be more positive. When I signed on with that user name, it did not exactly give me the warm and fuzzies.
So, that brings me to a more positive user name: The_Crazy_Mango. I thought of the mango because my body reminds of a mango - big and round. Also, mangos are extremely sweet. I like to think I am sweet and caring so this was similar to the mango. In addition, everyone is a little crazy I personally think I am unique and somewhat funky so that is where the "crazy" part comes in.
I hope this clears this up
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
One learns when you are trying to lose weight, everything is connected. Often when you are stressed out or having a bad day, it can affect your weight as well as everything else. A few people on here say I am a great motivator. I do not see it but thank you. I am glad I am helpful. But even great motivators have bad days. Today is that for me!
Last night, I did not fall asleep until 3 am because I was worry about things like my finances, and school among other things. This morning (at 7 am) because I did not get much sleep I decided to skip my morning walk. I knew when I skipped it, I would probably be anxious and irritable. I did walk to work/campus so I think that helped with my anxiety. But before I left, I checked my bank account because it has been really low lately - like close to bouncing check. And when I checked it, a check bounced. Great! Just lovely! Now I have to call my mom and hear her lecture me on money. No one there so I just walked to campus. I also walked because I have like 1/8 of a tank of gas and thought I should like to save it. As I walked, I vented to my friend, Will. (Thanks Will!) When I got to work, I had more work piled on me. I hurried up and finished it by noon.
I was going to go for a walk but than I called my mom. She gave me a lecture. During this lecture, she preceeded to tell me that I need a reality check several times. She also told me that I cannot handle a checking account. Besides these very hurtful things, she told me that my life is not a mess - I just want to think that it is. Trust me, it is.. another blog, another time. But it hurt that she thinks I am just making it up. She doesn't know the half of it.. Anyhow she told me I had to tell her exactly how much I am in the hole. I lied. And told her about half the amount than it really is. I should be fine. Than she went on this tangent on how I will never pay back the money. Oh she will get the money alright. I am going to try really hard to pay her off this year.. she may have the money but her daughter is not going to visit anymore. If I do, I am going to try to visit like once every two months. It is not worth it.. to be tore down and unappreciated like that.
Before I lost 17 lbs, I was an emotional and stress eater. I know this. In the past, I usually try to sleep it off. Lately, I have been taking walks to de-stress. Well today I returned a movie at Wal-mart that I brought for a friend that has cancer and may not even make it to September to go back to school. I returned it so I could have some cash because I am supposed to go out with a friend to help celebrate her birthday. I got like $16 back. I put $5 in my tank and than brought Swiss Roll Cakes with $1.50 of it. I am taking the other $10 and drinking on it. How drunk can you be on that money? I might stop and pull a $20 out of the ATM.. I think I should be fine. I need to relax... big time! Anyhow.. today I ate like the whole box of the Swiss Roll Cakes and I dont think I am going to go work out. Since today I have ate around 2300 calories.. about 700 over of the maxium of what I am suppose to be at. I should work out I know.. but I am go frustrated and mad and hurt and I know my family does not think I am doing a good job of my life.. *sighs* And my stuff is at my parents and I think it is time I compress my stuff and move it under my move - hopefully it will all fit. Also, I am under my parents car insurance. I think I am going to look into car insurance around here along with a different bank. (My bank is a hour away. That is not very helpful and kinda expensive when I gotta pull money out.) Anyhow, I think that was my bad day..
After I wrote blog above, I was like you know I still feel have this stressed energy clinging to me.. I really should work out. It would probably make me feel better. So that is exactly what I did. I did 10 minutes on the hard elliptical and 20 minutes on the treadmill with an incline of 3. Than after that, I lifted for 30 minutes. It felt great to do something with that icky energy. Also, when weighed in today I gained two pounds but after I worked out, I was only up one pound so thats okay. I mean I could still be crabby but I am still trying to have an okay day even though I made some not-so-hot decisions. But I also made some good choices today.. I walked to campus, I ate breakfast, I worked out at the gym when I didn't want to. I know I didn't burn all the calories that I consumed when I binged but that's okay.. I am trying to do damage control.
I won't have my life all cleaned up in a day. I wont have my finances in order in a week but I can try hard to make small changes and with time, my life will look pretty damn good. I will make those changes.. I will!
Saturday, July 25, 2009
In the last couple weeks, I have noticed that I am part of the fat club. The club in where you seek out people that are also overweight. Not to help you lose weight but it makes you feel comfortable and it is secure. During those same couple weeks, I have decided I do not ever want to be part of the fat club another day, week or year. On the flip side, I think I am becoming part of the fitness club. This club is where you MUST exercise/work out. With this club, you look like you belong because you have the equipment: tennis shoes, fitness clothes, music and of course, water! I could deal with being part of this club for the rest of my life.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Today I decided to go to the gym. I haven't been to the gym since Tuesday - four days! I go to the gym for a couple reasons: to use the elliptical, to lift and to weigh myself. My friend took my scale when I first started to try to lose weight so I would have to go to the gym if I wanted to weigh myself. Now I do not want my personal scale back. At first, I was nervous about weighing myself in a place that seemed so public. My weight is a private thing. But the thing is, no one really cares. Haha! ANYHOW!
Today, when I stepped on that scale, I was really nervous. Like I really thought I was going to go up a couple pounds because all I have been doing this week is walking. It seems too simple to actually lose weight. I know I have been walking between 2-4 miles a day but still it seemed too simple. With the elliptical, I work up a good sweat but when I would walk, I would only work up a slight sweat. Well I guess walking does work.. because I lost FOUR pounds this week! I know the experts say its 20% exercise and 80% nutrition so I guess I cannot say it is because I walked like crazy this week. It probably helped that I really tried to eat all my calories. I never thought it would be that hard. Also, I went out to eat this week and instead of picking pasta, I picked a chicken wrap and fruit. So, I guess the small choices we make everyday do matter..
Yesterday, I had a conversation with a friend which made me look at my goals on here. My goals on here were to work out 30 minutes 3x weekly while I was actually working out 5-6x weekly. This simply did not make sense to have goals on here that I simply did not care about and was not trying to attain them. It is like I had personal goals and the SparkPeople goals that were posted were not benefiting me. Who are the goals for me anyhow? ME, of course! Anyhow, so I changed my goals to work out 30 minutes 5x weekly even through I know I try to work out a hour a day now. But also I know I wanted to have attainable goals and if I put 60 minutes, I was afraid I would not be able to attain them. After changing my workout minutes goes, my calories seem pretty high. Before I changed my goals, my calorie goal was 1200-1500 and now it went up to 1300-1700. Does anyone else think this is really high? I was having trouble on some days on eating close to that goal. I am seriously going to be eating ALL the time.. haha!
On a side note about my work out today - I seemed to work out pretty hard today. I am not sure if it because I had four days off of the elliptical, or I was freshly motivated but I got my heart rate up to 170s. For the 30 minutes I worked out, it stayed in 160s. For me, this was impressive because it usually bounced between 140s and 150s. Most the time, I have to work really hard to get it in the 160s. I was very excited for that!
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