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DND: It is Savannah's Time!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

In one of my past attempts to lose weight, I joined curves. At the time period of my life that I was working out at Curves, I was also getting counseling for depression. I remember my counselor telling me to consider it "me time". I tried but it just did not stick.

Well, when I started this last weight loss journey, I have changed a bit. One of things that have changed for me is that working out is a vice for me. Working out is a vice for me in three ways.

First, it helps relieve some of my depression symptoms like anxiety which I just love. I think that is why I love starting my day with a morning walk. ;)

Secondly, working out is a great stress reliever. That is actually why I call it "working out" and not "exercising". Working out for me meaning that I am working out my frustrations for the day. It is probably a good habit to form since my field that I hope to go into, Social Work, is considered to be highly stressful and has a high burnout rate. The sooner I learn how to handle and manage stress, the better! Also, exercise just gives me a bad feeling. I guess I have connected "bad" feelings and some events of my life with it.

Lastly, working out is becoming my "me time" as I mentioned before. In my life, I have a lot on my plate as many people do. For me, it consists of friends, family, work and school and sometimes I put myself last and everyone first. Working out has become a part of the day where all I think about is me. In fact, if I am on a walk, I will not answer my phone or text because it is Savannah's time.


Vent: "But you are the expert when you haven't lost weight?"

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Okay, so I have decided I am very frustrated and annoyed with people - especially the ones that think they know EVERYTHING about weight loss but have not lost a single pound themselves. If they know everything, why are they not applying it to themselves! Seriously! Since I have told people I have lost weight, they feel it is okay to tell me how to do it. I know how to do it! Eating right and exercise! In fact, the whole nation does too - we just don't do that. (Mind you if you are using a different strategy to lose weight, that is okay too. I just know this is working for me. Also, I am working on a lifestyle change here.. ;) ) In past times that I have lost weight it always discouraged me or got me off track when people told me how I should do it. For example, that I should not eat dessert or I should exercise. Hello people, this is my choice. If I want to eat a whole damn pie I will. Obviously, that would not be a good weight loss choice for me but it is really none of their damn business. I am doing to this for me and me only. Not them. Also, I obviously know somewhat what I am doing since I lost 17 lbs.. that is a considerable amount you just wake up and be like I think I will lose 17 lbs today. No, it takes every day decisions. Yes, I haven't lost weight for a couple weeks - I think I might be on a plateau - but still I know what to do. In fact, I think I even know what I need to do to get off this plateau - change it up. Variety is the spice of life, right? On a side note, I do not mind if I get advice from individuals who DO know what they are doing and have lost weight. Also, I cannot wait until I am an expert and I can advise these people, the ones that telling me how to do it, how I did it and how they can do it for themselves. Okay, I think I ran out of steam about this but it is so damn frustrating when everyone is trying to give you advice and you just want to tell them to shut up. In fact, today someone told me that basically there is no such thing as "in moderation" in terms of cheesecake. Well, if I never have cheesecake I will fail!! Okay, truly I am done!


Focus Issues

Saturday, August 15, 2009

At the beginning of this weight loss journey I was very focused and dedicated to my goals. In the last couple weeks, I think I have lost some or all of my focus and even a bit of my dedication.

After reflecting on what exactly the problem could be.. I think it may be this..

In the last few weeks, I have been eating out more and even been allowing myself to have dessert. This would be okay normally but I ate out alot in the last couple weeks. This ranges from Dairy Queen, Perkins, Grizzlys and Old Chicagos. All wonderful places to eat but they should be "treats", not the "norm". I think that is actually how I put some weight on - by eating at these places regularly. Regularly means 2 or 3x a week. In fact, I eat so much there that they know me by my name. That can be good and bad. I think I need to be a stranger again at these restaurants. We all know eating in moderation is key and the thing is, by eating out so often, I am not eating in moderation. Today I stepped on the scale. I weighed 245. first I thought. But as I worked out on the elliptical, it made sense, I ate numerous times this week. I need to cut down on eating out for both my diet and my check book.

I knew last week I needed to change my routine but yet I did not. I was going to start running on the first of the month yet today is the 15th. The goal was to run 1 mile by the end of the summer. I have never ran a mile before. Usually, I am all over changing it up. It is fun - why not anymore? Hmm.. I think maybe another reason my body is hanging onto the weight is because I am not challenging it. It is getting used to the 2, 3, 4, 5 mile walks. It needs something new. When school starts again I think I am going to try swimming, jogging the track, Group X classes, maybe some weight loss competitions.. but I cannot right now because that is closed. I really like jogging on the street but there are two main problems with that. It is hard to be consistent with distance. For example, how can I run 100 meters if I do know what it looks like? Hmm.. The other problem is running on the sidewalks which is concrete is very hard on your joints for anyone. Now add that I am like 60 lbs overweight. That just cannot be good for them. I could try biking - oh, wait, I do not know how to. Haha. You see I think I need to find a new routine I like because than I make it a must to do during the day.. and that is what it needs to be!

Also, another problem is that I have a bad feeling that I am working out more than I eat so it makes my body go into starvation mode. But if I increase my activity minutes I am afraid I am setting myself for failure increase I decide I do not want to do that much that day. For example, today I will have exercised for two hours - not all at the same time mind you. My SP activity minutes says 60 minutes..



Monday, August 10, 2009

As I get more friends on here, more people inquiry about my user name. I am going to tell you how I came to that specific user name. Initially, I had the user name LoseItAll_230. After reading an article about negative usernames such as Fatty800 or something on that line, I thought my own could be more positive. When I signed on with that user name, it did not exactly give me the warm and fuzzies.

So, that brings me to a more positive user name: The_Crazy_Mango. I thought of the mango because my body reminds of a mango - big and round. Also, mangos are extremely sweet. I like to think I am sweet and caring so this was similar to the mango. In addition, everyone is a little crazy I personally think I am unique and somewhat funky so that is where the "crazy" part comes in.

I hope this clears this up emoticon


Bad Day

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

One learns when you are trying to lose weight, everything is connected. Often when you are stressed out or having a bad day, it can affect your weight as well as everything else. A few people on here say I am a great motivator. I do not see it but thank you. I am glad I am helpful. But even great motivators have bad days. Today is that for me!

Last night, I did not fall asleep until 3 am because I was worry about things like my finances, and school among other things. This morning (at 7 am) because I did not get much sleep I decided to skip my morning walk. I knew when I skipped it, I would probably be anxious and irritable. I did walk to work/campus so I think that helped with my anxiety. But before I left, I checked my bank account because it has been really low lately - like close to bouncing check. And when I checked it, a check bounced. Great! Just lovely! Now I have to call my mom and hear her lecture me on money. No one there so I just walked to campus. I also walked because I have like 1/8 of a tank of gas and thought I should like to save it. As I walked, I vented to my friend, Will. (Thanks Will!) When I got to work, I had more work piled on me. I hurried up and finished it by noon.

I was going to go for a walk but than I called my mom. She gave me a lecture. During this lecture, she preceeded to tell me that I need a reality check several times. She also told me that I cannot handle a checking account. Besides these very hurtful things, she told me that my life is not a mess - I just want to think that it is. Trust me, it is.. another blog, another time. But it hurt that she thinks I am just making it up. She doesn't know the half of it.. Anyhow she told me I had to tell her exactly how much I am in the hole. I lied. And told her about half the amount than it really is. I should be fine. Than she went on this tangent on how I will never pay back the money. Oh she will get the money alright. I am going to try really hard to pay her off this year.. she may have the money but her daughter is not going to visit anymore. If I do, I am going to try to visit like once every two months. It is not worth it.. to be tore down and unappreciated like that.

Before I lost 17 lbs, I was an emotional and stress eater. I know this. In the past, I usually try to sleep it off. Lately, I have been taking walks to de-stress. Well today I returned a movie at Wal-mart that I brought for a friend that has cancer and may not even make it to September to go back to school. I returned it so I could have some cash because I am supposed to go out with a friend to help celebrate her birthday. I got like $16 back. I put $5 in my tank and than brought Swiss Roll Cakes with $1.50 of it. I am taking the other $10 and drinking on it. How drunk can you be on that money? I might stop and pull a $20 out of the ATM.. I think I should be fine. I need to relax... big time! Anyhow.. today I ate like the whole box of the Swiss Roll Cakes and I dont think I am going to go work out. Since today I have ate around 2300 calories.. about 700 over of the maxium of what I am suppose to be at. I should work out I know.. but I am go frustrated and mad and hurt and I know my family does not think I am doing a good job of my life.. *sighs* And my stuff is at my parents and I think it is time I compress my stuff and move it under my move - hopefully it will all fit. Also, I am under my parents car insurance. I think I am going to look into car insurance around here along with a different bank. (My bank is a hour away. That is not very helpful and kinda expensive when I gotta pull money out.) Anyhow, I think that was my bad day..


After I wrote blog above, I was like you know I still feel have this stressed energy clinging to me.. I really should work out. It would probably make me feel better. So that is exactly what I did. I did 10 minutes on the hard elliptical and 20 minutes on the treadmill with an incline of 3. Than after that, I lifted for 30 minutes. It felt great to do something with that icky energy. Also, when weighed in today I gained two pounds but after I worked out, I was only up one pound so thats okay. I mean I could still be crabby but I am still trying to have an okay day even though I made some not-so-hot decisions. But I also made some good choices today.. I walked to campus, I ate breakfast, I worked out at the gym when I didn't want to. I know I didn't burn all the calories that I consumed when I binged but that's okay.. I am trying to do damage control.

I won't have my life all cleaned up in a day. I wont have my finances in order in a week but I can try hard to make small changes and with time, my life will look pretty damn good. I will make those changes.. I will!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CASSCAMP 7/29/2009 11:06PM

    Hey sweet heart. I am sorry to see that you are having a rough day. And it is very hard when your family doesn't support you like you think they should. But when your family isn't there you have friends to turn too like will and myself. Don't get so frustrated where you cancel your mother out of your life forever, you will regret it one day... Im sorry to hear that it was a struggle and that you did turn to your swiss cake rolls, but i hope that tomorrow you turn around and get yourself back on track. I am glad to see that you did work out...that will make you feel at least a tad better. ..

As far as getting your life on track. It will take a while..but as long as you are doing little things.... you will be making a difference. I definately recommend getting a bank closer...its soo easy to get checking accts now for free from any place that it isn't worth the hour drive....and as always if you feel you need to vent, im always here hunnie!! much love!

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