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Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Okay, I really just need to vent. So frustrated with my living situation! I live with my boyfriend and his mom who is mentally disabled. His mom always comes first. He says he puts me first but he doesn't. It is always Savannah hurt her feelings. It doesn't matter if MY feelings are hurt. ARGH!

In addition to that, when I go to my boyfriend about something he is doing that hurts my feelings, he brushes it aside or he mocks me about it for the next day or so. It makes me feel like they aren't important and are dismissed. The recent was, "Oh, we wouldn't want to make Savannah upset or cry." This is hurtful. Like my emotions are not important. They ARE important!!!

I am a caring, compassionate person. This means I ask others what they want and will sacrifice myself for THEIR happiness. The problem is my boyfriend and his mom don't seem to do the same for me. Especially his mom. This morning she put on a horror movie while I am hanging out in the room even through she knows I don't like horror.

In addition to that, I feel my sensitiveness to myself and others is slammed on alot. My boyfriend repeatedly mocks how I am too sensitiveness and he is just kidding. There is only SO much kidding. With all the mocking, pretty much anything I sincerely tell him, I tell him less and well, I tell YOU, my spark friends, more.

So frustrated. I don't want to leave but as this keep occurring, I see no choice. I see my self esteem going down. I don't want my children (who I don't have yet, lol) growing up in this kind of environment, where they feel they cannot show their emotions. Show them. Deal with them healthy. I do feel I love him but I think I need more than that.

Thanks for listening!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAREN_NY 4/25/2013 3:29PM

    The thing about venting in an SP blog is that everyone writes back with opinions and I've-been-there's. And we have. So I hope you are able to make some moves that are right for you. Take action now --whether in couples' therapy or on the move --- before you find yourself bitter about it. emoticon

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KITT52 4/25/2013 1:31PM

    emoticon

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KANOE10 4/24/2013 8:11AM

    You deserve to be respected and treated well. Your feelings are important!
Hope you figure things out . Hugs.

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EJOY-EVELYN 4/23/2013 11:58PM

    Sorry to hear about your frustrations. Being happy and being in love are two entirely different emotions. Until you are married, a man of faith has a greater responsibility to his mother and father. At the time of marriage, he is to cleave to his wife (Genesis 2:24). Without all the other great qualities you extol elsewhere, this writing tells me you need to not be living with this man and his mother. Sounds like a change is in order. We have little or no power to change others (albeit, we can exert influence and solid reasoning worthy of respect). Pray about it, be in the word and will of God, and exhibit the characteristics that Jesus role modeled for us through the Fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Hug, hug -- Evelyn

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MARTHAWILL 4/23/2013 9:16PM

    HOpe your situation improves soon and you do what is best for you. Take care of yourself.

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GEORGE815 4/23/2013 6:52PM

    Family can make us do things we don't do with anyone else.

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BEBOP4ME 4/23/2013 4:02PM

    My dear departed Mother always told me to find someone that not only loved me, but also cherished and respected me. Love with out the respect and cherish part doesn't last. You deserve all three of these things. Demand them and if he can't provide them, then you know leaving will be the right decision.

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1CRAZYDOG 4/23/2013 1:34PM

    " I do feel I love him but I think I need more than that. " ILndeed you do! Support in the good times AND the bad. POSITIVE feedback. THOSE are things that help a relationship thrive. Slamming & mocking certainly do not.

Just sending HUGS your way. I know it's tough. You have to think of yourself, though.

Relationships are hard enough to maintain, but they DO grow and thrive with nurturing by BOTH . . .not just one-sided.

I hope I'm not being too blunt. Just was Savannah to be HAPPY!

HUGS



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NATPLUMMER 4/23/2013 1:18PM

    That is frustrating. If he doesn't start respecting your feelings then I don't think he is the right guy for you.
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AEROBISAURUS 4/23/2013 12:54PM

    H3ll yes you need and deserve more! Do not waste your precious time with someone who cannot give you the respect and support you need! Lucky you don't have kids yet and yes I agree with you on that situation. Live for you, love you, and treat yourself right, in NO way is that selfish. I am divorced from a verbally abusive relationship - we have two kids and no matter how much I'd like to forget about him, he is forever tied to me because of my blessings (kids). However, I had to break the cycle, I want my girls to grow up knowing what a healthy relationship is. Leaving the relationship was the hardest most scariest time of my life, but looking back, I'm so glad I did. I'm healthy and happier than I've ever been. ((hugs))

Be strong! Believe in yourself!!

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Nikki

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HDHAWK 4/23/2013 12:27PM

    It sounds like he isn't giving you what you need. Do you really want to live this way long term? emoticon I gave and gave to my first husband and later a bf and they still didn't appreciate me. My husband now is wonderful. What a difference. You deserve that too!

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THEEXERCISER 4/23/2013 11:54AM

    I hope things get better for you emoticon

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Need Motivation? Inspiration?

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

This blog written by PIXIE-LICIOUS is an amazing blog. It deserves to get the popular blog award. Let's show her some love!

Check it out: www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_jo
urnal_individual.asp?blog_id=5331710

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

1CRAZYDOG 4/23/2013 1:19PM

    Definitely a must-read!

HUGS

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The Scale as a Reward? Hmmm....

Monday, April 22, 2013

When I am focused on weight loss where I trying to exercise consistently and track my food, I get focused on the scale. I start to weigh myself every day and starts to become an addiction of "I'll just weigh myself today but I'll skip tomorrow" than tomorrow comes and I do it all over again. To break this cycle, I have to ground myself from it for a while.

I have been thinking I want to get back to working out every day. I really enjoy how I feel the rest of the day. I feel like ME. I need to make much more of a commitment to ME. I also eat healthier I've noticed for the rest of the day when I've exercised in the morning.

So, I think I am going try to work out for 5 days in a row. I don't know the last time I did that. This past week I did 3 days in a row. It's possible with a little thinking ahead. So, in return for working hard for 5 days, I get to weigh myself. Rinse (rest) and repeat. Until it's a habit.

On a side note, I have a choice of two paths. One path I can become an AmeriCorp position where I can get an educational stipend, no other jobs while being an AmeriCorp member and no secure job after I am done with the commitment.

The other path is to go back to school for a Doctorate in Physical Therapy. Even through I'd be going even more in debt (not too keen on that), I think it would help in the long run. I want my children to be secure. Right now, my finances are shaky and I am not sure where I would get a job that would make them so. I simply do not have the credentials. I think I will like my new job as a PA as well. But, honestly, that cannot be a career either. Whether I go into nursing or physical therapy or something else, I know I need to get more classes in chemistry or physics. So, I have been asking around to which college in the area would be best for me. I think it will be the community college. The two classes I NEED to get into those programs, the community college has without really affecting my work schedule. That's a WIN! The next step is meeting with admissions of both college to make sure the courses would transfer and all that.


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRYINGTOLOSE64 4/22/2013 9:29PM

    You can do it!!

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1CRAZYDOG 4/22/2013 8:50PM

    My vote is . . . do the workouts. ditch the scale for awhile.

As for the job . . . I agree w/Sheryl . . . your best bet is to go back to school. You surely don't need a doctorate in PT to get a job in the field! Advaned degree in PT can be gotten once you have a job in the field and would get tuition help.

Hang in there, kiddo.

HUGS

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NATPLUMMER 4/22/2013 7:30PM

    emoticon

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SHERYLDS 4/22/2013 7:10PM

    go back to school emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
there are soldiers who came back that can't get jobs
Americorp is not going to get you a job.

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PAMLICO-DAZE 4/22/2013 6:31PM

    Looks like a really bright future ahead for you and your family. Both programs sound great. Congrats on your workouts too! emoticon

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TERMITEMOM 4/22/2013 6:05PM

    emoticon

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Who I Want To Be

Sunday, April 21, 2013

In college, I thought I knew who I was and what I wanted to me. With reaching my weight loss goal, I thought I wanted to help people reach their own personal weight loss goals. When working in the fitness field as a Wellness Coach, Personal Trainer, Running Coach, I found I dreaded going to work. It wasn't my burning passion.

So, what is MY burning passion? It always has been helping people. I think that is why many people think I would be a good Physical Therapist. I am really caring and compassionate toward others.

In the last couple weeks, I have been training as a Program Assistant for four girls with Cerebral Palsy. The girls are so sweet and have such great, unique personalities. I am sure there will be frustrations. Right now, the frustrations is the on-staff nurse and other PAs. They either are off standish or are gossiping about other staff.

So, who am I? More importantly, who do I want to be? More and more, I think I want to be a Physical Therapist. Who works out every morning. Who runs marathons. Who has two active kids.

Anyhow, I really need to think about what I want in life... and who I want to be.. in the long term of things.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KANOE10 4/22/2013 8:08AM

    You sound like a compassionate person who enjoys helping others. I hope you can get into Physical Therapy as a career if that is what you want.
It is hard to figure out a long term goal. I work at a school and there are difficult personalities there also.
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NATPLUMMER 4/21/2013 9:22PM

    Sounds great to me.

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1CRAZYDOG 4/21/2013 9:09PM

    You know, as an RN I find it truely offensive that RN's and PA's would find it appropriate to gossip. I find that, under ANY circumstances to be unacceptable behavior. In the world we live in, if nothing else, we NEED to be more compassionate and tolerant! And who better to start the example of compassion and tolerance than YOU!

I say, if you find joy in helping others, even if it isn't physical therapy, go for it! But this experience you're training for may help you focus your determination on physical therapy OR steer you in another direction. That's all right!

I was so blessed to know I wanted to be an RN. But withing nursing I had many careers . . . Medical/Surgical, ICU/CCU, ER the home health care then quality assurance. Found my passion in quality assurance. My point? Each experience you have is going to do 2 things:

1. help you see what is (or isn't!) your passion
2. help steer you in the direction you're meant to go in

Give this experience a try and see where it leads you.

HGUS and wishing you luck.

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TIME2BLOOM4ME 4/21/2013 7:51PM

    A compassionate PT would be wonderful. I have MS which is a horrible dx. My muscles have atrophy from the disease. I keep pushing as hard as I can trying to strengthen the muscles, stimulate the nerves to regenerate. Yes it is possible. One PT specialist said to give up. My ex-Dr. said it was my lot in life to suffer.

I am a RN, unable to work. I feel as I must tell you it is very catty out there in the medical field. You must be tough skinned to survive. I was eaten up. If your personality is kind hearted, you might not make it unless you have a large set of claws and a fast tongue to respond to them. I am not trying to discourage you, but what you see is the truth out there. My patients all ways said the good kind nurse is here. They said the other nurses were mean.

I sure could of used a nice PT back when I tried going to one for help. Instead they left me crying for a week.

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Beyond Frustrated

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Okay, I am beyond frustrated! On Tuesday night, I decided to go to chinese. I knew I would retain water which showed on the scale. I jumped up two pounds. I refused to believe that I gained two pounds. For the last two days, I did 60 minutes on the elliptical and stayed close to my range. Today I jumped another TWO pounds. What?! There is no way I gained weight! What is going on?!!

Today I think it is understandable that I am not the most motivated to go to the gym. Why aren't I losing weight?!!!! I know part of the issue is water retention so I will try to work on that.

For now, my boyfriend's mom made french toast so I guess I am having french toast for breakfast...

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KITHKINCAID 4/18/2013 4:27PM

    Sorry honey! I KNOW how frustrating that is. Happens to me on a weekly basis. Down one day, way up the next. Blargh.

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GEORGE815 4/18/2013 3:48PM

    Hope you get if figured out.

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NATPLUMMER 4/18/2013 10:28AM

    Probably more water weight.

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1CRAZYDOG 4/18/2013 10:04AM

    First of all, ((((HUGS))))) Put the scale AWAY for a few days. Drink your water. Put some lemon in your water. That will help flush the salt out. It DOES take longer than a few days.

Good luck and hang in there!!!

Hugs, prayers, peace.

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PURPLE180 4/18/2013 10:02AM

    I agree, it is probably water weight. I have had this happen a few times, especially when I started lifting weights are changed my workout routine. Keep tracking and working out it will disappear soon.

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SHERYLDS 4/18/2013 9:44AM

    I agree with SFREY217... your body is retaining water.
Cut way back on the salt and remember that it is a process
not a magic trick.
Keep watching the calories and do the exercise and you KNOW
it will happen.

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SFREY217 4/18/2013 9:19AM

    Don't get discouraged, and don't give up. Your body can retain water for more than a few days. Just keep up you good work and it will eventually leave. Don't ruin all of your hard work by giving up.

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SPARKCHANTAL 4/18/2013 9:18AM

    hmmm. don't weigh yourself so often... then you won't notice the fluctuations? two pounds up or down can go really fast, actually. it's within the margin of error.

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