Monday, April 22, 2013
When I am focused on weight loss where I trying to exercise consistently and track my food, I get focused on the scale. I start to weigh myself every day and starts to become an addiction of "I'll just weigh myself today but I'll skip tomorrow" than tomorrow comes and I do it all over again. To break this cycle, I have to ground myself from it for a while.
I have been thinking I want to get back to working out every day. I really enjoy how I feel the rest of the day. I feel like ME. I need to make much more of a commitment to ME. I also eat healthier I've noticed for the rest of the day when I've exercised in the morning.
So, I think I am going try to work out for 5 days in a row. I don't know the last time I did that. This past week I did 3 days in a row. It's possible with a little thinking ahead. So, in return for working hard for 5 days, I get to weigh myself. Rinse (rest) and repeat. Until it's a habit.
On a side note, I have a choice of two paths. One path I can become an AmeriCorp position where I can get an educational stipend, no other jobs while being an AmeriCorp member and no secure job after I am done with the commitment.
The other path is to go back to school for a Doctorate in Physical Therapy. Even through I'd be going even more in debt (not too keen on that), I think it would help in the long run. I want my children to be secure. Right now, my finances are shaky and I am not sure where I would get a job that would make them so. I simply do not have the credentials. I think I will like my new job as a PA as well. But, honestly, that cannot be a career either. Whether I go into nursing or physical therapy or something else, I know I need to get more classes in chemistry or physics. So, I have been asking around to which college in the area would be best for me. I think it will be the community college. The two classes I NEED to get into those programs, the community college has without really affecting my work schedule. That's a WIN! The next step is meeting with admissions of both college to make sure the courses would transfer and all that.
Sunday, April 21, 2013
In college, I thought I knew who I was and what I wanted to me. With reaching my weight loss goal, I thought I wanted to help people reach their own personal weight loss goals. When working in the fitness field as a Wellness Coach, Personal Trainer, Running Coach, I found I dreaded going to work. It wasn't my burning passion.
So, what is MY burning passion? It always has been helping people. I think that is why many people think I would be a good Physical Therapist. I am really caring and compassionate toward others.
In the last couple weeks, I have been training as a Program Assistant for four girls with Cerebral Palsy. The girls are so sweet and have such great, unique personalities. I am sure there will be frustrations. Right now, the frustrations is the on-staff nurse and other PAs. They either are off standish or are gossiping about other staff.
So, who am I? More importantly, who do I want to be? More and more, I think I want to be a Physical Therapist. Who works out every morning. Who runs marathons. Who has two active kids.
Anyhow, I really need to think about what I want in life... and who I want to be.. in the long term of things.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Okay, I am beyond frustrated! On Tuesday night, I decided to go to chinese. I knew I would retain water which showed on the scale. I jumped up two pounds. I refused to believe that I gained two pounds. For the last two days, I did 60 minutes on the elliptical and stayed close to my range. Today I jumped another TWO pounds. What?! There is no way I gained weight! What is going on?!!
Today I think it is understandable that I am not the most motivated to go to the gym. Why aren't I losing weight?!!!! I know part of the issue is water retention so I will try to work on that.
For now, my boyfriend's mom made french toast so I guess I am having french toast for breakfast...
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Back in the day when my main goal was to lose 100 pounds (which I succeeded in), I blogged nearly everyday. It helped to get the almost instant online support. These days I still lean on that support. In fact, this week I have been trying to use that support more often. No one can help you if you don't ASK for the support. Whether you have there for me this week or a year ago, thank you. I truly appreciate the support.
For those that read my blog a couple days ago about being upset because I was at 170, I did get back to 169. I have been tracking for the last three weeks and I can feel mentally I needed a day off of it all. I decided to go out for chinese. It was nice to go out with just my boyfriend. If you don't know, I live with my boyfriend and his mentally disabled mom. It definitely has it's challenging times. It was nice to feel like a 'real' couple. I do not regret the chinese either. Sure, I retained two pounds of water but I know the scale is lying to me. Deceptive little scale. Hoping to get tons of water in today.
Knowing the scale is being deceptive, I will NOT give up. In fact, I did 65 minutes on the elliptical so I earned another sticker on my calendar. I feel really good about that. It was nice to get all the stress out of my system. For the last three weeks, I have noticed I worked out approximately three times a week. I am hoping to work out about four times this week. Maybe eventually I can back to making it a daily routine, like it was before.
So, slowly but surely I am getting there!
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Yesterday I was super excited about being 169. I had such plans to get down to 165. Than, this morning I was back at 170.4. I am so frustrated and bummed. I have been bouncing around 170 for months. I am done. A few days ago, I was excited to see 170.0. I could get to the 160s. So, I exercised the two days after and now I am back at 170.
It seems like it is either focus on food or focus on exercise. Whenever I try to do both, I seem like a failure. When I started to focus on food a few weeks back that is when I was able to kick five pounds to the curb. In fact, that seems like that is the only time I can lose weight.
Anyhow, I know this 170 is not a terrible number but I think I am more bothered what it means to me. In a sense, I had failed at maintained. I am still working on it. It's food for thought, nonetheless!
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