Monday, August 04, 2014
I had one of those scary days yesterday that reminds me where I've been and where I do not want to be ever again. I just felt... blah. Emotionless. Numb.
My boyfriend asked me 57 times what was wrong, did I want a root beer, did I want to go out for pizza, did I want to work out, did I want to take a nap. Bless his heart, he tried everything. But all I could do was sit with the kittens on my lap in my pajamas all day. I watched a movie - Meet Joe Black - probably not the best choice for a day you are feeling depression symptoms! Geez! I bawled my freaking eyes out!
So here I am trying to figure out what went wrong and how I can stop the slow slide before it gets too out of control.
1. Eat better. Sugar and carbs make you feel bad. Stop eating them.
2. Go to bed earlier. Since you don't sleep very well, the longer you are in bed, the more rest you will actually get.
3. Work out. It just makes everything better. Even if you feel like you can't, you must do the bare minimum each day. Yes, I said every single day. Walk around the block. It starts with putting your shoes on. It will all work out from there. This is your medicine. Just take it.
4. Find something that makes you happy, and do that. Take your inner tube to the river and just sit there for a couple hours in the sun. Ride your scooter. Go to a movie. Play with the kittens. Fill up your heart with love, and you will feel something, and it will be good. Happiness takes practice. Feeling good takes practice.
Fingers crossed it was just a bad day. I feel nervous today. Work routine, although challenging first thing in the morning, is exactly what I need to keep me out of depression. The act of getting up, showering, and going to an office is what is keeping me human in this life. I haven't *really* felt bad in a few years, and I would like to keep it that way.
Thanks for listening my friends. And please know that if you are struggling with depression or anxiety - I'm always here to listen. ((hugs))
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
OK. I need a goal to work for! I am sooooo lazy right now. I can't seem to get my sleeping going, and thus my exercise is sucking, thus I am eating a bunch of crap. That said, I am still wearing my fitbit and keeping track of steps, and I have been really active on the weekends.
What I need is a PLAN! A GOAL!
1. sign up for a 5k in Sept and Oct.
2. sign up for a yoga class or figure out when one is at the gym and put it on my calendar.
3. Go paddling every weekend.
4. figure out what triathlon I want to do in 2015 and do a work back for training
5. make a dang meal plan and shopping list that actually goes with the meal plan, then go to the store and buy only those things. Don't even look at animal cookies.
6. find an accountability partner that will publicly shame me when I don't do what I'm supposed to do, and will publicly celebrate me when I do.
7. help someone else with their accountability because it helps me.
8. set up a rewards system, but don't get too crazy because deep down I know that intrinsic motivation is the thing, and extrinsic motivation doesn't really work. but make a reward system anyway because I need every single thing in place to make this work.
9. redo my "personal board of directors". It's time to put together a new board. I don't need these people all the time, but I need to figure out who they are for when I do need them. This will include:
weight lifting friend
weight loss friend
woo woo new agey friend
OK I think that's it for now. Go team!
Monday, July 21, 2014
Me and sleep do not always get along.
Last week we had a pretty bad falling out, and I just barely slept the entire week. Why? Heat wave? Kittens in the bed? Fan on or fan off? All of these reasons added up to a perfect storm of insomnia. And when I have insomnia I am barely functioning during the day, much less exercising.. and all I want to eat is junk food that comforts me.
Yup, it was that bad.
I'm not even getting on the scale to find out what the damage is. In fact, I might just put the scale away for awhile and not worry about the number. I really need to just focus on making good choices for exercise and food.
That being said, did I get up to run today? No, I did not. I did make my 10k steps goal twice over the weekend, and I DO plan to run tomorrow. I have to redo week 4 of my C25k because last week was non-existent.
But I will NOT be derailed! I'm still in this thing! One bad week doesn't mean I'm done. I'm getting back up, dusting myself off, and marching forward. I can totally do this!
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
I'm not sure you can call it a plateau, but I'm not sure you can't.
In all, I've lost over 150 lbs and also gained like 200. Which should be equally impressive! Bring on the pasta and garlic bread! But what I'm getting at, is that I should be a weight loss GURU by this point. I should probably be on infomercials, touting the best ways to lose weight and maybe the best ways to gain weight. (This ice cream is sooooo good for gaining weight. You should put it on a corn dog if you want to gain 5 lbs RIGHT NOW! If you call now, you'll also receive THIS free donut!)
But here I am STUCK at 220. My body loves this weight. I can eat anything I want, and also eat better and exercise like a maniac for 4 straight weeks, and still I sit at this weight.
I've never actually had a plateau before, so I'm thinking this probably is one. Or my body is just having a revolution. I'm going to go low carb to see if I can jump start this, but it just seems ridiculous that I could be doing everything right (I THINK?) and the scale isn't moving.
NSV and all that, sure.
I almost feel like I should see how long I can keep the plateau! Maybe if I try to keep it I won't be able to, because irony.
Monday, July 14, 2014
I have never walked so much in my life I don't believe.
Now, granted, I did my long workout on Friday morning before we left because I didn't think I'd get enough mileage over the weekend. Boy, was I pretty wrong!
My fitbit totals were:
Friday: 19,651 steps = 9.26 miles
Saturday: 15,558 = 7.1 miles
I usually average about 10,000 a day when I work at it. So, these totals are way above average for me. I'm TIRED. I was supposed to go out and run today, but my body feels beat down, so I'm taking a rest day.. A second one.. I took one yesterday, too! I'm hoping to be back to normal tomorrow.
Also, I still haven't lost a pound. It's so frustrating!
This week I'm going to try to eat less carbs, and see if I can force my weight loss to start. I don't mind eating low carb, and I think it can kick start me.
How was your weekend? What are your goals for the week?
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