Wednesday, October 19, 2011
It has been a week and a day since I had my last soda. THIS IS A BIG DEAL! :) :) :)
Although I've had cravings every now and then (usually after a meal, particularly if it was something salty), it hasn't been that bad. For whatever reason, I didn't have caffein withdrawl headaches the way that I have in the past. Maybe it's because I've been drinking tea?
I've had 16oz+ of tea every day (I think) since I cut out the soda. Last night I brewed myself a little tea pot full of tea twice-- which was about 4 small mugs of tea. So yea, I've been drinking my fair share of tea.
I feel so much better since I've stopped with the soda. I don't have the heavy, bloated feeling from drinking soda anymore. I also haven't had headaches... which I was having routinely before, probably from all the sugar.
AND BEST OF ALL.... I've dropped fom 153 lbs to 149 in less than a week! The last time that I cut out soda, this happened as well. This is great... it already gets me a third of the way closer to my goal of 140lbs.
The running and extra activity doesn't hurt as well! Last night we went on a meetup hike with about 15 other people and their dogs. It was great and so funny to see all the dogs together. The hike was 1-2 miles long, at a pretty slow pace due to being with all the dogs. But there was some up and down action going on, so it did feel like a mini workout and a nice chance to get outside.
Today it really feels like fall here. I have on a sweater dress and boots for the first time. It is very cozy! For now, I am really enjoying the crisp weather, though I hope that it doesn't get too much cooler so that it doesn't disrupt our running schedule.
I'll have to decide if I want to join a gym again for this winter. I miss doing group exercise classes, particularly dancing. Starting in January, I will have a free membership to the UT gym, though I'd have to pay extra for group excersize. Definitely worth a try though, if I can find any parking around there!
Monday, October 17, 2011
I am feeling good and positive for the first time in months. The weather in Texas is finally below 100 degrees (yes, in mid-October), and we just had our first rainfall in 6 months. Things are starting to feel normal again.
Sorry to keep talking about the weather, but I'll say this piece and then I'll be done: This summer was a real downer. Too hot to do much of anything, so my husband and I ended up staying in all the time. You know it's too hot when the cactuses are dead and you can't even go out to the pool because the sun is to strong on your skin. It really messed up my mood and threw off my routine. It made me homesick for the mild East-coast summers that I grew up with.
But now that things are back to normal, it's time for me to get back to normal. Within the past few weeks, something clicked, and I've felt a flood of new motivation. And I've already taken some big steps towards getting back on track. For example:
I finally cleaned up the giant pile of clothes in my room that I've been avoiding for months. Washed everything, ironed everything. I've cleaned most of the other areas of the house, and it's always refreshing to have organized spaces. Physical cleaning always ends up cleaning out mental clutter!
I've started running again. A few short runs here and there, mostly intervals. Last night the hubby and I ran a bout .65 miles, walked about .3, and then ran about .75 miles and did a cool-off walk.
Last week I took lunch to work 4 out of 5 days. I made a pesto pasta salad with veggies that kept well (though I was very sick of it by day 3). I also made turkey chili. Eating out is, I think, what contributes most to my weight gain. If I can cook more at home, I know I will be healthier.
Most exciting: I have COMPLETELY CUT OUT SODA! I feel so, so good about this. Tomorrow will be one week from my last soda. I honestly feel like this is going to be a real change for me.
I'm hoping that cutting out soda (which usually added up to anywhere between 100 and 400 extra calories a day), plus some light running and more meals at home will be enough to help me start getting my weight back down. It was *last* time. I'm just over 150 lbs now (the heaviest I've ever been). I was able to stay at 140 pretty comfortably last year while I was doing some exercise and not eating totally terribly. That's my goal- to get back there. And I'm feelin' good about it.
Monday, July 18, 2011
I got an email the other night from my yoga studio that said they would be offering no more classes, effective immediately. I still have 20 classes left on my pass (which doesn't expire). Wtf! Too bad since the studio was right around the corner from my house. Looks like I'll now be making an 8 mile trip north to another studio if I want to get my money's worth. Bummer!
Monday, July 18, 2011
Following my last blog/vent-session, it was apparent that I really did want to change things. I'm trying not to get stuck in the disappointment of half-completed goals, because that always means that I end up abandonning my goals completely. So, my new mindset is to just put in my time each day and not worry about my timeline.
Last night, I went on my first run in about 3 months. I did intervals- about 3/4 of a mile jogging, then 1/4 of a mile walking, then another 1/2 mile jogging, then a solid cool-down walk around the block.
Since I was doing the intervals, it wasn't that bad at all. In fact, I really enjoyed it! I did have some foot and knee pain, so I'll have to be careful not to push too hard too soon. But I can already feel an improvement in my outlook after taking a first step towards getting back on track.
My husband and I went grocery shopping this weekend for the first time in forever. Feels good to have some stuff back in the house so that we're not eating out all the time. I've started limiting my soda intake again, but it's always a struggle to cut it out completely. I brewed a big jug of iced tea last night and brought some in to work this morning in a new fancy cup that I bought. My plan is to try to drink a lot of water and iced tea and hope that it cuts down my soda cravings.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Well, this is embarrassing.
My last blogs were written at the end of March, and it is now mid-July. At the time of my last blogs, I had just run a 10K and was eating healthier than any other time in my life. My blogs weren't exaggerating-- I was in a great mental place. I was lookin' good and feeling on top of the world.
As you can tell from my past tense, I've relapsed back my bad old habits. Perhaps the word "relapse" sounds dramatic, but I mean it in the most literal of senses. It's as if someone flipped the "reverse" switch in my brain, and all the sudden I started thinking and doing the opposite from before. I mean the EXACT opposite. That I only ran once since the 10K is only the tip of the iceberg. The truth is that I haven't bothered to do any of the other easy activities that became a standard part of my life long before I hit my highest point in health (things like yoga, biking, tennis... even just going on a walk around the block). I've gone from effortlessly eating balanced diets to going MORE THAN A WEEK without touching a single fruit. I realized this the other day and it completely alarmed me for a second. Then I promptly made myself forget it because it was too embarrassing to admit.
Obviously my change in behavior has had its repercussions on my body. But although I'm troubled by the weight gain, what has disturbed me most is how quickly and drastically my brain changed directions and started sabotaging all of my progress. Since the beginning, my journey to better health was a mental struggle above all else. I feel like I've gone from being in first place to coming in dead last.
It makes me feel like such a hypocrite and a failure.
The funny thing is that none of this has been weighing heavily on my mind... because I haven't allowed it to. In fact, this is the first time in the past several months that I've taken more than a moment to acknowledge my mistakes (it's a lot easier to repress disappointment than to deal with it).
After thinking carefully about how I got here, this is what I think happened:
After two months of heavy training and completing a 10K, I allowed myself a week to relax. My body and mind were tired and I had achieved what I wanted to achieve. I also knew in my heart that I couldn't sustain my 10K running schedule, especially since Texas was getting hotter and hotter by the day.
A week turned into two weeks, then three weeks, then two months. I started to become anxious that I wasn't going to be in the shape that I wanted to be for my friend's wedding.
I continued to eat badly and forgo my exercise. I knew that I had more than enough time to get back in shape before the wedding, but as each day passed, I realized that I had less time and wouldn't be able to achieve that goal that I had been working towards.
My crazy brain decided that, if I wasn't going to achieve my goal, that partial progress was just as bad as no progress. Obviously this makes no sense. My brain started tying food and emotion back together. If I was upset, or anxious, or stressed, or even very relaxed, I craved something to fill me up. Food gained its power back over me.
The wedding came and went and I was left feeling like a failure. I looked chubby in all of the wedding pictures. I was mad at myself, but didn't allow my thoughts to dwell on it. I decided on a new goal to start exercising before some friends were coming to visit (during which I'd have to be hanging out in a bathing suit). But although I wanted the end result, I wasn't ready to dedicate myself to the actual work that it would take to get there. Their visit also came and went. I hadn't changed anything.
Within 3 months, I effortlessly put on all the weight that it took me over a year of really hard work to get off.
Part of me is incredibly discouraged. The other part of thinks that if I was in such a good place only 3 months ago, then I can be back to that place in the same amount of time. Afterall, three months is nothing in the grand scheme of things.
I feel like I'm finally ready to get myself back on track. My biggest fear is that, even after a blog like this, I'll get home and decide that I'm too tired to run or go grocery shopping and end up eating greasy take-out and spending the night on the couch. Honestly, that actually has a very high chance of happening.
BUT, If I'm going to succeed, I need to stop BABY-ING myself and just GO DO the things that I know I need to do. Why is going to the grocery store such a pain? It's not. Why is putting on my running clothes and jogging around the block so unbearable? It's not!!! I just get stuck in the anxiety of thinking that these are terrible, painful activities when... oh my god.... all I have to do is take 15 minutes to run around the block. I need to stop wasting my time with procrastination and just go do it and move on with my life. I need to stop fueling my anxiety when there is no reason to have any in the first place.
OK, I've given myself the chance to vent and now I'm done.
Happy thoughts and positive actions from here on out.
Thanks for listening.
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