Wednesday, December 10, 2014
Day three of tracking, eating better, and exercising. I'm feeling more and more motivated as I get myself up and practice good habits. I didn't read the book this morning (but I will tonite)! I did get up despite already wanting to take a rest day, and do my yoga. And oh man, has it still NOT gotten easy yet. I'm sweating and straining and just making it but I'm completing it! Which is exciting. Also, during the after workout stretches, I was finally able to touch my toes while sitting with my legs together. I usually can reach my ankles/feet, but it's been awhile since I've been able to completely grab my toes which is awesome!
I haven't weighed myself in forever because the scale got damaged by a...ahem...soap fight...that my roommate and I got into. He started it, I swear. It's actually been pretty freeing, although every morning I have that compulsion to want to weigh myself to see where I'm at. I did measure myself, and I'll do it again after I finish the 6 weeks of BLWLY. I seriously need a real measuring tape, as my is paper and only 27 inches long. Doh. But it worked...ish.
Okie dokie, well it feels good checking in and being accountable here. Now back to work. Sigh. :)
Tuesday, December 09, 2014
Day two of 100 days. I feel much better after my emotional start yesterday. Things are starting to click in my head, like NOT eating the snacks in the staff room and tracking all my calories. One day at a time, 1-0, is my mantra. Yesterday, I worked out, tracked (but didn't stay within my allotted calories), and made some better choices. My goal today is to get ALL my water in--I want to be hydrated, and I'm pretty sure I've been dehydrated for the past year.
Day two in the book talked about being interested vs. committed. If you're just interested, anything that comes up will derail you from your plan. If you're committed, you stay with it no matter what. This applies to when you make a mistake too. If you're committed, when you mess up, you get up, dust yourself off, and keep moving forward--sticking with your goals.
I'm committed to a better lifestyle--mentally, physically, and emotionally. I'm committed to taking care of myself. I committed to a balanced lifestyle--one that I enjoy and can maintain. I'm committed to taking it slow, and to being kind to myself during this process.
Monday, December 08, 2014
So this year has been the year that I've been facing a lot of my demons. It's been emotional, scary, and pretty un-fun. I'm almost 30, and am finding that there's a lot of hidden insecurities and pain that I did...and didn't realize where there. The thing is, is that I've always struggled with being enough. That's a whole 'nother blog post/journal entry (which may or may not have already happen with tears and the like), but here, here I'm going to start fresh and new.
I love this place, because it's always felt safe. I've always felt encouraged and like I mattered. This is a place of successes and failures, but nobody is waiting and looking for me to fail here--everyone is hoping for the best. It's a good place, and I can't help but continue to come back here.
I have no extravagant goals. Just coming from a point of brokenness and starting this journey day by day. The Seahawks always say they're 1-0...meaning that what matters most is that day, that game, that moment. I'm going to try to live in the moment, and really give myself credit for the small victories.
So 100 days of weight loss. Day one: I used to be that way.
I cried a bit (have I told you I'm in an emotional place?) when it talked about determination, fear, and wondering if you'll fail and end up in the same place as always. I love what it says about changing your thinking. If I constantly think about when or if I'm going to fail, it's going to lead me right down that line.
"Your past does not determine your future." I love that. It's simple, but I believe it. I have to. I can't stay here, and I won't stay here. I used to be that way, but now I'm different. I can create new endings, new beginnings, and new outcomes.
I used to think that I was unworthy, but now I know that I am loved and cherished by many.
I used to think that I could make my body perfect, but now I know that I can make it strong and healthy--and that's ok.
I used to be wrapped up in comparing myself to others, but now I know that we are all uniquely ourselves, and that loving myself and others leads to positive change.
I used to think that being thin made me more loveable, but now I know that my weight does not determine my worth--I am so much more than my body.
I used to think that by controlling everything, that I'd feel in control, but now I know that letting go of control is so much more freeing.
I used to let everything depend on whether I made a bad choice or a good choice, now I'm giving myself a break, and letting myself be human.
I used to be that way. I'm breaking free; I'm trying to be different, trying to heal, trying to be whole. A healthy body is only part of that.
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
So this weekend I ate pretty crappy. Weekends are hard for me, because I don't have the schedule that I do at work, and I'm not restricted to food at work. So sure, I'll eat a bit of ice cream and why not...I'll eat another helping of potatoes. I don't track either on weekends, so I'm not even aware of how many calories I put in my body...it's that awareness that usually keeps me in track.
I had lost 5 lbs, and gained back two more before my weight in on Monday. So a net weight loss of 3 lbs, but I was sad to see the consequences of my choices. Yesterday, I also made some emotional eating choices--I gobbled starbursts when I felt stressed, and ate too much dinner because it was a potluck/social eating situation. I'm glad I'm recognizing where I struggle...because now I can do something about it.
Today my goal is to not grab candy unconsciously out of my drawer. I know I like candy, so I'll pick a few pieces to have during the day, put them on my desk, track them and keep it to that. I'll also make sure to drink water at least every other time I want to eat something. That's another thing I'm struggling with--getting enough water! I've been feeling pretty bloated lately...and I know it's because I'm retaining.
Lastly, I need to find motivation to exercise. I want to start running again outside, but I can't get myself to leave the warm confines of my bed. I guess I could always run after work...hmph. Well if I'm not going to continue at the gym, I also need to cancel my membership. Sooo many things to think about. Ok, this is getting rambly. I'm off to a better day.
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