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sigh

Friday, December 17, 2010

So I know that for the most part this site is all about the positive and that is what I should be focused on... but I have to tell you...I'm just not feeling it right now.
I just read my last post which was from over a month ago and I could have posted the same thing today. I feel overwhelmed with my day to day without even adding the holiday season into things. The holidays are having a particularly negative effect on me this year.
Our tree is up as are the decorations, the kids are excited of course, and I am doing my best to be festive but truth is that I want to cry. The only thing I want for Christmas is to have a happy and supportive marriage and that's not something you get with wishing. I am putting all my effort into this life of mine, but I can't be the only person to give.
I feel drained and sad.
Sorry to be a downer, but I needed to get some of this out of myself...
the baby calls...
I hope that everyone is having a happy holiday season.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHOYER 12/17/2010 2:34PM

    I remember those days well, even though they are long gone for me.

I remember crying once to my husband, saying, "During her first nap I eat breakfast, during her second one I hurry up and take a shower, and all I eat for lunch is a cheese sandwich and a pear because I can do that with one hand."

Eventually I realized it was hard for him to understand something he would never experience, and even then I felt like there was something wrong with me that I couldn't do better.

SP is for support and hopefully you feel a little of that when you're on here. I wish the best (and better days and nights) for you.

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NATURALKRISTIN 12/17/2010 12:38PM

    We are so on the same page. I think SP is not just about the positive, but about the venting as well. I hope you know that it is ok to feel the way you do. What you feel is true because you are living it.

Do the best you can at this moment for your children and your family. That is all we can do. Things always work out, one way or another. It may not be the way you expected or wanted, but time does it's thing, no matter what. Get some Mother's Tea, pick up that babe and nurse her. Smell her, watch her, love her. Sometimes that is all I can do.

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Re-focusing yet again!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Ok, well here's the deal.. life is busy!
I have gotten a new phone that has applications and I am hoping that it will help me to track more consistantly.
I have been on a bit of a roller coaster ride for the last few months. My personal life is kind of hard right now. I am afraid that my marriage might be ending. We are in therapy and I am in therapy for myself... but that doesn't change the daily suck that has been happening around here.

I have not been able to track well, but I do feel proud that I have only had a few days that I have chosen to pretend I didn't have control over what went into my piehole and eaten a half a bag of Doritos or two pieces of cake..... for the most part I have been eating well, and more often on the lighter side vs the too much side.

I have not lost any weight at all, but I also haven't gained either.
I also have NOT been exercising. I know that the excuses don't fly... but it is really hard to find the time and energy to exercise when you have a small baby! I exclusively breastfeed and feel like every second of the day I have a baby attached to me in some way... which makes it hard to feel like jumping up and down or getting on the treadmill when I have a rare moment to myself.

I know.. I know... I'm calling my own BS here... no more excuses. I have yet to be able to get a whole week tracked food wise... so I am going to try again. If I can track for two whole weeks I will focus on something else... but I really want to try and get into the habit of being accountable in a small way, and then try something a little harder. For now not being able to follow through on that small goal has ended up making me feel worse instead of better...
Soooo here I go again. I know that I can do this. I can do this.
And the truth is that maybe right now I have too much on my plate to really commit to turning everything around. So if I can just get back to tracking I know that it will give me a much needed boost!
and almost on cue there's the baby...
Wish me luck and any positive encouragement is welcomed folks! : )

  


Update on my daily goals and revamping my ticker : (

Thursday, September 02, 2010

Well, I have to say that just focusing on a few daily goals goals is already helping my head... and body feel better!
It turns out that I was really not eating enough and after just a few days of eating MORE calories I am really feeling the benefits! I was trying not to over do it, but in reality was depriving myself of to much. I LOVE the tracking tool, it is so key to my success here!
Yay!
I have eaten breakfast everyday with the kids for three days now and it truly makes a difference! I have felt better from the very beginning of the day, which helps me to get through the day with a little less stress.. which with 4 four kids is a GOOD thing!
My eldest (15) daughter went back to school today. So I will have to get used to doing things without my helper again, but I look forward to it too, because of course she wasn't always helpful and needed her own attention. She was getting bored and ready to get back to things. Plus, I might occasionally have a minute or two to myself. Ok not often, but even on the rare occasions the three little ones were busy and/or sleeping at the same time she was right by my side ready for some time with just the two of us... : )
Which I always enjoy too, but I also like to breathe my own air every once in awhile!
Unfortunately, while updating my page (since my return) I had to go back to my ticker and add weight onto it.... which was a little hard, BUT I know that I am going to start moving the scale in the right direction again soon... so it will be ok.
I am feeling optimistic about things and that is always nice.
I hope that I can maintain tracking my food and daily goals. I have decided that I am going to stick with just maintaining daily goals for atleast two weeks. I don't want to rush things and end up discouraged.
So for the most part things are going well and I'm feeling pretty good about getting back into healthier routine again! I hope everyone is feeling encouraged today!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AL_ROX 9/2/2010 11:03PM

    Good luck with your daily goals! I know you can do it!!

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Who knew I could struggle to get ENOUGH calories!

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Wow!
So today is the first day that I have succeeded in tracking everything that I ate today... and I was shocked to see how little I actually ate.
Things get so darn busy with all the kids, that although I am hungry and know I NEED to eat... sometimes I just don't have time. I think that I truly need to get back to the basics here and MAKE myself accountable. I bet that not eating enough AND nursing so much has made it almost impossible to lose this extra baby weight I am carrying around.
So tomorrow I will eat breakfast. I think I will add that to my daily goals along with taking a prenatal vitamin and doing a daily belly toners to try and get some strength back into my core. It was so hard just letting go of the minimal belly strength that I had acquired when I got pregnant again... but it has been even harder trying to get it back!
I feel a little overwhelmed with the thought of fitting in "real" exercise still, so I think that right now if I can just meet my three daily goals for a week I might feel a little more confident. I need to give myself a break here and just start where I am and not try desperately to be where I WANT to be.
baby steps...
This is where I am, regardless of how much guilt I throw all over myself. That doesn't help me and I need to readjust my thinking.
baby steps will get me to a better place in my head... so here I go again.
I am going to track my food and meet my daily goals for a whole week.
See you next Tuesday to hold myself accountable!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CORINA-MOMOF4 9/1/2010 10:03AM

    You can do it!! As a nursing mother, it is VERY important to add 500 calories above what SP sets for you (if exclusively breastfeeding: no solids/formula) and 300-500 once baby is also on some solids or supplimental formula.
Did you know that a nursing mom needs MORE calories than a pregnant mom!! Yup!!

Also breakfast is the most important meal of the day - never ever skip it. I was just telling my mother (who does not like eating breakfast) the other day how important it is. She said "she doesn't like it"... there is always something. And in your case, sounds the same as with me, busy with the children... what I found is great on a day that I have "no time for breakfast" is a slim fast shake. Its 190 calories and much better than nothing! This is great on the days that I have to leave somewhere, and only have time to get the kids fed and ready to go... I'm usually getting ready while they are eating, and then when they are done eating, I'm getting them ready, so I just don't have time to eat. I then can grab my slim fast and drink it in the van while driving.


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CASSCAMP 9/1/2010 1:28AM

    Good Luck. Just remember don't forget to meet your goals you set for yourself and it will get you that much more motivated.

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Checking in again after a couple moths now!

Friday, October 23, 2009

Hi there.
Don't know if there is anyone out there who is still wondering what's going on over here... but I thought I should put a quick update in just in case! : )
I have to apologize first of all for being away for such a very long time. I have had kind of a rough time in the last couple of months. I am finally starting to feel a little better and ready to get in a more positive state of mind!
I am now 17 weeks pregnant.
Unfortunately, I have had a really hard time with morning sickness and really struggled with eating well because of it. I completely stopped tracking for a month or so because it was stressing me out so much and I knew I wasn't doing well, but it was just too hard for a few weeks.
At my first prenatal apt. I found out that my instincts had been correct and that I was carrying twins. I was scared, but thrilled and excited about the prospect. The day before I became 12 weeks, I miscarried one of the twins. It was terrifying and at the top of my list of worst experiences ever. I wasn't sure if I had lost both or not, but having had one previous miscarriage knew what was happening when it started. There was nothing to do but ride the wave until it was over. The next day I was very relieved to be able to hear a heartbeat at the office. I went and got a sonogram and it looks as if everything will be fine with the remaining baby. it has been a crazy, painful, grateful, strange experience. I am still trying to process everything to be honest. Now that I am feeling much better physically, the grief has been starting to hit me. I just got a referral from my midwife of a good therapist for pregnant woman, who is used to dealing with these kind of issues and emotions. I am sure that it will help to talk with someone about it, who is empathetic and understands where I am coming from.
On the good news front, my MIL just gave me a treadmill on Monday. I have been feeling a little bit better for about a week or so... so it was perfect timing! I have been able to walk everyday since I got it. I am nowhere near where I was when I stopped walking, but I have done 1 or 2 miles a day. I am hoping to work my way back up to walking 3-5 miles a day... but have to watch how my body reacts. Everytime I have walked I contract, and although I have spoken with the midwives about it and they say as long as it is tightening and not painful it is ok.. it still makes me a little nervous with what happened earlier.
I am not giving up though, since I started walking again I am feeling MUCH better emotionally and I am sure that if I continue my mood will only improve! : )
I started tracking my food again maybe two weeks ago and I was pleased to see that I have been doing pretty well. I am doing so much better now that I am not sick all the time. I have gained more weight than I am comfortable with, but I have also gotten my breasts back! I went down two cup sizes while I was losing weight and now I am back to my old bras because they have gotten out of control. I don't mind so much, but it has still been hard watching the scale go up instead of down like it had been doing for months!
I am trying not to obsess on it and just let my body do what it needs to to have a healthy baby. I know that no matter how much I gain, if I am exercising everyday I will feel better about it, which is why this treadmill has been such a blessing!
I finally got my Baby page up and running on the babyfit site, so I am going to leave the link here on the bottom. Anyone who wants to see how I am doing can feel free to come and check it out. I have a goal to write a blog every Friday there(since that is my change date) to talk about the last week. I am also planning on putting pictures up. I am going to try and put a new one up each week, but I won't post them here. It is hard to see my face get fuller and body rounding out again... I am trying to accept it as it goes, but it is definitely a challenge!
I hope that all of you are doing well with your journeys! Take care of yourselves and feel free to come by BabyFit and visit!! : )
Have a great weekend everyone!
Here is the link for my Baby Page. No pictures up yet, but I am working on it tonight! : )
babyfit.sparkpeople.com/mypage.asp?i
d=THAMESARINO

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

THAMESARINO 10/24/2009 11:04AM

    Thank you ladies for the support! I have so missed the positive energy and companionship here! I finally got a few pictures up at the other site this morning. I don't have many yet... but as I get bigger, I will continue to put them up! : )
I hope everyone is having a super weekend!

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RICH530 10/24/2009 7:58AM

    Congratulations!1 It was so good to hear from you!! I am heading over to check out your new page. Do stop in every once in a while to keep us updated on your progress.
emoticon Lee

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DSCHAMBERS 10/23/2009 11:21PM

    emoticon Mom to be! emoticon Tale care pf yourself and the little one you carry. We are here for you when you need us.

Debbie

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CLAVINOVA 10/23/2009 11:14PM

    Congratulations on your baby you are still carrying healthy and for coming through such a huge ordeal this successfully. You are do amazing to be back at your sparking again and tracking and treadmill! Keep up the great work and good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!

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