Friday, December 17, 2010
So I know that for the most part this site is all about the positive and that is what I should be focused on... but I have to tell you...I'm just not feeling it right now.
I just read my last post which was from over a month ago and I could have posted the same thing today. I feel overwhelmed with my day to day without even adding the holiday season into things. The holidays are having a particularly negative effect on me this year.
Our tree is up as are the decorations, the kids are excited of course, and I am doing my best to be festive but truth is that I want to cry. The only thing I want for Christmas is to have a happy and supportive marriage and that's not something you get with wishing. I am putting all my effort into this life of mine, but I can't be the only person to give.
I feel drained and sad.
Sorry to be a downer, but I needed to get some of this out of myself...
the baby calls...
I hope that everyone is having a happy holiday season.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Ok, well here's the deal.. life is busy!
I have gotten a new phone that has applications and I am hoping that it will help me to track more consistantly.
I have been on a bit of a roller coaster ride for the last few months. My personal life is kind of hard right now. I am afraid that my marriage might be ending. We are in therapy and I am in therapy for myself... but that doesn't change the daily suck that has been happening around here.
I have not been able to track well, but I do feel proud that I have only had a few days that I have chosen to pretend I didn't have control over what went into my piehole and eaten a half a bag of Doritos or two pieces of cake..... for the most part I have been eating well, and more often on the lighter side vs the too much side.
I have not lost any weight at all, but I also haven't gained either.
I also have NOT been exercising. I know that the excuses don't fly... but it is really hard to find the time and energy to exercise when you have a small baby! I exclusively breastfeed and feel like every second of the day I have a baby attached to me in some way... which makes it hard to feel like jumping up and down or getting on the treadmill when I have a rare moment to myself.
I know.. I know... I'm calling my own BS here... no more excuses. I have yet to be able to get a whole week tracked food wise... so I am going to try again. If I can track for two whole weeks I will focus on something else... but I really want to try and get into the habit of being accountable in a small way, and then try something a little harder. For now not being able to follow through on that small goal has ended up making me feel worse instead of better...
Soooo here I go again. I know that I can do this. I can do this.
And the truth is that maybe right now I have too much on my plate to really commit to turning everything around. So if I can just get back to tracking I know that it will give me a much needed boost!
and almost on cue there's the baby...
Wish me luck and any positive encouragement is welcomed folks! : )
Thursday, September 02, 2010
Well, I have to say that just focusing on a few daily goals goals is already helping my head... and body feel better!
It turns out that I was really not eating enough and after just a few days of eating MORE calories I am really feeling the benefits! I was trying not to over do it, but in reality was depriving myself of to much. I LOVE the tracking tool, it is so key to my success here!
I have eaten breakfast everyday with the kids for three days now and it truly makes a difference! I have felt better from the very beginning of the day, which helps me to get through the day with a little less stress.. which with 4 four kids is a GOOD thing!
My eldest (15) daughter went back to school today. So I will have to get used to doing things without my helper again, but I look forward to it too, because of course she wasn't always helpful and needed her own attention. She was getting bored and ready to get back to things. Plus, I might occasionally have a minute or two to myself. Ok not often, but even on the rare occasions the three little ones were busy and/or sleeping at the same time she was right by my side ready for some time with just the two of us... : )
Which I always enjoy too, but I also like to breathe my own air every once in awhile!
Unfortunately, while updating my page (since my return) I had to go back to my ticker and add weight onto it.... which was a little hard, BUT I know that I am going to start moving the scale in the right direction again soon... so it will be ok.
I am feeling optimistic about things and that is always nice.
I hope that I can maintain tracking my food and daily goals. I have decided that I am going to stick with just maintaining daily goals for atleast two weeks. I don't want to rush things and end up discouraged.
So for the most part things are going well and I'm feeling pretty good about getting back into healthier routine again! I hope everyone is feeling encouraged today!
Friday, October 23, 2009
Don't know if there is anyone out there who is still wondering what's going on over here... but I thought I should put a quick update in just in case! : )
I have to apologize first of all for being away for such a very long time. I have had kind of a rough time in the last couple of months. I am finally starting to feel a little better and ready to get in a more positive state of mind!
I am now 17 weeks pregnant.
Unfortunately, I have had a really hard time with morning sickness and really struggled with eating well because of it. I completely stopped tracking for a month or so because it was stressing me out so much and I knew I wasn't doing well, but it was just too hard for a few weeks.
At my first prenatal apt. I found out that my instincts had been correct and that I was carrying twins. I was scared, but thrilled and excited about the prospect. The day before I became 12 weeks, I miscarried one of the twins. It was terrifying and at the top of my list of worst experiences ever. I wasn't sure if I had lost both or not, but having had one previous miscarriage knew what was happening when it started. There was nothing to do but ride the wave until it was over. The next day I was very relieved to be able to hear a heartbeat at the office. I went and got a sonogram and it looks as if everything will be fine with the remaining baby. it has been a crazy, painful, grateful, strange experience. I am still trying to process everything to be honest. Now that I am feeling much better physically, the grief has been starting to hit me. I just got a referral from my midwife of a good therapist for pregnant woman, who is used to dealing with these kind of issues and emotions. I am sure that it will help to talk with someone about it, who is empathetic and understands where I am coming from.
On the good news front, my MIL just gave me a treadmill on Monday. I have been feeling a little bit better for about a week or so... so it was perfect timing! I have been able to walk everyday since I got it. I am nowhere near where I was when I stopped walking, but I have done 1 or 2 miles a day. I am hoping to work my way back up to walking 3-5 miles a day... but have to watch how my body reacts. Everytime I have walked I contract, and although I have spoken with the midwives about it and they say as long as it is tightening and not painful it is ok.. it still makes me a little nervous with what happened earlier.
I am not giving up though, since I started walking again I am feeling MUCH better emotionally and I am sure that if I continue my mood will only improve! : )
I started tracking my food again maybe two weeks ago and I was pleased to see that I have been doing pretty well. I am doing so much better now that I am not sick all the time. I have gained more weight than I am comfortable with, but I have also gotten my breasts back! I went down two cup sizes while I was losing weight and now I am back to my old bras because they have gotten out of control. I don't mind so much, but it has still been hard watching the scale go up instead of down like it had been doing for months!
I am trying not to obsess on it and just let my body do what it needs to to have a healthy baby. I know that no matter how much I gain, if I am exercising everyday I will feel better about it, which is why this treadmill has been such a blessing!
I finally got my Baby page up and running on the babyfit site, so I am going to leave the link here on the bottom. Anyone who wants to see how I am doing can feel free to come and check it out. I have a goal to write a blog every Friday there(since that is my change date) to talk about the last week. I am also planning on putting pictures up. I am going to try and put a new one up each week, but I won't post them here. It is hard to see my face get fuller and body rounding out again... I am trying to accept it as it goes, but it is definitely a challenge!
I hope that all of you are doing well with your journeys! Take care of yourselves and feel free to come by BabyFit and visit!! : )
Have a great weekend everyone!
Here is the link for my Baby Page. No pictures up yet, but I am working on it tonight! : )
Get An Email Alert Each Time THAMESARINO Posts