TESSA_NJ   23,415
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TESSA_NJ's Recent Blog Entries

My weight loss prediction chart *tweeked*

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Based on my August Blog Method, I have made the following preditions:

Sept 1: 192 - (Actual = 193)
Oct 1: 187 - (Actual = 188)
Nov 1: 182 - (Actual = 185)
*time for recalculation! New estimate of 4.6 pounds per month

Nov 1: 185 (Actual = 185)
Dec 1: 180 (Actual = 183)
Jan 1: 176 (Actual = 179)
Feb 1: 171
Mar 1: 167
Apr 1: 162

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

-.LIBRESOL.- 10/22/2007 9:29AM

    hi! i'm from argentina, and i'm not sure how i got here, i'm surfing from one SP page to another. I saw this terrific idea on measuring your weight loss and I have to say i'll steel your idea! great ideaaaa!

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OHANAMAMA 10/1/2007 8:20PM

    Oooo... I like that idea :) I need to chart out mine :)
Good luck on meeting all those mini goals!

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Advice about husbands needed....

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Here is the background:

Last year, one of my close friends asked me to be in her wedding party. Waaay back in April, I found out what dress had been selected and it was an Ann Taylor dress. Those only go up to size 18. I was worried that I wouldn't fit into an 18, so I was inspired to go back onto Atkins and lose some weight.

I did! Actually 27 pounds as of the wedding on Sunday August 12th. The dress was slightly too big.

Sounds wonderful?! Yes, it is. But its had an odd side effect too....

My husband is a very sweet man, but he has never been the type to SAY things, if you know what I mean. He's gotten better about saying I love you, but never really says "You look nice", or other compliments etc. As the weight has come off, I have started to feel better and better about myself, and yet still feel terribly insecure about what he thinks of me. I've point blank asked him if he's attracted to me. He says yes, but I'm doubtful.

I've talked to him about it, as recently as a few weeks ago. He did try to make more comments, but, I dunno, they were things like "you would have never worn something like that a few months ago", rather than, "you look great in that". Now, I'm sure if any guys read this blog, you'll think, whats the difference? Well, the true compliment lies in the one that actually says you look good, and while the first comment may be true, but isn't necessarily a compliment.

Anyhow, I'm thinking that he knows that I'm sensitive about this. He knows this big wedding is coming up. He knows I have been working for 4 months to look good for this wedding. He must be able to say something, anything, at the wedding.

On the day of the wedding, he arrives after me. I get there early to have hair and makeup done, and I'm in THE DRESS. He walks through the door and says Hi. Thats it. Nada. I could have been standing there in sweatpants and a t-shirt. But there are people standing around, so I think maybe he's uncomfortable. I hand him the camera and ask him to take pictures. He sits in the crowd of guests, and I walk in, followed by the bride. yada yada yada

Ceremony ends. NO PHOTOS. Nothing. Ok, so I'm thinking, HELLO??! That was like a GRADUATION for me. Walking down the aisle in that dress. He couldn't take any photos? Nothing? Later on, he tells me that a female friend sitting next to him during the ceremony asked (unsolicited by me) "Have you told your wife how beautiful she looks today?". But does he? No.

Hours later, I finally confess to him how hurt I am. I am bawling upstairs at the wedding. I miss the cake cutting. He basically says "well there is nothing I can say now to make it all better". But, in the end, he never really says anything.

So here I am 2 days later, and I'm still hurting. I've posted the few wedding photos that I asked other people to take. And all of you have been so sweet, and said such wonderful things. But I'm just so frustrated that everyone else can say those things and he can't.

Even my male boss said more than my husband. He said "Wow, you look great! And you're skinnier than the bride. She must have hated you for that! :-) I am so proud of you for sticking to your diet and losing so much. But I knew you could do it! Once you stick your mind to something, you can always do it." I wanted to cry. He was so sweet. But it is really not a good thing when you find your emotional needs being met by your boss and not your husband. That is a serious hallmark of an emotional affair, and I don't want to go there.

So, advice? Thoughts? Comments?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPARKNMOM 8/15/2007 10:43PM

    I saw your new profile pic on Randy's page and just had to comment on your beautiful pic. Then I read this blog and thought "we are married to the same man"!!! I have lost 40lb and I actually mentioned to him last fall that I was afraid he just wasn't interested anymore...and his reply??? "That's silly". No "you're beautiful" or "I'm so proud of you". I hate that. BUT, his family is all that way. I still want to hear those things, so I really appreciate any compliments I get, and make an effort to compliment others, since I know they may need the extra pick-me-up too. You really look awesome. So glad you shared this story - I'M NOT ALONE!!!!!! and neither are you....

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UNIDENT 8/15/2007 10:20PM

    Oh honey, I think we married the same guy! However, I am a few years past you on developing this. Mine has learned. I don't know how exactly, but he has. Try really praising the little things that he does say. They probably are his way of complimenting you. If he's like mine, he wants to be supportive, he just doesn't know how you do that. Reinforce by ignoring the non-supportive times and if he is supportive in any microscopic way at all, immediately give him a hug and say "Thanks, you made me feel great!" He'll make better and better comments as he learns what works and what doesn't. But don't go outright suggesting change and working on it, because, like most men, he'll just shrink away at that idea. Just keep ignoring that which isn't helping, and making it clear to him that you appreciated his efforts when he makes even the smallest move. BTW, he's a man, if you want him to take photos you have to tell him to! :)

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JACKIIE 8/15/2007 5:56AM

    I could be way off, but what about this... Do you think that maybe he feels like you are actually paying more attention to your WOL/WOE than him? All the effort you have put into losing weight and looking good, and following low carb, is the attention he USE to get? Could he be jealous? Or like someone else said... insecure that he might lose you?? If he compliments you, that will build your self esteem, cause right now he has you feeling kinda down. If he builds your self esteem then again he risks the chance of you finding someone else that might pay more attention to you ... OR... how is his weight? His build? How does he feel about his physical appearance, jealousy could be a big factor... or like Rachelle said... thats just how he is, a man that never learned to compliment, or share his feelings. Period. I agree... a sit down talk, expressing how you feel is in need. I wish you well...

P.S. You WERE skinnier than the bride...LOL

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LISA32989 8/15/2007 12:54AM

    Tess: I have nothing else to say that hasn't been said. My husband is also a man of few words but I notice that there were many more compliments when I was 25 lbs lighter (the relationship was also "newer"). Just know that as in all things, you're not alone. I'm sorry & I wish we could fix it. Shells had some great ideas!

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DAVENPLK 8/14/2007 8:18PM


My husband isn't much into compliments, but I know that he does notice. The more you try to get it out of him; the more he backs away from it. Let it go for the time being. He is feeling insecure, and he probably doesn't know how to handle it. The more pressure you exert; the harder it will be on him. I strongly believe that he is proud of you, and he will show you in his own ways. It has to come from his heart, and you can't force it out of him. Men react differently to different situations. He doesn't 'get' how important this is to you. He'll come around, but it must be on his terms.


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COFFEE_KISS 8/14/2007 11:42AM

    Tess, first off, I am so sorry he is acting like, well, a man.

Secondly, is it possible that he is feeling insecure about your weight loss? That perhaps you will leave him or that you will be getting all this new attention now?

Is he the type of person you can sit down and say, "Look, we really need to talk about this, my weight loss is a very important part of OUR lives right now and I need YOU to be involved in this process."?

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SHELLSLYN 8/14/2007 8:29AM

    Tess, I'm so sorry you're feeling so hurt during a monumental time for you. I've got a few key points to make that I'm sure you already know. You say He's never been one to 'say' things. This is the type of person he is. If he's never been that way it's going to be difficult to learn to be that way. Are his parents that way? Other family members? You might have to learn to take his little off hand remarks as his way of popping out a compliment...not what we as women may view as a compliment but if he never 'says' much of anything of that sort...how difficult is it for him to actually say it? We all have our quirks. Some of them are more difficult to live with than others but sometimes we have to accept those difficult ones because other aspects of the person is why we love them and have accepted them into our lives. My suggestion, tell him how important it is for you to hear from him that he is attracted to you. Don't expect those words, when he finally does mutter them out, to be what you have dreamt them to be...consider the source ; ) Compliment him and maybe he'll realize how good it does feel and return those feelings. Lastly, continue to look as beautiful as you are. YOU are living in your body and you know you're doing the right thing for yourself...you know you looked damn hot!

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A new way of monitoring my weight loss (Revised November 4th)

Saturday, August 04, 2007

*revised November 4th * new calculated average of 4.6 pounds per month now reflected in predictions. Previous prediction of 5.1 pounds per month was removed from predictions**
**revised January 25- = average now at 4.2 pounds

So I started thinking about the unsteadiness of my weight loss.... it is very much in starts and spurts. I decided to look back at my data graph, and look at how much I had lost in each month (since April 8th).

Here is what I found:
Month 1 (April 8th to May 1st) : 12.4 pounds
Month 2 (May 1st to June 1st) : 3.4 pounds
Month 3 (June 1st to July 1st): 5.6 pounds
Month 4 (July 1st to Aug 1st): 6.4 pounds
Month 5 (Aug 1st to Sept 1st): 4.6 pounds
Month 6 (Sept 1st to Oct 1st): 3.4 pounds
Month 7 (Oct 1st to Nov 1st): 4.2 pounds
Month 8 (Nov 1st to Dec 1st): 2 pounds
Month 9 (Dec 1st to January 1st): 4 pounds

That means that aside from month one, and alot of weight dropped in induction, I've been averaging 4.2 pounds per month. That seems like a more reasonable way of looking at things (rather than focussing on 1 or 2 pounds per week).

At current rate of progress, I can estimate/predict my weight now into the future (with a little more accuracy!):
Dec 1: 180 (Actual = 183)
Jan 1: 176 (Actual = 179)
Feb 1: 175
Mar 1: 171
Apr 1: 167

It also means that I probably won't meet my goal of 160-165 by my birthday, but I'm ok with that. I can see that it wasn't very realistic, but I can also see that I will make it to that goal by very early next year.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RUNNINSTRONG 8/13/2007 11:04AM

    Good thinking! You've done such a great job and your positive outlook is contagious. I haven't lost a pound since this winter, but I'm maintaing. I'm thinking of looking at my patterns to see how I can "jumpstart" everyting! Thanks for posting the idea!

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COFFEE_KISS 8/7/2007 11:12PM

    That is a great way of measuring past and future results. I might have to steal that idea.

I am so focused on the DAILY right now, I am becoming a little OCD about it, not good.

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JNORMAN1969 8/5/2007 11:11PM

    Tess you are doing great, and I wish more people could see the long term goal, it would make it much easier for them. Keep up the good work.


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OHANAMAMA 8/5/2007 10:21PM

    I think it's great to figure out your averages, puts things into proper perspective. :) When you step out of the forest and look at the trees (pounds) you can see there's quite a few you've left behind in spite of trudging through a few clearings! Great job!

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JACKIIE 8/5/2007 7:18PM

    Good job, its great that you can take what your body is doing and kind of map it... I know i get so frustrated when i am not losing each week, maybe a monthly goal would be better for me as well. I know i lose very slowly, up and downs alot! Some people seem to just drop the weight, but if i do not stay at induction levels, it just does not come off.

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DAVENPLK 8/4/2007 7:20PM

  You are doing great!!!! It's ok to look at your patterns; it really helps to bring this process into focus.

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AM8389 8/4/2007 10:33AM

  CONGRATS your doing a great job. I only hope I can figure this all out for myself. I't sounds like were at the same weight range. Maybe we could become SP friends. I need all the friends I can get. Connie

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LYNNESTETLER 8/4/2007 10:05AM

  I had to laugh when i saw your post cuz i was relieved to see someone besides me likes to check out patterns and project into the future. doesn't that make it all worth doing it this way instead of fad dieting???? this stuff really works! ANd CONGRATULATIONS. YOU ARE DOING IT!! - lynne

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Finally in ONEderland

Friday, July 27, 2007

Seems like its taken AGES, but it hasn't even been 4 months... and I am finally in the 100's!

Need to find a way to celebrate (but I kinda already precelebrated last week by buying some new clothes). Maybe I'll get a haircut or pedicure today.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VALERIE:) 8/3/2007 2:02PM

    Congrats!! I can't wait to see Onederland!

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RUNNINSTRONG 7/28/2007 8:50PM

    Way to go Tessa!!!!! You should be so proud of yourself! I'm admiring you from way over here in CNY! Way to go!!!

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Changed my ticker goal

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Initially, I was trying to lose weight for a wedding in August. Wanted to be around 180 for the wedding. Probably won't make that goal, but actually realized it was a pretty silly goal anyways. What was I going to do, go back to my old lifestyle after the wedding? Didn't I learn that mistake once in my life already?!?! So, I've changed my ticker to indicate a more permanent, lifestyle goal. I'd love to be in the 150's or 160's for the rest of my life. Need to check on what a healthy weight would be for my 5'9 height, so for now, I'm leaving it at 160. Kinda depressing to look at a much larger weight loss on my ticker, but I won't let myself get depressed about it because this time, I KNOW it has to be about accepting a new lifestyle, and not about the end goal!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RUNNINSTRONG 7/4/2007 8:28PM

    Tess, even if you don't make the intial goal for the August wedding, at least you've realized a healthier lifestyle is more important. Perhaps being without the pressure of losing for the wedding, you'll be more likely to stick to things.

Congrats on sticking with it this long!

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JNORMAN1969 7/4/2007 4:12PM

    That is a great attitude Tess, just remember what I say 1 to 2 pounds a week if 50 to a 100 a year and you can do it.


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