Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Here is the background:
Last year, one of my close friends asked me to be in her wedding party. Waaay back in April, I found out what dress had been selected and it was an Ann Taylor dress. Those only go up to size 18. I was worried that I wouldn't fit into an 18, so I was inspired to go back onto Atkins and lose some weight.
I did! Actually 27 pounds as of the wedding on Sunday August 12th. The dress was slightly too big.
Sounds wonderful?! Yes, it is. But its had an odd side effect too....
My husband is a very sweet man, but he has never been the type to SAY things, if you know what I mean. He's gotten better about saying I love you, but never really says "You look nice", or other compliments etc. As the weight has come off, I have started to feel better and better about myself, and yet still feel terribly insecure about what he thinks of me. I've point blank asked him if he's attracted to me. He says yes, but I'm doubtful.
I've talked to him about it, as recently as a few weeks ago. He did try to make more comments, but, I dunno, they were things like "you would have never worn something like that a few months ago", rather than, "you look great in that". Now, I'm sure if any guys read this blog, you'll think, whats the difference? Well, the true compliment lies in the one that actually says you look good, and while the first comment may be true, but isn't necessarily a compliment.
Anyhow, I'm thinking that he knows that I'm sensitive about this. He knows this big wedding is coming up. He knows I have been working for 4 months to look good for this wedding. He must be able to say something, anything, at the wedding.
On the day of the wedding, he arrives after me. I get there early to have hair and makeup done, and I'm in THE DRESS. He walks through the door and says Hi. Thats it. Nada. I could have been standing there in sweatpants and a t-shirt. But there are people standing around, so I think maybe he's uncomfortable. I hand him the camera and ask him to take pictures. He sits in the crowd of guests, and I walk in, followed by the bride. yada yada yada
Ceremony ends. NO PHOTOS. Nothing. Ok, so I'm thinking, HELLO??! That was like a GRADUATION for me. Walking down the aisle in that dress. He couldn't take any photos? Nothing? Later on, he tells me that a female friend sitting next to him during the ceremony asked (unsolicited by me) "Have you told your wife how beautiful she looks today?". But does he? No.
Hours later, I finally confess to him how hurt I am. I am bawling upstairs at the wedding. I miss the cake cutting. He basically says "well there is nothing I can say now to make it all better". But, in the end, he never really says anything.
So here I am 2 days later, and I'm still hurting. I've posted the few wedding photos that I asked other people to take. And all of you have been so sweet, and said such wonderful things. But I'm just so frustrated that everyone else can say those things and he can't.
Even my male boss said more than my husband. He said "Wow, you look great! And you're skinnier than the bride. She must have hated you for that! :-) I am so proud of you for sticking to your diet and losing so much. But I knew you could do it! Once you stick your mind to something, you can always do it." I wanted to cry. He was so sweet. But it is really not a good thing when you find your emotional needs being met by your boss and not your husband. That is a serious hallmark of an emotional affair, and I don't want to go there.
So, advice? Thoughts? Comments?