TERESAM1's Recent Blog Entries


Sunday, November 15, 2009

No................ I will not, but yes I will try to do it.............again. I am sure we have all heard enough of my saying that this time I am going to do it. This time I will buckle down and do what is required, this time I will not waiver from my goals and my program. No.............I will not say it again

What I will do is stop trying to make a big deal of it and just do what I need to do...............one step at a time, one minute at a time, one hour, day and week at a time. I will stop trying to go intop a full blown program and will take baby steps as everyone has told me to do. I will reread the first step of Sparks and change things one at a time, instead of trying to change everything in one day.

So no more talk of doing it, I am just going to work at changing some small things first and build on the success I have from there.

I have so much to live for, so much I want to do and the only one who can lead me there is ME.....and some good nudges from my buddies.......and the Lord to stand guard, ready to get me back on track. I am finding I need to turn to Him more lately. To tell my troubles too, to ask for guidance and forgiveness, and to help me find the way.

nuff said

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KARENIN1DERLAND 11/19/2009 10:20PM

    I myself am guilty of doing the same thing-trying to change too many things at once, or trying to go from 1-2 times a week exercise to 7 days straight. I think baby steps will help us both. Good thing we have SP to guide us!

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-LORI-B 11/19/2009 8:57PM

    I will go back to the stage 1 of sparks with you .. I need help.
We will do this together. Hang in there girl.. HUGS

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BEBRENDA 11/16/2009 2:59PM

    Teresa, You can do and you will do it! I like the idea of baby steps. It is great that you have recently read Dr. Phil's book again. Take care! :) Bren emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LOLAJO54 11/16/2009 1:30PM

    Teresa -sounds like you got some good advice today..
great idea for you to go thru the Sparks steps and ooh yes start with step 1 -phase 1..

get it into action my dear like everyone here has said..
do not get discouraged if it doesn't go as planned just keep moving forward.

and remember what Jillian Micheals says
"I can not save you- YOU must save yourself"

but we are here to listen give advise cheer you on..

go for it!
emoticon Jo

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CHRISJAKE 11/16/2009 9:04AM

    Good idea!!!

If we try to do everything at once, we become overwhelmed and give up. Changing one thing at a time is the perfect way to get back on track!!

Goodfor you for realizing this and making the change that is best for YOU!!!



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B-N-ME 11/16/2009 6:29AM

    Tereasa--You haven't given up! That is a key to success...What is important is that you get up one more time than you fall down!
You can do it :)
YOU know you can!

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MOTHER-NATURE 11/16/2009 5:51AM

    Teresa just keep remembering that every day is a brand new day ... don't worry about yesterday ... don't worry about tomorrow ... stay in the moment, THIS MOMENT and yes live for today.



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BARBARAROSE54 11/16/2009 5:31AM

    I think this is a wonderful plan, just take it one day at a time, and stop trying to work the perfect plan.

emoticon emoticon

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RAINBOWMF 11/15/2009 10:39PM

    Teresa, you can do it.
One step at a time.
Your attitude is what will keep you
going. Wake with light in your heart
and know that to day is the day to
take some positive steps.

Hugs Mary

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GYMGIRL79 11/15/2009 10:19PM

    You can do it! Even if you have to "start over" everyday, you are taking step in the right direction. Kudos for keeping on trying!

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Thursday, July 30, 2009

Even though I will be starting before fall, its fall fix-up time.

I did something I NEVER do and when I got out of the shower I actually looked in the mirror........OUCH.........is all I can say. And I actually think I have found one of my very big stopping points when I looked in that mirror......................."what will I do with all that skin if I lose weight". then the fear grabbed me, and I asked myself the same question many different ways, with many different tones of voice and kept coming up with the same answer........."I don't know, and should I really worry about that?" And I don't know the answer to that one. So what am I to do? That is my big question now. Sounds stupid I know but I am terrified of the skin.

On another note we went to the surgeon for hubby today............he is having surgery on the 10th of August to decompress the nerves in the elbow and wrist of his right arm. Bad news is the damage will never be corrected, the best we can hope for is to stop it from getting any worse. The other bad news is that the left one is getting the same way...........good news with the left is that we may be able to save that one completely with doing another surgery on the left early.

Needless to say the stress level in the house is through the roof right now. And then there is always the money situation which is horrible right now because there is no extra money. Good news about that is that I have dusted off the business papers and will start rewriting my letters to lawyers this weekend.

More good news is that youngest is working many more hours for the rest of the summer at least, and oldest is going to start her training as a level 3 pharmacy technician/pharmacists assistant in the next week or two, and she will be working more hours also.

More good news is that the grandsons operation to put the tube in his ears went well and he is picking up new words and also the correct way to pronounce words he knows already. So its a pretty even balance between bad and good news.......which in and of itself is good news.

I will undoubtedly be working extra hours which can be a real fly in the ointment for me, but I am going to work hard to overcome that roadblock and get busy doing what I know I NEED to do. I foresee many speed bumps along the way, and many roads I may get lost on without help, so I am back...........back to all of you who can help me the most, the board family I so desperately need and love, and who will coach and coax me through the rough spots, of which I expect many....................but who better than the best of my friends who are succeeding already in their journey's to health and fitness.....................who better than all of you who have "BEEN THERE, DONE THAT". Who better than the people that know me the best. I need all of you desperately now, to keep me focused, to keep challenging me, to keep kicking me when I need it most.

So you can soon expect to see daily posts...........yes even work days. Even if its just to say............."Good Morning my buddies, had a good day or a bad day"............whichever the case may be.

So here is my pouring out of my thoughts and emotions for now. Am I scared...............Hell ya......I am terrified. A long one tonight for sure, and may not be done yet, the mind is reeling and the thoughts are flying around in my head so fast I need to do the Dr. P thing and slow them down............that in itself will be a good fight.........one that I intend to win.

Working the next 3...............and then the games will begin.

Hugs to all

Teresa emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BEBRENDA 7/31/2009 7:56PM

    Teresa, Glad you are back! Look forward to your daily posts. Prayers going out to you and your family. Take care! :) Your friend, Brenda emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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-LORI-B 7/31/2009 1:43PM

    ahhh .. sweetie.. you are looking ahead .. not a bad thing sometimes, but you dont know how your skin will be in the end. 1st loose it and get healthy.. when you get to that point you tone up. Many people have lost weight and didnt have saggy stuff left.. you are worrying about something that MAY or may not happen.
Think of it another way. Alot of things in life may or may not happen.. Its possible that something could happen on way to store, but we still need to eat.. Life throws curve balls sometimes but we live it. Point is we cant worry about things that havnt even happened yet. No point in going into a frenzie with worry all the time for nothing.
Take things day by day. Some days may not go the way we plan, but you always HAVE a place to come to and know you are loved and cared for. HUGS

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KATSMOM1 7/30/2009 10:42PM

    Teresa don't worry about the skin, you are losing the weight the right way so it will shrink back. I know there may be some that doesn't but you will not know how it all works out until you get to that finish line, cross that bridge when you get there. Your main goal now is to get healthier and you will do girl we are all here to support you. I pray that you will see a lot more good in your days

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RAINBOWMF 7/30/2009 6:08PM

    Miss Mary has read and will be back

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B-N-ME 7/30/2009 4:42PM

    Hey Teresa
Thanks for sharing your news and your thoughts. It is good to see that you are not just focusing on the obstacles, or negatives.
I can testify to the fact, as I'm sure others can as well that it's easy to let life sidetrack us...hand in there this group is your support system, and whatever you say you are not judged by encouraged.
Hang in there!

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LOLAJO54 7/30/2009 3:45PM

Think Barb and Anne hit the nail on the head..
Do not put the horse before the cart... Mary will give you some people to read about . One has lost over 200 lbs. and yes she has to have surgery but she is now healthy happy and most of all no more pills!! no worries about not fitting into seats no worries about paying extra for her large body she once had ect ect ect...The good out does the bad.. It is a win win situation..

Now as for stress ----life lesson -- be strong deal with it as it happens - try not to worry about what if- what maybe - what could be!! deal with what is! Hubby will do well with you by his side being strong.. Your GS is improving all will be fine with the world.. and if something happens you will be able to handle it.. being a fit active strong woman.. I know you are! Look in that mirror and say " Teresa I am a strong confident woman and I can do this --- I will do this for me!" Then you will be ready to be # 1 and do right by you and your body.. We get but only 1 life - Live it healthy...

We are a team a family and we are here always for support encouragement and a nudge when needed.. Your plan and goals are doable -- See you post to say hi and I am on track or a need support or I need a kick - LOL we will do it for you!

Teresa - Are you ready? Then let's go I'm holding your hand and will be by your side all the way!
emoticon Jo

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QUEENANNE1953 7/30/2009 3:11PM

    If you proceed to remove weight by exercising and eating heart healthy foods most of the time ... you will do your body a world of good and can thwart off many illnesses. No one ever had a heart attack, stroke or other serious ailment because of excess skin hanging around. Listen to Barbara .. she's speaking from experience.

Our BLAHC motto is NO EXCUSES ... JUST DO IT!!!
Your goals are doable .. good luck. We are all with you.

There's no time like the present .. emoticonwhy not start now .. you'll be glad you did

BTW, your good news vs bad news puts everything into perspective .. I pray that soon all the good news will outweigh the bad.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 7/30/2009 3:35:04 PM

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BARBARAROSE54 7/30/2009 7:57AM

    You know you have to stay in the game.... so get at it.... stop worrying about all that excess skin, I have it but all the other positives to losing weight far outweigh that.

Prayers and thoughts for you hubby, hopefully everything will turn out good.

Glad to hear the girls are getting alot more hours work. And you really need to get those papers to those lawyers.....

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Thursday, July 16, 2009

Well I got the guts to get on the scale today and a big surprise..........I havent gained anything, I havent lost, but I havent gained either. It was a bit of incentive to think more about getting another start.

Another big surprise, I actually took the time to spin for points and lo and behold...........got a whopping 20 today. I was the queen of 1 point many times in a row. It was also a nice little surprise.

I have decided to work on just taking my lunches to work with me, get plenty of exercise and water at work, but have not been taking lunch so I was buying fast food or eating junk from the machine. That will be my first step back.

Still cant figure whats at the bottom of my downfall again except the same as always........laziness. I have plenty of time for exercise, fixing foods, blogging, coming to the board, I am just too lazy. Need to force that out of me also.

I am also going to start with limiting my computer time to so much time a day and thats it. I now spend countless hours here doing nothing productive but playing games. And THAT is going to change. I will still be on quite a bit but now a good portion of the time will be my business work, yes I need to get that going yet too..........laziness again. And a portion for here for support and friend time, and a smaller portion of the day for playing games.

The more I sit and do nothing the more I want to sit and do nothing. Need to break that cycle somehow and the only way I know how is to put time limits on it. I have tons of good foods to fix in the freezer and every Monday off so what better time to fix my work lunches and also the family dinner. And to set out time to move this big butt in a fashion that will be beneficial for losing weight, not just from the computer, to the bathroom, to the kitchen to eat.

So a bit of good news, enough to get me to want to slowly work back to trying to do something again. I know I need to make more concrete plans and goals, never have done that yet. I need to stop talking and start walking, to throw out the all or nothing and accept the successes I can accomplish no matter how small they are. To learn to build on the smaller things to take steps toward the bigger things. I cant start at the top, I have to work from the bottom up.

All I do know is that I wont get any of it done if I do not come back here and get all the support and love that is here for me daily................free, just have to ask for it, and so easy for me to give back in return. Can I ever give enough back? That remains to be seen. At least I have "HERE" to come too, with the best friends a gal can ever ask for.

Thanks to you all. I love ya all bunches



  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

-LORI-B 7/17/2009 5:07PM

    woohooo Teresa.. I know all about trying to do it all at once.. and it just doesnt work for most of us. Baby steps are the way to go. Im happy for you.. I kow we will all get where we want to go, but we will all arrive at different times and thats OK.

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CHRISJAKE 7/17/2009 3:56PM

    GREAT blog!! And you're right..one thing at a time. Too many times we try to do it all at once and set ourselves up for disaster. One thing at a time is good.

We will always be here to support you whenever you need us. Glad you decided to stay here with us!!!


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LOLAJO54 7/16/2009 7:53PM

    Wow Teresa
What a great blog..like Mary said now get this plan into action...sounds like a good one... first step making lunch to take to work..most important..

thanks for the great blog!
see you next time!
We are here to support you
emoticon Jo

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BARBARAROSE54 7/16/2009 6:53AM

    Hello Teresa, well isn't that great news, no weight gain.

You have a great plan, now put it into motion. We will always be here for support.

Isn't it wonderful to blog.... and you did such a good job.

emoticon emoticon

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MOTHER-NATURE 7/16/2009 5:58AM

    Teresa emoticon emoticon emoticongreat blog !!! I am so happy to see you back . As I told Mary I want you to keep writng your blogs so that I have lots of reading when I get back off vacation ... Planning your lunches to take to work with you is a great start, you can do it buddy ... yes you can.



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RAINBOWMF 7/16/2009 1:17AM

    Well Teresa, you kind of did start at the top!! LOL!

Good blog! A lot of thought went into it . Put your plan in
motion and we will be here with you every step of the way.

I am so happy you did not gain, that is terrific!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon


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Tuesday, July 14, 2009

All I do know is that I am in dire straights. I have lost all motivation, caring about myself, how I look, how I feel, pretty much have just quite caring. I have buried myself in mindless games, sleeping a LOT, nothing extra from work, I just dont care.

I eat almost nothing but junk, dont move any more than I have to and get fatter by the minute. I havent stepped on the scale for quite some time and not sure if I want to anymore. Dont get me wrong, I am still sickened by what I see in the mirror..........so I just dont look.

I do miss all of you so much I cant even begin to explain that. I cant even bring myself to come and read much of anything, havent spun for points, havent read articles like I always have. I need to get a new start but I just dont know where to begin, or if I want to put myself through another failure.

I have no willpower, no motivation, no energy, what minute little bit of self-esteem I may have had is gone out the door or window, or down the toilet, take your pick..........I just dont have any.

So until I have something to contribute or at least have stopped lying and cheating myself I wont be of much use here.

Please do know I do love you all and miss you like crazy



And Niki............here is your picture of me, the short fat one in the middle surrounded by my 2 beautiful daughters. Not a very big one but the only one I have

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KATSMOM1 7/14/2009 1:23PM

    Teresa, my thoughts and prayers are with you. You have gotten much good advice from the others here. Your blog today shows that you do care about yourself and you are reaching out. Blogging just might be your way of getting things out and off your chest but we do like to hear from you on the board. You have many supportive friends there waiting to help you out. We all hit these walls and sometimes it seems there is no where to go but we all get through it and so will you. Thanks for sharing your picture glad to finally put a face to the name.
Take care girl.

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BOUNCY2 7/14/2009 12:45PM

    WOW!! Thanks for posting your picture......wish it was bigger!! hew!! hew!! It has been along time Buddy......It sounds like you are in depression..to me...YOu already know that being a nurse....are you taking any meds? Buddie i know you can do this......do not be like me and isolate yourself.....when you are down on you.....i know there is alot of postive things about.......come and post.....hey we are all not perfect.......i am struggling.......but it is a battle i will win again.....this time forgood.....Teresa emoticon take our hands and let us help you....and i know you can help us aswell.........so just come an post....post the good and the bad......we all will do this together...... emoticonyou will have what you want......just do one day at at time.....Go tune in JUllina in on her radio show......join the challenge....just know you can do i!! yes you can!!

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LOLAJO54 7/14/2009 9:56AM

    Well nice to meet you Teresa!
You remind me of my friend so down you don't want to get up.
As Mary said
"Hiding does not help. Sleeping, eating and playing games on the computer will not cut it. You need support to help you get back to loving and caring about yourself."
So get back here and post even when you have to work you can post a quick one to tell us how you are doing...on track ... need support...need motivation..
YOU CAN DO THIS - You just got to want it bad enough. Do you Teresa? Do You Want to be Healthy? I think you do just do not know where to start...
Well start here..post blog ...
Ask for advise --get answers.
begin with 1 thing... drink your water
next week add eating healthy snacks..
so on and so on....
All the while start each day with stretching.. then 5 minutes of moving that body --walk with LS or ride your bike (if you have one)..increase this by 1 minute every other day..

Teresa get moving! Life is not waiting for you .. Make a decision to LOVE YOU! and to look after YOU!

Love your picture and you silly lady... you are wonderful and so are your girls!
Thank you for sharing..
emoticon emoticon Jo

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QUEENANNE1953 7/14/2009 9:37AM

    Geez, Teresa, my mother would say .. "Couldn't you find a SMALLER picture" .. lol lol lol ... I guess I should be thankful that you posted any at all and happy to now be able to put a face to your ID .. thanks so much. emoticon You are beautiful and so are your daughters.

Now ... everyone knows when you don't know where to start ... you start from the beginning. You are going to have to do just that. Dig down deep and find out just why you are feeling this way .. why are you not liking yourself anymore ... what has changed in your life causing this downward spiral. WE on the BLAHC team are all here to support and encourage you .. but we can only be there for you if you let us..

My thoughts are that if you had totally given up on yourself .. you would not have taken the time out to write this blog. So that is a good thing.

You say you have stopped looking in the mirror. But the only way to face this head on is to do just that. Look in the mirror and have a heart to heart with yourself and think about what is the real problem here. You just have to take the first step and be honest with yourself .. its obviously not about weight loss .. its bigger than that.

As a consolation .. I have to point out that there are others who have feelings similar to yours ... this is not a unique situation .... that is why so many self-help books have been written. Perhaps you could find one and read about other people .... and what they may have done to help get them out of their self destructive behavior. In fact, I am sure there are many articles here on Spark .. I will do some research a little later today. I care a lot about you and want you to get healthy and fit .. you deserve it.

Take time out for yourself Teresabuddy .. life is already complicated ... why make it more so by having to deal with an illness too ...As a nurse, you have first hand knowledge of what can happen if one does not look after oneself .. so I need not say more.

I will be right here waiting for you. You can 'lean' on me.

Good luck and God Bless ...

emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 7/14/2009 9:49:18 AM

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RAINBOWMF 7/14/2009 9:14AM

    Your friends have all offered to help you but to do that you have to come talk to us.
Hiding does not help. Sleeping, eating and playing games on the computer will not cut it. You need support to help you get back to loving and caring about yourself. Blog to us if you don't want to post, we will be here for you.

You had some good comments here. We miss you and want to help.
BTW after all these years I get to see your face, it brought tears to my eyes and I was wondering why oh why you hide?

You took the first step by sending this blog now come let us help you.

Hugs Mary

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MOTHER-NATURE 7/14/2009 6:25AM

    Teresa after all these years I finally get to see you ... hello there my beautiful friend and also hello to your two beautiful daughters ... thank you so much Teresa for sharing your picture.

Teresa .. What can I do to help you ? Have you thought about maybe doing some blogging here each day and maybe this will help get your feelings out more ... how about giving it a try my friend.



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BARBARAROSE54 7/14/2009 5:58AM

    Hey buddie.... I have missed you.

#1 you are not a failure, you have never given up..... just having a bend in the road.

Now get back on that road to your healthy weight loss journey, no matter what we love you and you are a beautiful person.

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IUHRYTR 7/14/2009 5:58AM

    Hello. We haven't met but I want you to know that while your life seems worthless now, that just the opposite is true. You have already been an inspiration to me when I saw your starting weight because I'm still trying to get to that level. You have the power to lift up someone today by simply holding a door for them or telling them how much you appreciate the work they do, or by saying thank you. That is a lot of power to change someone's day. That makes you a worthy person.

Realize that the life you envision is not going to develop overnight. But you CAN change by taking little baby steps toward your goals. You have many people here who want to help. People who believe your life CAN be better. You have to give us a chance. But more important is that you give yourself a chance.

You CAN and WILL succeed. We are here when you need us. :)


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-LORI-B 7/14/2009 5:54AM

    ((((((((Teresa)))))))) 1st off thanks for posting your picture.. you have a lovely family and that included YOU. It saddens me to hear you are so down. I have felt like that soooooo many times. I wish I could sprinkle some magic dust on you to make ou fel better. Please know that we love you and are hear for you if you ned ANYTHING. My heart breaks for you. I pray that you find it in you to turn to your friends & family for support. I still hve days where I want to hide for days ata time .. but it doesnt really help. Im here if u need me.
Love ya, Lori

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TRUDISCHALLER 7/14/2009 5:38AM

  hi wot fab smilies you have looks like a great family for support Trudis

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Saturday, May 16, 2009

I wonder how many times I can really do this restart thing before I finally get it right? I am getting pretty old to keep starting new. I guess not old enough to be disciplined and just do this I guess..........not yet anyway. Maybe now.

So many rough times the past few months leads me to so many more excuses.

I have reset my Spark Page and account yet again in hopes that this will truly be the time and I am not just blowing hot air......................again.

I dont honestly know how and why all of you put up with me, but I am sure lucky and very, very happy that you do.

At least my weight didnt get away from me while I was moping around this time. A few times I restarted and my weight was much higher than when I quit. So I am happy with that and hope I can use it to my advantage and benefit in the knowing that I dont have a lot more to lose than before.

So off I go again, planning to make this the REAL thing this time.

Thanks to all for the support and sticking with me and all my restarts and excuses

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

QUEENANNE1953 5/18/2009 2:39PM

    The important thing is that you keep going .. the hurdles and roadblocks of life will set you back from time to time .. it happens to all of us .. but eventually you will get to your destination .. emoticonGood luck.

BTW, we put up with you because that's what we are here for ... to encourage, support, and motivate each other.


Comment edited on: 5/18/2009 2:52:32 PM

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-LORI-B 5/17/2009 4:23PM

    Teresa if you think about it, everyday is a restart. We start a new day.. you can look back and focus on the bad or the times you didnt exactly meet your goals and beat yourself up. A better idea is to Start today.. know what you did or didnt do, but use that to focus on what you can do right here and now.
I say if something wasnt working for you than ther is no shame whatso ever in going back to basics and make that day 1. You can do this .. we all can. Matter of fact I think I will follow my own advice and make my day 1 on Monday.
HUgs sweetie!!

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BOUNCY2 5/17/2009 10:13AM

    Buddy, It is ok, as l ong as you dont give up!! we both wan t! right? I know what you are talking about for sure..seems like since i started to gain.. i have been on a roller coaster !! Girlfriend you are smart and we both know you can do it!! we just have to think about the feeling when we go wild.....for me at least....jullina has helped m e looking at her picture on my fridge and my before and after pictures...You know if Barbara and everyone here can do it!! we surely can aswell......so come on buddy....show them what you are made of.....cz i know if you think you can you surely can!! so DO IT!! Think about how you will look, feel and act when you are at goal..as you know there is no magic pill......if there was one , like Ophrah i would have bought it...you will always have to workout, watch what you eat.....that is just the way it is.....so do you want to feel good about yourself....or just wish you could do it? I know your answer....cz you are strong. willed more than you know......so reach within and pull the Teresa out to do what she has to do......did not mean to go on and on...but i know what you can do ....when you have a mind set....have agood sunday buddy.

LOve LInda

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LOLAJO54 5/16/2009 10:09PM

Like Barb says when you don't come we worry.. so restart and restart --someday soon something will click and you will get your light bulb moment and know that you are worth this journey to be healthy and truly healthy..
We are here for you .- emoticon Jo
ps - a lady from my other team is trying to quit smoking- trying to exercise- trying to eat healthy...and she is 54 and still trying -- she is doing it --you can too! emoticon

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BEVERLY55 5/16/2009 9:17PM

    This is my 2nd restart. I was doing great until my brother died. Well, anyway, that was 2 years ago & I've just restarted. My bad and my good. In reviewing my favorite foods, I noticed a lot of high calorie foods in there. It's no wonder I slowed down losing weight before. So I learned something which is good.

Good luck this time around sticking to it. It can be done.

Bev emoticon

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RAINBOWMF 5/16/2009 9:14PM

    Restart and restart 'till you get it right.
I do, you are here for me, I am here for you!

Love Mary emoticon

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GAMBLINGQUEEN 5/16/2009 9:01PM

    Never give up. It doesn't matter how many times you start again what's important is that you keep trying.

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BARBARAROSE54 5/16/2009 8:57PM

    You restart as many times as it takes. It's when you stop then we know you've given up and we don't want that.

Always here for you buddy !

emoticon emoticon

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