Tuesday, May 25, 2010
I've been really sick for the past couple of weeks. A flu that moved into my chest has been really slowing me down. I've been torn between wanting to rest and get better and feeling frustrated that I can't exercise - or even prepare healthy food - the way that I want to. I guess I should focus on the positive - at least I WANT to be exercising and eating right.
Being sick has also given me lots of opportunity to examine my "all or nothing" attitude and also made me really think about "healthy choices". It is not a healthy choice to run when you are very sick - even if you want to. I need to tell myself - often - that I am making the healthiest choice for myself right now & that losing weight is not the end all, be all of life.
I've been feeling better the past couple of days, but I still have a bit of bronchitis in my chest. I've decided to take yet another week off from running. I'll redo week 3, hopefully starting on Saturday. This week, I'm going to focus on finishing the house painting job I started a few weeks back and then finish planting my garden. I spent 5 hours today painting. I'm feeling exhausted & a bit shaky now. No doubt I've over done it today. On the plus side, I burnt off 2000+ calories and I've already drunk 3 litres of water.
This past weekend was a lot of fun. We had all of my husbands siblings and parents over for a "rib-off" Each sibling made a different rib recipe & then we voted on the best. I was please with my ability to only take one small piece of each kind of rib and then filled the rest of my plate with salad. Skipped desert. I also found "light" coolers - only 124 cals each, 4% alcohol - so I was able to have a couple, guilt-free.
On Sunday & Monday, it was very hot and we all decided that the lake is finally warm enough to swim in. I had a few quick dips and also got out for an hour in the paddle boat and another 1/2 hour kayaking. Sunday night, we had an impromptu party and we danced under the stars for hours. We had a blast, lots of laughing and socializing. Even the sis-in-law who generally shuns the rest of us came and was friendly. Surprise, surprise.
I still feel like I'm on track because the desire to improve my health and fitness level is still strong. I'm still doing what I can, within the limits of being sick. I hope I can finally get rid of the bronchitis this week so I can get back to running.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Weight lost to date: 19.5 lbs
Lola's body weight: 19.5 lbs
OMG, I've lost a dog! OK the equivalent of a dog! Or perhaps more accurately, the equivalent of a "dog-ish".
I pick Lola up and I think "that's 20lbs you can CHOOSE to pick up or put down, you don't have to carry it ALL the time!"
At 10 lbs, I didn't really see any changes. At 15 lbs, I noticed how loose my clothes were. At 20lbs, other people notice. "Especially in your face!" is what they tell me.
Now, before I post before & afters of my face, I have to admit something: I don't like looking at my face. My body I can handle. But when I look at my face, what I see doesn't match who I am. My face is too much like my mother's. She is a source of great pain & anger for me & I hardly think it fair that I have to wear her face!
I've been working on this issue recently. Smiling at myself in the mirror. It's helping. I'm getting there. Maybe as I learn to love my face, I'll learn to let go of some of the anger/pain I've been holding too. You never know... stranger things have happened.
Once more I have been inspired by Carolyn1213's - thank you Carolyn for your continuing support... even if you don't know me! Carolyn recently posted pictures of herself - even though she felt very vulnerable about it. I have been inspired and am learning courage.
"before & after" 20 lb loss face pics:
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
With great trepidition and a drippy nose, I cautiously approached the scale. It's white and thin and flat... so how is it that it looms above me like a dark cloud?
I consider the past week. I've been drippy, snuffy, sweaty, feverishy sick. I have cancelled all workouts. Heck, getting off the couch is a work out this week! I have had to let hubby bring home take-out - and McD's certanly isn't a "healthy" food choice. I don't think this weigh-in is going to be good. I consider changing to weighing once per month, starting next month!
I take a deep breath. Face the truth. Deal with it.
214.5 lbs. Down 2 lbs. WHAT?
There is no rhyme or reason to this rotten scale! Don't get me wrong, I'm glad for any weight loss. But seriously - how did I lose weight eating crap and not exercising?
1. last week's weight gain was mostly water retention, and this week's fever has resolved that problem
2. my appetite is severely depressed because of being sick - so I may have had a couple of high cal meals, but most of the week I probably ate less than usual
3. the scale is an unreliable measure of week to week progress
I think I'll start weighing monthly and save myself the craziness! Starting next month.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Why have you been putting roadblocks in my path?
My desire to run is strong and I am frustrated that you appear to be thwarting my plans and interfering with my goals.
First, there was the mysterious dislocated toe. Then PMS. Then we ran out of internet, so I couldn't even blog. And then, you brought me the flu.
The sun is shining, the birds are singing. I want to be out running. Instead, I'm shivering and sweating and coughing and phlemmy. I can not run. I can barely make it up the stairs.
I was doing so well. I was full of energy and meeting my goals. My desire and will are still strong, but my body's crapping out.
Are you trying to teach me to be patient? To be flexible in my goals? To teach me that I'm human and can't just push through everything? Or am I just looking for "reasons" where there are none?
Today, I'm going to give my body what it needs - rest, fluids, medication. I'm going to catch up on my sparkfriends' blogs and drink lots of water and make good food choices. I will do what I can and try to block out the sound of my running shoes calling to me.
When I'm better, I'm just going to suck it up and do W3 of the c25k for the THIRD time (grrrrr) and continue to move forwards. I'm going to try to remember that my goals is "learn to run", not "finish the c25k in 9 weeks".
I'm going to try to remember that this is a life-long process and that sickness, injury and PMS are a regular part of life and I'm just going to have to deal with it.
I'm going to try to remember that "health" is more than exercise and eating right. It's about taking care of your body... not hating my body because of its frailties.
I am still steadfast in my perseverance. I will continue on... when I can get up from the couch!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
I'm doing better today & feeling more on track. PMS is in full swing, so I'm still pretty cranky.
Don't really feel like blogging tonight, but since I said I would, I am.
Weigh-in today wasn't quite as bad as expected. Only +1.5 lbs, which is a lot better than the 3 I thought it would be.
I did c25k today. I love running! If it wasn't for running, I think I would have lost focus a long time ago. When I think of quitting trying to make these healthy changes, I remind myself that I would have to give up on running too... and I don't want to do that.
I noticed today that my old dog, Brynn, is starting to get her figure back. There are 5 different houses in the neighbourhood - that I know of - that feed Brynn treats every day. She has a route! Since we've moved here, she's gained a considerable amount of weight. Guess the c25k is good for her too!
Tomorrow, I have an end of the year party for my French class. I promise myself I will make healthy choices at the breakfast.
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