Monday, May 31, 2010
The antibiotics are making a difference, but I'm still in the recovery stage. For two weeks, I have been forced to rest and avoid activity that would make me breathe hard - like running. I've continued to lose weight, but I haven't felt GOOD in so long.
I've discovered something interesting though. Before I got sick, I was very motivated by meeting my little fitness goals and by my mood when I was active everyday. I thought I was also being motivated by the scale moving downward. I've realized that isn't true. While I've been sick, I've continued to lose weight. But instead of motivating me to continue, I've been triggered to make bad food choices and my sparking has gone to the way-side.
I've realized that I feel FEAR when I see the scale move downward. How weird. The closer I get to my first weight loss goal of 25lbs, the more afraid I feel. I'm going to have to explore this a bit more because I'm not sure yet what it is I'm afraid of.
Now that I'm starting to feel better, I'm wondering what I need to do to get back into the swing of things. I haven't run in 2 weeks & I'm raring to get back to it... but that is still at least a week of antibiotics away. What can I do to increase my fitness this week without overdoing it & relapsing health-wise?
PLAN FOR THE NEXT 7 DAYS
- focus on eating three healthy meals and at least one snack a day
- get at least 8 hours sleep a night
- 8 glasses water, no pop!
- walk 15min Mon, 30 min Tues & Weds, 45 min Thurs & Fri, 60 min Sat & Sun
- prepare the new garden area this week
- do 1/2 hour total of "heavy" housework each day, taking breaks as needed
- explore the FEAR I have around losing weight and figure out how to diffuse it
- research and prepare a strength training program that I can do outside
- spark every day
Saturday, May 29, 2010
All my clothes have gotten too baggy... and I didn't have a single pair of shorts that fit... so even though I HATE spending money, off to Walmart I went for some new clothes.
To my surprise, I was able to shop in the regular section! XL fits! I'm feeling very pleased with myself. I bought 2 sundresses, 2 pair of shorts and a pair of lycra capris to run in.
I finally got in to see a doctor. There's a real dr shortage here in Quebec, so I had to go to a clinic... and wait 5 hours before I could get in! The dr says my lungs sound "squeeky" and gave me some heavy duty antibiotics. Hopefully I'll be back to running soon.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Yeah! Another 2lbs gone. I was sure that I had gained this week... just like I'm sure I've gained every week... and surprised at the 2lb loss.
But why am I surprised?
Surprise happens when we expect one thing and get another. If I'm surprised every time I step on the scale, then I must be expecting that I WON'T lose weight. Why do I expect that? What am I telling myself before I step on the scale?
You haven't been TRYING HARD to lose weight this week. Sure you've tried to eat healthy - but since you're not tracking, you've probably overeaten. Yes, you've tried to get in some exercise, but this sickness has stopped you from doing very much.
And on a much deeper, more profound level, I hear: All your life, you've triedto lose weight and become fitter and you have NEVER EVER been successful. It's only a matter of time before the weight starts piling back on.
It seems I've been telling myself: Losing weight and getting fit is really hard and requires extreme effort. If you don't put in extreme effort, you can expect to gain weight.
Is this true? Well, a part of me is screaming YES! Because if it's not true, then why haven't I been able to become fit & healthy before? But recent evidence seems to contradict that. These past couple of weeks, I've felt like a real slacker - and I'm still losing weight.
I've always been so hard on myself. In many areas of my life, I've believed that only with HARD WORK could I have any success. Every time I've tried to lose weight before, I've put in extreme effort for a short time... but then, I've become overwhelmed by the effort required and given up.
This time has been different. Right from the beginning, I decided to only make changes I believed I could keep up with. I've avoided doing things that seem like TOO MUCH WORK and focused on making changes that I find ENJOYABLE.
I ENJOY eating fresh fruits and vegetables. I LIKE whole grain foods. Moving my body feels GOOD.
Is this the real SECRET OF SUCCESS?
I think I'm just starting to scratch the surface of this issue, but this is a start. I'm going to think about this some more... and continue challenging some of my beliefs about weight-loss.
Now, back to painting....
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
I've been really sick for the past couple of weeks. A flu that moved into my chest has been really slowing me down. I've been torn between wanting to rest and get better and feeling frustrated that I can't exercise - or even prepare healthy food - the way that I want to. I guess I should focus on the positive - at least I WANT to be exercising and eating right.
Being sick has also given me lots of opportunity to examine my "all or nothing" attitude and also made me really think about "healthy choices". It is not a healthy choice to run when you are very sick - even if you want to. I need to tell myself - often - that I am making the healthiest choice for myself right now & that losing weight is not the end all, be all of life.
I've been feeling better the past couple of days, but I still have a bit of bronchitis in my chest. I've decided to take yet another week off from running. I'll redo week 3, hopefully starting on Saturday. This week, I'm going to focus on finishing the house painting job I started a few weeks back and then finish planting my garden. I spent 5 hours today painting. I'm feeling exhausted & a bit shaky now. No doubt I've over done it today. On the plus side, I burnt off 2000+ calories and I've already drunk 3 litres of water.
This past weekend was a lot of fun. We had all of my husbands siblings and parents over for a "rib-off" Each sibling made a different rib recipe & then we voted on the best. I was please with my ability to only take one small piece of each kind of rib and then filled the rest of my plate with salad. Skipped desert. I also found "light" coolers - only 124 cals each, 4% alcohol - so I was able to have a couple, guilt-free.
On Sunday & Monday, it was very hot and we all decided that the lake is finally warm enough to swim in. I had a few quick dips and also got out for an hour in the paddle boat and another 1/2 hour kayaking. Sunday night, we had an impromptu party and we danced under the stars for hours. We had a blast, lots of laughing and socializing. Even the sis-in-law who generally shuns the rest of us came and was friendly. Surprise, surprise.
I still feel like I'm on track because the desire to improve my health and fitness level is still strong. I'm still doing what I can, within the limits of being sick. I hope I can finally get rid of the bronchitis this week so I can get back to running.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Weight lost to date: 19.5 lbs
Lola's body weight: 19.5 lbs
OMG, I've lost a dog! OK the equivalent of a dog! Or perhaps more accurately, the equivalent of a "dog-ish".
I pick Lola up and I think "that's 20lbs you can CHOOSE to pick up or put down, you don't have to carry it ALL the time!"
At 10 lbs, I didn't really see any changes. At 15 lbs, I noticed how loose my clothes were. At 20lbs, other people notice. "Especially in your face!" is what they tell me.
Now, before I post before & afters of my face, I have to admit something: I don't like looking at my face. My body I can handle. But when I look at my face, what I see doesn't match who I am. My face is too much like my mother's. She is a source of great pain & anger for me & I hardly think it fair that I have to wear her face!
I've been working on this issue recently. Smiling at myself in the mirror. It's helping. I'm getting there. Maybe as I learn to love my face, I'll learn to let go of some of the anger/pain I've been holding too. You never know... stranger things have happened.
Once more I have been inspired by Carolyn1213's - thank you Carolyn for your continuing support... even if you don't know me! Carolyn recently posted pictures of herself - even though she felt very vulnerable about it. I have been inspired and am learning courage.
"before & after" 20 lb loss face pics:
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