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Stages of grieving....

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

I think I had started grieving before my sister died as she was sick most of this year. She was transferred to hospice and expected to die around Eastertime but got better for awhile but then got sick again. Her course was pretty level but eventually her body just shut down and the doctors said nothing they could do would help her after they had tried all sorts of procedures and medications. I am grateful that she will not have to suffer any more.

She spent her last 10 years in a nursing home after she suddenly lost her vision to macular degeneration. Then about a year ago she had a stroke and lost what little vision she had left until then. After she completely lost her sight her will to live seemed to just evaporate and she became very depressed.

I will miss her and I have many good memories. We used to laugh a lot when we got together or when we talked to each other on the phone. We usually talked about once a week for at least an hour at a time. We had so much in common and our senses of humor were similar.

A sister is a friend forever. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JLSEWS 12/1/2010 1:43AM

    emoticon

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MSLZZY 11/30/2010 11:34PM

    My deepest sympathy to you-hugs!

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GOROSIEO 11/30/2010 11:29PM

    A sister is a friend forever. You share so many old stories. At times I know you will feel like she's right there with you.

My heartfelt condolences. emoticon

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CAROLYNVIL 11/30/2010 11:17PM

    I am very sorry for your loss.

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CANOGAPARKGAL 11/30/2010 10:48PM

    My condolences. Sisters share what no other can. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ROLLINGSTONEMOM 11/30/2010 9:37PM

    emoticon My prayers are with you.

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LALMEIDA 11/30/2010 9:20PM

  emoticon

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LMMIMI 11/30/2010 9:05PM

    Sorry for your loss. I found this many years ago and do not remember where, but I hope you will find comfort. "Sadness and emptiness are difficult to bear, but that which brings us sadness has once brought us joy. May you cherish forever all that was yours." emoticon

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MARITAK 11/30/2010 8:58PM

  emoticon

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26M8J7 11/30/2010 8:36PM

    emoticon emoticon

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LIVINHEALTHY9 11/30/2010 8:06PM

    My condolences on the loss of your sister.
May the memories you have of her help you through this sad time.

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DDDOLL59 11/30/2010 8:05PM

    My heart goes out to you. I pray for comfort and peace for you.

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VKISAMORE 11/30/2010 7:49PM

  Tell us more stories about her as the weeks go by. She sounds like a true friend. I'm sorry that you'll miss her so much!

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DKELLEY35 11/30/2010 7:48PM

    I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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IAMALIGHTHOUSE 11/30/2010 7:42PM

    emoticon I am so,so emoticon.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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News of my sister's death came this morning....

Monday, November 29, 2010

I was at work and had forgotten to turn off my cellphone. It rang and I saw the Duluth, MN area code and knew right away the reason for the call. My sister had just died one hour before. I left work within the hour and am going to have 3 paid days off (not using my PTO) from my employer. There will not be a funeral and her daughter and son have decided to plan a Celebration of Life party in January or February next year (her birthday is Feb 15th). I was relieved that I would not have to drive the 150 miles in our wintry weather to get to Duluth and also pay over $100 per night to stay in a hotel up there. I don't like traditional funerals and am glad my niece and nephew are planning the Celebration of Life which also can be a family reunion type affair.

I still have not totally processed the finality of this. I am grateful she is not suffering any longer. She had expressed dissatisfaction with her condition over a year ago. She had been blind for over 10 years and she could barely walk. Toward the end she had multiple complicated issues and the doctors were unable to cure an infection she had and finally her body just shut down.

So now I am the sole survivor of my family of origin. I will miss our longwinded phone conversations that were sprinkled with memories from years ago. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WARMSPRINGDAY 12/2/2010 7:58PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JLSEWS 12/1/2010 1:42AM

    I am praying for you in this time of loss, and asking God to comfort your heart!!
hugs aren't enough, but sending them anyway!
Love,
Jeri

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HAPPYONE331 11/30/2010 11:07PM

    Words are so inadequate........but my heart goes out to you and your niece and nephew.

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ROLLINGSTONEMOM 11/30/2010 9:35PM

    I am so sorry to hear of the loss of you sister. Losing a loved one any time is difficult, but over the holidays it just seems harder. May you find peace and comfort knowing she is no longer in pain and in a much better place than she was here on earth. Blessings to you and your family.

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DPETERSON54 11/30/2010 9:31PM

    I am so sorry to hear about your sister. My heart goes out to you and your family. This is a hard time of year for that to happen. Always cherish her memories. Hugs my friend

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26M8J7 11/30/2010 8:31PM

    I am sorry to hear about your sister's passing.

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NURSIE8 11/30/2010 7:57PM

    You are in my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that your good memories of your sister bring you peace. emoticon

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IAMALIGHTHOUSE 11/30/2010 7:40PM

    Words cannot express how the heart feels. emoticon to you as you go threw this emotional time. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ELLEBE725 11/30/2010 7:37PM

    My deepest sympathy is with you. I wish you the strength to get through this difficult time. emoticon

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PERFECTVELVET 11/30/2010 7:12PM

    I am sorry to hear of your sister's passing.

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TBRUGH78 11/30/2010 6:11PM

    I am so sorry for your loss. I think the celebration of life is a wonderful idea. I don't believe in traditional funerals. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
-Tara

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DRB13_1 11/30/2010 6:04PM

    emoticon So sorry to hear of your loss, particularly during holiday season, and of the last link to your immediate family. I am glad you will all be able to celebrate her life in February, and that she is no longer suffering. emoticon
Condolences

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CATLADY52 11/30/2010 5:54PM

    Sorry to hear the news. emoticon emoticon

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RAINBOWZLPN 11/30/2010 5:49PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticonI'm so sorry to hear of your loss. The celebration of life sounds like a beautiful idea. What a wonderful way to rememeber someone.
Jennifer

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MILLISMA 11/30/2010 5:47PM

    So sorry for your loss and I know that words can't ease the pain. I lost my husband unexpectedly 2 yrs ago and we did the same thing....waited and celebrated his life for his birthday. We even roasted him. He would have loved it but I'm sure he was watching and laughing with us between the tears.

Sending hugs to you and your family. Will keep you all in my prayers.

emoticonMary Anne

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46SHADOW 11/30/2010 5:43PM

    my sympathy.

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BUTTERFLYBLUE67 11/30/2010 5:30PM

    i AM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS...

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LINDA! 11/30/2010 5:25PM

    Very sorry for your loss!! emoticon

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BECKYLYNNE77 11/30/2010 5:17PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon my prayers are with you

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MAMASMAMA 11/30/2010 4:42PM

    I am sorry for your loss. I hope you find comfort in the happy memories and the knowledge that she is not suffering anymore. emoticon

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TWINSMOMMY607 11/30/2010 4:26PM

    I am so sorry for you for loss emoticon

Comment edited on: 11/30/2010 4:26:59 PM

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CHEFKATLEANER 11/30/2010 4:25PM

    I'm so sorry for your loss.

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LEARNING2LUVME 11/30/2010 4:20PM

    I'm so sorry for your loss. emoticon

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RICCILYNN 11/30/2010 4:19PM

    Many blessings during this difficult time!

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UNSTOPPABLEJEN 11/30/2010 4:06PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SWEETNEENI 11/30/2010 4:05PM

    I'm so sorry for your loss. The Celebration of Life sounds lovely. Much better than a death-centered traditional funeral. I said a prayer for your comfort through this sad time.

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EMSJOURNEY 11/30/2010 4:02PM

    that is SO kick ass! i gained 5 lbs. over thanksgiving weekend alone!! you're truly on your way! =)

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SUSIEWHITE1109 11/30/2010 4:01PM

    So very sorry to hear of your loss -- saying a prayer for your comfort today.

emoticon

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RONIREDD 11/30/2010 3:51PM

    I am sorry for your loss.

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JODY22002 11/30/2010 3:49PM

    (((Hugs)))

I lost two of my sisters in 2007 so i feel your pain.

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KHELMAN 11/30/2010 3:48PM

    so sorry for your loss. emoticon

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HEALTHYASHLEY 11/30/2010 3:43PM

    I just had a loss in my family 2 weeks ago and I understand how you are feeling. I am so sorry to hear of your sisters passing. Hugs

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HAPPY_AS_IS 11/30/2010 3:37PM

    I am sorry for your loss!

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HANNALA1 11/30/2010 1:34PM

    emoticon

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ROBBIEMARIE 11/30/2010 12:57PM

    I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your sister. I pray that all the wonderful memories you have shared together over the years will bring you some peace. emoticon

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MS5835 11/30/2010 10:44AM

    So sorry for the loss of your sister. Will keep you in my prayers

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MAXFOCUS 11/30/2010 10:26AM

    Teddy, so sorry for the loss of your sister. Hugs. How wonderful that you will get to share your memories at her celebration of life next year.
emoticon

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KYMMIEDW 11/30/2010 10:15AM

    I am sorry for your loss. Prayers are with you and the family you have remaining. My father has one sister left on his side of the family and I empathize with the realization that you are a lone wolf. Stay Strong.

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MARITAK 11/30/2010 12:47AM

  I am so sorry for your loss. Will keep you in my prayers. My mother's birthday was February 15th, and she died March 11 2010 at the age of 95. The grief is still there, but it does get easier monthly. Know I care and you are in my prayers. emoticon emoticon

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PONYFARMER 11/30/2010 12:18AM

    So sorry to hear of your loss. I too am the sole survivor of my family and I know what that feels like.

emoticon

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CHRYS13 11/30/2010 12:07AM

    emoticon

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SLIMMERJESSE 11/30/2010 12:04AM

    I have tears as I read your blog. In July, I lost my cousin who was like a sister. She took my entire family history of rich cultural experiences with her. My friend, confidante, and sister-like cousin is gone and I am still reeling pretty badly. My heart goes out to you. There are grief teams here at SP, and you might want to go to a grief support group if that's something that you think would help. Big hug.

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MSLZZY 11/30/2010 12:01AM

    emoticon emoticon

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CANOGAPARKGAL 11/29/2010 11:49PM

    My condolences. It's sad to lose a sibling, no matter their state of health. emoticon

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DBARNES306 11/29/2010 9:12PM

    Hugs to you as you reflect on a lifetime of memories.

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BERRIMOUSE 11/29/2010 8:23PM

    My deepest condolences about your sister, i know how it is to lose a loved one, I lost mine 2 plus years ago. Your memories will carry on with you. emoticon emoticon

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WAFINANCE 11/29/2010 8:23PM

  May her memory be a blessing.

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JUDE322 11/29/2010 8:00PM

  my heart breaks for you. i lost one of my younger brothers to a massive heart attack in august. he was only 52. it's hard when we lose our parents, but losing a sibling is, in some ways, much worse. it's definitely like we lose a bit odf our past lives. my prayers will be with you as you deal with your loss. we also had a celebration of life for both tony and my mother when se left us nearly 3 years ago. it was very comforting for all of us who miss then.

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KATRINAKAT23 11/29/2010 7:55PM

  I am sorry for your loss. No matter the circumstances, when you lose someone you have to go through the grieving process. I hope it goes as smoothly as possible for you.

emoticon

Kat

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TRIGFROST 11/29/2010 7:28PM

    I told my Daughter to think of all of the "Wonderful Memories" of her...when my Daughter died...and to Remember of the times as a Child --all that you did together...She told me later when she grew up--that she did and it made a huge different for her...Lots of Hugs for you... emoticon emoticon emoticon

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as I promised...a blog about the dangers of whirlpool spas....

Sunday, November 28, 2010

I stepped on a dead person in a whirlpool about 20 years ago....

I also heard of a girl who got her hair caught in the drain in the whirlpool I go to almost every day...

Also heard of a woman who slipped on the steps going into the whirlpool and hit her head and drowned. ( I met her friend a week after it happened about 2 months ago.)


All of these whirlpool victims have something in common...they went into a whirlpool alone and there was no one to help them.

The person I stepped on in the whirlpool went alone and had a seizure and drowned.

The moral of this blog: Do not swim or whirlpool alone!!! emoticon

P.S. Check the temperature and color of the water before you get in a whirlpool spa. Once I got in a whirlpool and after getting in I noticed the water looked YELLOW....I got out immediately but it was so contaminated I got folliculitis on my entire body up to my neck and had to take steroids for a couple of weeks afterwards.

Another time I got in the whirlpool without checking the temperature and it was too hot...

I got out and jumped in the swimming pool.....almost passed out cause the whirlpool was 104 and the swimming pool was 64....I am lucky but since then at least stick my toe in any pool before getting in.....The last two experiences occurred at a Marriot Hotel where I had a health club membership....I quit soon thereafter....

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARPET44 11/29/2010 8:18PM

    This is scary--thanks for the info.

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STOPTHECRAVING 11/29/2010 7:57PM

    I have heard about the hair getting caught. But WOW! Who knew they were so dangerous. I do not have access to one. Nice PSA!

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CMRAND54 11/29/2010 7:11PM

    Interesting. My son picked up ringworm in a hot tub once.

My widowed elderly father, on the other hand, met a sweet elderly woman in a hot tub, and went out with her several times.

I think you're right to counsel not to go in one alone.

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CATLADY52 11/29/2010 4:42PM

    Marriot trying to kill or maim members? Always try to stick in a toe before going into any pool so you don't get surprised. emoticon Have a good week ahead.

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MSLZZY 11/28/2010 11:48PM

    emoticon emoticon

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VIUDANEGRA 11/28/2010 10:52PM

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Don't light candles before bedtime....

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Someone in one of my groups mentioned as part of her bedtime ritual that she lights a scented candle before going to bed....

DON'T DO THIS....

I have to warn you that is a very dangerous thing to do. My daughter fell asleep in her apartment with a candle lit fairly far from her bed and luckily the sound of the glass container breaking woke her up. By the time she got to the candle there was hot wax all over and flames that would have burned up her building if she had not been awakened by the breaking glass. Ever since then she does not light candles before going to bed.

I hope you don't have any problems.

P.S. At my house candles are banned as we have had two cat fires (2 different cats who only got burned hair as we were there when it happened). A friend of our was at home and lost her cat her in her cat fire. She had candles burning on the fireplace mantel and left the room for a few minutes and by the time she realized the living room was engulfed in flames she was lucky to escape with her life and the whole house burned down by the time the fire department arrived.

Just an FYI!!!! Sorry to be a pessimist.....


emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARPET44 11/29/2010 8:16PM

    Thank you for the info. I have been using the battery operated candles. I have over energenic doggies and I am so afraid of fire.

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MNNICE 11/28/2010 1:03PM

    I have come to love the fake candles - so much safer and last forever!

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MSLZZY 11/27/2010 11:35PM

    I use a candle warmer-no smoke and candles last longer. HUGS!

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TEDDYTEDDY 11/27/2010 9:58PM

    Thanks everybody for your comments.....

Next blog....

Don't go in a whirlpool alone..... emoticon

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CANOGAPARKGAL 11/27/2010 2:28PM

    Good point. I never burn candles in the house for two reasons: 1) possibility of fire, and 2) the gases they give off are not really good for you, esp. scented candles.

If you must have candles, they now have "fake" ones that look pretty good. If you must have scent, I think incense is safer

Fresh air is the best scent - I realize it's too "fresh" to open windows and doors in winter for any length of time but I still do it for about 10 minutes a day.

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102633 11/27/2010 11:34AM

    Thanks for the words of caution.

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MYSTERY4EVER 11/27/2010 11:10AM

    I too had a scare. I had a very small candle in a holder on one shelf of a glass etagere. I was stunned when the shelf above it cracked from the heat and came smashing down. No fire - it really was a very small candle. It was a great reminder of the power of fire. No need for apologies about such an important reminder this time of year.

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LINDENSGIRL 11/27/2010 9:44AM

    I love my scented candles but I also respect having open flames in my home and I'm very careful. No cat to worry about either!

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HOPE2BE 11/27/2010 9:36AM

    No you have a reason for it. It's better to be safe than sorry. Thank God you take precautions. Hope

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PATTYKLAVER 11/27/2010 9:27AM

    Don't apologize - you're not a pessimist. I was out walking this past summer when I heard all sorts of sirens and finally saw all sorts of smoke in the vicinity of my condo. It was an apartment building about a half block from me that completely burned down. Come to find out, it was started by a candle that a guy forgot to put out before falling asleep. Especially this time of year, it's always good to remind people of basic safety rules. Thanks for doing that!

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AQUAGIRL08 11/27/2010 9:14AM

    That sounds very scary! We always blow out all candles before going to bed!

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TATTER3 11/27/2010 9:14AM

    Very wise advice. I'm a nurse and have seen too many victims of "romantic" evenings and ambiance moments. Use the battery run voltives instead and avoid the drama. Keep Sparkin'!!!

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Paying it forward....

Saturday, November 27, 2010

I am taking my friend to get free bread and then we will shop for a few things at the store that are heavy like bottled water and milk. She doesn't drive and really appreciates it in this weather with slippery road and cold weather. In the summer she rides her bike but she is 72 now and really needs to be careful so she doesn't injure herself.

I am fortunate to have a decent vehicle to drive and get around to the stores. Nothing is walking distance from my house and the discount places are 5 miles away. When I couldn't drive I had to depend on the kindness of my son in law who has plenty to do for his own family, and I really did appreciate the help then. So I am paying it forward.... I very nice concept that more people should think about.... previously called The Golden Rule!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CATLADY52 11/27/2010 3:32PM

    Thinking of others is something that we should be doing more often. Thanks for the reminder.

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LESLIES537 11/27/2010 9:42AM

    emoticon Good for you and thanks so much for the reminder!

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HOPE2BE 11/27/2010 9:35AM

    When I had a car I also tried paying it forward with people I saw in need. I've had a lot of rides and have given a lot of rides to people. My family didn't like it but oh well. One thing I didn't pay forward was giving out cigarettes and drinks. LOL Hope

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FITMARY 11/27/2010 9:16AM

    Hey, I remember when it was called the Golden Rule too! Great idea! Enjoy your weekend, Teddy!
emoticon

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AQUAGIRL08 11/27/2010 9:12AM

    I love the idea of paying it forward and wish there were more people like you who did it too!

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SHERYLP461 11/27/2010 9:01AM

    Pay it forward is a wonderful concept.

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SCIFIREADER 11/27/2010 8:46AM

    Thank you for being there for your friend, so nice to hear of more people paying it forward. Gives you a good feeling doesn't it.

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