Monday, March 07, 2011
I am on a journey searching for confidence. I am praying about confidence and for confidence. I am reading about confidence and doing mental exercises on the subject.
I have been stuck a bit on exercise one which has you picture a slightly more confident self standing in front of me and i am to step inside that more confident self and observe body posture, etc etc etc.
What has me stuck is i have tried so hard to picture that more confident self just as i am now(overweight) but everytime it is a much thinner and fit me. I know that is not a wrong picture of confidence but I dont want the concept of confidence based on a smaller size because I need to find my confident self now, at this weight.
so i keep working on this allusive confident me at my current size and i know I will get there. I know the hang up mentally has to do with how i have talked to myself internally for all of my adult life. I was one of the people who had the mentality of " I will be _______ once i am thinner." so now I have to undo these tapes.
I need this new found confidence soon as I go to train staff on Joe at his new group home on the 17th and 18th and I am scared to death to do this ONLY because of my size. I hate being the FAT lady walking into a new and unfamiliar environment and it has been causing me tremendous stress thinking about having to do this very soon.
So please, please, please pray hard for this obstacle in my life!