Feeling blue

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Today has been a down day for me. I have just been in a sad kinda funk all day. I do know where the sadness is coming from so that is good, i guess LOL

One thing that began the process was a long anticipated package finally arrived and I was so excited it finally came as it was a treat to myself. I had ordered underwear and tennis shoes from womenwithin. Well the underwear is a joke as it is not really made for people with my type of big saggy hanging abdomen in the front.......the butt area was so baggy and the front waist band barely sat at my pubic line instead of the waist so they will not work for me at all. Then i got the shoes out and tried them on and there is no way i can wear them as they are not wide enough for my foot and too long in the length so they are not usable either.

I sat and cried!

I ordered these 2 very much needed items from them because i can charge them on their charge card(that's the only way i can afford to buy clothing and necessities right now) So now I have $120 worth of unusable items that i need to send back to them, minus 1 $20 package of underwear since I put on one pair to try them on LOL.

I still need underwear badly but that will have to wait for another payday and I will go back to K-mart and hope they have my size in stock. As far as shoes, well that will have to wait probably until i get my tax refund back to afford that out of pocket.

So anyway, my long anticipated treat to myself buying something for me did not work out and I was devastated only because I know i cant buy these 2 needed items out of pocket(checking account or cash) as I have no extra left over for these kind of things right now.

So I found myself crying over the items not fitting, my lack of funds to buy the necessities once again and just being sooooo tired of living barely from paycheck to paycheck.......that is why i am trying so hard to get out of debt(even though i do have to charge clothing from that company as I can no longer buy any clothing in a regular store as they are all too small).

The other thing that has had me feeling blue all day today was i have been fighting a headache for 2 days now that will not go away.

Don't get me wrong as I am not throwing myself a pitty party but i do feel sad and frustrated when i read about all the things others are able to buy for themselves as rewards or just in casual talk about great finds they saw and bought and i am not able to do that.......I am just so weary of all my income going to creditors leaving nothing left for "me"

When you think about it, it is pretty sad to think that finding a way to buy needed underwear and shoes is looked at as a treat to myself. A treat should be something I dont NEED but something I have been WANTING......I pray that will be my reality some day.

Thanks for reading my down and sad vent kinda blog today.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOTUSFLOWER 3/2/2011 3:46PM

Sending your way! I love what the other women have said, and just wanted to send you my support. Report Inappropriate Comment

CHAS1949 2/27/2011 1:08PM

I hope today is a better day for you. The disappointments you had yesterday are awful. I hope you find somewhere in town to buy shoes or under garments!! What about Salem? Please tell me what I can do to help. I am not that far away. chas Report Inappropriate Comment

PEPPERLEAH 2/27/2011 9:56AM

Teresa, I am so sorry things happened the way they did. I am in agreement with GRIFF and JOY. My husband and I just finished watching Joel Osteen a few minutes ago, and ge quited one of my favorite scriptures; weeping may last for the night, but Joy comes iin the morning. Things are going to get better for you. There are times of such trials and tribulations we wonder if the sun is EVER going to rise. It ALWAYS does, and this, too, shall pass. I am praying for you, for your finances and needs to be met. Report Inappropriate Comment

MOMZO52 2/27/2011 8:52AM

Teresa, I know exactly how you feel. You work so hard in a job that is physically, mentally and emotionally demanding, and then come home and live paycheck-to-paycheck...how many of us are in your shoes! I am praying for you. I know that God will take care of you---sometimes it is difficult to see His plan, but have faith! Blessings, Martha Report Inappropriate Comment

WCATAP 2/27/2011 8:00AM

I can remember a time that things were so tight the pastor bought my kids sneakers to begin school. It is ashamed that when you make your return you won't get a full credit, but at least you can re buy the stuff. It is frustrating, and sometimes a good cry just releases it all. We have good days and bad days and this was one bad day for you. Tomorrow will be brighter. Report Inappropriate Comment

JOYATLAST 2/27/2011 7:06AM

I would have sat down and cried too! But truer more understanding words were never spoken then what GRIFF2734 shared with you: Life gets heavy and weighty but God in his glory is more heavy and weighty than grief and trial. You can weight your grief and suffering and hardships so much that it dominates your destiny and you need to counter balance that with the glory of God the weightiness of God you do that by rejoicing in and worshiping the Lord. In one tiny paragraph, she summed up the answer to the struggle of my life!!! It's the focus that will take you to your glorious transformation! You are complete in Him, nothing missing, nothing broken. Love, Joy Comment edited on: 2/27/2011 7:07:33 AM Report Inappropriate Comment

GRIFF2734 2/27/2011 4:21AM

Hi Teresa Im sorry you had such a blue day and I can certainly relate to what you have wrote because it reminded me of myself 4yrs ago. I can tell you all kinds of positive things but Im going to take you to Jesus because this is where I go to during these times and this is where he wants us to run to. Jesus doesnt take our trials away but he does walk with us through them. Jesus was grieved he is called the man of sorrows in the book of Isaiah 53. So what do we do? 1 Peter 1:6-9 In this (the grief of the trial) you greatly REJOICE, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to PRAISE, HONOR, and GLORY at the revelation of Jesus Christ, whom having not seen you love. Though now you do not see Him, yet believing, you REJOICE with joy inexpressible and full of glory, receiving the end of your faith—the salvation of your souls. You say REJOICE I dont feel like rejoicing I feel like grieving this sounds crazy doesnt it? He says rejoice with joy inexpressible and full with glory. Life gets heavy and weighty but God in his glory is more heavy and weighty than grief and trial. You can weight your grief and suffering and hardships so much that it dominates your destiny and you need to counter balance that with the glory of God the weightiness of God you do that by rejoicing in and worshiping the Lord. You say this is nuts but this is far better. God should weigh heavier than anything else and if your deepest desire is God than even if these other things are not in the experiences of your life you will have joy and be able to rejoice because that which is heaviest and weightiest most glorious to you has been given and his name is JESUS! Look at what he has given to you he has given you forgiveness, mercy, grace and unfailing love most of all he has given you the promise of heaven to live eternally with him your salvation is secure he paid it all for you and me to know that this is not our home that our home is in heaven and he is waiting for us, he has prepared a place for us now we can rejoice now we can allow the Holy Spirit to comfort us and bring us peace lift your hands and REJOICE!!! for you have the promise of heaven. Much love to you dear sister Jesus first Comment edited on: 2/27/2011 4:23:26 AM Report Inappropriate Comment

WHITE73118 2/26/2011 11:32PM

I am sorry that you are feeling blue. I never buy items without trying them on, because most of the time I get the items home and they do not fit. I hope things get better for you. Keep your chin up! Karen, Report Inappropriate Comment

DEBBIEANNE1124 2/26/2011 11:28PM

sORRY THIS HAPPENED TO YOU. i LEARNED LONG ANO NOT TO OREDER THINGS WITHOUT SEEING THEM AND FEELING THEM IN MY HANDS. hOPE YOU AHVE BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME. Report Inappropriate Comment

New items

Monday, February 21, 2011

I have ordered the book and DVD set of "Made to Crave" by Lysa TerKeurst. I got the email letting me know it was shipped out today so I will be getting that very soon to begin to read. I am looking forward to her book!

Also my FREE 5 pound SPRI contour soft weights arrived via UPS today. They were free because I cashed in some of my Mysurvey.com points. So now i will look up some arm exercises to begin doing with my new soft weights. They also have an elastic strap to slip over your shoe to add some weight to some leg lifts.....I dont know how well that will work yet but i will see what that is like eventually. I will probably just use my elastic resistance bands for my legs so the elastic strap never stretches out on my new weights.

Now that my lower back spasms have let up again i will start getting back down on the floor and begin all over again stretching out my legs and muscles around my hips......it felt good when i was doing it so i know i will be happy to get back to that again......I still have some fear of getting down and not getting back up but God never let me down before and i always made it back up on my own.

I also want to start walking again but I know there is no way i can do any outdoor walking yet(not because of the weather) but because i need to be in a position of when i need to stop or sit i need to be in a place where i can stop or sit and not have to still turn around and go back home. I do own a treadmill but in the past it caused me a lot of knee pain due to my poor balance( i tend to walk staggered at times) and mis reading the speed of the belt and plant my foot down wrong causing an odd movement in my knee as i try to keep my balance. So I have been very apprehensive about getting back on it........BUT i just need to do it.

The nice thing about a treadmill in your own home is no one sees you sweat like a pig, hears you breathing hard, or can see how all of those 2 things occur at a very slow pace and within just a few mins of beginning LOL

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PEPPERLEAH 2/24/2011 10:32PM

Teresa, I used to love the treadmill! It is a very good thing to have, because you can walk on it whenever you have a few minutes. And, as you said, you can stop when you want to, all in the privacy of your home. I know this year is going to bring great results for all of us! I am going to check out that book right now! Report Inappropriate Comment

CHAS1949 2/22/2011 9:04PM

Just do short sessions. 10 minutes or so is good. Then, as you feel stronger, go longer...hey ! That rhymes!! It took me a long time to have enough stamina to do any length of tme when I strated. Now I do long sessions of my activity of the moment :) I understand about getting up off the floor. I have muscle spasms. I don't have them as often since I lost some weight, but I do remember the days when I simply couldn't get up if the spasms hit. I have muscle relaxants to take when I feel the start of spasms and can prevent most of them, now. I think of you often...please be careful!! Report Inappropriate Comment

ANGELBELIEVER 2/22/2011 12:36PM

I loved the treadmill when I used to go to the Y. But now I go to Curves and they have no treadmill. Oh well..Just be very, very careful both inside and out. Report Inappropriate Comment

SMALLONEDAY 2/22/2011 9:26AM

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WCATAP 2/22/2011 8:13AM

Teresa what is survey .com? I think a walk outside is a great idea, just work up to it. Go a few yards and turn back. It will be fun to measure your success by distance. It can start out very short. Report Inappropriate Comment

GRIFF2734 2/22/2011 6:15AM

You're off to a great start Im so proud of you!!! Jesus first Report Inappropriate Comment

JOYATLAST 2/22/2011 1:28AM

I hadn't heard about the book, so I googled it. Sounds Great! Her 23rd Psalm parody was priceless. What an eye-opener! There's nothing better than a ups delivery, EXCEPT that's its FREE!!! Report Inappropriate Comment

DEBBIEANNE1124 2/21/2011 11:16PM

Wonderful news at you getting these things. the weights with the straps Just a heads up... in Spark Trivia It talks of it being unsafe to walk with ankle/foot and hand weights. Can cause injury. Just saying. Report Inappropriate Comment

Year 45

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Goodbye 44 and hello 45.

Sunday is my B-day and another year older.

I wonder what year 45 will hold for my life. What will i gain, what will i lose, what will be new and what will be the same. All I can say is I hope it is much better than year 44 as I ended that year of life with too much saddness and loss.

So Lord I pray that year 45 is blessed beyond measure, filled with the knowledge of what Your will is for me for this time in my life and the tools I need to do Your will Lord.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRIFF2734 2/21/2011 6:06PM

Happy Belated Birthday to you!!!!! Jesus first Report Inappropriate Comment

FLMOMX2 2/21/2011 11:46AM

Happy Birthday1!!! Report Inappropriate Comment

PEPPERLEAH 2/21/2011 12:16AM

Teresa, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Your prayer was beautiful, and I also pray that this year brings you everything you want. I pray for God's abundant blessings to shower upon you. Report Inappropriate Comment

DEBBIEANNE1124 2/20/2011 7:58PM

Happy, Happy Birthday to you! May your 45th year be blessed and filled with good will and blessings galore. Debie Report Inappropriate Comment

CHAS1949 2/20/2011 3:28PM

Happy Birthday!!! I hope your day is as special as you are!! Comment edited on: 2/20/2011 3:29:23 PM Report Inappropriate Comment

ANGELBELIEVER 2/20/2011 1:17PM

Happy Birthday. I just know God is going to bless you with a wonderful year. You will lose what you want to lose. Hope you have a fantastic day and a new year. Report Inappropriate Comment

WCATAP 2/20/2011 7:42AM

God will bless you and this will be a wonderful year. LOOKING FORWARD TO SHARING IT WITH YOU!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY. LOVE JEWELL Report Inappropriate Comment

JOYATLAST 2/20/2011 12:53AM

Happy Birthday! I agree with your beautiful prayer. Comment edited on: 2/20/2011 12:55:02 AM Report Inappropriate Comment

Blog pitfalls LOL

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Well so much for my goal of writing a blog 5 days a week....it has been way too many days between blog enteries again. Finding time to blog has been a challenge with my new work schedule. Coming up with something to write about at times has made it hard to get a blog written too, especially if i am overally tired because then my mind just freezes up LOL

It is frusterating to have something on your mind you want to blog about but by the time you get access here to do so it is gone from the mind or the feelings behind it are now dead. This happened just today LOL. I cant remember what I wanted to blog about now that I am here but I did have something on my heart and mind when i was out doing errends this afternoon.

My memory is not what it use to be....oh well maybe it will come back to me and then i can blog about what I came here to blog about LOL

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WCATAP 1/24/2011 1:24AM

Why not shoot for once a every week, instead of five times? You can tell how you have done on your job, goals, and exercises. Report Inappropriate Comment

ANGELBELIEVER 1/23/2011 11:21PM

I understand completely and I don't even work! All I can do is keep trying to blog more often. Report Inappropriate Comment

DEBBIEANNE1124 1/23/2011 9:31PM

Or how your day went and what you did at work and what youa te wht you turned away from and your weight and so on. Report Inappropriate Comment

CHAS1949 1/23/2011 9:21PM

Boy, do I understand that!! I keep meaning to blog, but then I just get caught up in doing other things...like comment on blogs! lol Report Inappropriate Comment

JOYATLAST 1/23/2011 8:46PM

I know what you mean! The important thing is the connection. So, Hey Girl!!! Good to hear from you! Report Inappropriate Comment

VIOLANDERS 1/23/2011 8:37PM

Keep trying. I am using my blog like a journal. It is not really interesting to read, but helps me keep track of what I have done for the day. Report Inappropriate Comment

working hard on these 2 goals

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

I am working extra hard on 2 things from my new years goal list. One to stop my stinky thinking I sometimes get into and two, my attitude when i wake up in the mornings.

I caught myself displaying some stinky thinking today when I expressed all the things i do not like about the changes on sparks to the look on the right side of the pages now. But I apologized for my negative mood about it and worked on dealing with the changes LOL

I have not been showing too many times of really feeling angry when the alarm goes off at 4am......only if I got a really bad nights sleep and got maybe less than 3 hours of the 6 and that has only happened twice so far. Mostly i just feel annoyed, sad, disappointed that my sleep time is over but i am begining to slowly get use to it.

I have been in bed by 10pm every night I have to get up at 4am but most nights it is almost midnight before I actually fall asleep so i am still training my body to go to sleep at an earlier hour than it has for so many years of getting home at 1130pm.

Today i was running on 4 hours of sleep so as soon as I send this off I am going to bed. yup will not get to finish my Blazer game i am watching(got to half time) so it will be an 830pm bed time for me tonight.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHAS1949 1/13/2011 2:55AM

I love your two goals. I need those myself. Negativity is sooooo easy to fall into. I am really trying, like you, to keep things positive. many hugs chas Report Inappropriate Comment

FLMOMX2 1/12/2011 1:12PM

You Go girl!! Report Inappropriate Comment

WCATAP 1/12/2011 10:26AM

YOU'LL GET USED TO THIS SCHEDULE SOON AND WHEN YOU ADJUST YOUR SLEEP YOU'LL BE ABLE TO CONTROL YOUR MORNING THOUGHTS. ONCE AGAIN HAVING AN OPINION IS NOT A BAD THING. YOU ARE ENTITLED TO IT. GREAT GOALS TO WORK ON.... REMEMBER PHILLIPIANS 4:4-13 REJOICE IN THE LORD, wHATEVER IS GOOD..., AND I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST TO PARAPHRASE... Report Inappropriate Comment

SMALLONEDAY 1/12/2011 9:31AM

you can do it Report Inappropriate Comment

JOYATLAST 1/12/2011 2:45AM

toxic thoughts. You are no longer welcome here!!!!! Job using that ! Kicking Stinky Thinking to the curb is like weeding your garden. It makes room for your beautiful "good thoughts" to grow. Report Inappropriate Comment

DEBBIEANNE1124 1/12/2011 12:07AM

Great job, Teresa. You can do it. Report Inappropriate Comment