Saturday, February 26, 2011
Today has been a down day for me. I have just been in a sad kinda funk all day. I do know where the sadness is coming from so that is good, i guess LOL
One thing that began the process was a long anticipated package finally arrived and I was so excited it finally came as it was a treat to myself. I had ordered underwear and tennis shoes from womenwithin. Well the underwear is a joke as it is not really made for people with my type of big saggy hanging abdomen in the front.......the butt area was so baggy and the front waist band barely sat at my pubic line instead of the waist so they will not work for me at all. Then i got the shoes out and tried them on and there is no way i can wear them as they are not wide enough for my foot and too long in the length so they are not usable either.
I sat and cried!
I ordered these 2 very much needed items from them because i can charge them on their charge card(that's the only way i can afford to buy clothing and necessities right now) So now I have $120 worth of unusable items that i need to send back to them, minus 1 $20 package of underwear since I put on one pair to try them on LOL.
I still need underwear badly but that will have to wait for another payday and I will go back to K-mart and hope they have my size in stock. As far as shoes, well that will have to wait probably until i get my tax refund back to afford that out of pocket.
So anyway, my long anticipated treat to myself buying something for me did not work out and I was devastated only because I know i cant buy these 2 needed items out of pocket(checking account or cash) as I have no extra left over for these kind of things right now.
So I found myself crying over the items not fitting, my lack of funds to buy the necessities once again and just being sooooo tired of living barely from paycheck to paycheck.......that is why i am trying so hard to get out of debt(even though i do have to charge clothing from that company as I can no longer buy any clothing in a regular store as they are all too small).
The other thing that has had me feeling blue all day today was i have been fighting a headache for 2 days now that will not go away.
Don't get me wrong as I am not throwing myself a pitty party but i do feel sad and frustrated when i read about all the things others are able to buy for themselves as rewards or just in casual talk about great finds they saw and bought and i am not able to do that.......I am just so weary of all my income going to creditors leaving nothing left for "me"
When you think about it, it is pretty sad to think that finding a way to buy needed underwear and shoes is looked at as a treat to myself. A treat should be something I dont NEED but something I have been WANTING......I pray that will be my reality some day.
Thanks for reading my down and sad vent kinda blog today.