Sunday, January 07, 2007
Today is my fifty-fifth birthday! For the first time since our first years of marriage (we´ve been married 33 1/2 yrs), hubby gave me a birthday gift! Progress? Maybe. Daughter´s here and she too surprised me with a gift - new jammies - I love them! Usually my birthday passes without much notice by anyone but me. A couple of years, I MADE others take notice by having a celebration in which I included others. Those were fun - I remember vividly the year I bought over a hundred squirt guns and passed them out to everyone at the conference we were attending. WOW! What a blast! And there was the one birthday where family members (in-laws) surprised me with a little party and brownies - quite unexpected; greatly appreciated!
I find that I am happy at celebrations of other people´s birthdays because I´ve prepared for them by picking out what I think is the perfect gift, thinking of their likes, dislikes, and needs. My own birthday brings sad feelings of so many birthdays ignored; I feel unappreciated. I´ve tried to make sure that those I care about don´t have the opportunity to feel that way. I figure that my kids don´t make a big deal about it because their dad never did. And when they were young, I never did feel like it was appropriate to push my own celebration.
Same thing with Mother´s Day. Daddy´s days were always remembered because Mommy made sure they were.
The only way that I keep myself from having those intense feelings is to plan my own celebration or get away from home to have some fun. It doesn´t help me at all to be with those I see every day, because it feels like they don´t care about my feelings. I love being with my kids cuz every single minute that I am with them, I feel special and appreciated - they don´t even hafta say it, I feel it! I know that comes from the attention they give to me and they never ignore me - at least I haven´t felt that!
Maybe, some day, I´ll magically grow up by learning what to do with these feelings of past neglect and loneliness. Maybe I´ll just keep on patiently, hopefully, expectantly focusing on my dreams to make them come true.
Sunday, December 31, 2006
My life consists of moments. I continue to learn how to use them well. In my opinion, from my experience, it takes a lifetime to become efficient in using the gift of life! I´m workin´ on it!
From the Healthy Reflection for 12/30/2006 -
"You've been given the gift of a lifetime of moments. Accept the gift and prove yourself worthy."
Sunday, December 31, 2006
I NEED to keep reminding myself often that I am an important part of the BIG picture! What I say and do makes a diff. I CAN BE a catalyst for positive change in the world. MY life counts!
This is the Daily Reflection for 12/29/2006 -
"For want of a nail, the shoe was lost. For want of the shoe, the horse was lost. For want of the horse, the rider was lost. For want of the rider, the battle was lost. For want of the battle, the kingdom was lost. And all for the want of a horseshoe nail!" - Old English rhyme
"Your smallest actions add up to something big
"Everything you do makes a difference. Even if you're not on the front lines leading the effort, you have a contribution to make. Without your contribution, no matter how small, so many other things would never happen. The world needs what you have to offer. You have no idea how the simplest of your everyday actions can effect your child, and even people you've never met. Chances are, you'll never know. But if you're looking for a purpose to work toward, all you need is the desire and the right perspective. Define yourself as your task, and that's all you'll ever be. Define yourself as your contribution to your family, and suddenly you're a very important part of a bigger picture. The biggest pictures are the ones where there's room for everyone to be seen."
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Got through Christmas without too much overeating! Did NO baking - I´m sure THAT made the diff! Off line for three days because of technical probs. Hated not having the SP interaction, but made it through! Today is catch-up day again! I feel like I´m never ahead with the correspondence.
We´re making a three day trip back to a beach town with our kids. I KNOW I´ll get lots of walking and that will be a plus - get off the extra calories I ate!! Looking forward to introducing daughter to SparkPeople and spending a lot of time catching up. Rewarding myself today by updating my Virtual Model. Love seeing the difference.
I found a way to enjoy eggnog without the calories (my own recipe): blend 2 eggs, a handful of ice cubes, about a tsp of light cream, sweetener, a little vanilla. It´s like an eggnog ice!
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Okay, today´s another good day! Although this time of year is especially challenging with all my up and down emotions, the year is closing dramatically for me. Daughter is coming next week; I´ve lost 20 lbs+ a little more; I´ve gained some new friends and a whole lot of strength; and I continue to grow in mind, body, and spirit. I am in a phase of working through, analyzing, if you will, my life contributions and goals.
I see my past more clearly now; I have worked through a lot of pain and hurt. Through beginning to understand that ALL of my experiences have made me ME - moves, happy beginnings, raising my children, financial difficulties, traumas, intense grief, sadness, depression, finishing my degree, relationship ups, downs, & back-outs, burying a son, letting go of a few deadend relationships, always searching for answers, never giving-in or giving-up, realizations of realities.
I NEVER again want to go through some things. I ALWAYS want to hold onto some things and those special people who love me unconditionally and unselfishly. I am grateful for my children and that they WANT to be with us whenever possible. I love being with them and finding out their thoughts, plans, and goals. I love it when they offer me advice and encouragement. I have learned much from them - they are among my BEST teachers.
I want my kids to be proud of my choices and actions. I want to give them good memories of their relationships with me. They are an inspiration to me and I am so proud to be their Mom!
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