Saturday, May 31, 2008
I keep track of my steps on Walker Tracker. I´m so impressed with how I keep increasing! Thx Virtual Racing Team, you are great motivators! Here´s my stats for today -
I walked 3,344 more steps than last month's average of 9,993.
I walked 3,344 more steps than this month's average of 9,993.
I walked 4,690 more steps than my average of 8,647. Yes!
I walked 7,324 more steps than yesterday's score of 6,013.
For May I am 123,771 steps over my monthly goal of 6000 per day.
Since December 26, 2006, when I began to keep track of my steps, I have walked 2,239.6 miles! I am amazed with my slow and steady progress!
I was hoping to do at least 2000 exercise minutes last month. I actually did 2648! It had a LOT to do with challenging myself to do ALL the team challenges from ALL the teams in which I participate.
I also planned to get in Strength Exercise 3X/week and Cardio 4X/wk. I did it!!
I´m going to shoot for the same amts for June. Because it´s "vacation" month, I´ll prob´ly get way more than that! And, for the same reason, I´ve decided to NOT push too hard and just enjoy myself!
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
1. Finding out someone listened to me.
2. Having cash in hand.
3. Kid hugs.
4. A handwritten thank you note.
5. Finding a bargain of something I need.
6. A phone call from a friend.
7. A returned smile.
8. Cat kisses and caresses.
9. A wagging doggy tail!
10. My birthday remembered.
11. The car when I need it (with plenty of gas in the tank).
12. Another person getting excited about seeing me achieve or awarded.
13. A great magazine.
14. Time to read.
15. Time to soak in the tub.
16. Finding the dishes done and the sink clean.
17. Time with my kids.
18. Puffs tissues when I have a cold.
19. A good cuppa with a friend.
20. A long sit in my garden.
21. A great movie.
22. No more clutter.
23. Finding the perfect card to send.
24. A good night´s sleep with no mosquito bites.
25. A promise kept.
26. Bird chatter.
27. Flitting butterflies nearby.
28. A hovering hummingbird so close I can hear the wing-whir.
29. A cool breeze on a warm day.
30. No crowd when I´m shopping.
31. Easily finding my car in a huge mall parking lot!
32. Being able to go barefoot without worry of glass.
33. Watching clouds float by.
35. Rainbow discoveries.
36. The quiet of the early morning before sunrise.
37. Putting my ear to a purring cat.
38. The joy of a new recipe that I like!
39. The perfect picture for my blog!
40. Knowing my parents and my kids are healthy and happy.
41. The wind whispering in our cypress tree.
42. Fragrant Lavender Oil on my pillow.
43. Drinking out of a glass glass.
44. Grapes with no seeds.
45. My thesaurus and dictionary!
46. Scratch paper when I need it.
47. Remembering someone´s name.
48. Holding my mother´s hand.
49. Hugging my Daddy.
50. The blessed sense of belonging when with my sis!
I´ve been needing to go through my clothes and finally did it! Can you believe that I have a huge stack to give away cuz they´re too BIG, too loose, and too saggy, baggy?!! I´m super-excited about needing to replace them! What is left to wear is basically just to get by cuz most of them are really baggy. Hey, I hafta have something to wear till I get out to shop!!! Next week, baby! Next week, I´m gonna find out what my size actually is!
I just came across the following posted by Jenna on GYPSYHEART´S page. I hope she doesn´t mind that I´m copying it here. I´ve been thinking a LOT about why I spend time on the message boards and visiting SparkPages and blogs. In Jenna´s own blog, she shared that she did it because it had something to do with how she felt in the beginning - lonely. After reading her blog entry about that a couple of weeks ago, I looked back over my own start here and found the interaction with others to be meager too.
It´s been hard to keep going when feeling alone in the struggle and without support at home. Things have changed for me in recent months and I believe it´s partly due to not giving up. Another huge thing is the saying of that "mean" word that so many people can´t stand hearing me say - "NO!" Too many times in my past, I´ve either been afraid to say it, or, I´ve said it and doubted myself so that others knew they could pressure me into doing things the way they want. That´s no way to live! It is a constant battle and I´m relieved to be getting better at it.
So here´s what hit me today from Jenna (written 2/21/2007) -
"Your comments were so much appreciated today. I never know whether my success will make someone who isn't doing so well to feel worse about themselves but I wanted to encourage everyone who doesn't think they can do it. I thought the same when I started but I am proving myself wrong every day.
"I must add that your story has inspired me today. Keep up the good fight.
Thank you, Jenna, I will.
I´ll be on SparkBreak for most of the Summer and may pop in when I have the opportunity. Should be back in the swing by August. In the meantime, have a great summer!
BTW, yesterday, the following song kept going round and round in my head!
It's My Party
sung by Lesley Gore
It's my party and I'll cry if I want to
Cry if I want to
Cry if I want to
You would cry too if it's happened to you...
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Well, I am exhausted - not sleeping enough, too much on my mind, lonely to the extreme, grieving over empty places where someone used to be, someone I love, having a hard time stickin´ to my guns and getting the job done - a project that is taking way more time than I thought it would! Anyway, I KNOW it will be finished one-of-these-days cuz I have a deadline and it´s coming. Argh!
What happened? Well, the research part took longer than I anticipated. The creation process, too. AND, I have struggled hard to get focus, get going, and even just starting was torturous. I´m sitting more than feels good (now that I´m exercising so much!). I try to get up about once an hour or so and walk around, get plenty of drinks, stretch, look out the window. I´m putting in 10 and 12 hours a day at the computer! It´s too much and I´m tired of it!
Bottom line: I didn´t WANT to do it in the first place! Yep, I was asked if I´d do it - sort of, and I´ve done this kind of thing before and enjoyed it. I don´t do much upfront and seen stuff so think it´s good to have opportunity to contribute more behind-the-scenes. It´s kinda like part of my job. Trouble is, because of deadlines, I´ve had to give up my evenings - my relaxation, my meditation, my reading, and so on. Not fun at all! I was in such a great routine and, for the first time in my life, I actually look forward to exercise. Whoa! Blow me away, mate! I never dreamed I´d be saying THAT, ever!
And to top it all (as in I don´t think this is the least bit fair!), the other person involved is having a grand time eating out, visiting friends, continuing normal life stuff, giving up nada! Yep, I guess I´m jealous. I don´t see any way out but to keep pushing the overtime until I get the thing done and turned over to the "boss". And then, after this is complete, I have like 275 letters to design, print, fold, address, and envelope! Oh, and must update a website, too - all by June 1st!
Fortunately, I have kept up the exercise, although not at any leisure. I rush, rush, careful not to rush so much that I stop thinking and injure myself! I know better than that. Just am concerned that I´ll end up getting sick. I know you´ll tell me to take precautions. And I thank you in advance for your concern. I just wish I knew how to prevent this kind of thing from EVER happening again!
For the past two days, as I´ve worked, I´ve been debating with myself about some extra walking I wanted to do today. A year ago, I joined in with other SP to complete the walking goal of a young man who had died. I felt privileged to continue being a small part of his influence for healthy living. It also helped me somehow in the grief I carry for my own son who was taken in death in 1999. It´s a good thing and a BIG deal to ME to do what I know a deceased person wanted when still living. Today is the third and final Memorial Service for Jenna (JENNA2007CANADA), this time in Canada. I thought about honoring her with my walk this morning. Last night, I realized I just might be able to do it this morning and I felt excited! I didn´t take time to tell anyone.
I belong to the Virtual Racing Team and we´re to do a race this weekend - a timed 5K.
The team was challenged to "Really push yourself and see how far you can go."
This morning, to honor Jenna for her freely shared SparkJourney and encouragement to so many, I woke up at 4 a.m. and walked (w/DH) the farthest I have EVER walked - 20.54K (12.76 miles)!!!
I would´ave loved to be at Jenna´s memorial services and to meet her loved ones in person.
I had no idea that her death would affect me the way it has.
I s´pose the tenderhearted become more tender still,
Having known personal heartbreak and heartache,
Finding a bit of consolation in walking alongside
The freshly wounded souls agonizing over
Who and what was with them and now is not. -Vicki
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Today, I began reading through JENNA2007CANADA's blog. Her family will be turning off her page in a few days. I wanted to take this opportunity to take in a little more than I had of this special one-of-a-kind woman. She only briefly touched my life. Although our experiences differ in many ways, I´ve found that we have a few similarities. I know many other SparkPeople have expressed gratitude for her influence on them. I wish we´d had the opportunity to interact more. I have felt this about many people throughout my adult years, certain ones whose growth and vitality inspire me. For some reason unknown to me, these come so briefly into my life, and then, are quickly removed from it. I believe everyone´s life has purpose and s´pose that in the mere touching, whether brief or extensive, it is for enlightenment of some sort.
I used to get angry at death and what I feel is unjust and senseless suffering of loved ones still left to face the empty places that remain. Well, I guess I still do! It´s just that I find myself more often now left dumbfounded and deeply moved by the sadness that I KNOW that others will experience for a very long time to come. Some expect that comfort is found in the knowledge that their personal religion offers of afterlife and seeing their loved ones again. I have my own beliefs and I have found Truth in them. I have no doubts.
What I want to express here is that in the days following the death of one that I hold dear, the comfort that came to ME came from within and from what I knew BEFORE that awful experience. What others hoped would bring me comfort did not, except in believing that they meant me well and did not want to see ME suffering my loss any more. Those who offer a shoulder and listen with uncritical ear, offering only to carry me for whatever time it takes, become places of refuge in the ever-present expectations of our societies of "getting-over-it", "moving on", "going through the phases", and "finding closure". I´ve felt hardpressed to keep this to myself that I never have found any of those things that society wishes to impose on me.
I know that I am a unique personality type; I doubt that I am unique in my experience though. I would love to take away the suffering of the innocent. If only I could.
I need to mention here a completed challenge for the week with my GonnaBFit University Blue Mountain Dorm (Team). We were to daily improve fiber intake, consciously chew thoroughly at least one meal, exercise at least 30 minutes, and drink our recommended amount of water to focus on better digestion. I have had no difficulty doing these things mainly because they are already habits formed on my SparkJourney. It was great practice in remembering what I left behind and what I must maintain in order to keep what I have gained (stability, mobility, agility, and so on) and what I have lost (38.5 lbs, fear of exercise, fear of food, etc.).
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