Sunday, December 09, 2007
(I posted this on 12/6, donīt know what happened to it, so here it is again!)
Iīm not going to lie about this! I used to have Secret Cookie Parties for One whenever my emotions went awry! It was like, well, "they" can take away my fun, "they" can make my life miserable and difficult, but this one thing I will give NOONE - MY cookies!!!
I live far, very far, extremely far away from my family - on another continent, AND I miss them, especially at holiday times! Itīs been hard for me to feel Christmasey without the things that were so familiar when I was young. Yet, Iīve tried hard to make our own family traditions. THAT in itself has made it tons better! I loved doing special things with and for our kids.
Now DH was a pooh-pooer at Christmastime (and Easter!) for many years - too many years. It was a BIG relief to me the day he decided to look at things differently and actually enjoy holidays instead of being so cantankerously scrooge-like about it! He doesnīt actually "get-in-the-spirit", but he doesnīt get-in-the-way and make himself annoying any more. Phew! Super relief!
My greatest emotional upheaval came when our son (at age 15) was in an accident and taken from our family in death on Dec. 16, 1999. From that time on, every holiday is different than before. It took many Christmases to find new traditions and get to whatīs important to me. I do know whatīs important to me - itīs my kids, my home, my faith, my pets, my friends, my hopes, my connections with nature, the expressions of my spirituality, and NOW, my SparkJourney!
Friday, November 30, 2007
Our internet connection has been like between 28.8 and 56.6 KBps during business hours (when I prefer getting online!) for this entire week. It had been up and down before and now weīre having trouble with our server as well. DH did some other business with this guy and he owes us money - a lot of money! BAD idea - not up to me! Even signed promissory notes did not function - the guyīs gone bankrupt. Wonder if weīll ever see that money again. Honestly, they did some previous business and the guy was on time, no prob, until this last deal. Sure, he stopped charging us for our connection, BUT......
DH had another stern chat with him, and NOW our connection is super, ultra, sloooooooooooow!!! Weīre talkinī ībout changing. That is such a challenge in a the third world, people!!! You donīt know till youīre in it for awhile. And we have been here 30 years! Itīs not cuz weīre foreigners - in actuality, DH is more national than foreign cuz he grew up here. Twice, a national (friend-of-a-friend) went to study in the U.S. , returned here, couldnīt handle it, asked for advice - I said, "Give it at least two years, honey!" Within a month, guess what?! They moved back to the good ole U-S-A!
So, Iīm frustrated about this bad connection. I COULD stay up till all hours and get basically no sleep in order to at least do the minimum of internet stuff, couldnīt I?! Kinda is contrary to my goals. Iīve been working on getting more and better sleep. The better IS coming along, but the "more"! Well, not much progress there yet.
DH traveled and night before last, the dogs woke me at 3 a.m. I looked out and they were running back and forth in front of DHīs workshop (separate from the house and close to the carport. They were looking up at the house next door where the guy built his house right smack up to our wall. We have walls to keep out strays, free range farm animals, and, esp. thieves and rapists. Yes, thatīs right! Can you believe it?! We were "aware" of this, but didnīt realize how close we are to injury. From our roof one morning last month, as we were having breakfast and chatting, I saw a naked man reluctantly coming out of the brush onto the road behind our house. Thankfully, itīs far enough to not see details, but then, I also couldnīt see enough to identify him either. Two women were passing him and did not see him.
My first thought was that someone had robbed him of everything including clothes. But as we observed him, he noticed us and returned to the woods. After a moment, he put on dark shorts, then white t-shirt. Another couple minutes and he was riding out of the woods on a bike! Now what would you do? Itīd take us ten minutes to get down the three stories, out the front gate and around back to chase after him. He was already near the houses and would soon be lost in the crowds. Call the police! Hah! Theyīd come IF they had nothing else pressing. And, besides that, he hadnīt hurt anyone - so we knew the police would do nothing at this point. Later in the day, DH hung his arms up at the top of the stairs, so he can shoot in the direction of the guy. His rifle is a pellet gun cuz itīs illegal for anyone īcept military (police here are military) and certain guards to own and carry guns. In the general population, basically, just the bad guys have them !
So, I share that to get back to this. When the dogs woke me, I went into the bathroom and heard what sounded like a large animal falling into the bushes in our backyard. I went downstairs and looked out every window, seeing nothing. The dogs were still running back and forth, plus stopping momentarily at the gate between front and backyards. I heard nothing more than the dogs. I felt no fear at all. What I assumed it to be was a large possum cuz theyīve been after our chickens and the dogs have killed two recently. I couldnīt find the flashlight and did have the thought that it might not be safe to go out there. I was imagining giant possums falling on me fromt he tree tops!
The dogs continued their vigilance so I finally ventured out to calm them down, looked around the front and back yards and saw nothing. The dogs settled down so I went to bed. The next day, my helpers came and together we discovered signs of malicious entry - in the backyard, a barrel turned over for jumping over the wall, plants broken where someone climbed over the other side (thatīs what I had heard!); in the front, in the carport, handprints on the bed of our sonīs pickup, and........my bike is gone! It is evident that at least two were involved - while one stole my bike, the newer of three, another diverted the dogs by going to the backyard (closed in to keep the dogs from the chickens). Itīs obvious to me that whoever did this, knew something about our yard.
Well, the fear that I did not feel the night before, took hold of me yesterday with all the what-ifs! DH phoned a policeman friend who attends our church. He came with three others all decked out in their black bulletproof uniforms - like a SWAT team! So, I thought that, if the thieves noticed, theyīd be good and intimidated. Our gardener and this policemen friend slept in DHīs shop overnight. I slept well, just not enough (my usual lately). And DH decided to cut his trip short and will arrive home about noon. Iīm glad. For some reason, I had felt uneasy about him making this trip at all. Usually do. Wonder what those guys woulda done had noone been here at all!
And now, we know how vulnerable our home is. I hope DH is up to securing the yard better. Hasnīt ever set well with him when Iīve suggested doing more and being more careful.
Now, since this morningīs connection (before 8! gotta be quick) is still good, Iīm gonna take care of my GBFU challenge in regard to Thanksgiving. I was so glad that I was prepared for the day and had thought-it-out-well beforehand. I did not overeat and am still amazed at that. This is the first time I can ever remember not overdoing on holiday!! I also got in ALL of my planned exercises (cardio AND strength training). The only thing that was tough was, just like Iīve read of others, the leftovers!!!!
Tada!! There they were staring me down every time I opened the fridge door! I portioned out all of it for each meal so my plate was just right. However, I was having trouble with the internet connection, so couldnīt get on SparkPeople to count the calories, and ended up going way over, not once, but twice!!!
Oh, the horror of it all!! Really, it wasnīt unlike one of those chintzy, black-and-white horror films that I so enjoy. I had worked hard and did well. Until, in an instant, the toasty-brown blob of stuffing jumped out of the fridge, onto my plate and right into my mouth! Really, it was just like that!
Phew!! The terrifying leftovers are finally gone and I am okay! Iīm glad itīs finally over and I made it through, somewhat unscathed!! Now, Iīm trying not to hold my breath at the thought of gigantic Gingerbread Boy Gangstas lining up just outside my kitchen door!!!!! Whatīre their names? Lemmy Atter, Sugardrop Daddy, and Scar-Face Gingie!
You better whatchout!!!
Saturday, November 17, 2007
After reading the SparkArticle in regard to holidays, I am determined to use the following in order to remained focused on my SparkJourney Goals:
1. Take a long, early morning walk. I refuse to set aside my exercise! No-guilt vegetation only AFTER my cardio is done!
2. Plan ahead, including my snacks AND supper. THAT means knowing the menu in advance.
3. Drink more than enough water. Itīs harder to overeat if my tumīs already sloshinī the water!
4. Knead the dough BY HAND for our whole grain dinner rolls. Great for the biceps and triceps!
5. Play with the kids who are visiting. Even board games burn calories, especially if I include lots of laughter and getting up for drinks of water!
6. Stand while I socialize. Standing burns more calories than sitting!
7. Freeze ALL of the leftovers in serving sizes OR send them home with someone else!
8. Be honest and accountable to my teams AND my Nutrition Tracker. No matter what!!
Oh, I do remember lots of holidays past when I was completely out-of-control!!! Sure, the desserts and snacks were fab!! Sure, those who made the food, usually including ME, felt fulfilled that everyone ate so much. It was obvious proof that we love them and they love us/ME!!!
But, really now!! After stuffing a bird and stuffing our faces, whatīs so pretty about all the groaning, moaning, unzipped, unbelted, over-stuffed bodies laying around the house anyway?!! Itīs much too difficult to jump up and cheer when your team makes a touchdown! If youīre the visitor, itīs terribly embarassing when you try to tie your shoes so you can go home! And, OH! the pain in getting up out of that laid-back couch position you were in while the food settled to your bottom!
The ghosts of holidays-past came aīhaunting every holiday season. First, they whispered that just one day or two of gluttony and vegetating out of a whole year of behaving-yerself wouldnīt make a bita difference atall; absolutely none! Following that advice, usually meant throwing my brains out the window and indulging from Thankgiving Day through to the first day of implementing my New Yearīs resolutions, baby! By the time the ghosts returned the next Fall, I was weighing just a little-bit more. All those little bits evīry single year had a huge part in my ex-obesity, and hey, girl! Iīm NOT going back there!
Are ya with me?!
Let me hear ya!
As unloving as it may seem, I WILL lose the whispers of the ghosts of holidays-past! Itīs no longer a want-to-do-it, but a I WILL DO IT!!
For me at least, those days are gone for good! Hallelujah!!!
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
I was thinking about how color affects me. For some reason, my eyes automatically fall on pink things, esp. when they are a shade of fuchia. I feel warmed, lifted, and comforted by it! I remember back to learning the seasons of color for choosing the clothes I purchase and wear. I was confused about it for awhile until I began to think over my favorite clothes when I was a child - like in elementary school. Wonder what happened to those things? Sure wish I had a few of them right now!
My mom used to respond to my color choices with "Thatīs morbid!" and "Why donīt you wear this instead." I know now that her color scheme was like the opposite of mine, so anything I favoured, she did not prefer. I think that contributed to my sense of not liking what I saw in the mirror - when I wore the chartreuse sweater she picked out for me, I looked sick, ill, like I was probīly gonna vomit any second, get outa my way!!
I loved how I looked in that soft grey dress. I still gravitate towards black, grey, chocolate brown (betcha wouldnītīave guessed that one!), and burgundy. But the splashes of fuchia, turquoise, and silver make my heart skip a beat! When Iīm wearing those colors, my face loses some of the wrinkles, looks softer, and healthy!!! Note to slimming self: As I redo my wardrobe, find more in these colors.
My October Goals were:
~3500 Exercise minutes
~Walk 5X/wk doing 3-5 5Ks and 1-10K
~Do Strength Exercises 3X/wk
~3290 Exercise minutes
~Walked 5-6X/wk doing av. 4.5-5Ks and 1-10K
~Did Strength Exercises av. 4X/wk
Now, for November, I will do:
~3000 Exercise Minutes
~Walk 5X/wk, at least 5K each time & 1-10K/wk w/a 15K sometime
~Strength Exercises 4X week
~At least one other session of another cardio exercise each week
Monday, October 22, 2007
Last November, GODMYFULNESS, who has become a good friend on several Message Boards, started "Signs of Progress other than the scale". She provoked my thinking about how to measure my progress in distinct ways that have encouraged me through many a tough spot on my SparkJourney. Now, I mention some of the things I mentioned there, as well as, some of my recent thoughts in this GBFU blog challenge.
* My Great Dane is not knocking me over anymore! Iīm standing-my-ground!!
* Itīs easier to eat just enough, then push my plate away, listening intently to the stimulating conversation, passing food, and drinking my glass of water. When not chatting, I donīt need to reach for more food and I donīt even think about it at all!! Itīs amazing to me - how I have changed!!
* Often, I get 24 (100%) on the Healthy Lifestyle Scale!! I didnt believe that would ever happen to me!
* Whenever I serve (baby shower, bridal shower, wedding, socials), I get by almost unnoticed as far as eating goes. I eat before I go, then just drink my water and walk around with a half full cup or plate so noone notices Iīm not eating!!! I donīt miss it either!
* One day, in a morning class, we were trying to fit everyone in. I ran around helping to get equipment for the visiting teacher. Others were squeezing chairs in the empty places. We needed to fit in two more chairs, so I asked everyone to scrunch. Well, one woman, who is crippled, couldnt possibly move her own chair. I went over, smiled big, and proceeded to lift her, in her chair, to move her to the left!! The whole class watched and then clapped. Before SparkPeople, I would not īave dreamed of doing that!!
* I was downtown with my daughter shopping. I thought I had plenty of time to get to the mall - walking. Before I knew it, I was running late! Daughter had some other things to do downtown, so I took off, walking quickly, carrying a bag of fabric that must īave weighed at least 20 lbs! I was about 2/3rds of the way there when I paused to have a sip of water. Light went on in head! I have WonderWoman strength!
* Sagging undies. I discovered that I can pull them up to maybe 4 inches above my bellybutton!!! What an amazing feat!
* I can stand on one stair step and touch the bottom of the next step with my fingers. I never did THAT before in my life! I am SO PROUD!!
* I tried again weeks later and can now reach just below the next step for a total of 7 inches below my feet!!
* I am determined to KEEP GOING!
* I choose to eat right even when others are not!
* I no longer feel jipped because I choose to eat differently!
* I have greater stamina!
* I assert myself more often when someone verbally attacks!
* I actually enjoy walking!
* I consistently choose what is good for ME!
* I no more feel winded at slight exercise!
* No more knee pain!
* I still have an occasional desire for reactive eating, but catch myself thinking about it and when I go looking for something, I usually end up choosing NOT TO EAT!
* No more feelings like I am punishing myself by dieting because of overeating and BEING overweight!
* I KNOW Ive chosen a better, healthier way for the rest of my life!
* Its MY choice AND its MY Life!
* MY inner voice has changed to approval of my choices and of the reflection in the mirror!
* In early March, I was able to move my Mothers ring onto the finger it was made to fit!
* I did my first 5K on April Foolīs Day 2007. Now, Iīm walking more than 5K almost EVERY day Mon-Fri!
* Iīve done many 10Kīs and have done a 10K every Sat. of October!
* In April, I began wearing a belt with my jeans for the first time in many years!! It wasnt so much for style as to hold up my pants!
* I donīt bring home bad snack food anymore and NO more cravings!!
* I can now run up the stairs and NOT regret that I did THAT!
* I do exercises nearly every day!
* My posture is improving.
* My attitude in regard to what I can do has changed a great deal!
* Im no longer turning to food to relieve the stress!
* I am no longer down-on-ME for other peopleīs bad choices!
* I no longer react negatively by giving up, giving in, and vegetating!
* I choose to NOT drink sweetened drinks away from home unless I know what sweetener is in it AND its what I prefer.
* I no longer eat because EVERYONE ELSE is eating.
* I ONLY eat what fits in my preplanned, thought-out nutrition plan.
* WHEN I bake anything, I divide in weighed and measured portions, wrap, label, and freeze it.
* I eat my fruits rather than drink them.
* I regularly get at least the minimum of 24 grams of fiber daily.
* I donīt hesitate to do a job cuz I know Iīm up to it!
* When I look down, I can no longer see my stomach!
* No more obsessing about food.
* Water is my first choice drink!
* Empty calorie foods do not satisfy me.
* My clothes are looser fitting. Yay!
So much more I could add! The list keeps growing in SparkTime!
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