Emotional Holidays

Sunday, December 09, 2007

(I posted this on 12/6, don´t know what happened to it, so here it is again!)

I´m not going to lie about this! I used to have Secret Cookie Parties for One whenever my emotions went awry! It was like, well, "they" can take away my fun, "they" can make my life miserable and difficult, but this one thing I will give NOONE - MY cookies!!!

I live far, very far, extremely far away from my family - on another continent, AND I miss them, especially at holiday times! It´s been hard for me to feel Christmasey without the things that were so familiar when I was young. Yet, I´ve tried hard to make our own family traditions. THAT in itself has made it tons better! I loved doing special things with and for our kids.

Now DH was a pooh-pooer at Christmastime (and Easter!) for many years - too many years. It was a BIG relief to me the day he decided to look at things differently and actually enjoy holidays instead of being so cantankerously scrooge-like about it! He doesn´t actually "get-in-the-spirit", but he doesn´t get-in-the-way and make himself annoying any more. Phew! Super relief!

My greatest emotional upheaval came when our son (at age 15) was in an accident and taken from our family in death on Dec. 16, 1999. From that time on, every holiday is different than before. It took many Christmases to find new traditions and get to what´s important to me. I do know what´s important to me - it´s my kids, my home, my faith, my pets, my friends, my hopes, my connections with nature, the expressions of my spirituality, and NOW, my SparkJourney!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BARBARASDIET 12/16/2007 10:06PM

Taz, I am so sorry to read about your son. I think it is about the worst that can happen to someone, to lose a child. You have survived and looked for ways to make that hole in your life a little less prominent. You are a strong and amazing woman! I also moved away from my family--only to a different coast--and I understand what you mean about making holidays difficult. But we do the best we can to create holidays that mean something to us, and are special for our families. Continue in what you do--it helps me, too! Report Inappropriate Comment

GYPSYSPI 12/14/2007 9:50PM

Taz, you have been such an inspiration to me. I have read every one of your blog posts and what a lovely lady you are. You have opened your heart to all of us. I can't imagine losing any of my children and pray every time my oldest son goes out in the car. So invincible. My prayers are with you, especially over the holidays. I don't know if you have read "On Strike for Christmas" but it is about the age old clash between what men and women want & need for Christmas. A very funny piece of fiction that makes me giggle because I see my husband and I doing the same things. Merry Christmas Taz to you and yours! Report Inappropriate Comment

ROSEMARY24 12/11/2007 4:05AM

Hello my dear. This is Rosemary ... I don't celebrate Christmas but I always send Christmas cards to good friends and family at this time. I hope you will have a truly Wonderfully-Happy and enjoyable Christmas this year. So good to hear about your husbands change of attitude .. that's great! My son was 28 years when he passed away in July 2003 That's always a very difficult time for me. My faith has been the one ting that has truly helped me. I look for things to make myself happy and always begin my days positivly .. I tell my self I'm feeling good .. sometimes/often it even works! Sending you happy-positive "vibes" from sunny Esapaña. Report Inappropriate Comment

TRECECOOKS 12/9/2007 1:44PM

My heart goes out to you - the death of a child is just so outside of the natural order. I cannot comprehend what you've been through, and I wouldn't dream of trying. I am glad that you have found new ways of doing things, and that your DH is not the way he was. At this especially difficult time of year, I pray for you to be surrounded by God's peace. Report Inappropriate Comment

Ultra Frustrating, AND I´m NOT Quitting!

Friday, November 30, 2007

Our internet connection has been like between 28.8 and 56.6 KBps during business hours (when I prefer getting online!) for this entire week. It had been up and down before and now we´re having trouble with our server as well. DH did some other business with this guy and he owes us money - a lot of money! BAD idea - not up to me! Even signed promissory notes did not function - the guy´s gone bankrupt. Wonder if we´ll ever see that money again. Honestly, they did some previous business and the guy was on time, no prob, until this last deal. Sure, he stopped charging us for our connection, BUT......

DH had another stern chat with him, and NOW our connection is super, ultra, sloooooooooooow!!! We´re talkin´ ´bout changing. That is such a challenge in a the third world, people!!! You don´t know till you´re in it for awhile. And we have been here 30 years! It´s not cuz we´re foreigners - in actuality, DH is more national than foreign cuz he grew up here. Twice, a national (friend-of-a-friend) went to study in the U.S. , returned here, couldn´t handle it, asked for advice - I said, "Give it at least two years, honey!" Within a month, guess what?! They moved back to the good ole U-S-A!

So, I´m frustrated about this bad connection. I COULD stay up till all hours and get basically no sleep in order to at least do the minimum of internet stuff, couldn´t I?! Kinda is contrary to my goals. I´ve been working on getting more and better sleep. The better IS coming along, but the "more"! Well, not much progress there yet.

DH traveled and night before last, the dogs woke me at 3 a.m. I looked out and they were running back and forth in front of DH´s workshop (separate from the house and close to the carport. They were looking up at the house next door where the guy built his house right smack up to our wall. We have walls to keep out strays, free range farm animals, and, esp. thieves and rapists. Yes, that´s right! Can you believe it?! We were "aware" of this, but didn´t realize how close we are to injury. From our roof one morning last month, as we were having breakfast and chatting, I saw a naked man reluctantly coming out of the brush onto the road behind our house. Thankfully, it´s far enough to not see details, but then, I also couldn´t see enough to identify him either. Two women were passing him and did not see him.

My first thought was that someone had robbed him of everything including clothes. But as we observed him, he noticed us and returned to the woods. After a moment, he put on dark shorts, then white t-shirt. Another couple minutes and he was riding out of the woods on a bike! Now what would you do? It´d take us ten minutes to get down the three stories, out the front gate and around back to chase after him. He was already near the houses and would soon be lost in the crowds. Call the police! Hah! They´d come IF they had nothing else pressing. And, besides that, he hadn´t hurt anyone - so we knew the police would do nothing at this point. Later in the day, DH hung his arms up at the top of the stairs, so he can shoot in the direction of the guy. His rifle is a pellet gun cuz it´s illegal for anyone ´cept military (police here are military) and certain guards to own and carry guns. In the general population, basically, just the bad guys have them !

So, I share that to get back to this. When the dogs woke me, I went into the bathroom and heard what sounded like a large animal falling into the bushes in our backyard. I went downstairs and looked out every window, seeing nothing. The dogs were still running back and forth, plus stopping momentarily at the gate between front and backyards. I heard nothing more than the dogs. I felt no fear at all. What I assumed it to be was a large possum cuz they´ve been after our chickens and the dogs have killed two recently. I couldn´t find the flashlight and did have the thought that it might not be safe to go out there. I was imagining giant possums falling on me fromt he tree tops!

The dogs continued their vigilance so I finally ventured out to calm them down, looked around the front and back yards and saw nothing. The dogs settled down so I went to bed. The next day, my helpers came and together we discovered signs of malicious entry - in the backyard, a barrel turned over for jumping over the wall, plants broken where someone climbed over the other side (that´s what I had heard!); in the front, in the carport, handprints on the bed of our son´s pickup, and........my bike is gone! It is evident that at least two were involved - while one stole my bike, the newer of three, another diverted the dogs by going to the backyard (closed in to keep the dogs from the chickens). It´s obvious to me that whoever did this, knew something about our yard.

Well, the fear that I did not feel the night before, took hold of me yesterday with all the what-ifs! DH phoned a policeman friend who attends our church. He came with three others all decked out in their black bulletproof uniforms - like a SWAT team! So, I thought that, if the thieves noticed, they´d be good and intimidated. Our gardener and this policemen friend slept in DH´s shop overnight. I slept well, just not enough (my usual lately). And DH decided to cut his trip short and will arrive home about noon. I´m glad. For some reason, I had felt uneasy about him making this trip at all. Usually do. Wonder what those guys woulda done had noone been here at all!

And now, we know how vulnerable our home is. I hope DH is up to securing the yard better. Hasn´t ever set well with him when I´ve suggested doing more and being more careful.

Now, since this morning´s connection (before 8! gotta be quick) is still good, I´m gonna take care of my GBFU challenge in regard to Thanksgiving. I was so glad that I was prepared for the day and had thought-it-out-well beforehand. I did not overeat and am still amazed at that. This is the first time I can ever remember not overdoing on holiday!! I also got in ALL of my planned exercises (cardio AND strength training). The only thing that was tough was, just like I´ve read of others, the leftovers!!!!

Tada!! There they were staring me down every time I opened the fridge door! I portioned out all of it for each meal so my plate was just right. However, I was having trouble with the internet connection, so couldn´t get on SparkPeople to count the calories, and ended up going way over, not once, but twice!!!

Oh, the horror of it all!! Really, it wasn´t unlike one of those chintzy, black-and-white horror films that I so enjoy. I had worked hard and did well. Until, in an instant, the toasty-brown blob of stuffing jumped out of the fridge, onto my plate and right into my mouth! Really, it was just like that!

Phew!! The terrifying leftovers are finally gone and I am okay! I´m glad it´s finally over and I made it through, somewhat unscathed!! Now, I´m trying not to hold my breath at the thought of gigantic Gingerbread Boy Gangstas lining up just outside my kitchen door!!!!! What´re their names? Lemmy Atter, Sugardrop Daddy, and Scar-Face Gingie!

You better whatchout!!!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHOWERS2FLOWERS 12/3/2007 1:32PM

Aside from the gangsta gingerbread thugs, I hope you are all safe and sound and continue to stay that way! I'll be thinking (and looking around the corner) about those errant cookies when I frost mine this afternoon! April Report Inappropriate Comment

MARIEL27 12/2/2007 1:19AM

I agree with Cathy! God IS good. I was so scared for you reading this... I pray that God continue to protect you and yours and that NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST YOU SHALL PROSPER! May His Angels surround every inch of you home at all times and May He give you peace so that you can rest. XX & OO's Mari ps Funny ... my left overs jumped right into my tummy... skippin' the plate all together! Report Inappropriate Comment

1STCINDERALLA 12/1/2007 12:13PM

Taz, God is so good. Even before you knew that there was trouble he was protecting. I will pray that he continues praying. Nothing can happen to you that he does not know about and he will use it to his glory. I know that that can be scary. As to the food jumping on your plate--some of it stayed behind. Report Inappropriate Comment

My Holiday Strategies

Saturday, November 17, 2007

After reading the SparkArticle in regard to holidays, I am determined to use the following in order to remained focused on my SparkJourney Goals:

1. Take a long, early morning walk. I refuse to set aside my exercise! No-guilt vegetation only AFTER my cardio is done!
2. Plan ahead, including my snacks AND supper. THAT means knowing the menu in advance.
3. Drink more than enough water. It´s harder to overeat if my tum´s already sloshin´ the water!
4. Knead the dough BY HAND for our whole grain dinner rolls. Great for the biceps and triceps!
5. Play with the kids who are visiting. Even board games burn calories, especially if I include lots of laughter and getting up for drinks of water!
6. Stand while I socialize. Standing burns more calories than sitting!
7. Freeze ALL of the leftovers in serving sizes OR send them home with someone else!
8. Be honest and accountable to my teams AND my Nutrition Tracker. No matter what!!

Oh, I do remember lots of holidays past when I was completely out-of-control!!! Sure, the desserts and snacks were fab!! Sure, those who made the food, usually including ME, felt fulfilled that everyone ate so much. It was obvious proof that we love them and they love us/ME!!!

But, really now!! After stuffing a bird and stuffing our faces, what´s so pretty about all the groaning, moaning, unzipped, unbelted, over-stuffed bodies laying around the house anyway?!! It´s much too difficult to jump up and cheer when your team makes a touchdown! If you´re the visitor, it´s terribly embarassing when you try to tie your shoes so you can go home! And, OH! the pain in getting up out of that laid-back couch position you were in while the food settled to your bottom!

The ghosts of holidays-past came a´haunting every holiday season. First, they whispered that just one day or two of gluttony and vegetating out of a whole year of behaving-yerself wouldn´t make a bita difference atall; absolutely none! Following that advice, usually meant throwing my brains out the window and indulging from Thankgiving Day through to the first day of implementing my New Year´s resolutions, baby! By the time the ghosts returned the next Fall, I was weighing just a little-bit more. All those little bits ev´ry single year had a huge part in my ex-obesity, and hey, girl! I´m NOT going back there!

Are ya with me?!

Let me hear ya!

As unloving as it may seem, I WILL lose the whispers of the ghosts of holidays-past! It´s no longer a want-to-do-it, but a I WILL DO IT!!

For me at least, those days are gone for good! Hallelujah!!!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PAMELARK 12/1/2007 4:20PM

Sounds like a great plan! All those things even sound like a lot more fun than just eating until you stuffed then beign in so much pain you can't enjoy yourself. You are doong so well that I completely believe that thsi Holiday will be a cinch for you. Maybe others will notice and want to join the fun instread of another piece of pie! Report Inappropriate Comment

TRECECOOKS 11/20/2007 1:21PM

Proud of you for having a plan. You've stirred up my mind, to figure out what MY plan will be. Have a wonderful, THANKFUL Thanksgiving! Report Inappropriate Comment

1STCINDERALLA 11/20/2007 9:06AM

You have a plan and that is good Report Inappropriate Comment

MARIEL27 11/19/2007 12:25AM

You're right on the money. I need to shake this off (what ever "this" is that I've been going through) and get moving! I also need to make sure all the left overs are not left over IN MY belly! Seriously, there's no need to eat as if it's the only opportunity we have all year to BE THANKFUL!! LOL!! Let's hope I remember that come Thursday! Report Inappropriate Comment

MSWILLIAMS05 11/17/2007 7:23PM

I think you have a great plan!!! The water thing is HUGE! I've had a few events with lots of food already and I've even taken my own water bottle. Sure, my hosts have glasses and water, but my water bottle is 32 oz. and glasses usually are not. I just keep chugging the water--keeps me busy and out of food. And I refill it as soon as it is empty. I also bought some mints--I can't chew gum, but mints keep me out of the food too! Hope you are well! :) Report Inappropriate Comment

SHOWERS2FLOWERS 11/17/2007 1:38PM

That leftover bit is essential! I now make sure we have lots of extra containers to send home with people, and I force it into their hands no matter how much they protest, LOL! We do keep some for ourselves, but a reasonable amount, just like we send away with our guests. Keeps us all accountable! I need to follow your lead in regard to the early exercise...even when it's dark when I get up. You're right--the vegging out is guilt free when you already accomplished doing your cardio. April Report Inappropriate Comment

Bringing More Color into MY Life

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

I was thinking about how color affects me. For some reason, my eyes automatically fall on pink things, esp. when they are a shade of fuchia. I feel warmed, lifted, and comforted by it! I remember back to learning the seasons of color for choosing the clothes I purchase and wear. I was confused about it for awhile until I began to think over my favorite clothes when I was a child - like in elementary school. Wonder what happened to those things? Sure wish I had a few of them right now!

My mom used to respond to my color choices with "That´s morbid!" and "Why don´t you wear this instead." I know now that her color scheme was like the opposite of mine, so anything I favoured, she did not prefer. I think that contributed to my sense of not liking what I saw in the mirror - when I wore the chartreuse sweater she picked out for me, I looked sick, ill, like I was prob´ly gonna vomit any second, get outa my way!!

I loved how I looked in that soft grey dress. I still gravitate towards black, grey, chocolate brown (betcha wouldn´t´ave guessed that one!), and burgundy. But the splashes of fuchia, turquoise, and silver make my heart skip a beat! When I´m wearing those colors, my face loses some of the wrinkles, looks softer, and healthy!!! Note to slimming self: As I redo my wardrobe, find more in these colors.

My October Goals were:

~3500 Exercise minutes
~Walk 5X/wk doing 3-5 5Ks and 1-10K
~Do Strength Exercises 3X/wk

I did:

~3290 Exercise minutes
~Walked 5-6X/wk doing av. 4.5-5Ks and 1-10K
~Did Strength Exercises av. 4X/wk

Now, for November, I will do:

~3000 Exercise Minutes
~Walk 5X/wk, at least 5K each time & 1-10K/wk w/a 15K sometime
~Strength Exercises 4X week
~At least one other session of another cardio exercise each week

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BARBARASDIET 11/13/2007 4:14PM

Thought I would stop by and see what you're up to! Color--strong color has never been my choice because I was always trying to hide how fat I am! Black was the cloak of shadow. I'm always apprehensive about getting something in a bright color, but I think I am going to give it a try when I get ready to start a new wardrobe! Keep it up, Taz--always good to check in with you! Report Inappropriate Comment

SEYSARAH 11/11/2007 10:11AM

Now this blog is something for us all to think of...we all could and should use color to help enrich our home, ourselves and when we use what we personally like, we feel confident and it shows..... Back to my closet and back to changing around some of the colors. I too an greatly influenced by color and love to have a basic color wardrobe and use splashes of color..it is both fun and for those on a budget like me, it works great. Cheers to you for bringing this blog to so many of us that already know how important color is, but what role it can plan in our Spark Plan! Nan Report Inappropriate Comment

ATRANSFORMATION 11/4/2007 3:29PM

I was cleaning out comments off my blogs from WAY back, and wanted to thank you for being so supportive along my journey. I know you have had a lot of pain in your life, and it is awesome to see your positive spirit so strong through it all....Look what you have accomplished...and I like the goals for next month! Report Inappropriate Comment

KAT573 11/2/2007 8:52PM

COLOR!!!!!!!!!!!! Yahoo! I adore color. And there are colors that look better than others on each of us, because of how it interacts with our complexion. My mother told me to keep similar colors together in an outfit; now I remember thinking that therefore it was ok to wear this blue green skirt with lime colored stockings and a chartreuse shirt; after wearing that all day in middle school, I had doubts, looking at it in the mirror. I laugh now when I think about that. There is more to mixing colors than just the same family. I do not have a favorite color; I love them all. They are all equally legitimate, but they are like people; some bring out good qualities and some do not. Some are more than the sum of their parts and vice versus. I think it is interesting that you like fuschia and teal......and I do have the impression that chocolate would look GREAT on you; as would a grey; can't tell whether cool or warm; green/red or blue/orange mix. But nothing but nothing will ever dim that gorgeous smile! I love seeing that! THAT makes ME feel warm! Hugs Kat Report Inappropriate Comment

TABBYKAT75 11/2/2007 8:47PM

I love color and I used to love to stand out . think Janis Joplin now i just try to blend in and not be noticed but as I lose weight I am tending to lean twords more color. Your goal accomplishments are awsome Report Inappropriate Comment

1STCINDERALLA 10/31/2007 8:28PM

I agree with color choices. When I was a child I was never allowed to make any choices with clothes. As an adult I love red, black, and white and I've been told I look good in yellow and pink. I love shopping when I already know the colors I'm looking for. Report Inappropriate Comment

Measuring MY Success Without the Scale!

Monday, October 22, 2007

Last November, GODMYFULNESS, who has become a good friend on several Message Boards, started "Signs of Progress other than the scale". She provoked my thinking about how to measure my progress in distinct ways that have encouraged me through many a tough spot on my SparkJourney. Now, I mention some of the things I mentioned there, as well as, some of my recent thoughts in this GBFU blog challenge.

* My Great Dane is not knocking me over anymore! I´m standing-my-ground!!
* It´s easier to eat just enough, then push my plate away, listening intently to the stimulating conversation, passing food, and drinking my glass of water. When not chatting, I don´t need to reach for more food and I don´t even think about it at all!! It´s amazing to me - how I have changed!!
* Often, I get 24 (100%) on the Healthy Lifestyle Scale!! I didn’t believe that would ever happen to me!
* Whenever I serve (baby shower, bridal shower, wedding, socials), I get by almost unnoticed as far as eating goes. I eat before I go, then just drink my water and walk around with a half full cup or plate so noone notices I´m not eating!!! I don´t miss it either!
* One day, in a morning class, we were trying to fit everyone in. I ran around helping to get equipment for the visiting teacher. Others were squeezing chairs in the empty places. We needed to fit in two more chairs, so I asked everyone to scrunch. Well, one woman, who is crippled, couldn’t possibly move her own chair. I went over, smiled big, and proceeded to lift her, in her chair, to move her to the left!! The whole class watched and then clapped. Before SparkPeople, I would not ´ave dreamed of doing that!!
* I was downtown with my daughter shopping. I thought I had plenty of time to get to the mall - walking. Before I knew it, I was running late! Daughter had some other things to do downtown, so I took off, walking quickly, carrying a bag of fabric that must ´ave weighed at least 20 lbs! I was about 2/3rds of the way there when I paused to have a sip of water. Light went on in head! I have WonderWoman strength!
* Sagging undies. I discovered that I can pull them up to maybe 4 inches above my bellybutton!!! What an amazing feat!
* I can stand on one stair step and touch the bottom of the next step with my fingers. I never did THAT before in my life! I am SO PROUD!!
* I tried again weeks later and can now reach just below the next step for a total of 7 inches below my feet!!
* I am determined to KEEP GOING!
* I choose to eat right even when others are not!
* I no longer feel jipped because I choose to eat differently!
* I have greater stamina!
* I assert myself more often when someone verbally attacks!
* I actually enjoy walking!
* I consistently choose what is good for ME!
* I no more feel winded at slight exercise!
* No more knee pain!
* I still have an occasional desire for reactive eating, but catch myself thinking about it and when I go looking for something, I usually end up choosing NOT TO EAT!
* No more feelings like I am punishing myself by dieting because of overeating and BEING overweight!
* I KNOW I’ve chosen a better, healthier way for the rest of my life!
* It’s MY choice AND it’s MY Life!
* MY inner voice has changed to approval of my choices and of the reflection in the mirror!
* In early March, I was able to move my Mother’s ring onto the finger it was made to fit!
* I did my first 5K on April Fool´s Day 2007. Now, I´m walking more than 5K almost EVERY day Mon-Fri!
* I´ve done many 10K´s and have done a 10K every Sat. of October!
* In April, I began wearing a belt with my jeans for the first time in many years!! It wasn’t so much for style as to hold up my pants!
* I don´t bring home bad snack food anymore and NO more cravings!!
* I can now run up the stairs and NOT regret that I did THAT!
* I do exercises nearly every day!
* My posture is improving.
* My attitude in regard to what I can do has changed a great deal!
* I’m no longer turning to food to relieve the stress!
* I am no longer down-on-ME for other people´s bad choices!
* I no longer react negatively by giving up, giving in, and vegetating!
* I choose to NOT drink sweetened drinks away from home unless I know what sweetener is in it AND it’s what I prefer.
* I no longer eat because EVERYONE ELSE is eating.
* I ONLY eat what fits in my preplanned, thought-out nutrition plan.
* WHEN I bake anything, I divide in weighed and measured portions, wrap, label, and freeze it.
* I eat my fruits rather than drink them.
* I regularly get at least the minimum of 24 grams of fiber daily.
* I don´t hesitate to do a job cuz I know I´m up to it!
* When I look down, I can no longer see my stomach!
* No more obsessing about food.
* Water is my first choice drink!
* Empty calorie foods do not satisfy me.
* My clothes are looser fitting. Yay!

So much more I could add! The list keeps growing in SparkTime!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BARBARASDIET 10/27/2007 1:57PM

TAZ, great list--I'm going to steal from the best and start thinking about my own. You are so right that it is all the little things that we might take for granted that show just how far we have come. Thanks for the inspiration! Report Inappropriate Comment

CATZGALORE 10/23/2007 11:44PM

I have thought the same-- it has to be more than the scale... you are an inspiration!! Thanks for sharing those thoughts. Report Inappropriate Comment

SHOWERS2FLOWERS 10/23/2007 5:32PM

"Eat fruit rather than drink it". Great way to put it, and one of my changes as well! Now I give watered down fruit and vegetable juice to our son, but other than that, there's no juice in our house. What a change, huh? And that touching the next lowest stair thing? THAT is amazing! I am not always guaranteed to hit the stair I'm standing on, let alone the one below! Maybe that'll be one of my next goals. April Report Inappropriate Comment

MOM2ACAT 10/23/2007 3:45PM

Way to go! Congrats on your progress! That is awesome, and your list is inspirational too! Report Inappropriate Comment

1STCINDERALLA 10/23/2007 8:21AM

I'm amazed at the detail that you included. You're an amazing woman. I would love to meet you. Report Inappropriate Comment