TAYGRL   76,929
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'Nuff said...

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRIANGLE-WOMAN 9/19/2012 1:22PM


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LILAC_LANE 9/16/2012 8:19PM

    I know where to go when I need a smile.
That was awesome just like you!
Have a great week of awesome-ness!

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GOINGTODOTHIS2 9/16/2012 8:13PM

    I have to remember to remind myself of this. You are awesome. You have encouraged me today!

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LYNDALOVES2HIKE 8/29/2012 9:53PM

    Very cute!! And I was thinking about you this week so we must be on the same wavelength. I'm starting a 'slower paced fitness hike' on Thursday nights, starting at 6pm, and I really REALLY want you to join me - if you're interested, shoot me a sparkmail and I'll give you the details. Either way, I hope to see you soon - this is ridiculous to just be too busy to get together at all.....right?

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LASKIE2 8/29/2012 8:06PM


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NEWYEARME 8/29/2012 7:28PM

    You are awesome!!!! We all are. Just remember it!!!!

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Feeling My Mortality

Monday, July 30, 2012

Isn't it funny how all the things you thought were important turn out NOT to be so much when you learn that someone close to you is sick.

Two weeks ago I found out that the mother of my long-time childhood friend was diagnosed with cancer and not first or second stage either. This "thing" takes up almost one entire lung. Even without the final test results in, the doctors have already told my friends mom that she would need to undergo radiation/chemo just to shrink the cancer to a size where it can be CUT out. With her condition rapidly deteriorating, my friend's mother is pretty adamant about NOT wanting to fight this. Her body is already breaking down and no treatments have even begun yet. "And for what?" she asked me, half in English, half in Portuguese, when I spoke to her last Wednesday. "So I can live half a life afterwards assuming my body survives the radiation treatments? No, I have lived a long time (aside: she's 71, same age as my mother), a good life. If it is my time, then well, I am ready to go. The only thing I wished is that I could spend more time with my Jude. At least til he was five.") Jude is my friend's "surprise" bundle of joy that she gave birth to 4 years ago. Did I mention he was diagnosed with autism within the last year or so? All this after raising 2 teens from a previous marriage--a son, now 18 and a daughter, 20. With all the things she could have wished for, 2 more years with her youngest grandchild, to see him grow up more was all that she asked. What a simple request...

A little bit about this woman who so influenced my formative years--as much if not more than my parents in a lot of ways because I was always at their house if I wasn't at mine (or the local library). One of my oldest friends in the universe comes from a multicultural background. Her dad is Colombian and her mother is Brazilian and with a child who was kind of a misfit of sorts, an outcast in grade school (her last name is synonymous for a slang word for Mexican gangster--so between that, the shyness and the eventual braces that would soon follow) my friend got teased LOT). So as their daughter's protector on the playground, occasional math tutor and only REAL friend until high school for sure, they welcomed me into their home with all the enthusiasm and love of new parents bringing home their adopted child for the first time. I became a member of their family instantly and by extension, a member of the small but close-knit Brazilian community that had sprung up in this part of Orange County in S. CA. It was as foreign to me as it was exciting--I didn't speak a lick of Portuguese but I'll be goddamned if all the Spanish I had been picking up as child and studying in high school wasn't paying off. And as a black child growing up in white Orange County, where blacks were (and continue to be) less than 2% of the population, it was as if a whole new world had been opened up to me--LITERALLY. I had never SEEN so many mixed backgrounds within ONE culture before--Japanes, Hispanic, Indio, Caucasian, African and all speaking English, Portuguese and Spanish. Consequently, I had never felt more accepted, alive or beautiful which is not always easy during one's adolescent years under the BEST of circumstances. This family and the rich culture of this community helped to shape my view of the world, my willingness to be open to "the other"--my verve for life and to revel in being my most unique self--lessons and love which I have never forgotten and for which I will be forever grateful.

So now with the advent of this news coming on the heels of the not-TOO-recent break up of my 15-year relationship 10 months ago (although some days it feels just like yesterday), I feel like I am entering yet another period of mourning which has resulted in this overwhelming urge to make peace with many areas of my life--my dissatisfaction with work, my weight, my failed relationship with my EX, the failed relationship with my mom, my new solitude...None of THESE things are really THAT important in the BIG, overarching scheme of things known as LIFE. Look, I'm not saying I've had this big ol' epiphany cuz part of me really enjoys being a sarcastic, smart-a$$ed cynic--it's as much a part of my charm as the REST my effervescent and sparkling personality. emoticon However, what I am saying is that life REALLY is too short to sweat the small stuff.

Now excuse me but I got go b*tch about it being another Monday.

Peace out.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LYNDALOVES2HIKE 7/31/2012 10:10AM

    Wow, that's a lot to deal with in a short time - so sorry about your friend's mother and all the other topics but I hope you will realized that you do not have any FAILED relationships, only relationships that have helped you grow. Of course, it doesn't always feel great to go through the transformation but if you find a way to step back and examine the PATTERNS, you'll see that work, ex and mom, along with other aspects of your life, are all part of the same energy.

Anyway, you are such a wonderful person, I feel very lucky to have met you and hope we can find time to get together once in awhile because I'd truly love to know you even better!

Peace, indeed!

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TRIANGLE-WOMAN 7/30/2012 9:17PM

    Your second mother sounds lovely and very wise. What a wonderful tribute!

And now you can tell her that it is your turn to help influence a young life and open someone else's eyes....how happy will that make her?

I can only hope someone will think of me in such a way someday!!

Blessings and be well....

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    What a lovely blog. I'm so sorry that you are all going through this trial. Remember, god does have a lot of miracles just waiting to be used. Even if she doesn't opt for chemo she may live longer than expected. How beautiful that she feels ready to go if, in fact, that is what God plans. You will all be in my prayers. emoticon Pat

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NIKKICOLE83 7/30/2012 4:08PM

    I am sorry to here about your second mother as well as the end to your relationship. Sometimes life humbles us and it forces us to reevaluate things. Good luck and I hope your mom pulls through.

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ROCKMAN6797 7/30/2012 4:01PM

    Life is short and needs to be appreciated! The alternative isn't very appealing.

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MERRYMARY42 7/30/2012 3:32PM

    Yes so true, Life is short, and no guarantees along the way, I am 70 feel like I am 29 look like I am 70 but that is my age. I have lost 4 of my siblings to cancer 2 younger and 2 older, I understand your friends Mother, the chemo is a terrible thing, and it is a decision that you have to make yourself.
I enjoyed your blog, and I am happy you had a second home and the experience you did growing up.

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Redefining me...

Sunday, July 08, 2012

Ever feel like you are going through a period of stagnation in your life--just kind of waiting for something, ANYthing to happen?

Well, even though it feels kind of late in life to be doing so, currently, I am working VERY hard at MAKING things happen for myself in those key areas that matter--work, love, self-acceptance. Who knew striving for balance in one's life could be such hard work? But I have to keep plugging away. I'm not striving for perfection--just "better".

Saint Francis de Sales: “Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections but instantly set about remedying them -- every day begin the task anew.”

Note to self: emoticon
Response to self: Hey, I'm trying! emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    So proud of you, Tay! You can do this (I'll be right there along side of you)!

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TRIANGLE-WOMAN 7/15/2012 8:24AM

    Love this! Am stealing your quote from St. Francis!

You rock!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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    You CAN do anything that you put your mind too!

Best of luck to you!

10k Leader

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LYNDALOVES2HIKE 7/8/2012 11:56PM

    emoticon emoticon

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BLUE42DOWN 7/8/2012 9:27PM

    Actively creating rather than sitting and waiting - good going!

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ROCKMAN6797 7/8/2012 8:13PM

    Good for you!
Keep working at it, you will receive the benefits of your work!


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TAYGRL 7/8/2012 7:57PM

    thank you for your comments!

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CLESSFAT 7/8/2012 7:53PM

    Good for you! It doesn't matter how late in life you are, it's never to late to strive for the things you want!! emoticon

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My new favorite quote...

Monday, January 02, 2012

"I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes. Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody's ever made before. Don't freeze, don't stop, don't worry that it isn't good enough, or it isn't perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work, or family, or life. Whatever it is you're scared of doing, do it. Make your mistakes. Next year and forever."

Neil Gaiman

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SARASMILING 4/20/2012 6:25AM

    Love it!

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JMARIES51 3/20/2012 12:08AM

    What a beautiful quote.

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    I love this quote - thanks so much for sharing it!!

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    Love the quote, not surprised it's from Neil Gaiman, love him too!

Happy New Year, Tay! Here's to a fabulous 2012 for all of us!

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TAYGRL 1/2/2012 7:33PM

    @mariand: well, sweetie, it just might! emoticon

Comment edited on: 1/2/2012 9:55:39 PM

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MARIAND123 1/2/2012 7:23PM

    does that mean i have to ride a roller coaster with my husband????? I think it does. I will let you know how that goes.

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BARABOODAN1 1/2/2012 7:14PM

    Yes this so true. Thanks

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TAYGRL 1/2/2012 7:03PM

    what a great quote to start the year off with. emoticon

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Ways in Which I Showed I Loved Myself This Week So Far...

Thursday, December 01, 2011

1. taking the stairs EVERYwhere i could
2. parking at the top of the parking garage so i'd have to take the 4 flights of stairs TWICE a day.
3. adding in more fruit and veggies
4. bought (2) 10lb dumbbells cuz i be gettin' stronger

where i could do better:

1. getting more sleep
2. being more consistent with my workouts

today is not over yet. emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FATHINSN 3/19/2012 8:01PM

    Me, too, I need to get more quality sleep, not just quantity!

That's great, you did well loving yourself this week! I like that idea of parking at the top and you took stairs :D

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MICKEYMAX 1/1/2012 8:37AM

    Great blog!

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HEART_OF_A_LION 12/11/2011 5:18AM

    Nice work! =)

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LAURIE9404 12/3/2011 1:15PM

    Great work! Love that you are reminding yourself (and me) of the great things that we do are showing love to ourselves. Thanks!

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PEPPERCHILD 12/1/2011 10:09PM

    Nice way to show some love. You'll be seeing fanstastic results in no time.

Keep on Sparking

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RAINYFRIDAY 12/1/2011 3:13PM

    Woohoo! Sounds like it was a good week. Get good sleep and plenty of it! :)

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