Getting ready for day two...

Wednesday, April 03, 2013

I'm still sore from day one on Monday but I am so ready to bring it--it's not even funny! At the end of 6 weeks, my body is going to look different. I'm going to feel different. I will BE different. And it will have been SO worth it.

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Something very cool just happened...

Wednesday, April 03, 2013

January 2012, just following the break up of my 15-yr relationship, my roommate (and oldest friend) and I took a road trip to San Francisco to visit another friend of mine of 20+ yrs. (As an aside, there is something especially beautiful about having people in my life that have known me as long as these individuals have...It's like coming home--safe and warm.) We had a wonderful time just hanging out--sharing, reminiscing and laughing a LOT. It was just what the doctor ordered after I moved out of the apartment I had shared with my ex.

Well on the way home, my friend and I stopped in Santa Cruz which became my home away from home after attending UCSC for 3 years. It is one of the most magical places to me and retains a special place in my heart to this day. It was here that I gained independence from my family for the first time and began developing into the person I am now. I guess you could say it's where I found myself. My friend and I decided to walk around downtown and we stopped in at my favorite jewelry store where they have a large array of silver rings--of which I am a fan. So I see this rather plain band made out of solid sterling silver. It's kind of wide, narrows at one point and is edged on both sides with a braided pattern. It was love at first sight, simple yet slightly ornate and I wanted it. When I tried it on for the first time I had planned to buy it for the middle finger on my right hand but the store didn't have my size. So I went down a size and purchased it for the ring finger on my right hand. As my friend and I drove home to southern CA, I couldn't stop staring at my hand and my new purchase. It was a little more than I might normally spend but it was heavy for a band and solid silver all the way through. It was also the first thing I had bought for myself since my relationship had ended and it began to symbolize for me not only the start of the new year but also new beginnings. The start of a new me, if you will.

As my weight loss success has unfolded and taken on different forms not always apparent on the scale, I noticed my ring becoming looser and looser to the point that it is now sliding of the ring finger on my right hand. But I am so attached to it, that I hate the idea of leaving the house without it even though the thought of possibly losing it has filled me with dread on occasion. When I look down at my hand, the sight of my ring reminds me of so many positive things (and a few sad ones) but mostly positive-like how far I've come personally, emotionally and mentally since my break-up; how independent I've become, how much healthier I am physcially--the fact that it no longer fit has been a CONSTANT reminder of how successful I have been in the pursuit of better health. But mostly it has come to symbolize not only the possibilities life has to offer but how much care I have taken to love myself--for better or for worse.



Well--I still cannot yet fit my ring on the middle finger of my right hand and just as I was lamenting the fact that I might actually have to start leaving it at home, something told me to try the middle finger on my LEFT hand--and so I did. And. it. fit. Just last week, my left middle finger was also too snug. It made me so happy that I started to tear up. Because you know what that means? It means that my ring's intended home from the very beginning on my right middle finger cannot be too far behind and will soon be thin enough for me to switch back to where I had always wanted to wear it since it's purchase January 2012. The elation I felt at this discovery was, well, unexpected and a tad overwhelming. I feel like for the first time since 2007 when I first embarked on this journey at 257 lbs, before I even knew what a "Sparkpeople" was, that I am finally on my way to becoming the person I was always meant to be.

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And it's alright...

Sunday, March 31, 2013

As you know, in this weight loss "game"--hell, this game called life--it is not uncommon for us to sometimes (dare I say often) feel as though we don't always have a handle on things. In fact, I would say that is probably a normal feeling--that wishing we were further along in our journey or the dull ache of waiting for something--a new job, a new love, a new life, in some respects.

I, too, am searching for things--not because I am wholly unsatisfied or anything like that as I recognize the many blessings in my life currently but simply because it is MORE than just okay to seek out those things that we also feel help contribute to our overall sense of well-being, worth and purpose. I had a friend get very exasperated with me the other day when we were talking about my pursuit of a better job. He said to me in "that tone", "Tay, why can't you just be happy?!" I would not classify myself as UNhappy. I think it's okay to want "better" for one's self without being labeled disgruntled or unhappy. In fact, despite wanting a better job which will facilitate me being able to DO more in life, I'm actually rather content. I recognize that I am lucky to have a job during these trying economic times so it's not as if I'm ungrateful. But I ALSO recognize that I need more in order to experience fulfillment in other areas of my life--areas I was would describe as my "spiritual" side since I am not religious in a more traditional sense.

So as I have been working on myself and learning to come to terms with these wants and desires, be it a new job or the people I have been letting into my life, sometimes to my personal detriment, the below song has been popping up in my Pandora radio with alarming frequency. I'm not necessarily a believer in "signs" per se, but I was listening to the lyrics the other day in headphones and the one word that came to mind at the time was "Yup.".

It's Alright by Ledisi

youtu.be/8dAPfhnR92U

This life can make me so confused but it's alright
Living day by day I feel so used. That ain't right
I just wanna run and hide
But I don't have the time to cry and it's alright (it's alright)... it's alright... alright

Many thoughts are running through my head... it's alright
Wishing to be somewhere else but here and it's alright
I can't wait to see your face
I need a smile and your embrace
I'm alright (it's alright, it's alright)... I'm alright... yeah

Life can bring us through many changes it's alright
(Never give up)
Just don't give up know that it's gonna be alright
People come and they go (they go)
It's just the way that it goes
Everything is everything... It's alright!

Sometime the rain it makes me sad and it's alright
Some things in the world they make me mad and it's alright
In the morning when I see the sun
I know I'm not the only one and it's alright (it's alright), it's alright... (hey)

Wish I had some money to pay my bills
I can't even buy that dress on sale but it's alright
Having money don't mean a thing
Loving you is everything and I'm alright (it's alright), I'm alright yeah

Life can bring us through many changes it's alright
(It's gonna be alright)
Just don't give up know that it's gonna be alright
People come and they go (they go)
It's just the way that it goes
Everything is everything... It's alright!

Oh oh oh
Everything is everything
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
It's gonna be alright

Life can bring us through many changes it's alright
Just don't give up know that it's gonna be alright
People come and they go
That's just the way that it goes
Everything is everything... It's alright!

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Oh I almost forgot!

Saturday, March 30, 2013

Three weeks ago or so, a Sparkfriend asked me to post pictures when I got my last bling for hitting my weight loss target. So when I passed 210 lbs, I got the following:


I got this one to remind me of how awesome and cool and I am. If you're not reminding yourself daily of your own awesomeness, then you really need to start, ASAP. I cannot stress enough how critical it is to treat one's self kindly everyday. When I started accepting myself and appreciating myself regardless of where I was in my weight loss journey, thats when I began to really see change. It truly does begin from within, I think.


This t-shirt represents the personal journey I've taken with my hair and learning to embrace it in its naturally curly state. It's from the website www.naturalgirlsrock.com/ whose mission statement says:

"What makes us unique is that we have an absolute genuine interest in women feeling proud to rock their natural hair in its natural God-given state; to never feel ashamed, embarrassed, or less attractive than anyone else because of the texture of your hair. It doesn't matter how long, short, thick, thin, kinky, curly, or coiley you hair is, its' what God gave you.....so, ROCK IT!"

My natural hair journey has paralleled that of my weight loss journey and has not been without its own pitfalls, ups and downs. I have finally gotten to a place where I can accept my curls regardless of whether I'm having a good hair day or my curly tresses have decided to do their own thing. But they're mine and I have learned to embrace them, even at their most unruly.





So now I'm 6lbs from hitting the 200lb-mark and it will soon be time for another piece bling so I thought I would preview it here for my Sparkfriends, cuz believe me I'm--NOT going back:

www.amazon.com/Complete-Adventures-S
tyle-Council/dp/B00000G6H5/ref=sr_1_fk
mr0_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1364626088&sr=8-3-fk
mr0&keywords=the+singular+adventures+o
f+the+style+council+boxset .

Well, I think that's pretty much it for now. Hope you are all having a Sparktastic day!

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Going to bed hungry...

Thursday, March 28, 2013

SO...um, yeah, its 12:30 o'clock and my stomach is growling a little bit. Normally, I would have been asleep long ago but after talking to my sister and a good friend on the phone, I found myself awake after midnight.

I totally could have fixed myself a healthy snack and stayed with my caloric range but I decided my hunger was not so out of control that a glass of water couldn't fix it. So thats what I did--had a glass of H2O and called it a night.

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