Keep on fighting..

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Logging again, I'm happy that I could actually do my 20 minutes of aerobics without having to give up because of pain or cramps. Yay me.
I found a forum for people with neurological "weird stuff" happening to them, such as stiffness, cramps, twitching and pain, all of which I have. The stiffness is what kills me most as some days I can't even walk properly because it feels like the muscles around my ankles will be torn to pieces by the slightest movement.
Anyway, I read there that you do as much exercise as you can handle for the day, no matter how little. If you have pain the next day, do a little less exercise next time. One thing I have to learn to accept is that some days I can do almost everything, some days nothing. It doesn't mean something bad. If one day I can barely walk, tomorrow I might be able to do a full exercise video. One day of pain is not the end. I can't just lay down on the couch and give up. Even though I have to rest some days, staying active to the best of my ability will help. Being inactive because of pain will unfortunately only add to the problem.

So, we'll see if I manage to find some kind of balance in all this.

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Update

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

It's been a while..
My health seems to be getting worse and worse, stiffness in my legs, pain and cramping. I just now managed to suffer through the Leslie Sansone video (easiest one, 20 minutes) with some crying when I discovered I couldn't follow along with the sidesteps anymore. I just didn't have the muscle strength for anything more than slow walking. It kills me, since I fought my butt off to lose weight and get in shape, and I could do this video like it was nothing just a few months ago.

Now I have to hold on to something sometimes to support myself when I walk, my legs are turning into stone or so it feels, almost no strength at all. Together with other symptoms I have, all this makes me worry a lot. My husband and I have decided it's about time I go to Sweden to see a doctor and try to find out what's wrong with me.

So, my weight is not my number 1 concern right now, but finding the will to live is. I'm close to tears all the time. I hate to complain, but I just need to let this out somehow. I'm not in a very good place right now mentally.

Thanks for reading, sorry if I ruined your mood..

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Doing great..

Thursday, January 31, 2013

..had some serious leg pains these last few days though, could barely walk. I managed to exercise yesterday so afterwards I felt better, and today I'm almost back to "normal", which means only the occasional cramping and constant twitching. But I can walk. :)

I was sad to hear though that the pony I had the honor of riding this summer (the one in my background photo) died a few days ago, 24 years old. Feel so sad for his owner, she really loved this sweet little guy. And I am forever grateful that HE was the one I got to ride after so many years of not riding, cause he sure gave me a happy memory and he made me feel perfectly safe.

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Action plan for the week

Thursday, January 24, 2013

-At least 20 minutes exercise every day, even if it's "only" gym ball exercises..
-Morning walk 5 days a week
-Weighing all my food. All of it..
-Daily: 5 repetitions of ankle exercises (very, very weak ankles)
-Daily: 5 repetitions of calf exercises (equally weak calves!)

Tiny goals=progress. :)

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Two days..

Sunday, January 20, 2013

..of successfully counting calories and staying within my daily limit. Yay me! Small setbacks are NOT going to stop me from reaching my goal this summer. NO. I'm the only one who can change the way I think and giving up has never ever been an option. It never crossed my mind.

Also we're about 1,5 years away from possibly, hopefully buying a horse if that's what I still want when the time comes, so instead of thinking about "failure" and of how lazy I am, I'm going to think positive, and think about all the nice things we planned for the future, God willing.

For today, I have to think about my health, and how much better I feel now than when I weighed 105 kg's.

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