Wednesday, September 07, 2011
Last night I had a come to Jesus meeting with myself. I said "D@mnit self! You need to get it together! You can not have your cake and eat it to (purely figurative, there was no cake I promise). You can not put in only some of the work and expect to see changes! If it was that easy, we'd all have reached our goals in no time". And that is exactly what I've been doing. I've been staying in calorie range, but I'm not eating QUALITY calories. I work out, but I'm only consistent with it maybe 3 days a week. I'm losing a half a pound here, a half a pound there, or not losing at all. And what am I doing about it? Nothing. Complaining and getting all woe is me. But you know what? I'm not a whiner, I'm a FIGHTER. And starting now, I'm fighting back.
Actually this change kinda started yesterday, but it wasn't a whole-hearted, let's do this kinda change. It was more of a yeah I could do more change. Again, a half-assed attempt to give myself a cheap pep talk. Where had all the energy and drive and ambition and excitement gone from when I first joined Spark? Part of that is due to the change in my diet and exercise. When I first started I was a tracking queen! Everything, even 1/4 of a tbsp of butter went into the counter. Now I track about 90% of what I eat and guesstimate on everything else about whether or not I'm in calorie range. I don't eat as many fruits and veggies as I did when I first started either. Anyone who has ever read more than one of my blogs, knows that I am not a fan of exercise. I never have been, but when I first joined Spark I accepted the fact that I needed to do it and I did it with gusto. Now I work out just enough to get by and I stick to the workouts that let me stay in my comfort zone. I don't try and push myself anymore and it's getting me no where.
After reading all the lovely comments that were left on my blog yesterday, I decided that I need to figure out what my issues are and really address them. I started with my Achilles's heel - EXERCISE. Let's put this in perspective. What do I like about exercise? I like the way I feel during and after. I like to see the changes, however minor, in my body. I like that my stamina and ability have increased. I've decided to focus on the positives of working out and in an attempt to make it more fun and bearable, I'm going back to my original plan to really spice up my workouts and add variety. I had been following the BL Last Chance Workout, then I switched to the BL Bootcamp, and now I've decided that instead of forcing myself to do the same thing over and over, I'm going to do whatever I feel compelled to do that day. Today, This is Tae Bo, is what was calling my name. 789 calories and 48 minutes later I realized that I actually had fun with my workout. I didn't remember what was coming next, so there was nothing to dread. Yesterday I did my Diesel and Chisel workouts from Crunch gym and I felt the same way. So what did I learn? My need for consistency and my distaste for change are holding me back. I need variety and fun and excitement in my workouts to stay motivated and interested.
On to food. My best friend and worst enemy! Oh how I love thee food. You have been there for me through sadness and anger, laughter and celebration, and everything in between. Now it's time I go it alone. I can be happy without you because your high is only temporary and when you're gone I'm left feeling empty and betrayed. From now on I will eat to live, not live to eat. I do pretty well on my own, but it's when Reiko gets home that those Baked Cheetos start looking extra good. Or my 90 cal Fiber One brownie starts humming a tune I can get down to! Somewhere in my head I know I'm not really hungry. I know that I'm eating because Reiko is eating. Or because a vision of that trail mix popped into my head and now I can't get it out. Given, nothing I'm eating is overwhelmingly bad for me, but the fact that I'm NOT eating out of hunger is the issue! Yes I basically stay in calorie range because I've stocked the house with healthier items to munch on, but if I'm eating for the wrong reasons I'm not training my body correctly.
I'm going to have to distract myself the same way I quit smoking (going on 72 days by the way). Do some jumping jacks or push ups instead of eat. Play with Jellybean instead of eat. Get on Spark instead of eat. And the list goes on. I don't know why or how I forgot these strategies, but secretly I think it was self-sabotage. If I wasn't going to lose any weight, I was at least going to enjoy myself in the process. But the process of eating right and exercising regularly I enjoy so much more.
So this is where I leave you with some words of encouragement. And those words are DO THE RIGHT THING! It's that simple. You know what you should and shouldn't be doing. We're all adults, let's take responsibility for our actions. I never really fell off the wagon, I was hanging on by a thread, but I'm back on completely. From this point forward I will not allow myself to just "get by". I'm better than that and you are to! Will it always be this hard? Maybe! Will I, and the rest of your Spark family be here for you along the way? Hellz yeah we will! So yeah tomorrow is a new day, but why waste the rest of a perfectly good day. Right now is a good a time to start. Do 10-15 of exercise. Give that candy bar you bought to a co-worker if you can't bear to throw it away. Get out of that fast food drive thru line and go to Subway. Eat fruit instead of chips. Drink water instead of soda. Any little change you make is a change in the right direction. Those small steps add up to GIANT leaps and bounds! Who's with me?
Peace and Blessings,
Tuesday, September 06, 2011
We're in the heart of the second week of EPIC and this week will be a defining moment for me. I barely scraped by last week and I know that I'm capable of more than that. Yes I'm tired, yes I have an ever-changing schedule, yes I'm already finding myself overwhelmed with school, and the list goes on, but I must and I will put an end to it now. So I decided to put a plan into action.
The first thing I did was sit down and create a tentative schedule for myself. This helped me realize that I have more time available then I thought. It also helped me realize that a vast majority of my time is not managed properly and wasted unnecessarily. I also had to accept responsibility for my actions. I will use any excuse to not workout and that's got to stop. I have no prob staying in calorie range and eating right and I tend to use that as an excuse not workout for some reason. I'm probably never going to be one of those people that just LOVES exercise, but I would like to be one of those people that does workout on a regular basis because I know I should. Because I know it's good for me.
Somewhere along the way I lost sight of why I set out on this journey in the first place! Simply put. BABIES. I can't have babies until I get in better health. Reiko's best friend is pregnant right now and I can't believe I'm saying this out lout, but I'm soo jealous! I know that is a horrible thing to say, but it's just not fair! Hearing all this baby talk is depressing and annoying and I find myself struggling to even talk to her, to be friendly to her, to be excited for her. And then of course I feel guilty for acting like an immature 12 yr old.
So I have some issues to work through..which I will....but for right now I can only take things one day, one step at a time. Right now that means making sure I workout this afternoon and then spend some time getting school work done!
Friday, September 02, 2011
I have been horrible about posting blogs lately. I just haven't had the time and I'm the kind of person that doesn't like to start something if I'm going to half-@ss my way through it. I'm so used to writing 2 or 3 blogs a week and here it is Friday and I'm just getting around to it. But it is what it is...and it is FRIDAY! I am soo looking forward to the weekend. This was my first full week of school and it kinda kicked my butt! I've only managed to workout twice this week, but I plan on working out this afternoon when I get back from class. So this lead me to the conclusion that I am going to have to set up some sort of schedule for myself and follow it! Not working really spoiled me and I fell in love with being able to do what I wanted, when I wanted. But now that school is in session and I'm interning, I need some sense of stability in my life. It's the only way I can ensure that I get in workouts 4-6 days a week.
Also, I finally got a new scale. This one is digital, shows your change up or down from the previous week, and seems to be pretty accurate. I really like that it shows my weight in lbs and ounces so I can be more exact then my regular scale. I was fearful that there was going to be some huge difference between the two, but no. The new one is just way easier to read and I don't have to guess. Plus it's glass, so it looks really sleek and sexy. Can a scale be sexy? Eh, movin on...
What else? Oh yes. EPIC. How could I forget? The first week of EPIC has been good, but could definitely have been better! I haven't exercised as much as I'd like. I've eaten well. Not just stayed in calorie range, but stayed in calorie range eating healthy foods which is key! FYI those DiGiorno 200 calorie pizzas are really good. Add a salad and some fruit and you've got a pretty yummy lunch!
Randomness: Dropped my phone trying to pay rent and the screen shattered. It's a touchscreen and surprisingly it still works. I could use my old phone until I can file the insurance claim and get a replacement, but I don't remember how I lived before a smartphone. Seriously. I wouldn't know what to do or how to work survive. No apps? Slow speed? I can't even bear to think about it. Oh, there was a shooting at my apartment complex yesterday. Since I'm interning at FOX what's the first thing I do? Yep, you guessed it. I call the breaking news desk. Oh you thought I called 911? Nope. Don't worry, the cops were already here. I was really surprised because I live in a really nice neighborhood in the medical center, but it was one of those random things where suspect 1 was being chased by suspect 2 and suspect 1 ran in here for shelter, but of course no one let suspect 1 in their apartment (would you?). So after his cries went unheeded, suspect 2 unfortunately caught up to him and well....you can figure out the rest. Also, someone hit Jezebel, my car, in the parking lot. She was just sitting there, minding her own business and Mr.I'maYoungKidWhoCan'tDriveMyF250 hit her little butt. As you can tell I love my car, but hopefully I can get her fixed. We're having some issues determining if the kid was covered under his mother's policy and fingers crossed he is. I refuse to claim it on my insurance.
Anywho, that was my week in review! This is usually the time I encourage you to push through the pain and keep moving forward, so yeah...stop being a whiney baby and just do it. Do something. Do anything. Drink your water, do some mountain climbers, lift some weights, run some miles. Now go and prosper and conquer!
Thursday, August 18, 2011
When we decided to take a month off from EPIC, most of us had mixed emotions. EPIC was supposed to be a year long challenge and taking a month off felt like we were letting the team, as well as ourselves, down. However, due to the lack of participation the last couple of months we felt it was necessary to take some time off. With vacations, kids out of school, changes in schedules, etc we felt it was best to give everyone an opportunity to re-group.
Taking a break was also an opportunity for some of us to test ourselves and see if we would still keep up with our goals, even though we weren't being held accountable. I noticed a huge change in my motivation and drive without the help of EPIC. I tried to stay as active as possible on the team page, stay current on blogs, and stick to my routine, but I found it lonely and unsatisfying. I can't wait for EPIC to start back up again. I don't know if you need me, but I sure need you! I miss my friends, hearing about their journey; offering advice, encouragement, and support as needed.
Motivation, encouragement, and support are key factors in successful weight loss. It's part of the reason that we use posting blogs, commenting on the team page, welcoming new members, etc as a way to earn participation points during an EPIC challenge. While helping others, you're helping yourself. I often read a blog that encourages me to get up and get moving or keep pushing forward after a setback. I appreciate the comments that are left on my blogs, especially when I need encouragement or advice.
Hopefully you're looking forward to the next leg of EPIC as much as I am. Are you excited to see what we have in store for you? I sure am! With any luck, there will be a meetup mixed in there sometime as well! So tell me, what did you miss about EPIC? Are you looking forward to it starting up again? Any changes you'd like to see implemented? Any ideas you'd like to share? Inquiring minds want to know!!
Make it a great day my fellow Sparkers!!!
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
I have such a love hate relationship with vacation! I love it of course, but it's the coming back from vacation that I find so torturous. It's always so hard to get back on track and stick to a schedule after a week of freedom. I was hoping that I would get back on track yesterday with eating right and working out that didn't seem to happen. I started off with a fairly healthy breakfast, ran out of time to eat lunch so I grabbed a bag of chips, and had a fairly healthy dinner. But I was hungry fairly soon after finishing dinner, prob from not eating lunch and not drinking enough water, and I ate more chips for a snack. I didn't work out yesterday either. I actually got off work early and could have worked out, but I was tired....and starving by the time I got home.
Some of this funk that I'm in will have to be attributed to lack of sleep, lack of quality sleep, that is. Reiko gets up for work around 5:30/6:00, which of course wakes me up. It takes me a while to fall back asleep and I can never seem to fall back into a deep sleep, which just seems to make me more tired. I know that it would make more sense to just get up with Reiko, but I love my sleep. And I'm in no way a morning person.
Even through all this lack of sleep and exercise, I'm still managing to lose weight somehow. Luckily, we did a lot of walking on vacation and we didn't over eat. Vegas is famous for their buffets, so I was a little worried, but we only ate at one and I did a good job of controlling myself. I weighed myself this morning and saw that I was down another pound, so hopefully that will be enough to get me motivated. I know that if I can get myself over this hump, I can get back on track.
Maybe it's the end of summer blues! But we can do this. We can keep pushing forward! No one ever said this was going to be easy.
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