TAMARA6905   21,902
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Down, but not DEFEATED!

Wednesday, September 07, 2011

Last night I had a come to Jesus meeting with myself. I said "D@mnit self! You need to get it together! You can not have your cake and eat it to (purely figurative, there was no cake I promise). You can not put in only some of the work and expect to see changes! If it was that easy, we'd all have reached our goals in no time". And that is exactly what I've been doing. I've been staying in calorie range, but I'm not eating QUALITY calories. I work out, but I'm only consistent with it maybe 3 days a week. I'm losing a half a pound here, a half a pound there, or not losing at all. And what am I doing about it? Nothing. Complaining and getting all woe is me. But you know what? I'm not a whiner, I'm a FIGHTER. And starting now, I'm fighting back.

Actually this change kinda started yesterday, but it wasn't a whole-hearted, let's do this kinda change. It was more of a yeah I could do more change. Again, a half-assed attempt to give myself a cheap pep talk. Where had all the energy and drive and ambition and excitement gone from when I first joined Spark? Part of that is due to the change in my diet and exercise. When I first started I was a tracking queen! Everything, even 1/4 of a tbsp of butter went into the counter. Now I track about 90% of what I eat and guesstimate on everything else about whether or not I'm in calorie range. I don't eat as many fruits and veggies as I did when I first started either. Anyone who has ever read more than one of my blogs, knows that I am not a fan of exercise. I never have been, but when I first joined Spark I accepted the fact that I needed to do it and I did it with gusto. Now I work out just enough to get by and I stick to the workouts that let me stay in my comfort zone. I don't try and push myself anymore and it's getting me no where.

After reading all the lovely comments that were left on my blog yesterday, I decided that I need to figure out what my issues are and really address them. I started with my Achilles's heel - EXERCISE. Let's put this in perspective. What do I like about exercise? I like the way I feel during and after. I like to see the changes, however minor, in my body. I like that my stamina and ability have increased. I've decided to focus on the positives of working out and in an attempt to make it more fun and bearable, I'm going back to my original plan to really spice up my workouts and add variety. I had been following the BL Last Chance Workout, then I switched to the BL Bootcamp, and now I've decided that instead of forcing myself to do the same thing over and over, I'm going to do whatever I feel compelled to do that day. Today, This is Tae Bo, is what was calling my name. 789 calories and 48 minutes later I realized that I actually had fun with my workout. I didn't remember what was coming next, so there was nothing to dread. Yesterday I did my Diesel and Chisel workouts from Crunch gym and I felt the same way. So what did I learn? My need for consistency and my distaste for change are holding me back. I need variety and fun and excitement in my workouts to stay motivated and interested.

On to food. My best friend and worst enemy! Oh how I love thee food. You have been there for me through sadness and anger, laughter and celebration, and everything in between. Now it's time I go it alone. I can be happy without you because your high is only temporary and when you're gone I'm left feeling empty and betrayed. From now on I will eat to live, not live to eat. I do pretty well on my own, but it's when Reiko gets home that those Baked Cheetos start looking extra good. Or my 90 cal Fiber One brownie starts humming a tune I can get down to! Somewhere in my head I know I'm not really hungry. I know that I'm eating because Reiko is eating. Or because a vision of that trail mix popped into my head and now I can't get it out. Given, nothing I'm eating is overwhelmingly bad for me, but the fact that I'm NOT eating out of hunger is the issue! Yes I basically stay in calorie range because I've stocked the house with healthier items to munch on, but if I'm eating for the wrong reasons I'm not training my body correctly.

I'm going to have to distract myself the same way I quit smoking (going on 72 days by the way). Do some jumping jacks or push ups instead of eat. Play with Jellybean instead of eat. Get on Spark instead of eat. And the list goes on. I don't know why or how I forgot these strategies, but secretly I think it was self-sabotage. If I wasn't going to lose any weight, I was at least going to enjoy myself in the process. But the process of eating right and exercising regularly I enjoy so much more.

So this is where I leave you with some words of encouragement. And those words are DO THE RIGHT THING! It's that simple. You know what you should and shouldn't be doing. We're all adults, let's take responsibility for our actions. I never really fell off the wagon, I was hanging on by a thread, but I'm back on completely. From this point forward I will not allow myself to just "get by". I'm better than that and you are to! Will it always be this hard? Maybe! Will I, and the rest of your Spark family be here for you along the way? Hellz yeah we will! So yeah tomorrow is a new day, but why waste the rest of a perfectly good day. Right now is a good a time to start. Do 10-15 of exercise. Give that candy bar you bought to a co-worker if you can't bear to throw it away. Get out of that fast food drive thru line and go to Subway. Eat fruit instead of chips. Drink water instead of soda. Any little change you make is a change in the right direction. Those small steps add up to GIANT leaps and bounds! Who's with me?

Peace and Blessings,
TaMara

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BLVINBUTTERFLYS 9/9/2011 8:46AM

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FALLINTOFLIGHT 9/9/2011 1:04AM

    CONGRATULATIONS ON 72 DAYS! That is no 'hey by the way' THATS HUGE, so proud of you! You are right little slips have a huge effect as do little triumphs having massive improvements! It took me 9 months of being on SP to realize EXACTLY what is in this blog! YOU WILL because YOU CAN! Your amazing, strong and worthy. Youve got this.



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MINERVASPARKING 9/7/2011 3:18PM

    You are awesome! Congrats on 72 days!!! That is HUGE! WOOT!
I agree with the working out. I decided I just set aside the time, and then in the moment I decide what I'm going to do. I'm sure that someone, somewhere thinks that's terrible, but I don't care. I gotta do what's going to keep me going, and so far just scheduling the time and sticking to it is a huge achievement for me, and then I get to exercise how I want, be it dancing, ST, pilaties, yoga, whatever. :D Good for you, I'm excited for ya!!!

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POOKASLUAGH 9/7/2011 2:06PM

    I'm so with you on the quality of food and the variety of exercise! I never plan what my workouts will be in advance. I always just sit down and wait to see what I feel like that particular day. Sometimes I'll want to take a long walk every day for a month, and sometimes I'll want to vary it up with a zumba disk. Whatever. As long as I'm moving, it's okay. I've also found it's okay to split up my workouts and do some in the mroning and then do more in the afternoon or evening if I feel like it. And food - I can't say just how much food quality has changed my life. I feel so much better, mentally, by eating a variety of whole, clean foods. I eat almost nothing processed these days besides my daily bowl of oatmeal squares cereal, and I'm okay with that. I"m trying to eat a new fruit and a new veggie every day, so that I get a variety into my system, to get as many vitamins and minerals into my body as possible, and it's working! I feel great, and after a six-week stall out, the weight is starting to slide off. I know that a big part of it is that I'm eating real food. Food quality is more important than I think most people realize. I think you've hit the nail on the head there!

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A call for change!

Tuesday, September 06, 2011

We're in the heart of the second week of EPIC and this week will be a defining moment for me. I barely scraped by last week and I know that I'm capable of more than that. Yes I'm tired, yes I have an ever-changing schedule, yes I'm already finding myself overwhelmed with school, and the list goes on, but I must and I will put an end to it now. So I decided to put a plan into action.

The first thing I did was sit down and create a tentative schedule for myself. This helped me realize that I have more time available then I thought. It also helped me realize that a vast majority of my time is not managed properly and wasted unnecessarily. I also had to accept responsibility for my actions. I will use any excuse to not workout and that's got to stop. I have no prob staying in calorie range and eating right and I tend to use that as an excuse not workout for some reason. I'm probably never going to be one of those people that just LOVES exercise, but I would like to be one of those people that does workout on a regular basis because I know I should. Because I know it's good for me.

Somewhere along the way I lost sight of why I set out on this journey in the first place! Simply put. BABIES. I can't have babies until I get in better health. Reiko's best friend is pregnant right now and I can't believe I'm saying this out lout, but I'm soo jealous! I know that is a horrible thing to say, but it's just not fair! Hearing all this baby talk is depressing and annoying and I find myself struggling to even talk to her, to be friendly to her, to be excited for her. And then of course I feel guilty for acting like an immature 12 yr old.

So I have some issues to work through..which I will....but for right now I can only take things one day, one step at a time. Right now that means making sure I workout this afternoon and then spend some time getting school work done!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FALLINTOFLIGHT 9/9/2011 12:55AM

    I heart your refocus. You can do this, believe in yourself, your worth and your goal. YOU WILL because YOU CAN!

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HOLLIEWALLY 9/7/2011 9:52AM

    You can do it!!!!

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MINERVASPARKING 9/7/2011 9:01AM

    I hate how when I put stuff down on paper it tells me something I did not want to see. hehe! I only hate it until I embrace it and make changes to get me to where I want to be. You will get there too! One of my reasons for getting healthy is I want *another* baby (I know, I'm greedy!) and I'm trying to avoid some of the complications I had the first time around (hoping to avoid anyway by getting more healthy!) Ok, so you are awesome, and you're taking steps in the right direction and that's all any of us can do!!! Rock on!!!

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POSITIVE_ONE 9/6/2011 8:16PM

    I never thought of exercise as something I like to do - just something I have to do to remain healthy. Great job focusing on your plan and moving forward - driven to succeed. I am sure you will!

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BOHEMMOM 9/6/2011 4:20PM

    Great blog Tamara. I still can't get over the honesty on this website. It's so appreciated, and I'm so proud to have you as a team leader. Some people just never "love" exercise (me included). I've even read about some super-skinny celebrities who struggle with it daily because they just don't like it. You can do it (and so can I)! I wish you the best of luck in all you hope for!

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JOSIEISHEALTHY 9/6/2011 3:12PM

    That is so great you made a schedule, that will surely help you. You have the time and the attitude now it's time to do it. I know it's hard believe me, but starting is the hardest part. You can do this!

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POOKASLUAGH 9/6/2011 3:07PM

    I haven't looked, but did you know there's a team on here called Getting Ready for Baby? Or something like that. It might help you with motivation in that area. :)

You *might* learn to love exercise one day. You really might. I didn't believe I would, but I have come to just adore it! Over the summer when I was working too hard, I grew to love it again, but as I started doing lower intensity exercise these past few weeks, I've grown to love it again. To the point where in the evening I get the urge to run around my living room even though I've finished my exercise for the day. I just feel great. You will get there too, if you keep going and trying. I know you will. And one day, you'll get to be at the center of babyworld too. :D

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MJ-SHE-BEAST 9/6/2011 3:00PM

    TaMara, glad you have your vision cleared and your ultimate goal back in mind.

I understand the jealousy, it's human. Just remember that you are carving out a healthy place to grow your babies and a healthy body to care for their needs and a healthy lifestyle for them to have as the right example to follow.

I am looking forward to the day I can buy baby clothes for your little ones and be the special honorary "auntie" who cuddles and spoils them a bit! Assumptive of me, but hey, this is who I am!

Glad you are getting your plan in place. You are strong and purpose-driven. You know you can do this!

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The week in review

Friday, September 02, 2011

I have been horrible about posting blogs lately. I just haven't had the time and I'm the kind of person that doesn't like to start something if I'm going to half-@ss my way through it. I'm so used to writing 2 or 3 blogs a week and here it is Friday and I'm just getting around to it. But it is what it is...and it is FRIDAY! I am soo looking forward to the weekend. This was my first full week of school and it kinda kicked my butt! I've only managed to workout twice this week, but I plan on working out this afternoon when I get back from class. So this lead me to the conclusion that I am going to have to set up some sort of schedule for myself and follow it! Not working really spoiled me and I fell in love with being able to do what I wanted, when I wanted. But now that school is in session and I'm interning, I need some sense of stability in my life. It's the only way I can ensure that I get in workouts 4-6 days a week.

Also, I finally got a new scale. This one is digital, shows your change up or down from the previous week, and seems to be pretty accurate. I really like that it shows my weight in lbs and ounces so I can be more exact then my regular scale. I was fearful that there was going to be some huge difference between the two, but no. The new one is just way easier to read and I don't have to guess. Plus it's glass, so it looks really sleek and sexy. Can a scale be sexy? Eh, movin on...

What else? Oh yes. EPIC. How could I forget? The first week of EPIC has been good, but could definitely have been better! I haven't exercised as much as I'd like. I've eaten well. Not just stayed in calorie range, but stayed in calorie range eating healthy foods which is key! FYI those DiGiorno 200 calorie pizzas are really good. Add a salad and some fruit and you've got a pretty yummy lunch!

Randomness: Dropped my phone trying to pay rent and the screen shattered. It's a touchscreen and surprisingly it still works. I could use my old phone until I can file the insurance claim and get a replacement, but I don't remember how I lived before a smartphone. Seriously. I wouldn't know what to do or how to work survive. No apps? Slow speed? I can't even bear to think about it. Oh, there was a shooting at my apartment complex yesterday. Since I'm interning at FOX what's the first thing I do? Yep, you guessed it. I call the breaking news desk. Oh you thought I called 911? Nope. Don't worry, the cops were already here. I was really surprised because I live in a really nice neighborhood in the medical center, but it was one of those random things where suspect 1 was being chased by suspect 2 and suspect 1 ran in here for shelter, but of course no one let suspect 1 in their apartment (would you?). So after his cries went unheeded, suspect 2 unfortunately caught up to him and well....you can figure out the rest. Also, someone hit Jezebel, my car, in the parking lot. She was just sitting there, minding her own business and Mr.I'maYoungKidWhoCan'tDriveMyF250 hit her little butt. As you can tell I love my car, but hopefully I can get her fixed. We're having some issues determining if the kid was covered under his mother's policy and fingers crossed he is. I refuse to claim it on my insurance.

Anywho, that was my week in review! This is usually the time I encourage you to push through the pain and keep moving forward, so yeah...stop being a whiney baby and just do it. Do something. Do anything. Drink your water, do some mountain climbers, lift some weights, run some miles. Now go and prosper and conquer!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GOODFEELING08 9/4/2011 4:43PM

    Hope you can find "your balance"! Good Luck on achieving your weight loss goals and school goals. . . I know how difficult it is to "make time" to eat right and exercise.

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MINERVASPARKING 9/2/2011 4:20PM

    Busy Week! And I'm just now seeing these fabulous shoes in the background, LOVE THEM!!! :D Hope you have a great weekend! Thanks for the update emoticon

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POOKASLUAGH 9/2/2011 2:56PM

    Wow, what a week you've had!! Phone, apartment complex, car...wow. I hope there's less bad luck in the upcoming week!

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Is that EPIC I see on the horizon?

Thursday, August 18, 2011

When we decided to take a month off from EPIC, most of us had mixed emotions. EPIC was supposed to be a year long challenge and taking a month off felt like we were letting the team, as well as ourselves, down. However, due to the lack of participation the last couple of months we felt it was necessary to take some time off. With vacations, kids out of school, changes in schedules, etc we felt it was best to give everyone an opportunity to re-group.

Taking a break was also an opportunity for some of us to test ourselves and see if we would still keep up with our goals, even though we weren't being held accountable. I noticed a huge change in my motivation and drive without the help of EPIC. I tried to stay as active as possible on the team page, stay current on blogs, and stick to my routine, but I found it lonely and unsatisfying. I can't wait for EPIC to start back up again. I don't know if you need me, but I sure need you! I miss my friends, hearing about their journey; offering advice, encouragement, and support as needed.

Motivation, encouragement, and support are key factors in successful weight loss. It's part of the reason that we use posting blogs, commenting on the team page, welcoming new members, etc as a way to earn participation points during an EPIC challenge. While helping others, you're helping yourself. I often read a blog that encourages me to get up and get moving or keep pushing forward after a setback. I appreciate the comments that are left on my blogs, especially when I need encouragement or advice.

Hopefully you're looking forward to the next leg of EPIC as much as I am. Are you excited to see what we have in store for you? I sure am! With any luck, there will be a meetup mixed in there sometime as well! So tell me, what did you miss about EPIC? Are you looking forward to it starting up again? Any changes you'd like to see implemented? Any ideas you'd like to share? Inquiring minds want to know!!

Make it a great day my fellow Sparkers!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BLVINBUTTERFLYS 8/22/2011 8:46AM

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MJ-SHE-BEAST 8/18/2011 3:04PM

    Yep, the team is going to get an new infusion of better leadership participation starting very, very soon! EPIC was a tremendous help to me and I am looking forward to revamping the energy that was once so prevalent on the SA team! Go San Antonio Spark Team! We are worth it and we can do this!

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FALLINTOFLIGHT 8/18/2011 1:43PM

    I want SA team page to be more active too, I drop in ever so often and less frequently than Id like I try to welcome ppl because I remember being new and getting wonderful encouragement and support from SPSA! I participated in epic for the first three or four rounds then took some time off. As soon as I was ready to come back I found out ab the laps in time : | but I understand and am trying to patient in waitng to hear when Epic or another challenge will be made available. Thank you for the update!!!

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POOKASLUAGH 8/18/2011 9:43AM

    I've participated in several challenges so far, in EPIC and with some other teams, and oddly for me they have the opposite effect. They make it too easy to go through the motions without paying attention, so I start sliding. I usually get full marks for the challenge, but don't really do well in the weight loss department. It reminds me of high school, where I could get perfect grades without really putting in any effort. I guess I just find all the little rules distracting? Don't know. Anyway, I won't be participating because I need to focus on my own journey, but I do hope it helps the team get more active again!

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Where's my mojo?

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

I have such a love hate relationship with vacation! I love it of course, but it's the coming back from vacation that I find so torturous. It's always so hard to get back on track and stick to a schedule after a week of freedom. I was hoping that I would get back on track yesterday with eating right and working out that didn't seem to happen. I started off with a fairly healthy breakfast, ran out of time to eat lunch so I grabbed a bag of chips, and had a fairly healthy dinner. But I was hungry fairly soon after finishing dinner, prob from not eating lunch and not drinking enough water, and I ate more chips for a snack. I didn't work out yesterday either. I actually got off work early and could have worked out, but I was tired....and starving by the time I got home.

Some of this funk that I'm in will have to be attributed to lack of sleep, lack of quality sleep, that is. Reiko gets up for work around 5:30/6:00, which of course wakes me up. It takes me a while to fall back asleep and I can never seem to fall back into a deep sleep, which just seems to make me more tired. I know that it would make more sense to just get up with Reiko, but I love my sleep. And I'm in no way a morning person.

Even through all this lack of sleep and exercise, I'm still managing to lose weight somehow. Luckily, we did a lot of walking on vacation and we didn't over eat. Vegas is famous for their buffets, so I was a little worried, but we only ate at one and I did a good job of controlling myself. I weighed myself this morning and saw that I was down another pound, so hopefully that will be enough to get me motivated. I know that if I can get myself over this hump, I can get back on track.

Maybe it's the end of summer blues! But we can do this. We can keep pushing forward! No one ever said this was going to be easy.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

YEOLDME 8/21/2011 7:54PM

    That end of the summer stuff always gets me down too, especially if I had a really good trip somewhere. It's always a let-down to return to the "real" world :) And I totally agree about the "not a morning person" thing, it would be sooooo much easier to get in workouts if I was. I know you'll be back on track soon - if you can write it, you can do it :)

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MJ-SHE-BEAST 8/18/2011 3:07PM

    Your blog title made me giggle. My family nickname is MoJo. All of my siblings and life long friends call me Mo...which causes odd looks at get togethers with newer friends! So just wanted to tell you if you lost your MoJo, here I am! emoticon

Seriously, a lot of us need to and are getting ready to get back into the swing of things. It isn't easy and motivation may have dipped, but here we are. Let's get to it!

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BLVINBUTTERFLYS 8/17/2011 11:29PM

    Just find the groove again, you can do it! Hang in there!
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JBEST73 8/17/2011 6:31AM

    You can get into your groove again. It's just another way that life tests us.

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WONDEROONA 8/16/2011 4:53PM

    emoticon

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POOKASLUAGH 8/16/2011 11:29AM

    It's so hot here. It's killing me too. I've definitely had a hard time getting myself together after vacation too. I hope you find your mojo soon!

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