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Why is it so hard to stay on track?

Friday, September 05, 2014

I feel like I go on and off Sparkpeople so often, sometimes I'm not really sure why I keep trying. It's so aggravating. I think some of it is I get too comfortable with myself and I don't feel like changing, but I know I need to. I like myself the way I am right now, I don't feel upset or frustrated looking in the mirror. The only thing that frustrates me is knowing that I am not where I wanted to be by now. Still shopping plus size, have to order almost everything I want to wear online. I definitely didn't still want to be the size I am right now by this time.

My goal was to get down to 200lbs by my son's second birthday. I have about 8 months to go, and I haven't made any progress since his birthday, in fact have back slid a bit. I don't know how some of you have done it!? I just can't seem to stay on track for more than about a month. I get stressed out and give up way too easy. I need to figure out what can really motivate me to stay on it and lose the weight.

Tracking food definitely helps, but I throw it out the window so fast. It's so easy to just "give up for the day" when I go a little off course. I don't know what's wrong with me, I'm just getting too complacent about all this. But, before I know it, it's going to be my son's 2nd birthday and I'm going to be kicking myself for not doing it, for myself and for him. I want to be a good example of a healthy person, I want to pursue my career in health, and I want him to have a mom who can live a long and active life. He is such a sweet and active boy, I don't want that to ever change.

Love my little man.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CINDYAST 9/11/2014 9:46PM

    Oh I wish I could just give you a hug right now! I've been where you are. Don't give up, you CAN do this! I know from personal experience, you're thinking, oh that's fine for someone else, what makes them special that they can lose weight and I just can't. You CAN you CAN you CAN! Take it a day at a time, and if that's too much, a minute at a time. What's helped me most is the daily (sometimes hourly) decision that this is what I'm going to do. I WILL make healthy choices, I WILL exercise regularly, I WILL make this a lifestyle change. Every time you make that decision, it, you feel proud of yourself that you made that step, no matter how small it seems. It's the small steps that add up. Try not to look at the big, final picture, but focus on the here and now. And don't just do it for your son, as important as he is, you need to do it for yourself as well. And look how far you've come! THAT IS something to celebrate!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BANANAMAG 9/6/2014 6:27PM

    I know it is super hard to focus on yourself when you have a little one and a husband to look after. So I think one thing for you is to learn to give yourself a little slack. If you backslide, you know that the best thing to do is shrug it off and try to pick back up where you left off. It's hard to not feel guilty, I know! It's something I'm always working on as well. Because guilt leads to more overeating, which leads to disappointment and frustration. So, do what you can, and don't be so hard on yourself. You've already come so far! You can keep on with this, especially since you have me and others cheering you on.

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    Take it ONE step, ONE day, at a time. emoticon

“What you perceive as a failure today may actually be a crucial step towards the success you seek. Never give up.”
― Richelle E. Goodrich

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DLISA78 9/5/2014 12:59PM

  you can do this... your motivation is right there... in that little guy.... emoticon emoticon

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Staying on Track

Sunday, July 06, 2014

I've been struggling to stay on track with tracking foods, which is the most important thing for me to help with weight loss in my experience so far. When I track consistently, I see consistent progress, when I don't track I either plateau or back slide. I think what I'm going to try is like a count up type thing like the "# of Days without an Accident" signs at big factory plants. Except mine will be "# of Days Tracking Streak" up on my white board. I don't know if I'll stick with it, but it's worth a shot, kind of a way of challenging myself to stay on track and compete with myself to get the longest tracking streak I can get. I'm going to try it, and hopefully update on that eventually.

Oh! A little while back I did post a bunch of pictures from when I first met my husband to now and then some people requested I do the same for my son on his first birthday. Well, I made a video for his birthday and I meant to put it on here for you to see, also, and never got to it. So, here it is, just copy/paste the link.

The songs are all meaningful to me and I never got around to really explaining to anyone what they meant to me. I don't know if it'll make any sense to anyone, but I'll explain anyways.

First, "Can't Help Falling in Love" by Elvis Presley. This song was played frequently during David's first few months. "Wise men says only fools rush in, but I can't help falling in love with you." I had struggled a lot feeling like this was all such bad timing and we didn't have a plan for how we were going to support a baby or what we'd do. I had a lot of fears while I was pregnant about whether I could emotionally handle it, also. Diving in head first without a plan was foolish, but in the end I couldn't help falling in love with him, even though sometimes my love was expressed mostly as fear, deep down it was really I just loved him so much I couldn't bear the thought of him not having his needs met, emotionally or otherwise. Then "Like a river flows surely to the sea, darling so it goes, somethings are meant to be", I have been so amazed by how things have worked out and honestly he hasn't cost us much money at all. We have had amazing people in our lives who helped provide some of his needs, big and small, it all really added up. The most expensive thing we have done is baby proofing and just now him having to go on toddler formula (which may be a separate blog post of it's own on another day). It has worked out so perfect it was just mean to be. It has not been completely smooth sailing emotionally for me, but things get better every day and it does help that we are getting more secure financially.

Second, "I Love You Always Forever". This was also a song I played a lot when he was a newborn. I loved to dance with him to this song because it was so upbeat. "Feels like I'm standing in a timeless dream of light mists and pale amber rose. Feels like I'm lost in a deep cloud of heavenly scent. Touching, discovering you." It felt so unreal, like a dream, (sometimes a nightmare) but it was all happening around me. It took me awhile to really get to know David, and even now I feel like I am still getting to know him. I love his soft skin and his little feet and hands. I love his smile and laugh, the little noises he makes, the excited sounds and motions he makes when someone he loves enters the room. And of course the main course of the song just speaks for itself! "I love you always forever, Near or far, closer together, Everywhere I will be with you, Everything I will do for you" needs no explanation I don't think. "You've got the most unbelievable blue eyes I've ever seen, you've got me almost melting away." Oh I just love David's eyes, they are so interesting this bluish green, so unexpected since I thought I'd get a dark brown eyed baby since me and my husband both have brown eyes, such a sweet surprise.

Last, "You and Me" by Frances England. This is my song for him now, and probably for a long time. I am so proud of him. I love the great memories we are making now. I also like how this song actually lines up in the video to where he starts really making some progress in getting mobile, crawling, pulling up, giving HUGE smiles. Oh I just so proud of him. He is so sweet and I just adore this song. "How did you grow so big over night? How did you get so smart and bright? Yesterday you were asleep in my arms, today you're growing off the charts! I'm so proud of you." It really did feel like one day he was this squishy blob baby that didn't do much but cry, sleep, and eat. Now he has developed such a fun personality and he likes to play and learn things and interact with me. I can't pin point exactly where that happened, but what is fun and not really planned was that the point where that song comes on the video is showing where he is suddenly becoming more mobile, you can see the sudden difference from him being a tiny baby to being an older baby going into toddlerhood. It's so perfect!

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the video and I will update about how the whiteboard count up is going at a later time. I'm hoping it helps!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BANANAMAG 7/7/2014 9:39PM

    I absolutely love your song descriptions. They made me feel a bit teary! You are doing a great job with David, and I know you will always do what's right for him.

As far as your tracking streak, I think it's a great idea to compete with yourself. The best thing is, even if you track and go over your calories, you can still count that as a day you tracked! Sometimes it's better just to be honest with yourself. I know you can do this!

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CINDYAST 7/7/2014 4:58PM


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SPINNINGJW 7/7/2014 7:09AM

    I don't do well with food tracking at all. I hope this strategy works well for you. Keep us posted!

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ROXYCARIN 7/7/2014 12:20AM


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Memorial Day Follow Up

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

So, after reading the comments of a few people on my last blog entry, I decided I would go to that BBQ that my husband really wanted to go to. It was fun. There was not as much tempting food there as I had thought. I've been there before for those parties and they usually have loads of food and all different kinds. This time they just had burgers, brats, potatoes, and chips. I spied some brownies, but they were covered and no one was eating them, so I wasn't sure they were meant for everyone. I had one Mountain Dew, because it's my favorite and I knew I could only have one and drink lemonade or water the rest of the time.

Weigh in today and I hadn't gained, so that's awesome. Happy happy happy.

I am on track today, also. I went for 2 walks today, earlier I walked to the post office and then later I took the dog for a nice walk after David went to bed. Hit my 5000 steps for the day, and a little beyond!

Tomorrow is the trip downstate. We aren't leaving until later on after Vince gets out of work, so I know I will be fine during the day, being able to track what I eat. Usually we do grab some food on the drive and caffeine is a must when leaving late in the day. But, I should still be able to track and stay at least close to my ranges. Vince is very on board and is trying to lose weight also, although I haven't talked him into tracking, he just eats what I eat, and sometimes a bit more. Seems to have worked well for him for the most part.

I don't really expect to lose any weight on this trip, but hopefully I can stay under control for the most part. As far as the competition, I think I will just be happy if I can weigh at the end of the 4 weeks the same as when we started. I don't think it's really possible for me to catch up to the people who lost 7lbs the first week, when I haven't lost anything still after the 2nd weigh in. It really wouldn't be healthy, and that's the whole point, right? I guess what I'm worried about is if people start "talking crap" to me about the competition, since I won last time. I never did that to anyone, I never talked about that I was winning, but they all did. Hopefully, they remember that I was never the one to bring it up and I never bragged to them about it. But I guess even if they do, I'll just tell them, my goal is just to maintain right now, I wasn't planning on winning. It's just still embarrassing to be dead last.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BMCKEOW1 5/28/2014 1:17PM

    Way to go at the BBQ. Sometimes they are hard but it sounds like you did really well. Be proud of that. As for the competition you will do awesome. One my goals when doing those is to never end up worse then when I started. It's helped before. Good luck.

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JADED_CHICK19 5/28/2014 12:24PM

    Don't feel bad about the competition. These things are meant to be motivators to help build or continue healthy lifestyles! The people who are not doing that are not going to get out of it what they are meant to but you will! Keep your head held high and do what works for you...

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SPINNINGJW 5/28/2014 7:12AM

    Don't be embarrassed. Even if you come in last in this competition, at least you started. You are not sitting on the couch doing nothing. So, you've had a rough patch. Everyone has them. (I have been on a terrible eating pattern, and my scale is up a little bit)

Hang in there, and remember the reasons you started on this journey. Have a safe and fun trip, and make each eating choice as it is presented.

One option for eating out that I have seen many places is to cut your restaurant meal in half when it is placed in front of you. Ask for a "to go" box right away, and put half the meal in the box, and just eat half. This will help with the enormous servings given in most restaurants.

Maybe you should try David's trick and eat the dog food? He's skinny, right?

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BANANAMAG 5/27/2014 9:03PM

    I am so proud of you for getting up the strength to go to that bbq. And it sounds like you did awesome. Maintaining your weight the next day after a party is a feat for sure!

I'm also glad that you're not going to try to catch up with those people who lost a bunch at the beginning. Because, you're right, it's not healthy to lose that much in a week. And I don't think you should be embarrassed about being last. Someone has to be last! And you can be proud of yourself in the end when you maintain or lose some (I know you will because you're just that awesome).

Something to consider...I know you guys are big Mt. Dew fans. However, if you happened to want to trade that out with tea once in awhile, you could be doing yourself a big favor. Compare the calories and see. I found on my last trip that a lot of gas stations even have hot bagged tea in the same area as their coffee. Then you won't get any calories at all!

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CINDYAST 5/27/2014 8:42PM

    Glad you decided to go to the BBQ and enjoyed yourself! emoticon
One thing I do is toss some veggies, fruits, and water into a small cooler with an ice pack and it will help with the trip "munchies". I've even made my own sandwiches for lunch on the road. And it's cheap! lol! Have a great time!

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I need to get it together.

Saturday, May 24, 2014

So, I'm at the halfway point of my initial long term goal. I want to be down 90lbs total by my son's second birthday. His first birthday is in a week and I am down about 40lbs. I suppose in perspective, that's great, because I actually started the post-pregnancy weight loss journey a couple months after he was born, not right away. So, I have another year to lose 50 more pounds, that's a lot of weight, but if I can do 40 in less than a year, surely I can do 50 in a year, right?

Well, I don't know what is wrong with me, but I'm losing my grip here. We started the biggest loser challenge, and I am the only one as of last week that gained weight (.2 lbs, so not a big deal, but still). Stupid, because the weigh in was Monday, and on like Friday I was down about 4 lbs, somehow by Monday I had jumped back up. I guess I got over confident and I... I don't know. Anyways, I guess it left me in kind of bad spirits as far as being motivated for the competition. I feel like I've already lost, some people lost 7 lbs just in that first week!! What the heck?! I'm never going to be able to catch up. But, I need to not do this just to win, I need to do this to get me back on track.

It's hard, because lately there has been an unending list of excuses to not track. I don't feel like there is any point in tracking if I know there is going to be a meal where I won't be able to track, I don't know why I feel that way, but I've been that way since the beginning. So, Mother's Day I didn't track, because that's my day! Then, my birthday I didn't track, because that's my day, too! Now, told my husband, ok, the birthday cake is gone (gave some of it away, then we ate the rest), so back on track now. But tomorrow is neighbor kid's open house... well I'm not close to the neighbors, we honestly kind of don't like them that much, but I'd like to try to make nice with them, because I may need them one day and I think they are nice people, we just got a bad first impression. I guess, we could just stop in to the open house and say hi and drop off a gift and leave. I'm not 100% sure they'd notice right away if we didn't show up at all, but I think it would cross their mind eventually and we told them we'd be there, so I don't want to be a liar. I think the only solution is to go and not stay long and not eat anything. And then, my husband says his boss is having a cookout for Memorial day. Guh.. when does it end? I think I will tell my husband he can go, but I'm not going. I'm tired of it. I cannot do social situations and not end up eating too much, because I can't track. Then we are going out to Zehnder's on Friday when we go downstate to see family because they do a free meal the month of your birthday and I haven't been in the area for my birthday in a long time and I really want to go. Then my parents want to do cake and ice cream that night, too. Then Sunday is David's birthday party. Ugh... I'm going to weigh a million pounds when this is all over.

Ok. I just told my husband no Memorial Day party. So, that problem solved. But the rest, it's still too much. Maybe I won't go to Zehnder's either... but that's kind of sad...

I don't know.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPINNINGJW 5/25/2014 1:27PM

    I find that many restaurant foods are in the tracker. If not, make your best guess. Tracking something close to what you eat is better than blowing it off all together. You do deserve those days when you enjoy yourself and feel like a "normal" person who doesn't have to track every bite. You also deserve to be healthy, fit and be there when your son graduates from college, gets married and has kids of his own.

Hang in there! You CAN do this!

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KELLIEBEAN 5/24/2014 9:53PM

    I'm sorry you are struggling.

When you are faced with a social gathering, you could bring a healthy dish that you can control and then sit away from where the snacks are. You will be less likely to indulge.

The last Christmas party I went to where I always go way overboard, I decided to eat very healthy the days leading up to the party and then at the party, I allowed myself a very small portion of the things I liked. I sat away from the table where all the food and snacks were set out and ate very slowly. My plate was full of many delicious foods so I didn't feel restricted. Then the next few days, right back on track with small, frequent meals and plenty of water and activity.

Don't sell yourself short. You are worth this and you can do it!

Keep blogging so we can all cheer you on and to keep your goals in mind!

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MOBYCARP 5/24/2014 8:19AM

    Social eating situations are tough. They frequently have foods that aren't familiar, aren't obvious in the SP databases, and have unknown ingredients. I make the best estimates I can. Chocolate chip cookies, white cake with frosting, and fudge are surrogates that I use for unfamiliar desserts, depending on what it seems to resemble most. i estimate the weight, in the full knowledge that I'm not very good at estimation.

I'm pretty sure my estimates for social eating are biased to undercount calories and fat. But here's the deal: A bad estimate is better than no estimate. With the estimate, I eat less than I would have without the estimate. And even though overeating by 1000 calories in a day (or perhaps 2500, if I've grossly underestimated) is a Bad Thing, it's not as bad as overeating by 4000 or 5000 calories. And yes, I could easily overeat by 5000 calories if I didn't track.

Yeah, avoiding the social eating situation entirely is better for staying on track. But they can't all be avoided, and avoiding them all forever is not the way to maintain a stable weight and be happy. A balance must be found.

I wish you well in finding your own personal balance between reduced social time and managing social eating better, or less badly, than you have historically.

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BANANAMAG 5/24/2014 7:32AM

    I know you can do this! This time of year is tough with all the events, I know that for sure. But, I truly believe that the more you stress about it, the more you will hang on to that extra weight. I read somewhere (probably Pinterest haha) a quote that said, "Your body hears everything your mind tells it." You started this competition saying that you were going to take it easy on yourself because it's a bad month. One bad month does not equal a bad year! I say screw the competition, even screw your weight loss goal for awhile. Just try to maintain this month and you'll be doing better than you would've done before. If you don't hit exactly 50 lbs down by next year, so freaking what? No matter what, you'll be healthier and more energetic because you'll have made better choices. Look at those pictures you put as your background! It's obvious that you're already reaping the benefits of a healthier lifestyle.

As far as tracking on special days like Mother's Day and your birthday, I think you are totally within your rights to do so. But on random events like open houses and bbqs, you can always go in with a plan. I know you know you should track breakfast and lunch on those days, so do it. Then, understand you probably won't stay in your range that day, which is fine! But at least you were healthy most of the day. Before you go, make a plan. You can tell me or your husband how you're going to eat. Like usually I'll say I'm going to get one plate of food and one dessert. Seconds are only for veggies and fruit, if I feel I can handle the temptation of going back up. I might get an eensy amount of the super good stuff. But then, done. I usually feel full at that point anyway. And, as you know, I pretty much just drink water and tea, so no sugary beverages. You could even bring your own low-cal beverage if you wanted to.

So, sorry I went into big-sister mode. But I want you to know that I'm here to support you all the way, and I totally understand your frustrations. emoticon emoticon

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LOSE4LIFE47 5/24/2014 12:58AM

    emoticon emoticon

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Emotional Shopping vs Emotional Eating

Thursday, May 15, 2014

I've been crazy anxious lately, and I'm actually not even sure why. I guess maybe it has to do with my son's first birthday coming up, which includes us taking an 8+ hour trip to see family. And, of course, money anxieties are always floating around in the back of my head. I have had a rotation of 3 songs stuck in my head for the past week or so, which is always a sign of anxiety for me.

So, my husband stayed home from work for half the day so that I could get a little extra sleep, because I was up too late last night, because I'm having trouble getting my breast pump to work properly, I couldn't figure out why it wasn't suctioning as well as usual. I realized, too late, that I need to replace a part on it. So, I took him to work today after I got some sleep and our son took a nap. Since it was already 2pm by the time I dropped him off, I decided to stick around and get some things done. So, I renewed my driver's license, since my bday is next week and I'm turning 25. I also went to the store to get the replacement part for my breast pump. While I was there I got sucked into the infant/toddler clothes section. Found some shirts on clearance. A plain black long sleeved shirt, a white turtle neck shirt, and a blue thermal shirt for only $1. I also found a long sleeve Avengers shirt for $2. They were all bigger sizes than what he is in currently, so they should all fit him either in the fall or in the winter. I was happy, because that's pretty much yard sale prices for brand new clothes. Woohoo!

Then, somehow, I ended up at Maurice's. Nice store. Expensive store. Clearance jeans were 75% off though! I wanted to try on jeans, because a lot of my jeans are getting big on me. I realized while I was there that size 22 jeans are getting big on me, but size 20 is still tight in most jeans. I walked out with a new outfit, which I justified that I need some new clothes to go out in for my birthday. A pair of jeans, a pink lace tank top, and a black jacket. So cute! All on sale, so it only set me back $55, but that is still a lot for me to spend, especially while I'm losing weight, but I really needed some new clothes. About 80% of my clothes are from over 3 years ago. Styles I do not really like any more, and sizes that are definitely not my size anymore. Oh well, little by little I will have to replace them.

Shopping felt good though. Maurice's is really the only store where I live, other than Walmart, that carries my size in stock and doesn't force me to shop online. I feel so much better, and maybe I won't have those darn songs stuck in my head. I guess that emotional shopping is at least a bit better than emotional eating. Although, it set me back financially a bit, at least if I regret it, I can always go back and return them. Once you put something bad for you in your stomach, you can't undo it. I don't think I'll regret it though, I was due for a new outfit.

I am doing a 4 week "Biggest Loser" competition with my husband's family. $10 per person and who ever loses the biggest percentage of body weight wins all. I won last round, which was a 12 week round. We will see how it goes with only 4 weeks. I think I did so well last time is because everyone fizzled out after a few weeks and I kept pushing. So, the shorter time is going to be more of a challenge, I think. But, I'm pretty sure I can still do it. I'm not going to stress too much about it, because this is just not a good month for me anyways. I will try to be good every day, but I am going to enjoy my birthday and my son's birthday. I'm not going to stress on those days. I figure 2 days out of 4 weeks is not going to be what destroys my efforts, it would be if after those two days pass that I keep eating poorly. Anyways, it's only $10, I just want to participate and do my best, winning is not super important this time around.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CINDYAST 5/16/2014 5:32PM

    Ah, but if you win the challenge you can get another outfit! emoticon
Keep up the great work!

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SPINNINGJW 5/16/2014 7:45AM

    Congratulations on the new outfit! You are worth it! I would caution against using "retail therapy" too much. After my parents passed away (mom in 1996 and dad in 1999) I was doing too much shopping and spending and ended up with a debt load that was outside my comfort zone. Since that time, I have learned to "window shop" and go looking at things, but not buying. I can usually justify why I "NEED" something, but frequently it isn't a true need, but a "WANT."

As we lose weight, and our clothes don't fit, it is uncomfortable. We do need to buy a few things that fit us "now" so that we feel good in our changing bodies. I had to break down and buy 2 new pairs of pants for work because I got tired of constantly having to pull up the "too big" ones.

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BANANAMAG 5/15/2014 10:53PM

    If emotional shopping helps you, I say go for it! As long as you have the basics covered, which I know you do. It's a great to know that you can always return it if need be. And that outfit sounds adorable! Definitely worth $50.

Good luck with the Biggest Loser competition! It sounds like you have a pretty healthy attitude about it. And if you're doing it for fun and not stressing too much, you will enjoy it a lot more anyway.

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