TALLGIRLX3   15,224
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Stranger in the Mirror

Sunday, September 28, 2014

You know what I like about being on Sparkpeople? I feel like I can be real and not like I'm being judged when I have something to say or post. Maybe that's because sometimes it's easier to admit things to strangers because you don't have to worry about disappointing them. Maybe it's because you don't really care what a stranger thinks of you (not in the same way that you'd care what your beat friend or co-worker thinks).

I have to say I have not been in a good place the last few weeks. I have tried so hard to get rid of some of this baby weight and it really has been an epic fail. When the hubs did the Advocare 24 day challenge (clean eating with several supplements and meal replacement shakes - thy gotta make money right?) he she'd well over 30 lbs in one month. This time he lost right about 20. Me? I lost 7... and a $h!+ ton of money that would have been better spent on a babysitter and a personal trainer for a month.

I'm in a size 18 jeans... well, I would be if I'd buy jeans and am now weighing in at 213 lbs. I can't quite explain this state of attitude I find myself in. I feel so Incredibly alone even though I know I'm not. I feel like my normal self, until a I see a picture of myself and it's like looking at a complete stranger. I'm used to being a size 10/12 and weighing in the 160's. I don't need or want to be rail thin but I want to be me.

I don't know how I'm going to possibly lose any of this weight when I did 2 weeks of lean meat and fruit and vegetable and did not lose a single ounce. I'm so frustrated I don't know what to even say!

I can't figure out a time that I can work out. I keep hearing people say those who want to work out MAKE time for it... we all have 24 hours in a day. Well, ya know what? Screw you and the treadmill you rode in on! I'm freaking tired! Being up at 3 or 4 in the morning holding a bottle in E's mouth doesn't inspire me to go ahead and go to the gym while I'm up. Walking down the stairs and popping Jillian Michaels or Shaun T in the DVD player would more likely result in broken bones from stumbling down those stairs instead of the promised rock hard abs.

Hubs has done so well with his weight loss. We started off running OCR races together last year. I got pregnant and he kept on training and racing. Now I'm starting over and I feel completely left behind. I don't even want to "run" with him any more because I can't keep up. These races certainly aren't my passion but it was something fun we could do together. We have never really done "our own thing" and did stuff separately. And I don't like it now that he's so far ahead.

I think I have myself scared to death that he's going to lose interest in me. Even I know how ridiculous that is. He has never done or said anything to make me feel this way. It's all my own doing but I have somehow concocted this whole feeling of unworthiness.

Could this all be coming from exhaustion? I usually am making comments about how awesome I am... and totally meant it when I said it. Now that confidence has been replaced with doubt and even a touch of jealousy.

Forget that I don't recognize my reflection in the mirror any more. I don't even recognize myself inside my own head! I think I need a therapist! What is wrong with me?!?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JANUT57 9/29/2014 7:07AM

  Take it one day at a time. Count your blessings. Believe in yourself.

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DUSTYPRAIRIE 9/29/2014 6:43AM

    I think we've all felt like that one time or another. I found once I relaxed about it all I broke a plateau . I'm now doing south beach. It's real food. It's too soon tell, but it's healthy eating and the encourage moderate exercise.

Try to relax and have a fun journey. Mix up your meals. Your favs can become treat meals.

Much success! I'm here for any support you need!

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Now I'm Back!

Tuesday, September 09, 2014

Oh, geeze to have a routine... at least some small semblance of one, anyway!

I like a routine, especially where my little guys are involved. And I know it's slow going to get a new baby on a routine. I really wish they'd just pop out knowing when to eat and when to sleep! I mean, he's been riding around in there for a full 9 months. He should have this down by now!

I can't believe I'll be starting back to work next week. I'm really not looking forward to it, even though I am lucky enough to have the private sitter that we do have. She watched O until he was 2 1/2 years old before I had to put him in daycare (he needed the social interaction anyway). I know little E will be in good hands... and probably spoiled, but it's not me!

Why do I have to go to work? Stupid money... stupid bills!

Anyway, no use crying over it. It's not something I can change, at least not right now it isn't. So, I guess I'll focus on what I can change.

Holy cow, do I ever have a long way to go this time around! I put on the same amount of weight with this pregnancy as I did with my first. But the weight was distributed VERY differently. This time the majority of it was just in my belly. I got the "You're all baby!" comment a lot during this pregnancy, and I'll tell you I was seriously enjoying it.

Well, guess what... the weight was surely all in my midsection, but it was NOT all baby! I actually weigh 10 lbs more at 7 weeks post delivery than I did with my first! And, now I'm dealing with just a huge floppy gut. (You're welcome... pretty picture isn't it?)

I went shopping for jeans, and ended up with 2 workout outfits instead (since my previous gym shorts and capris are also too small). I've been going to the gym for about 5 weeks but I haven't been consistent, because yeah - the only thing consistent with a newborn in the house is sleep deprivation! (Don't worry - I do nap... at least I did. Now, I'm working from home so the napping thing isn't going so well).

Also, now I'm on day 5 of the Advocare 24 Day clean eating challenge. My hubby did this back in January and was very successful. He lost quite a bit of weight and has kept the majority of it off (even though I was slowly dragging him into my pregnancy addictions. Oops!) Since having E I have fluctuated between 220 and 216. Right now, on day 5, I am at 216.2 lbs. I will not be even remotely impressed until I break through that 216 and hopefully the numbers just keep dropping. I'm hopeful at this point and will probably not weigh myself again until Day 11 (which is what the program says to do). Hopefully I'll be met with a nice little surprise on that morning.

Also, looking forward to getting back into the OCR world (Obstacle Course Racing). Not that I ever actually "raced" to win - but it was a lot of fun and now I'm part of a racing team and have gotten to meet a lot of the members by going to support the Hubs during his races. It's a second family and I'm truly blessed for their support.

I'm actually doing a run this weekend since the in-laws will be here to watch the boys. I'm excited to get out and visit with adults without having to tote around a diaper bag and a 10 lb sack-a-taters (little man).

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    A run sounds like just the thing! I hope you enjoy it immensely.
A great sitter and wonderful grandparents, sound like a real blessing!
Your comment about babies should have it down by 9 months made me laugh. I know, right? Meanwhile, I deal with my 18 year old that sleeps in and stays up late and I'm getting older and wanting to be in bed by 9 p.m. and often up before dawn. Such is life, so we roll with it.

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ALICIA214 9/9/2014 12:21PM


emoticon on the birth of your new baby son..


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I'm Coming Back!

Wednesday, July 09, 2014

Oh where does the time go?

Seems like I just posted on here that I found out I was pregnantÖ and here I am about to deliver in a few short days.

Things never slow down though. I look forward to having a break for work for a while so I can focus on myself for a bit while Iím on maternity leave. Babies can be a handful, but if I remember correctly the first few weeks with son #1 were a little boring. Maternity leave in the US is a joke, just when things get interesting we have to go back to work, but I digressÖ

We are expecting another boy, and O is super excited to have a little brother.
Iím already thinking about my goals and wondering what weight Iíll be starting at once I get this kiddo evicted and shed some of the extra ďbaby weightĒ that (thankfully) comes off pretty quickly.

I have put on about 50 lbs with this pregnancy, but it is mostly in my belly and thighs (weird when I put it on all over with O). Iím hoping that because of this, Iíll be able to get back to normal a little more quickly. Also, hoping that I can be a little more efficient at losing the weight by breastfeeding (hey, I know thereís no guarantee on that, but at least I can hope for some kind of reward out of the deal, right???)
Iím actually getting ready to head to the park during my lunch break to see if I can walk enough to help things ďmove alongĒ. Iíd be totally cool with going into labor tonight!

Anyway Ė while baby stuff is exciting and all, this family is in high gear at all times it seems.

The hubs got a phenomenal opportunity to open a gym, of all things! This is quite suiting for him, since he has lost around 100 lbs over the last year and a half (more if you go back to when O was born which was his highest weight I believe Ė my last pregnancy was not good to him. LOL!)

So, Iím just touching base at the moment and keeping my fingers crossed that Iíll be posting my next post either from the iPad at the hospital maternity wardÖ or from home being on maternity leave with Baby Ninja. (The nickname is because he is actually due on the date of the Mud Ninja, which is an OCR that the hubs was actually signed up for before we knew he was coming).

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SMAXWELL57 7/9/2014 2:50PM

    Congratulations .. Just remember to take one day at a time. Can't wait to hear about your new little one. emoticon

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JANUT57 7/9/2014 2:47PM

  Looking forward to your next posting welcoming in your new son! emoticon

Comment edited on: 7/9/2014 2:47:57 PM

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JTREMBATH 7/9/2014 2:38PM


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WEIGH-2-GO 7/9/2014 2:36PM

    How cute!

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HELP! Need input ASAP!

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Ok yeah I know... I haven't been on here in FOREVER! Please forgive me.

But I've got to keep his brief bc wiring a blog from my phone isn't the most pleasant thing I've done.

Long story short - my hubby bought a gym. Not a home gym, an actual business! It was a Snap Fitness but he's dropping the franchise. And that's where you come in!


And GO!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TALLGIRLX3 3/30/2014 7:54AM

    These are great! We have considered Average Joe's bc the hubs name is Joe. Lol!

He has to make a decision by Monday... an here is a little more information.

It's in a small town (not rural)
There is already a "Silver sneakers" program in place so there are senior citizens and the next town over is a college town so there are pleb to young folks too. We are trying to appeal to the masses.
Not sure about a theme. But I did tell hubs to use himself for marketing. He has list nearly 100 lbs in just under a year!

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KING_SLAYER 3/29/2014 6:58PM

    Average Joe's Gym
The Body Shop
Gluteus Maximus Using a Roman helmet as a logo :)
Default Gym (good if there's not another gym in town)
Clean & Press (could open a companion dry cleaning service!)
Squatters & Lifters

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LUVSBULLDOGS 3/29/2014 5:17PM

    Here are a few more:

Flex & Fit
The Body Building
Body Factory
Maximum Muscle
Peak Physique
Platinum Fitness
Prime Fitness
The Steel Factory

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CJBAGGINS 3/29/2014 4:46PM

    What sort of neighbourhood is it in?

What sort of clientele do you expect?

Anything that you can use as a theme?


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LUVSBULLDOGS 3/29/2014 4:42PM

    I love your wallpaper. The flowers and butterfly make a beautiful picture.

Names that come to mind: Fit Smart, Fit Gym,

I'm going to think about it for a bit and get back to you.

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A Quick Check In/Update

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Well, Iím still alive and breathing. It has become so hard to make the time to get on SparkPeople and visit with my friends here.

So I just thought Iíd throw in a quick update on how things are going in this crazy life of mineÖ

New boss = new responsibilitiesÖ who knew!? Things around the office are much more pleasant than they were in the past and I have a whole new level of motivation when it comes to my job. (Itís amazing what a change in atmosphere will do for the soul!) I used to spend quite a bit of time on spark and I rarely was on when I was at home. Well THAT has changed! I have little extra time at work and Iím totally ok with that. But this is the biggest reason for my absence here.

Weight loss is still good. At this point Iím maintaining (my size anyway). Iíve actually put on almost 10 lbs but Iíve gone up roughly 2% in muscle mass. I havenít gotten smaller but havenít gotten bigger eitherÖ and can definitely feel the difference in my strength when Iím lifting the kiddo (unless he lost weight).

I actually just had to invest in a bunch of new jeansÖ 1) the new boss lets us wear jeans to work (this guy is too good to be true!) 2) none of my jeans fit right.

Too small, too bigÖ I had absolutely nothing that looked right. So I had to fix that and thought it would be a good idea to spruce up the accessories and shirt sections as well! I feel pretty cute these days, and thatís a great feeling!

Iím done with races for the year. Running through any form of water past the 15th of October is not and I do mean NOT my idea of a good time. I donít like being cold! The hubs has 2 more OCRs this month and then I think heís taking a break as well. But I do have a 5K coming up in November.

Looks like Iíll be scheduling surgery on my foot. I have a bunion (geeze, that makes me sound old) and that happens to be the same foot I injured during my first OCR. It hasnít been the same since then. Pretty much constant painÖ and my shoes are pretty uncomfortable at this point. So Ė while all that totally sucks, I am looking forward to being able to move forward and to quit using that as an excuse on my running.

We are hoping to get the surgical ball rolling soon, because there is an even bigger challenge ahead. We have decided to try for another kiddo. Iíd like to get the surgery done and gone before I get preggers. (Iím a planner, what can I say!)

I think that's it for now. Hopefully I can still continue to move forward and I just want everyone to know that I do think of my Sparkfriends often - but it just doesn't work out for me to be able to get on here much!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BARBANNA 1/31/2014 4:35PM

    Hope your bunion is healed and you are doing well! You are probably pregnant by now and if so congratulations! Give a line or two to know how you are doing! emoticon

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KAR815 1/18/2014 11:47AM

    Congrats to you on your new work situation that's good! Most importantly I hope the surgery goes well , ( Ive been there twice ! Once in a boot for breaking my ankle and then once in a boot for having bunion surgery) ugh !! I totally understand that.... oh I may even eventually have to go back to have another surgery , since the toes are crooked on my left foot, the dr did say the toes are tough , theres no guarantee that they will stay straight? so I refuse to go back this year Im taking a trip of a lifetime to Ireland! I wont let the pain in my foot stop me ! I did complete 2 5K runs with the toes taped... painful but mananged to run thru it! hahaha Anyways good luck !! We'll catch up on SP at somepoint.
oh Congrats to trying for another baby that's awesome!!

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BARBANNA 10/19/2013 6:11PM

    Glad to hear from you! Good luck with the bunionectomy, I need one as well but that means a long, long time without any major weight bearing... Hope baby number two is a girl! Happy about your new boss, that is a great thing to have! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KING_SLAYER 10/16/2013 3:25PM

    Glad to hear that your work has become a more pleasant thing for you to do. I hope that you get your foot taken care of and that you can be pain free again. Good luck with the future pregnancy.

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