Tuesday, November 12, 2013
1 mile run. Several times I thought I couldn't finish (mostly on the uphills). Two songs and some skipping. Afterward, minor asthma. Then 9 and 5 pushups, + 10 x 2 modified pushups. No matter how many pushups I did last time, the first always seems impossible. Not sure I feel more awake, though. I've got to do something about sleeping.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Research has shown that, asked to recall autobiographical events, most people recall more good events than bad. That surprises me, since I seem wired to focus on the negative. It's difficult to cultivate gratitude on any given day. There are so many sad, frustrating, things going on that thinking of the positive immediately conjures "Yeah, but..." statements in my mind.
Today I'm having a start at turning that around. Maybe I could think of something negative and train myself to immediately conjure "Yeah, but..." statements that are positive instead. My goal this week is to write each day about one thing for which I'm grateful.
Today is a hard day. I'm remembering my parents, who died within 6 weeks of each other this year. ...Yeah, but neither suffered very long. That is a gift which it is impossible to deserve. They were not 'entitled' to a quick end to pain. And I was gifted to have them in my life at all, to have a good relationship with both, and to have experienced their love. I certainly was in no way entitled to all of that. Although I'm terribly hurt by their passing, I'm immeasurably grateful for their presence and the manner of their passing.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Today I finally ate myself sick. After several weeks of healthy living, I've been consistently overeating for days. Today I finally ate until I literally feel ill. This is so discouraging. Although I tell myself that tomorrow, remembering how I feel, I'll be less tempted to overeat.
On the up side, I have continued to meet my strength training goals and track all of my food. And I'm here blogging about it, so it's not a total regression.
Friday, September 23, 2011
This journey is like climbing a tall mountain inch by inch. The first steps are the hardest, but once you hit your stride things look up. For a while you trundle along feeling good about your progress. Then, just when you near a peak, a mountain troll appears. "Look how far you've come," she says, "No one could fault you for stopping here." And, "You've worked so hard; you deserve a break."
But the thing is, you can't stop here. Weight loss is two steps forward and one step back. If you stop moving forward, you're left with step back after step back. You can scrabble for purchase, but the slope is too steep to prevent a slide.
My slide has been back to the plateau of eating out and drinking sweet tea. And I've gone even farther: I now regularly order dessert, too. Although yesterday I avoided eating desserts when I wasn't hungry, I'm afraid that's just a scrabble for purchase. Right now I'm chatting with my mountain troll. We'll find out soon which of us is Queen of the mountain.
Monday, September 19, 2011
I recently picked up the book "Thanks," which is about scientific research into gratitude. It's inspiring. For a long time I've been a believer in self-sufficiency. "Outliers" led me to question exactly how much in my life is due to hard work and how much to the vagaries of chance. "Thanks" is taking me farther down that path.
Of course there is almost always hard work involved in success. People with similar opportunities don't always have similar achievements. However, people who work equally hard don't always have similar achievements, either. I'm finding it hard to reconcile the belief that much of life is based on luck with the belief that hard work matters, but my mindset is definitely shifting.
After all, I've tried to lose weight before Spark People, and yet I gained 20 pounds in 10 years. I accidentally found this site while looking up Sonic calories for my niece one day. I can still vividly remember my irritation that I had to register just to do a food search. But 5 years later I've lost over 20 pounds and maintained a healthier weight. So how much different am I from a heavier person who didn't find SP?
The gears are definitely turning. In the meantime, I'm grateful to The Spark Guy for starting this website, my husband for joining me in an active lifestyle, and my friends for being my cheerleaders. I know that I could not have done this alone.
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