Saturday, July 27, 2013
I spent 5 hours with the Grandson today (He's autistic) - we're making significant progress in how long before he melts down. The original plans were to go to Fairyland and have a picnic, but my knee has been bothering me the last two weeks and just when I think it's back under control, poof it flares up again and I can barely walk. (Old injury that somehow has been aggravated with the weight loss) Anyway, it was a beautiful windy day for kite flying so we went down by the water and had a lovely picnic and flew kites.
One of the other things he loves that I do is blow bubbles. For me its so relaxing and stress relieve to blow bubbles (I think I developed the habit after quitting smoking*. But it was just fun with the new wands I bought.
I just wish my knee would stop hurting. Its killing my ability to bike or walk. Need to look at the chair exercise to see what I can do for cardio.
Saturday, July 27, 2013
This last month I stopped doing Spark. I found myself dreading having to go through the effort to capture everything for my food, do all the points projects for the day, and such where I actually after a few days of missing because I became sick, realized I had lost focus.
I was no longer doing this for me, but caught into yet another holic behavior trap. I found myself frustrated, beating myself up when I didn't get all the points I could. So I stopped. I sorted out what I wanted from Spark and decided that I need more blogging, water, exercise, walking, ideas, and easy way to track food so its not an hour adding in ingredients to calculate calories. I'm more interested in eating patterns, not calories.
Mine has never been about calories, mine has been about lack of exercise, lack of making time for ME to make these commitments to myself.
For example my body has been waking up an hour before I have to. I have an exercise bike, - who cares if I ride and I am zombie brain.... somehow I do.
Anyway, skip the points, skip the trophies - this is supposed to be a tool to help me, not stress me out.
Sunday, June 23, 2013
I love fresh bread, hot, just from the oven. Doesn't even matter what kind, rye, wheat, sour dough, white, brown, corn, I LOVE fresh hot steaming bread, rolls, loaves, rounds. Most of the time just with some butter, on occasion for some kinds, jam or a jelly, but there are the savoring flavor, smell, texture, its just wonderful.
However, I am finding out I have some kind of bread allergy, since I started cutting bread out of my diet. All my life I have had this heavy bloated feeling, never really thought anything of it, until I went on this cleansing aspect of cutting out specific processed items from my diet.
Sugar was the first to go, and we're doing to 10% of the sugar intake I used to have and even that at times doesn't sit right.
Most processed box foods are gone from my diet (Rice a roni is one of the few remaining ones).
It is harder with soups (campbells is still a very large part of my cooking)
But when we came to bread, I was pretty okay with it, except recently. I had cut out 90% so I would have bread maybe once or twice a week for something (breakfast sandwich, dinner roll, pita for hummus) but I found I really miss the homemade bread I was doing for myself before I started this.
I'm worried if I add it back in, that horrible heavy bloated feeling will come back, but I sooooo miss that smell, taste, texture, sitting with a nice cup of coffee for breakfast.
And no, I don't have a gluten allergy because I can eat other foods with gluten in it and I don't feel the same heavy. Most think it is a wheat allergy, but then that would not explain rice bread, rye bread or corn bread having the same sensation after eating them.
Monday, May 27, 2013
Last week I was going to write a blog on 'bad week' and how difficult it is to bounce back. My week started out with two of my dear friends having heart attacks, however only one survived. (Both were/are my husband's age).
In turn I got really bored with my normal lunch and bought lunch from the company (we have a subsidized lunch program) and went well over my calorie count. Then I got sick, and a few other things went wrong, including a meltdown at work. Add to that two days last week couldn't get on the Sparks pages to write, so my login streaks went belly up.
Then my boss posted something to the team 'Winners have a plan, Losers have explanations.'
I almost stormed into his office and told him who insulted I was by his post - but he was home sick.
So I have been thinking about it. Bad week? Is that an explanation. Yes. No plan to recover, no reminder its okay to experience the feelings and pain, but the plan to go forward just wasn't there.
Yes, I lost a dear friend. Not going to lessen the pain, but it isn't going to change the fact he's gone. Plan - move forward, live, since I am alive. Live life as best as I can.
SO last week happened. Last week I ate what I felt like, though I did record it, I just ate what I felt like. - Done. Back on the plan. Back taking the walks, doing my yoga, and stretching.
Back eating better, smaller portions, feeling less bloated because I cut out the bread, the sweets, the sugars.
Back to the Plan.
Monday, May 13, 2013
That's right, I did. I had a nice slinky black tank top that I tucked in instead of my normal hide my tummy wear the shirt to cover up. I wore my nice harem pants and my laced jacket - went out to dinner for Mothers day.
I've decided part of learning to accept my imperfections and love me no matter what me size is, is to not hide my size, but to compliment, working colors and patterns and different looks. Hiding my stomach is my shame, and that is not something I am going to do anymore. I am not ashamed of my size. I am not ashamed that I am a bigger person. I am learning how to take better care of myself, which means portions, exercise, sleep (important) and lower my stress level significantly.
My husband complimented me tonight on how pretty I looked. Yes he dotes on me, but tonight it was even more sincere and more enthusiastic about his comments. (We've been married 16+ years, and yes he's seen me yo-yo about, beat myself up because of my weight, hide, cry etc) This time he has noticed the difference of how I am approaching this, and why. It was a good evening.
Now off to have fresh strawberries over angel food cake. Delightfully light and healthy dessert that is sinfully tasty.
Remember - Hiding is Shame. Shame is not allowed here anymore. We are worthy of love, we are worthy of being accepted, we are worthy of belonging. (I SO LOVE Brene Brown)
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