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No zzzzzzzz's

Sunday, August 31, 2014

It has been a real long night. Sometimes in my life I battle with getting any sleep. I have been up all night. I took my sleep aid plus niquil as I have a cold. Nothing has worked. I spent time with God telling him what I needed. I hate when this happens. It really drains me. With having Post Traumatic Stress Disorder it hasn't been easy any way to get a good nights sleep. Having it with hypoglycemia causes nightmares which don't help either. So while most of the world is sound asleep I am still up. It frustrates me to no end to be doing this. I finally got to the place I just gave up and resigned myself to the fact I am not going to sleep. With me being up all night(Saturday night) it makes for a long Sunday. I will be groggy all day. It makes me grouchy too. What a bear I can be. You'd think with being up all night I would spend the next day in bed just sleeping the day away. But for me that is not so. I have done this before. I have told God before that I figure once I get to heaven then and only then will I get the rest I need. So these are my questions....???? What is a good nights sleep feel like...? So what does 8 hours of consist of...? What does it feel like to wake up in the morning rested...? So what is a nights rest without nightmares feel like...? I don't know the answers to any of these questions. I must admit with not sleeping well and it's been going on for over a week I am concerned for myself. With having mental illness I an concerned for my mental state. I do know I need to meet with my therapist but with this being Labor day weekend it's not possible. So I guess I will just go and find something to do since I can't sleep. Good night all and sweet dreams to you. emoticon


Image Issues

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

After work last Sunday I stopped at the gas station for something cold to drink on my way home. The young (about 25) attendant asked me how I was doing. I told him I was headed home to eat lunch and hit the weight room at the gym. He said "You are in amazing shape" When I walked on home I was on cloud 9.. I felt so good about what he had said. I used it to fuel my workout that day. I was so proud of how far I have come in this healthy life style journey. But as I do know those feelings never stick around very long. So last night I had my friend Geri come over to take 3 photos of me. A front view a side view and a back view. I signed up for a 6 week body make over through bodybuilding.com A company called MusclePharm is sponsoring it. I need to post those photos on my bodybuilding page. Well today I posted those 3 photos. As I was posting them I looked at my self and felt so discouraged. All I could see is where I needed to improve. I saw all of my flaws. I thought all of my hard work was not showing. I tried to remind myself of what Geri had said as she was taking those photos which was" WOW your back muscles are showing nicely. " I also have to remind myself that my sister said the other day "WOW I can see the muscles in your arms." I do know that I have body image issues. Some days I feel so fat. I have to remind myself of just how far I have come. I have to try real hard to remind myself of the positive things other people have said to me. I also have to remember that Claire my core instructor who has lots of muscles said it took her 5 years to get in really good shape. So I do know I have come along way. I do know I am proud of all my hard work. So tomorrow when my alarm goes off I will get my workout clothes on for my 3 mile run..come home have breakfast then hit the gym for my leg machine workout. Note to self.......Terri you can do this. Remember that you did 1 rep of 160 lbs. on the leg press machine.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EVIE4NOW 8/19/2014 10:22PM

  We are our own worse critiques. Now, stop this nonsense and accept your compliments knowing that you earned them.

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Quiet Morning

Saturday, July 26, 2014

As I sit here on this quiet Saturday morning I am reminded that my life is anything but quiet. The only noise I hear is my wall clock ticking away. My Chihuahua Shelby is sound asleep in her little bed. My mind begins to race thinking about all that I have to do today. Saturday is usually my busiest day of the week. I have weight lifting and core class this morning. I have an afternoon walk and then church this evening. And in between all of that I need to do some more packing. I am in the moving process as a lady wants to buy my home. I also need to put my application in at other apartments. I have done several already. This may sound like a lot.......but to be honest this is my short list....as I have so much more that I am currently doing. I have several up and coming dr's appointments for myself..one to meet with my therapist and the other with my primary dr. I also have dr's appointments for my ex hubby who lives in an assisted living place and will be moving to a nursing home soon. I made this commitment to him to go do this for him......So I always do this. It sounds like big stuff. But I do know it's not bigger than God. He helps me with this. I do know with all of this my mental health is suffering some. My PTSD is causing me some issues and so is my other mental health stuff. When I get under stress my mental health takes a hit........so that is what is happening. I do know that I am continuing on with my clean eating......and working out. I do know that those things help with the stress. I must admit I feel pretty proud of myself as I am still doing ok with my eating by not eating from my stress as I am an emotional eater. I continue to find other healthy ways to deal with this. I also try to make sure I get plenty of rest as that is important too. As I sit here I realize that my quiet morning is about to come to a close as I need to make breakfast before I head out the door for weight lifting and core class. But first I have a date with Jesus...........so I am off to go hang out with him.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FENWAYGIRL18 7/26/2014 7:14PM

    Sounds like you have a lot on your plate but that you have a plan.... good luck with the move and just take one day at a time... emoticon

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KOFFEENUT 7/26/2014 5:38PM

    You DO have a lot going on! Sounds like you have your priorities straight, though - spending time with God, taking care of yourself, and tackling challenges one step at a time. Way to go on continuing to find healthy ways to deal with the stress in your life!

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Week 5

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

I am on week 5 of my bodybuilding transformation. I have one more week to go. I do know that for me the training does not stop. I have enjoyed the chance to do this. I have upped my workouts. Now I do 3 days a week of weight machines. I like that. I have been told by other people that I have nice looking legs so the workouts must be helping. I wanted to lower my body fat % but I do know cardio helps with that and I can't do much of that as I sprained my ankle. Bummer.........But in spite of that I can see muscles growing and I like that. I also have to remind myself that it takes time to build muscles. I was told that by my core instructor. Yes I take a core (abs) class 2 days a week. She has been a weight lifter for years and it shows. Even tho I have one more week to go the training is on going. I love lifting weights.......and using the weight machines. I love how my body is changing for the better. I love the fact I get to redesign my body. I tell people that God gave me this body so I can design it. I have found a new and exciting way to redesign it. I am doing something new called the "healthy lifestyle" bucket list. You get a pretty colored bucket. You write on slips of paper healthy life style ideas. Like adding a new fruit to your diet or trying a new fitness class. Then once a week you pull out a slip and do what is on it. When the bucket is empty you reward yourself with something special. I love this idea and can't wait to do this. I believe it's a good way to keep from being bored with your healthy life style. I also want to include something to do for God in my list. He's been helping me change my healthy lifestyle even more. I love that. I want to put 20 slips of paper in my bucket of things I have never tried before. It's a good way to challenge myself. So for me it may be week in the bodybuilding competition but in reality it is just started and on going.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JAWATKINS 8/14/2014 4:20PM

    Neat idea!! Would you share some of the things in your bucket?
PS - You look great!! I'm trying to build more muscle & drop my body fat %. How long have you been at this weight?
Blessings, Anita

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A Milion bucks....not worth 10 cents

Saturday, June 14, 2014

WOW......What a day yesterday was. It was a day I would not give 10 cents for. But it was a day that God gave a million bucks worth of caring for me. I do know that God loves me very much in spite of how I feel. I do know that it saddens God's heart to see me hurt so much yesterday. But I do know that today is a new beginning a new change to have a fresh start. But I do know that yesterday was a day where I can look back on it now and say WOW..! I say that because I have come along ways. As an emotional eater I was hurting so much that I ate 2 chocolate chip cookies............!! Did you hear this people 2 cookies....not 2 dozen...like in my past. Also no guilt...no shame...no beating myself up over it as I have moved past it and moved on. For me that is HUGH....!!!!!!! It was a day where I didn't stress over what I ate. It was about feeling better and getting through a tough place.....but not tougher than God. It was a day where I learned so much about myself. I learned that I do need God in my life. I learned that sometimes I just don't care about much.....as the pain of my life is too much to bare. I learned that I a tougher that I think I am. I also learned that I am truly not alone....God beside me all the way........So when I am going through a hard time I just need to remember that I can do this.......I have a loving God who will help me when I ask.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JAWATKINS 8/14/2014 4:21PM

    emoticon emoticon

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