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As I

Saturday, November 01, 2014

As I am up not being able to sleep I hear the rain. It is coming down real hard. We have gotten a lot of rain in the last 2 weeks. My joints are hurting some due to the rain. I also battle Seasonal Affective Disorder so the rain doesn't help any either. But with not being able to sleep and the rain I am trying real hard to look at the positive side of my life. I am still taking weight lifting class so I am getting a lot stronger. I so do like that. I am feeling better about my body. I have a weight lifting partner...she parks her bench and weights next to me each class. We have started a cardio session after class. I like the fact that she pushes me real hard. Her legs are longer than mine so I have to run more steps than her to keep up. We usually run 2 days a week...then I run the other 4 or 5. Her and I have plans to get together to make our own vision boards. I want to use mine to set goals for my healthy life style. So now I am in the process of collecting pictures and motivational sayings for my board. I am looking forward to doing this as I believe it's a good way to keep me motivated. It's crockpot season so I have been using it to make some really good healthy soups and stews. Beings that I live alone I make a big batch and freeze the rest in single serving containers. It makes my super busy life easier and I eat healthier that way and I like that. I signed up for another 6 week body makeover through bodybuilding.com. I love doing these challenges. This is the 3rd one I have done. I use it as motivation to get my body in better shape. I also hit the gym 2 days a week and use the weight machines. I have had people notice my muscles. That feels good. I went to the dr's about a week and go. I am in really good physical health. He gave me some sleeping pills to try for my insomnia. I didn't take one tonight as I had already taken my melatonin and it had been working just fine. The sleeping pills were if I had a really bad night. I just don't think it's ok to mix drugs like that.....never know how it could effect me. I figure I will get tired enough to go to sleep. I do know that I am also reacting to something from my bad childhood that is keeping me up. So when I chat with my therapist next this will be on the list of things to work on. I feel so good about how far I have come in this healthy life style. I am not that unhappy fat girl any more. I am amazed on how far I have come. I am so pleased. But with Jesus as my partner in this how could I go wrong.

  


writing therapy

Saturday, September 27, 2014

I do know for me writing my thoughts is good therapy so this is what I am doing. It is another night of being up and being unable to sleep. I hate that as it interferes with my life. I should be asleep so I can go to weight lifting class in the morning but I am not. It saddens me that I have missed several classes due to not sleeping. I feel that I can't go to class on 2 or 3 hours sleep. The plus side is I always seem to make up for my class somewhere else. I have a weight room at home so when I get rested up I can do it there. I just enjoy the class so much so I miss it when I don't get to go. The not being able to sleep has to due with my mental health as I do know that. I just can't worry about it much as that won't help. So for me right now I just write my thoughts and hang out with Jesus....which I already did. In my past when I could not sleep I would get frustrated and angry but not any more. I just accept the fact that this is the way this is....I take melatonin but some nights that doesn't even help. So here I am up.........Maybe I should become a night time tv show host. Jay Leno doesn't do it any more.....He-He-He. I believe that you can laugh at your own issues as laughter can be good medicine. So in closing on a good note..........it's a good thing I went to the gym yesterday (Friday) and did 90 plus minutes of weight machines.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FLUFFYWONKENOBE 9/27/2014 5:56PM

    I also go through phases where sleep evades me, and I know how frustrating it is to be dog tired but not be able to sleep. And the more I stress about it, the bigger the problem becomes. Thankfully right now I am sleeping pretty well. I hope you can reach a point where you are able to sleep well again.

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My Life

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

As I sit here PMS...ing I thought I'd write. I feel real grumpy so I don't want that to turn into an eating feast. As I was walking home today I thought about food. I realize with eating a clean diet there are some foods I just don't miss. It's been 6 to 8 months since I have eaten pizza. I can make a healthy version but I just don't miss it. I also thought about French fries and I don't miss them either. I do make a killer baked spicy version of them that I do once in a great while. I must admit I don't miss seeing my fat self in the mirror either. I was such an unhappy person. I like who I have become. I love seeing the positive changes I am making in my body. I tell people it's my body God gave me so Him and I get to design it. I also love redesigning my food. I love it when I can find a good recipe and change it over to be healthy. I did that today as I got a recipe for apple carrot bread. It took zucchini and I am so not a fan of that so I used cucumbers grated instead. I also added coconut and raisins to it. I use 1/2 white flour and 1/2 whole wheat flour. It was really good. I had my sample and gave the rest away. The sample I had was enough and I felt ok....just didn't want any more. In my past that was so not me.....I would of ate most of it. I feel so good about how far I have come.

  


No zzzzzzzz's

Sunday, August 31, 2014

It has been a real long night. Sometimes in my life I battle with getting any sleep. I have been up all night. I took my sleep aid plus niquil as I have a cold. Nothing has worked. I spent time with God telling him what I needed. I hate when this happens. It really drains me. With having Post Traumatic Stress Disorder it hasn't been easy any way to get a good nights sleep. Having it with hypoglycemia causes nightmares which don't help either. So while most of the world is sound asleep I am still up. It frustrates me to no end to be doing this. I finally got to the place I just gave up and resigned myself to the fact I am not going to sleep. With me being up all night(Saturday night) it makes for a long Sunday. I will be groggy all day. It makes me grouchy too. What a bear I can be. You'd think with being up all night I would spend the next day in bed just sleeping the day away. But for me that is not so. I have done this before. I have told God before that I figure once I get to heaven then and only then will I get the rest I need. So these are my questions....???? What is a good nights sleep feel like...? So what does 8 hours of consist of...? What does it feel like to wake up in the morning rested...? So what is a nights rest without nightmares feel like...? I don't know the answers to any of these questions. I must admit with not sleeping well and it's been going on for over a week I am concerned for myself. With having mental illness I an concerned for my mental state. I do know I need to meet with my therapist but with this being Labor day weekend it's not possible. So I guess I will just go and find something to do since I can't sleep. Good night all and sweet dreams to you. emoticon

  


Image Issues

Tuesday, August 19, 2014



After work last Sunday I stopped at the gas station for something cold to drink on my way home. The young (about 25) attendant asked me how I was doing. I told him I was headed home to eat lunch and hit the weight room at the gym. He said "You are in amazing shape" When I walked on home I was on cloud 9.. I felt so good about what he had said. I used it to fuel my workout that day. I was so proud of how far I have come in this healthy life style journey. But as I do know those feelings never stick around very long. So last night I had my friend Geri come over to take 3 photos of me. A front view a side view and a back view. I signed up for a 6 week body make over through bodybuilding.com A company called MusclePharm is sponsoring it. I need to post those photos on my bodybuilding page. Well today I posted those 3 photos. As I was posting them I looked at my self and felt so discouraged. All I could see is where I needed to improve. I saw all of my flaws. I thought all of my hard work was not showing. I tried to remind myself of what Geri had said as she was taking those photos which was" WOW your back muscles are showing nicely. " I also have to remind myself that my sister said the other day "WOW I can see the muscles in your arms." I do know that I have body image issues. Some days I feel so fat. I have to remind myself of just how far I have come. I have to try real hard to remind myself of the positive things other people have said to me. I also have to remember that Claire my core instructor who has lots of muscles said it took her 5 years to get in really good shape. So I do know I have come along way. I do know I am proud of all my hard work. So tomorrow when my alarm goes off I will get my workout clothes on for my 3 mile run..come home have breakfast then hit the gym for my leg machine workout. Note to self.......Terri you can do this. Remember that you did 1 rep of 160 lbs. on the leg press machine.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EVIE4NOW 8/19/2014 10:22PM

  We are our own worse critiques. Now, stop this nonsense and accept your compliments knowing that you earned them.

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