Monday, November 28, 2011
Something i really need to work on, starting right now - is managing the stress in my life better & using it as a tool to motivate me to work out and eat better, rather than doing the opposite.. During this journey so far, i've done very well in changing my thought process towards food.. i still have a long way to go, however, giving credit where credit is due.. This is a fight of a lifetime, giving up foods i've "lived" on, literally and changing my way of life.. i still learn new things each and everyday.. and love it.. So this week, while stress is high in my life, i will not let it get me down where my healthy eating & exercise are concerned.. i need an outlet, a place to draw strength from and this is the perfect opportunity to do just that..
Some things i notice i do when i am stressed..
- make excuses where excuses aren't allowed.
- i don't look out for my own well-being.. (attend meetings, eat well-balanced meals, etc)
- eating very fast, (binge-style) even if healthy, i shovel the food into me
- increasingly obsessive & negative thoughts & outlook on things
- increase in obsessive behaviours i have
- that self-bully of mine comes out to play more
And honestly, the list could go on...But the purpose of this blog is to really step forward and find ways to make this change , i hurt no one but myself and i really do not have room in my life for hurting myself anymore.. This journey is not only about good health for me, but also happiness, self-esteem & living a positive more well-balanced life..
So, starting today i will work on these things :
- i will stand up for myself & my beliefs, no more backing down and thinking i do not have a voice.. i will do so with respect & class , of course - but i've never felt worthy of that respect in return, and this changes today.
- i will continue to push the negatives from my life, whether situations or people, because they continue to weigh me down and add unnecessary stress, and i must love myself more than that each day.. i will never wish anyone harm, and will always hope for happiness for them, but at a distance because my happiness is important too and this is needed.
- i will find forgiveness for others - but also myself.. A lot of my inner demons are directed at my own self, and in order to move forward, i need to be at peace with myself for decisions i have made in life.. However, it is important for me to remember that the past is the past, and it's going to be left there once this peace is made.. i owe no explanations, no one is perfect - & forgiveness won't always be an option for others, but i can still make peace with the situation in my own way to move forward.. i need this, and am committing to start working on this, today.
- i will continue to use my tools, DAILY.. Even if it means waking up 2 hours early because i work a long day to get all of these in.. They are necessary, daily and everything spins too easily out of control, which in turn also causes me stress.. Meditation is a great form of stress relief for me, and doing this early in the day along with a workout is exactly what i need to keep the mind positive, happy and motivated.
- i will back down from drama, whether at work or at home and will assess things in my own mind before handling it. If i am not involved in said drama, i will not feed into it, nor pass it along to others and i will simply not even listen when everyone else feeds into it.. It causes me a great deal of stress both at work & at home, as well as with people in my life.
- Bullies will be dealt with, whether at work or at home.. i will no longer be anyone's punching bag, i will not be open for namecalling, crude comments, inappropriate behaviours and picking fights with me will always be diffused by me , because i simply will not feed into it anymore.. my mental well-being counts on this, and as a girl who has been bullied by MANY people her whole life, i know this is the leading cause of stress in my life, and i simply will not let it affect my journey any longer.. It assists me in dwelling on those situations and turns me away from doing w hat is good for me, such as exercising, eating healthy & using all of my tools..
- In ANY of these situations listed above, i will always approach with a kind, respectful self, to them and will always put my well-being first.. If i can't diffuse a situation, i will remove myself from a situation, and i will always be mindful of using exercise, healthy foods and positivity as the approach to make me feel better, rather than binging, purging , obsessing & thinking negatively about myself in any way, shape or form..
All of these will aid in my healthy journey, as a healthy me overall, mind, body & soul.. This is my goal, afterall, and this is me stepping up and saying i'm working harder at taking my life back!
Saturday, November 19, 2011
The changes that come with weight loss , it amazes me when i compare where i am now, to where i was about 5-6 months ago.. i know deep down, i have such a long way to go still, although i try to focus on 10 lbs at a time so i don't get overwhelmed. Starting this journey at 315 lbs, i try not to make this about the weight loss (although that has been an awesome perk), but more about a journey of good health, happiness and finding balance..
Many years, i have been caught up in that vicious circle that holds one down, dwells on the negatives and obsesses things that hold me back from living a normal, enjoyable life. As i walk these steps each day and work on changes within as well as physical obvious changes in me, i am reminded of the girl i was merely 6 months ago, and the girl who lived that way for most of her life.. i don't miss that girl in the least, however i am developing a sincere thoughtful side of myself who not only wants changes for her, but for others i could or may inspire along the way..There are so many changes i am noticing about myself these days, some are obvious but most are not - and all of these changes are things i try and celebrate each day, as a means of motivation to keep going.. All of these noticeable changes are proving this journey MORE than worthwhile.. i need this, & i deserve this.. Completely.
The changes i am noticing in me so far:
- my clothes are getting baggy, of course, but i'm fitting in things i haven't fit in for years!
- my facial features, my face has slimmed down alot..
- i've gone down another bra size *yay*
- i can climb stairs without holding a rail and hauling myself up, i can literally just jog up the stairs now for a good work out..this is huge for me..and to run up stairs non stop even.
- Yesterday, i dressed up & actually looked in a mirror and felt "pretty" ..
- i can cross my legs, comfortably (sounds silly, but i couldnt)
- my breathing, when i am walking or exercising has changed dramatically
- my extreme thirst has totally gone away (i could never quench it before)
- i was taken off my blood pressure medication over a month ago now
- energy, energy, energy, i can't get over all of my energy..
- i worked three days in a row (12 hour shifts) and not once did i come home with sore feet or sore legs... i recognize alot of my aches & pains were weight related
- i'm a bundle of smiles everyday - my attitude is so much more positive, and i'm loving that change in me so much.
- my confidence, has grown so much.. i don't tolerate the kinds of people who used to bring me down..nor the bullying - i was bullied a lot.
- my desire to work hard at this journey, changes daily...the more i work at it, the stronger & more determined i get..
- i feel like i have a figure now, my daughter & her friends remark on that a lot..(i'm blushing, heh)
- i am much more aware of my environment when i have a plate of food in front of me, relaxing & enjoying my food a bite at a time are a must..and i can do it now.. food was such a part of my stress, with my eating disorder.
- i am accepting help, with my addiction & ED and accepting i can't do it alone.
- i am petit mal epileptic, and my symptoms are SO controllable now.. i don't take seizures, but i do get extreme dizzy spells , go in deep stares, etc.. i took myself off of medication and i can control my spells with a healthy diet, proper rest, exercise etc.. And it feels tremendous to NOT feel so sluggish and under the weather every single day.. in fact, i cant remember the last time i had a spell, because it's so rare now..(and mostly just if i'm really stressed, now).
Definitely a lot to be proud of!
Once i am in a healthy & happy place, myself and can take on more, i would love to be inspirational and help others.. i will never forget where i was & all the work i've had to do to get where i am.. i love that i am willing to help myself now - and i feel worthy of it!
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